Shake the Glitter Off

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“Lily.”

I keep my eyes closed, hoping that perhaps if I keep up my fake-sleep a while longer that the person would get the hint and just leave me alone. I’m not ready to leave the comforts of Bill’s warm bed just yet.

“Lily, wake up.”

I can feel the bed shifting and I hear Scotty’s panting in my ear as the dog clambers up and nudges me with his nose. I push him away gently, trying to turn over but I’m stopped by a soft hand on my shoulder.

“Happy birthday.”

Slowly my eyes flutter open and I’m staring up into a pair of familiar brown eyes, but they belong to the wrong twin. Confusion races across me as I rub at my face, slowly bringing myself up into a sitting position, keeping the thick blankets up around my chest like a shield.

“Breakfast in bed for the birthday girl,” Tom announces, setting the wooden tray across my lap.

I look over the food uninterestedly. “Thank you,” I murmur quietly, squinting at Tom before I reach for the glass of orange juice. It was a good breakfast, as far as I could tell. Three waffles covered in thick powdered sugar, a bowl of fruit and a plate of fluffy eggs doused in crushed black pepper and garnished with colorful peppers and onions, by the smell of it. “You were listening to me the other day.” I’d been talking about how I wanted an omelet stuffed full of spice and flavor—a pregnancy craving that I was enjoying at this point.

Tom smiles, watching as I start to cut into my waffles with the back of my fork. “Just trying to keep the birthday girl happy.”

“Where’s Bill?” I ask, concentrating on my meal in front of me.

Tom hesitates and I look up at him before he offers me a guarded smile. “He’s out for the day already.”

I can’t stop the sweeping wave of disappointment. It's the morning of my twentieth birthday and I was spending it with my boyfriend’s twin and not my boyfriend. “Oh,” I’m not so hungry anymore as I push my forkful of waffle around listlessly.

“Eat up, we’re leaving in an hour,” Tom announces suddenly, standing up and whistling for Scotty to follow. “So I expect you to be downstairs in sixty minutes. No excuses.”

“Where are we going?” I ask as he walks out of the room, completely ignoring my question. I wait a moment for his reply before I start to shovel down my breakfast, suddenly ravenous once again.

I can’t ignore the excited butterflies that are rushing around in my stomach at Tom’s sudden revelation. Birthdays are a huge deal for me and I look forward to them for weeks leading up to my big day. Somehow this year, between finding out about my pregnancy and trying to decide what the future holds, I hadn’t had time to think about my birthday. Bill had brought it up a few days ago and I had been shocked that my birthday had snuck up on me this year.

I take a world-record shower and quickly blow-dry my hair before I start on my makeup, opting for a smoky look today. This was probably the most effort I’ve put into my appearance in weeks and it’s made me realize just how much I miss getting dressed up and pulling on a fabulous new piece of clothing.

I’m humming loudly as I step to my suitcase and pull out a pair of jeans. Luck was very rare for me these days, but thankfully my jeans still fit. It was a tight squeeze, I was probably only going to be able to get a few more days out of them before I caved and bought a bigger size. Finding a top was a bit more difficult, because of my growing chest and my constant paranoia that my stomach was noticeable.

I wriggle into the jeans and as I root through my bags for a shirt to wear, I leave the pants undone so I can have a few last moments of relief. In the end, I find myself in Bill’s closet, scanning over his shelves and drawers and hangers for something suitable to wear out in Berlin with Tom.

I settle on a gray t-shirt with a faded white design around the neck that trails down the back. It smells like Bill, like cigarettes and his aftershave, and it’s comforting as I suck in my gut and button my jeans up.

My reflection looks pretty normal in the mirror. I look like any other young girl who’s wearing her boyfriend’s clothing. It’s ridiculously tight across my chest, but my slight pooch isn’t able to be seen and so I am thankful.

The birthday outfit is topped off with a soft salt and pepper oversized cardigan and a pair of black stiletto boots. I’m busy pinning the top layer of my hair back in a simple twist when I hear a soft knock on the bedroom door.

I come out of the bathroom and smile when I realize that it’s Tom. I do a little twirl and then hold my hands up. “Ta-da.”

“You look amazing, Lily.” Tom smiles, hugging me before he drops a kiss onto the crown of my head. “Are you ready to go?”

I nod, picking up my soft white hobo bag and settling it on my shoulder. “Where are we going?”

“That,” Tom grins, jingling his keys cheerfully. “Is a surprise, but I know that you’re going to love it.”

I raise an eyebrow up at his words, but I wisely decide to let the subject drop as we walk out to the garage and climb into his Escalade. This is the first time I’ve ever ridden with Tom without Bill and I’m suddenly anxious that things are going to be awkward.

But Tom fills the gap by chatting cheerfully. He knows a lot more about my life than I thought and I’m not sure if that’s Bill’s doing, like he’d filled his twin in on suitable subjects to discuss while we were out together today.

Regardless, Tom pulls us into a parking garage much more quickly than I anticipated. He parks easily before he pulls out his keys and looks over at me, a smirk lighting up his face in a way that reminds me so much of Bill that my heart twinges a bit.

“Ready?” He arches his eyebrows up at me as he opens his door and steps out into the dimly lit cold garage.

I use the step to lower myself to the ground and I hold my bag in the crook of my elbow as I pull my cardigan closer to me. “It’s so cold!”

“Well it is the first week of December,” Tom teases, motioning with his head for me to follow him. “But we’re heading inside in a minute, so it shouldn’t be too bad. You’ll be fine.”

I'm used to cold winters. I live in New York City. But I was still in summer-mode and the bitter stinging cold was not something I wanted, even though winter meant that it was my birthday. I’d much rather move on past the snow and the ice and the coldness, opting instead for sunshine and warmth and beaches.

We ride an elevator up a few floors before Tom leads me out onto the sidewalk, reaching back behind him and taking my hand up in his. I’m thankful that he’s worn his sunglasses and a hood because his walk with baggy jeans is attracting quite a few stares.

But he ignores them all as he leads us across the intersection and up a few stairs before we arrive at an open area that immediately ignites an excited adrenaline in me as I start to take in the familiar sights.

“This is Kurfürstendamm,” Tom explains, motioning around easily as we start to walk forward again. “It’s where trendy West Berliners come to shop.”

“This is my birthday present?” I ask slowly as we start to make our way down the avenue. I’m already mentally calculating how much cash I can spend without sending me into financial ruin.

It’s like I’m at a ping-pong match as my eyes are constantly bouncing back and forth as I struggle to take everything in at once. There are chic women power-walking down the street with coffee takeout cups in their grasps and pushing designer prams while busy men wear crisp suits and storm down the sidewalk, mobiles to their ears.

Chanel, Louboutin, Marc Jacobs, Miu Miu, Armani, Gucci, DKNY. I’m practically drooling as I prepare to drag Tom into a Gucci store.

But he’s walking towards a modest looking store with green awnings and swollen models in the window. I know where he's taking me, but I can't believe it.

I’m confused as he knocks on the glass front door and a smiling shop assistant opens the door immediately, grinning widely at me.

“Guten Morgen, Ms. Warner. Alles Gute zum Geburtstag,” Her voice is cheerful and bright and I’m taken aback with her shiny teeth and perfect-looking hair. Immediately I feel extremely underdressed and unimpressive in my borrowed t-shirt and too tight jeans.

“Danke,” I stammer as she closes and locks the door behind us. I glance up at Tom, who’s smiling down at me comfortingly. I’m horridly confused until I hear a familiar laugh. I’m turning automatically, searching for my boyfriend.

I spot him standing towards the back of the store, talking excitedly to a woman, who is busy nodding and looking thoroughly starstruck. I’m still concerned as Tom takes me by the arm and leads me across the store.

My heels clicking across the hardwood floor alert Bill to my presence and he turns, his face lighting up adorably. He rushes the last few yards between us and crushes me to him in a tight hug.

“Happy birthday!” He exclaims, politely ignoring my mouth and dropping a sweet kiss on the corner of my lips. But before I have time to be hurt, he sends me an apologetic smile. “Not in public.”

I understand, though it still stings a little that Bill isn’t ready to kiss me in public. But all of that disappears as I look all around me. There are maternity things as far as I can see and there are several people staring at me. I’m beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable with all of the attention.

“Ms. Warner,” The woman Bill had been talking to comes forward with her hand outstretched. She’s speaking in clipped English, her accent tingeing the words slightly. “It is such an honor to have you in my store today. Congratulations on your pregnancy,” She balloons her hands out at her stomach and I realize that she means it to be me, swollen belly and all. “Your friends are very nice to take you on a shopping spree for your birthday.”

I glance up at Bill, who looks fit to burst, and manage a weak smile. “I am, aren’t I?”

“I have been looking at these clothes,” Bill interrupts, like he’s waited long enough and he can’t stand to be silenced any longer. “And I have found a few that would look amazing on you! Come on,” He takes me by the hand and starts to walk me through the racks of clothing, chattering excitedly.

I glance back once and see Tom sitting down in a chair and accepting a glass of champagne from one of the shop assistants. He starts to talk to her and I don’t feel so bad once I see that well-known smirk on his face. He won’t be bored anymore.

“Bill,” I laugh, pulling my hand away from his own. “Slow down. You did all of this for me—you rented out a store?”

