I'd Rather Be Alone...

The silence that soon follows my words, is almost too unbearable for me to handle. I can’t even look any of them in the eye, not even Petie. I’m too scared to see what their reactions are, especially Petie’s, as he lets his arms fall to his side, mainly in disbelief at what I had just said. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Patrick and Nate exchanging uncertain glances, whilst Brandon focused his own gaze on me, as if he was trying to see if this was all a joke. After a few seconds, he soon looks away, obviously unable to find any hint of a joke within my expression or posture.

“You’re…You’re leaving?!” Nate repeats slowly as he looks from Petie to me and back again. “You can’t…”

“We signed you on to work for us, you can‘t leave!” Patrick whines as he looks directly at me, his expression full of disbelief and hurt.

I close my eyes to blink away the tears that were threatening to fall, before looking up at them all again. I knew that this would come up, I just hadn’t realised that it would have come up so soon. I need to tell them though, they need…no. They have to know.

“I have no choice…I’m not under your contract anymore…” I sigh, trying my hardest to keep the tears away as I look round at Brandon, Nate and Patrick before resting my gaze on Petie who still hasn‘t said a word.

“What?!” They all screech in unison, even Petie.

Just hearing them all together, it’s enough to break my heart, but I have to be strong against them. I can’t let them make me feel guilty about my decision, it’s not like I had any choice but to accept.

“I haven’t been on your contract for the past six months…” I say steadily. “I’m sorry guys…I’m not any contract so that means anyone can hire me now…”

“I don’t believe I‘m hearing this…” Petie murmurs before turning round and leaving, just quick enough for me to get a glimpse of the tears in his eyes.

“Petie…” I whisper as I watch the door, debating with myself whether or not I should go after him and losing as I sink back onto the table, head in my hands as Brandon comes over and wraps his arms round me, letting me sob into his chest.

“Just give him a few minutes, he‘ll be alright.” He whispers as he rests his head on mine. “Everything will be alright.”

I couldn’t argue my response, my throat was too tight with sobs. I just sat there, leaning into Brandon, sobbing. Nate and Patrick were watching me sadly. After a few seconds Patrick went to go and find out where Petie went whilst Nate came over to me and Brandon and sat next to me, hand placed on my back in a comforting gesture.

The one person that I truly didn’t want to lose due to this…I have. Petie’s not going to forgive me for not telling him or the others about my contract running out, he’s not going to forgive me if I take up Gary’s offer and leave…This is exactly why I was hesitant about going into a relationship with him, I knew something like this was going to happen!

I take in a few deep breaths before drying my eyes with the tissue that Nate had just handed me. Clearing my mind from all the negative thoughts, I release myself from Brandon’s grasp and make my way towards the door, ignoring the calls of protest from Nate and Brandon as I close the door after me.

If there was one thing that I absolutely had to do before I left, that would be to find Petie and talk to him about it, tell him how hard this decision is on me, not just him. To tell him that I’m not leaving for good, this is just another career opportunity. To tell him that nothing‘s really going to change. To tell him that I…love him, and him alone.

I burst through the entrance of the studio to find Patrick outside, his phone pressed to his ear. I took in his image for a second and noticed that his was tussled up more than it was an hour ago, his eyes looked a little bloodshot and he had a rather frantic look on his face, which soon turns uncomfortable when he notices me standing by the big doors watching him.

“Where’s Petie?” I ask him, panting slightly out of breath as I give him a fiery, determined gaze.

“I…I don’t…” Patrick stutters as he puts his phone back in his pocket, his other hand rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Patrick Ridgen, where is Petie?” I repeat, my tone portraying just how anxious I am.

“I don’t know. I followed him out here, then I lost sight of him.” He replies, his sorrow deep in his eyes.

“Have you tried phoning him?!” I’m practically screeching at him, which I’ll feel bad about later, now’s not the time.

“That’s what I’ve just been doing, he’s not answering.”

I shake my head and start to run to my car. I don’t care that I’ve just left Patrick, Nate and Brandon in the studio with my camera and laptop, I don’t care what they end up doing with them or the joke photos that they’ll take. What’s important to me now, is finding Petie and explaining things. I am not going away with all this tension between us.

I basically jump into my car and within seconds, I’m speeding towards the main road, trying my hardest not to crash into anything. I have a few ideas about where Petie could be, but I’m not completely sure about them. For the past two years that I’ve known him, I have never seen him this upset, it’s not in his nature to be, he’s usually so happy and hyper. I’ve destroyed him…

***

I slam the door to mine and Petie’s apartment closed and throw my keys on the living room table, my body collapsing on the sofa as I let the tears cascade down my cheeks. I had been driving around for five hours and I still hadn’t seen or heard from Petie. I’m a wreck. It’s all my fault as well, it’s my fault that he ran off, it’s my fault that I had gotten into this mess and it’ll be my fault if anything has happened to him.

I hastily wipe the tears away and get up off the sofa, heading towards our bedroom, to get changed before heading out again, I have to find him, I just…have to. I place my hand on the door handle and open it swiftly, my anticipation to find Petie rushing out of me as I flip the light switch on, letting out a scream in the process.