Something Keeps Pulling Me Back
Questions
Now it isn’t easy being in a band and seeing the person you love every day, and having to think about how happy they seem now, and what a great person they are now with must be to make them so happy.
Just as not easy it is to everyday have to convince yourself they aren’t really happy it’s all just pretend and then have all your friends say its pretend also, but knowing deep down he really is happy with a *sigh* woman.
I know it is entirely my fault I feel this way , it’s my fault this all happened and I have to learn to accept that but every time I come close to it, he just says or does something that brings me right back to point A . I know he knows he’s doing it to, I know he watches and wait for me to finally feel set free and then BAM he does something that makes me realise how I really just can’t do life without him as my love, well at least I think I know he does and if he doesn’t, he’s just got this incredible timing in line with him wanting to be nice to me and my progress.
3 years we dated, 3 long years, and for me being only 13 when we began dating that just enhances his meaning to me.
He was the first man I had ever Chosen to do anything sexual with. The first person I completely trusted my life with. He was the only person I could ever want or need, and still to this day is.
Issue is today I don’t want him to be that meaningful, I want to let him go, but something, something beyond definition holds me back.
It’s as if I'm not allowed to move on, or I'm not meant to.
And there it is. That stupid thing, that stupid thought that creates more thoughts ‘I'm not meant to’ my head receives that and then fucks me over by convincing me that I'm not meant to let him go that we are destined to be together that we will end up living our days out together hand in hand.
But if said was true then why, why is he with her!?!
He doesn’t enjoy the company of women, especially not ones like her.
I’m his other half...
Frank your borderline insane again.
Fuck.
I snap out of my thoughts and stare into my mic.
“I'm perfect, not her.” I mumble into it.
“What was that?”Gee pipes up.
“Oh shit nothing, never mind.” I race the words out of my mouth.
“I see.” He replies bluntly.
My heart cracks every time he says that.
Just as not easy it is to everyday have to convince yourself they aren’t really happy it’s all just pretend and then have all your friends say its pretend also, but knowing deep down he really is happy with a *sigh* woman.
I know it is entirely my fault I feel this way , it’s my fault this all happened and I have to learn to accept that but every time I come close to it, he just says or does something that brings me right back to point A . I know he knows he’s doing it to, I know he watches and wait for me to finally feel set free and then BAM he does something that makes me realise how I really just can’t do life without him as my love, well at least I think I know he does and if he doesn’t, he’s just got this incredible timing in line with him wanting to be nice to me and my progress.
3 years we dated, 3 long years, and for me being only 13 when we began dating that just enhances his meaning to me.
He was the first man I had ever Chosen to do anything sexual with. The first person I completely trusted my life with. He was the only person I could ever want or need, and still to this day is.
Issue is today I don’t want him to be that meaningful, I want to let him go, but something, something beyond definition holds me back.
It’s as if I'm not allowed to move on, or I'm not meant to.
And there it is. That stupid thing, that stupid thought that creates more thoughts ‘I'm not meant to’ my head receives that and then fucks me over by convincing me that I'm not meant to let him go that we are destined to be together that we will end up living our days out together hand in hand.
But if said was true then why, why is he with her!?!
He doesn’t enjoy the company of women, especially not ones like her.
I’m his other half...
Frank your borderline insane again.
Fuck.
I snap out of my thoughts and stare into my mic.
“I'm perfect, not her.” I mumble into it.
“What was that?”Gee pipes up.
“Oh shit nothing, never mind.” I race the words out of my mouth.
“I see.” He replies bluntly.
My heart cracks every time he says that.
♠ ♠ ♠
I changed this a bit (: