You Shine Brighter

When someone thinks of a first year anniversary, they think fine dining, some wine, and a romantic walk on a beach somewhere, right?

That’s why I’m glad I’m in love with Zac Farro. He believes what I believe. That the first anniversary doesn’t even really count until you’re married. That nothing says romance like watching your favourite movie with your partner. That hanging out is sometimes better than all the romantic stuff combined.

And that’s why today, Zac and I would be hanging out and watching movies while we cuddle on the couch. It was our day and we were going to spend it together. That’s all that matters.

I had five minutes until he’d be here. He said he’d be here at one, but he’s almost always five minutes late and it was one o’clock now. I still felt butterflies when I thought of him, when I saw him, when I touched him. Butterflies as strong as the first day I’d met him, years ago. We’d started out as friends, were transformed into best friends, and then took the next step to become boyfriend and girlfriend.

It wasn’t always easy, but we always found a way to make it through. Whether we were playing around in the mud or chilling after middle school, we always made it through whatever fights we had. Even all of the miniscule fights since we started dating were easily resolved and led to hugs and kisses of forgiveness.

“Hey, Abbie?” Zac’s voice traveled through the door. I couldn’t help the frown from crossing my face. Why didn’t he just come in? Why didn’t he call me Spade? He usually did. I got up from my place on the bottom step and opened the door.

Zac was just standing there, looking down at his feet on the porch.

“Zac?” I asked hesitantly, worried.

“Uh, Abbie, do you want to go for a walk or something?” Zac shifted his weight from one foot to another.

My stomach dropped, the butterflies leaving me suddenly. I felt the need to sit down and ignore him, but I put on my shoes and said, “Sure.”

Zac was nervous. Zac was nervous about seeing me. Which means that whatever he was worried or nervous about included me. The only option I saw was that he was going to break up with me. Dump me. Go off and find someone else.

My heart beat escalated and my stomach turned to lead. As I closed the door to my house, he took my hand in his, but it wasn’t as fluid as it usually was. His palms were clammy and he kept looking like he wanted to let go as he guided this little walk of ours.

Silence stretched over us and I was not going to be the one to break it. I started thinking of things to say to make him change his mind, trying to formulate some sort of speech to give him before he finally called it quits. I guess this is just how it goes.

We walked towards the elementary school we’d gone to as kids. He tried to lead me to the playground, but I stopped in front of the school.

“What’s wrong?” he asked and I bit back a laugh.

“I know what you’re doing, Zac,” I said and shock crossed his face.

“You – you do?” he asked, flabbergasted. I nodded my head. “But how?” he seemed confused.

“You’re acting all strange! You’re nervous and shy,” I told him. “You didn’t have to lead me all the way out here to do it, you know. You could’ve just done it on the porch, it wouldn’t have changed anything,” I said softly. Even with what he was about to do, I couldn’t be mad at him. He’s the best person I know.

“But, it’s supposed to be done in a place that means something, Abbie,” he stressed and gestured to the playground. I took a deep breath, determined to tell him something before he goes through with it.

“I didn’t even see it coming, you know?” sadness leaked into my voice. “But if you do go through with it, well, you’ll still shine brighter than anyone I’ve ever known, Zac. Personally, I don’t know why we’re here right now, and I think we’re making the wrong decision because it’s not hard to just continue on the way we’ve been living, is it?” I asked rhetorically.

“Abbie, what do you think I-“ Zac interrupted and I held up a hand to quiet him for just a few more moments.

“I don’t blame you or anything, but if you do leave I don’t know what I’ll do. You’re the best person I’ve ever known. I’ll do it if you want, we can go back to being separate people instead of halves of the whole. It’ll be your stuff and my stuff; never our stuff. I can handle that. But if you run away to wherever it is that you’re going, will you ever come back? At least to say goodbye?” I wasn’t entirely sure of what I was saying anymore, my thoughts just seemed to be pouring out of me. A river without a dam. “No matter, I’d probably say good-bye anyway, even if you can’t hear me say it,” I was interrupted by Zac once more, but not rudely. He had walked closer to me without me realizing it and was running his fingers down my cheek towards my neck. He rested his hand just under my jaw before kissing me with earnestness and passion that didn’t fit this scenario.

I was stunned, but I found myself kissing him back regardless. Thoughts started to ebb away from my mind until he released me.

“Abbie, you think too much,” he laughed before cradling my head in both of his hands. “I’m not leaving or whatever it is you think I’m doing,” he promised before taking my hand in his and leading me over to the playground.

I was speechless. There was a picnic blanket with a basket and a couple of pillows in front of the swing set. He led me over to the blanket, gesturing to the ground and I sat without a second thought. He smiled at me, that lovely, gorgeous smile and I smiled back. He sat across from me and started handing out the stuff in the basket. A couple sandwiches and some sweet tea. Simple, but perfect nonetheless.

“What happened to a lack of romance on non-anniversaries?” I asked, still surprised.

‘Well… maybe I lied a little,” he admitted, grinning extra wide.

With Zac there, talking to me like usual, it was easy to forget what happened only minutes ago in front of the school. I had definitely seemed like the younger person in this relationship back there. Even though it was true. Zac was twenty and I was nineteen, but it was only by three months, so it didn’t really even count.

I finished up my sandwich while Zac chattered on about the new drum kit he received for his birthday. He dug into the picnic basket again as he talked, pulling out two slices of chocolate cake. I grinned as he handed one to me.

“Mmm,” I hummed taking a bite of the immensely rich, but oh so satisfying cake. Zac echoed me seconds later when he took a bite of his piece.

We ate the cake in silence, savouring it. I could feel Zac get nervous on me again after the yummy dessert. I arched an eyebrow, questioning him. He smiled shakily, before abruptly standing up from the blanket. He reached a hand out toward me. I was curious, so I grasped it and Zac pulled me to my feet. He smiled again, more genuinely, less forced as he dragged me to the swings a few yards away. I had to stop myself from laughing at his antics.

“Okay, now, you sit there,” he gestured to the swing in front of us. I complied, curiosity eating away at me from the inside.

“What’s going on?” I asked, smiling at how cute he looked when he was flustered. He reached into his pocket as he started to kneel down. The smile vanished from my face immediately. No, no, no, no. No! I thought desperately. This… this can’t be happening.

“Abbie Haley,” he started, smiling like the guys of Jimmy Eat World and Sunny Day Real Estate were writing a song just for him. “Will you be my best friend for life? My sweetheart until the end of days? My wife?” he asked, eyes hopeful and bright, hands holding onto the open box with the beautiful ring inside. And I realized I didn’t want to say no. I wanted this. Maybe I’ve even wanted this for my entire life since I’d met him. Zac, with his adorable smile and hats. Zac with his natural love of food (and lots of it). Zac with his fingers laced in mine until the end of time didn’t sound so bad. Even if I didn’t exactly like the thought of marriage at nineteen. But who better to marry?

“Of course,” I murmured before he slipped the ring onto my finger. I let out a breath of relief I hadn’t known I’d been holding before he brought my lips closer to his and kissed me again, years of promise contained in that little bit of contact.

“And, Abbie,” Zac said as he pulled away. “You shine brighter than anyone.”