“Well it’s the only way I could go maternity shopping with you without being bombarded by fans and the press,” He replies matter-of-factly, sorting through a few stretch tops that are hanging on a rack. “And it’s your birthday, I had to get you something.”

I slip my arm around his own and hug his limb to me, smiling into his jacket before I plant a sweet kiss on the leather. “Thank you, baby.”

“You’re welcome,” He murmurs, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close. “You look good in my shirt,” He whispers, lifting up my chin and staring deep into my eyes. “Didn’t think I would notice?”

I flush appropriately, leaning up and kissing him quickly before I settle back down and glance all around me. But there’s no one around, so our secret is safe for a while longer. “You weren’t supposed to, no.”

Bill laughs a bit, smiling widely as he pulls out a filmy blue halter top and holds it up to my chest. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I whisper, my cheeks flaming as I pull at a soft green sundress. “So much.”

-x-

“Keep your eyes closed!”

“My eyes are closed,” I insist, laughing as I try to move out of the way so I can see once again. But Bill has insisted that he cover my eyes with his hands because I wasn’t allowed to see the next part of my birthday surprise. Which was stupid because he hadn’t covered my face until we pulled into the gated community, so obviously I knew we were going back home.

It has been a perfect day so far. We bought a few maternity tops and a couple of stretch pants so I can breathe properly, along with bigger bras and a pregnancy belt that’s allegedly supposed to keep me from looking lumpy in the front.

After shopping at the maternity store, the twins and I made our way down the avenue, popping in and out of a few designer stores before I announced that I was ravenous. Bill quickly whisked us away to a busy little café that I would have completely missed if Bill hadn’t steered me inside. We had a relaxing lunch, tucked away in the back corner of the restaurant and being waited on personally by the manager.

After lunch, Bill’s next stop is at a movie theater. He had once told me that it was difficult to go see films in broad daylight because of his fame and I had been disappointed—going to the cinemas is one of my favorite things to do. But the twins had obviously arranged for a theater to be booked for us entirely and we had been the only three in the entire place.

And now we were on our way back to their apartment. I was tired and ready for a nap. It had been a long, eventful, amazing day and I treasured every minute of it. The twins had given me the best birthday and we had gone nearly the entire day without being recognized—Bill got photographed at the café when he got up to smoke, but we left through the back door once we were finished.

I feel the car stop before Tom shifts into park and I hear doors start opening and slamming. “Now Lily,” Bill’s trying not to laugh and I can feel him gently leading me to the right, towards the open car door. “Just trust me, okay? I won’t let you fall.”

“You’d better not,” I warn, clinging onto his slender wrists tightly. “I’m wearing six-inch heels, Bill and I’m not about to end up in the hospital on my birthday—“

“Relax,” He kisses the skin just below my ear as I feel the driveway firmly beneath my feet. I can’t help but sigh in relief as I’m steady on my own feet once again. Bill laughs, keeping my eyes covered as we start to walk back up to the front door.

“Bill, this is silly,” I begin, trying to push his hands off of my face. “I know we’re home, you don’t have to act like—“

“Surprise!”

I shriek, stepping back onto Bill’s toes and covering my face with my hands. I feel stupid when I hear people laughing and I slowly look up to see Georg, Natalie, Gustav and a girl, Andreas, Louisa and a few other familiar faces that I’ve come to recognize as friends of the twins during my stay here in Germany.

“Happy birthday!” Natalie calls out, throwing her arms around my neck and squeezing tightly. “You’re twenty, congratulations!”

“Yeah, I am. Thank you!” I laugh, hugging her back hesitantly. I’m overwhelmed with everyone standing in the living room, smiling and talking quietly. The smile on my face falls a bit and I try to remain upbeat as I start to make my rounds, hugging and thanking everyone for showing up.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate Bill’s effort in making my birthday special. I mean, what else could I expect in a foreign country where I have no friends? Obviously everyone who shows up is going to be somehow connected to the band and not to me.

There are several glaringly blatant absences in the form of my cousin and her family. Even though I know that she hasn't forgiven me, it still hurts to not see Christoph’s cheerful face or Rory’s adorable laughter.

I put on a brave face for the majority of the night with Bill’s arm draped lazily over my shoulder. I sit through dinner and then cake that has my name written across the icing in pink before I open up my little pile of presents and thank everyone for their lovely, thoughtful gifts. Bill had even thought to get Rydan's present for me; she had shipped it all the way from New York. And there was even a package from Nathan and Cassidy. Again, I'm certain that that was all Bill's doing.

But it’s not long before I feel my smile slipping up again and I silently slip out of the room. Thankfully no one notices my disappearance and I open up the door and step out into the frosty winter night before I shut it quietly behind me.

I just need to get away from it all.