Impossible

We sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a couple of minutes.
Why was I feeling so ashamed? I didn't have to be ashamed around him. I barely knew him, and the little that I did know, was the cause of my bad day. I shouldn't care what he thinks. But for some reason, I do care.

"What are their names?" He finally said something. I looked up at him to see him looking right back at me. I gave him a half smile.

"Um, Camden and Matthew." I said just above a whisper. I now was completely regretting telling him. I knew he was probably going to ask more questions about them.

He smiled slightly, "I like those names, which one is older?" He was just making conversation, but I was so uncomfortable talking about this.

"Well Camden is almost four and Matthew is almost three." I looked up at him, and waited for his reaction. He smiled bigger first and then the smile disappeared completely.

"Um, I don't mean to pry, but can I ask you a more personal question." He just looked at me waiting for a reaction. I simply nodded.

"Do you have a boyfriend, or married or something. I mean, it's okay if you are but, I don't want to get you in trouble with anyone." I sighed.

"No, I'm not married and I don't have a boyfriend. Their father is not involved in either of their lives." It was weird how much information I was just freely passing unto him. At least I know now that I won't have to worry about Joe bothering me again. After tonight, I will never see him again. He probably thinks I am slut.

"Oh, I see." He said smiling again. Silence fell between us and I just wished that the waitress would come back so we could order our food and get closer to getting home and away from this awkward situation.

Joe looked like he was about to say something, but was interrupted when a waiter practically ran into our table.

I looked up and froze at who I saw.



"Good evening, my name's Spencer and I am your server. Have you decided on what you would like." He first looked at Joe.

Joe looked at me, "Ladies first."

The waiter looked over at me for the first time and I looked up at him. Our eyes met and I could see his entire attitude change. He smirked.

"Car? Well fancy meeting you here. How've you been? Are you dating again?" He asked eyeing Joe.

Joe looked confused.

I looked away from Spencer and studied my hands.

"I, uh..." I didn't know what to say, but I didn't get a chance to answer.

"Yes, she is on a date, and I have no idea what that has to do with the fact that you have not taken our orders." Joe interrupted causing both Spencer and I to look at him with wide eyes.

Spencer chuckled to himself. "Whoa there fella, I was just trying to catch up. I used to be kinda close to this catch, if you know what I mean." He said 'this catch' while pointing at me.

I didn't say a word, I just looked down again. I was totally humiliated. I know that I was still upset at Joe for what he had done today, but I couldn't even begin to describe how embarrassed I felt watching this happen.

"Well, I can see why you are not close anymore if you compare being with a woman to catching a fish." Joe spat.

I looked up at Joe, and wondered why he was defending me. He really doesn't know anything about me, except for that fact that he has questions about the darkest time in my life. I just kept quiet while I waited to see what was going to happen.

Spencer's eyes narrowed and I could see that familiar look. He was getting angry and that is definitely not a good thing.

He opened his mouth to probably tell Joe to fuck off, but was cut off by Joe, "I think it is time for you to do your job and take our orders, or am I going to have to go talk to your manager?" Joe stated with authority.

Spencer seemed to realize what his current position was and his face went from angry to bored.
"Fine, whatever. What'ya gonna get." He said trying to seem bored, but could tell that he felt defeated. He knew that there was nothing he could say while he was working.

"Like I said, Ladies first." Joe said and both of their attentions turned back to me.
I was still frozen in place, It was like I had forgotten how to talk.

"Well, come on. If you hadn't noticed, it's really busy and I haven't gotten all night." Spencer snapped.

"I, uh. I want the seasoned chicken with vegetables." I said not making eye contact with him.
Spencer scribbled it down and turned to Joe.
Spencer just gave him a look that said if we were anywhere else, he would have punched him.
Joe smiled, "I will have the 6oz steak, please."
Spencer scribbled it down and looked back up at Joe waiting for him to say more, but when Joe didn't say anything, he sighed and spoke up.
"How do you want it cooked?" Spencer asked obviously annoyed.
Joe smirked, "Medium well, please."
Spencer didn't say a thing as he collected our menus and turned to walk away.
I watched as he stepped away and then turned around and smirked at me. It was not a good smirk. I knew he was planning something.
Joe interrupted my thoughts, "Who was that? How does he know you?"

I looked at Joe. He looked like he was generally concerned.
I sighed looking in the direction that Spencer has just walked away. I didn't want to talk about it, and in all honesty, I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to go as far away from this place as I could. I was starting to break down. I was no longer mad at Joe for what he had done to me earlier. All I cared about now was not wanting to remember what had happened so long ago. I remaine quiet trying to arrange the words that would help me describe how much I wanted to leave, with out hurting Joe's feelings.

After a few minutes of me ignoring Joe's question, Joe cleared his throat, making me look up at him. He had concern written all over his face. "Are you okay?" He asked staring right into my eyes.



I couldn't look away and I just couldn't lie. "Honestly," my voice was so shaky "I'm not okay. I don't want to be rude, but if it's okay with you, I'd like to go now."

Joe looked slightly hurt, but nodded as he began to get up. He obviously knew something was wrong and didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable.

He went first and I followed him through the crowd and out to the parking lot.

Joe helped me get in, and soon followed by getting in himself. He didn't start the car though, he just sat there for a minute before looking over at me.

"I know that you are upset by what happened, but do you want to go home, or did you just want to leave this particular restaurant." Joe asked seeming like he was scared of how I would react to his question.

I had no idea how to answer his question. I was still so hurt. It honestly felt like I had open wounds; like a never ending bleed. I felt like running away from everything. Spencer, Joe, my job... but then, all I pictured was my kids. Those beautiful faces and how sweet and innocent they are. I love them so much. They are the reason why I work so hard. All I want to do right now is be with them.

I sighed remembering Joe's question. "Look, I've had a long day. I know that you wanted to go out and eat, but if it's okay with you, I would really like it if you could bring me home now." I didn't even look at Joe as I said this. I could audibly hear him sigh.

I heard Joe start his car, but then was quickly startled by Joe's response. "No!"

I was forced to look up at him. I raised an eyebrow. Was he serious?

"What?" I asked.

He put both hands on the steering wheel and turned towards me.

"I said no. I am not going to bring you home just yet." he replied. Anger suddenly rose up inside of me. I couldn't help it. All of the frustration from today, and this emotional roller-coaster that today has brought me through, it all just bubbled up and burst out at this moment.

"You can't be serious. I am exhausted. I worked my butt of to serve you hand and foot after you messed up everything for me at work, and then you practically force me to go out with you when I clearly had no interest. I've told you personal things about myself that you had no right to know and now all I want is for you to take me home so I can relax after the worst day ever. Do you have enough decency in you to respect that?!" I yelled. I was on the verge of tears. I was fuming mad, but I was emotionally a wreck.

He looked taken aback, but then his face changed back.

He never looked away, he just kept his gaze on me.

"Carilynne, I don't know what is going on in your life. You're right. I barely know you, and I didn't deserve for you to tell me everything that you did. I am so sorry for all of the damage that I caused today. But, I know that I cannot take you back home right now."

"Oh, and why's that." I snapped.

He had a sideways smile, "Because I know exactly what you need."

"And what is it that I need."

"You'll see." He said as he put the car in gear and began to drive.

I had been trying to convince him for about 10 minutes that he was practically kidnapping me. He just smiled and shushed me.

I gave up trying to get him to bring me home after a while because it just made me more tired and it was just easier to give in.

After a moment of my silence he reached toward the radio and said, "Perfect! I was waiting for you to calm down so that I could do this." He turned up the volume and the very opposite of what I expected to hear cam pouring out of the speakers. It was classical music.

I looked at him and was about to open my mouth when he interrupted me, "Ah, no. Shush! The more quiet you are, the faster this will be over. I promise." He turned towards me as he said he promised. I sighed and rested back on my chair.

I looked out the window and couldn't figure out where I was. But all I could see were the beautiful leaves. It's getting to be autumn and the leaves are beginning to change. It was so beautiful. I just stared out the window mesmerized by the natural beauty of the season.



Before I realized what was happening, Joe pulled into a drive-thru. It was a place I had never heard of. It was called Tracy's Beanery. He stuck his head out the window and ordered something. I couldn't hear what he said. He didn't ask me if I wanted anything. I was getting aggravated as he pulled up to the window to pay. They took his money, handed him the change and the gave him two hot drink cups. He said a thank you as he drove away. Before we left the parking lot, he pulled quickly into a parking space and put the car in park.



He handed me one of the cups and said, "Alright, this is what is going on. I want you to sit back and relax. I don't know a lot about you, but I do know that everyone needs to take a break now and then. You need just a few minutes of peace. And I know that if I took you home right now, that is not what you would get. Drink this. It is hot apple cider. Tonight is a beautiful night. You can enjoy the ride as we see all of the beautiful leaves and listen to some relaxing music. You don't even have to talk. Just give me an hour. One hour and then you can go home. I promise." He raised his hand like was saying 'scouts honor' as he promised.

He was right. If he brought me home right now, the kids would be crazy and it would be impossible for me to get them settled, but if I waited a little longer then Riley would have already put them both to bed. And I do love apple cider...

I looked down in my lap defeated. I guess it kinda would be nice to not have to do anything at all.

"Fine," I sighed, "But only for one hour." I stated. Joe's face lit up.

"Good." He said as he turned to music up just a little and began to drive away.

We had driven around for fifteen minutes and I was completely relaxed. I never really knew how nice it was to listen to classical music. I never really even thought about it before, it wasn't my thing, but all I knew was that it was nice. The apple cider was so good, too. I was almost done with mine. They must have made it right there at the cafe. And all that mixed with the smooth drive and the beautiful weather, I was out of my element. I honestly had never felt so relaxed in my entire life.

I almost forgot that Joe was there until I felt his hand touch mine. I looked at him. His hand was still on mine. It wasn't an accident. He had reached over on purpose.
"Is that okay?" he asked as he continued to drive along the road.

I didn't feel like he was trying to make a move on me. It really felt like he cared. Like he was holding my hand to let me know that I wasn't alone. It was more of a friendly gesture than a romantic one. And for some reason, I was okay with it.

I responded with soft, 'Yeah' and he held my hand a little tighter. And we continued to drive with the only sound being the music from the radio.

It was actually nice. I can't believe how much I was enjoying myself. It was all so simple. A car ride, leaves, apple cider, a hand-hold, but it felt like medicine. Like it was taking away everything that had made me sick. It was melting away stress and allowing me to relax far better than I have before.

But all too quickly the hour was up and I looked around outside the window and realized where we were. We were back at work. How he managed that, I'll never know.

He let go of my hand to put the car in park. And then just sat back and looked out his window.

After a few moments of silence I decided to break it. I mumbled a quick "thank you."

He turned back towards me with a soft smile. "You're welcome! I hope you were able to relax just a little."

"I did. I don't know how I went from furious to depressed to furious and then to content, but it was really nice. Even though you had to kid-nap me to get me to do it."

He had a playful smirk. "I didn't actually kid-nap you. You didn't have to take me up on my offer, but I'm glad you did." His smile was contagious and just made me smile back at him. But it quickly faded when I realized that I had to get home to the kids, and then get myself to bed so that I could rest up enough to be able to work tomorrow.

"Um, thank you for this. It was really nice but I should be getting home now." I said hoping that he would understand.

His face was calm and understanding.

"Okay, just tell me which way to go." he said as he pulled out of the parking lot.

We arrived at my apartment building and he parked the car. Then he jumped out and ran over to my door and opened it for me. I thanked him and he nodded.
He walked me to the door to the building.



"Carilynne, I really enjoyed spending time with you. I hope that we will see each other again very soon. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your night." he said with another winning smile.

"Thank you for insisting that I stick around for that drive. It really was relaxing and exactly what I needed. It definitely balanced out the bad day." We both smiled.

"Well good, I'm glad." He said. "Go get some rest." He opened the door for me.

"Thank you, I will." I said as I began to walk through.

"Goodnight, Carilynne!" He said as I walked in.

"Goodnight, Joe." I said and he waved and closed the door. He walked back to his car and then drove away.

As I got in the elevator I was able to unwind the events of the day.

I started off overwhelmed y the busyness of work then to being angry at Joe to finally ending in being thankful to him. I don't know all of those emotions can take a hold in one day, but I do know that it was a good day after all, and now I am exhausted and can actually hear my bed calling my name.

I got to my apartment on the fourth floor. Riley was watching a show on the couch.

"They're both already asleep, and you need to tell me every little thing that happened in the last few hours, but tell me tomorrow cause I'm about to pass out." She said as she got up, grabbed her purse and hugged me as she walked out the door.

"Night, Ry"

"Night, Car" She said as she walked away to the elevator.

I closed the door and locked it.

I quickly checked on my sleeping beauties and then made my way to my own bed.

All I know is that I am going to get a good night of sleep tonight.