Defining.

To her the world looked beautiful and at that very moment nothing mattered, because life was perfect, absolutely perfect. But that might have been the pot talking, either that or the copious amounts of alcohol she had consumed that night. She'd never seen these little details in the world before. She'd never seen the way his eyes actually looked, it was all so perfect. She felt free and careless.

The effect of pot had its differences on her; instead of socializing like everyone else she was standing by the fire, looking at the flames reach up and lick the sky. It was like the devil was dancing for her. She looked beside her; he'd wandered over like he always did. They smiled and nodded at each other.

"Having fun?" he smirked.

She smiled, swaying from side to side with the music, "Yeah,"

"That's, that's just great."

They didn't really talk, just stood in silence. She leaned on him for awhile, until he found something more interesting to do and left. She was by herself again, but she had the devil for company still.

Flash forward an hour or so later and their hands were intertwined and the girl was telling the guy how warm and soft his hands were. He was looking at her and laughing, thinking how high she was right now. They continued holding hands, looking at each other in the eyes. There was no such thing as awkward eye contact when you were fucking baked as hell. She would keep looking away though and smiling, knowing she wouldn't forget the events of that night. She slowly brought his hand up to her mouth and kissed each of his intertwined fingers softly and slowly. Her eyes still stuck on his.

"What are you doing?" he laughed.

She began walking away, still holding his hand, "Come on," she urged.

"You're drunk," he said seriously, "And high!"

"Who gives a fuck," she laughed, slightly slurring. This didn't help her case.

She led him to his room, maneuvering around all the loud, obnoxious people. There were some people in his room, which were all soon kicked out. He slammed the door, and then she was pressed up against him at the door, their heavy breathing in sync.

"Whoa," he breathed.

She smiled, moving her lips around his neck, softly nibbling at it. His hands were moving up and down the small of her back, he grabbed her hips and pulled her closer to him. She giggled softly; he was kissing her neck now. She pulled him towards the bed, pushing him back onto it, moving down so she was straddling him.

“I’ve liked you for a long time,” she breathed into his neck, she couldn’t look at him when she said it, she could feel her face burning up and her cheeks turning bright red. She always got embarrassed easily with things like this. He hadn’t said a word yet either which just made her more nervous.

“Say something,” she begged, “Please, say something – anything.”

“I-I can’t.” he finally said.

She moved her head out from his neck and looked at his face; they stared at each other for awhile, their eyes studying each others facial expressions. She couldn’t note any of his expressions, she couldn’t see if he was sincere or not. She got up off of him and straightened her dress.

“I’m going to leave now.” she said. She was smiling as though nothing had happened.

“Look, I’m sorry okay.” he called out after her, “I just...can’t”

She smiled to herself and kept walking; she was just a silly teenager whose confessions of love came out all too easily whilst intoxicated. He was just a silly boy who didn’t know emotions, his body was filled with hormones – there was no room for a heart in there. He sat on his bed by himself; he knew it was a mistake as soon as their lips touched. All he’d wanted was a simple fuck; he should have known it wouldn’t be that simple though. It never was. Especially not with her, she was anything but simple. She was the most complex girl he had ever met, a head case.

She wandered out the front door, a huge smile on her face. The weed was the only thing keeping her up right now, in a few hours she would hit that horrible low she hated. Right now, she was going to keep herself in her highest place. The place where she could do whatever the fuck she wanted and not have to suffer the consequences. She was heading to the station in search of adventure; he was heading back into the party in search of sex.

A few hours later he was in bed fucking some girl he didn’t even know, whispering how special she was into her ear. She was smiling, she had always loved him. He didn’t even know her name; he just wanted a vagina – any vagina. This was the best moment of her life and the worst moment of his. The next morning he kicked the girl out, she cried and cried. She told herself she would never let a man do that to her again, her heart was locked away now. This moment defined her and broke him.

That night in search of adventure, still euphoric and smiling she had found sex with some desperate lowlife at the station. He had offered her drugs for a ride on his cock, she accepted. She wanted to feel needed, to feel like someone in this world wanted her. This wasn’t the outcome in the end; he had slid her off his lap and zipped his pants back up. With a slight nod of the head he was walking away from her, she didn’t even get his name. She only knew what his dick tasted like; this was her achievement for the night. She sat at the station, telling herself what a silly and naive little girl she was.

Soon the sun was coming up and she was still sitting at the station, lying on one of the metal benches. Her high was coming down, almost gone. Her heels were still wrapped around her feet and her dress was high up her thighs, her lacy underwear on show to all the uptight business men. They couldn’t help but stare. Soon she found herself walking back to his house; not knowing what she was doing but hoping she would have some sort of epiphany along the way.

The door was open so she let herself in and went to the kitchen. She made a pot of tea and sat on the couch. She basically lived there anyway, it was natural. His mum walked out a few times and said hello and asked if she had fun last night. She had smirked and nodded, pouring herself another cup of tea. Soon the boy came out of his room, wiping his eyes; he only had his boxers on. He stopped when saw her sitting on the couch, she muted the television and smiled. They didn’t say anything, just stared at each other until he broke the silence.

“I fucked someone last night,” he admitted, still staring right at her.

He wasn’t avoiding eye contact, he was never one for telling a lie to save someone from hurting. He preferred to be upfront and honest; even it did rip you apart.

“Well, congratulations. I fucked someone too, he was amazing.” she was standing up now, defensive and angry. She had her hands by her sides clenched into balls.

“More amazing than me? I’m cut.” he replied, his tone ice cold. He walked into the kitchen, she followed him – her fists were going red and her nails were cutting into her hands.

“Of course they were more amazing, it isn’t that hard to beat you.”

He stared at her, and then smirked. The smirk was followed by a laugh. Then he looked back at her, his eyes were blank but at the same time filled with a kind of fire.

“I bet you just fucked some junkie you met at the station, isn’t that right. You couldn’t get onto my cock so you went out and jumped onto anything that moved - anything desperate enough to stick it’s dick inside of you.”

She didn’t know what to say, he was right, completely right. But she wouldn’t admit that, she was too embarrassed. Too embarrassed to admit that she’d fucked some junkie at the station, it was more of a business transaction than anything. A gram for a fuck, how could she pass that up? It was easy; she could have just said no. But she wanted to do it in spite of him, so she did. So she answered him the only way she knew how, by kissing him. She pushed him up against the stove and hoped he would finally let go. He did what she wanted that morning, he finally let himself free, he let himself feel emotions. He kissed her back and didn’t think about it. He let his hands move up and down her body and hold her face to his. And finally he let go.

“I guess in order to show how much you care, you’ve got to go out there and make the one you want mad,” she said, looking up at him.

“One day, you’re going to have to take things seriously,” he sighed, “But for now, you’re right.”