89.4 Zombie Radio

I acted like I was sleeping for a few hours. I wasn't sure how long it was going to take before everyone actually went to sleep, so I figured if I just stayed up and watched for a while, I could pick the perfect time to take off. I looked at Layla, who insisted on sleeping in the same room as me. She looked so at peace. Maybe that story helped clear her mind and get the proverbial monkey off of her back. She was going to be the hardest one to leave, but I knew she was going to be alright. She had Kwame who could "fuck shit up" as he would put it. Lucas, who seemed like a likable, smart guy to me and of course Roxy, who seemed to be made for the zombie apocalypse. She would be alright, I kept telling myself, hell, she was no push over herself.

"They'd all be okay, but it was time to leave, you would just be holding them back by staying," I told myself.

I got up slowly and as quietly as I could. I had packed all my stuff up before I went to bed, and I didn't sleep in the sleeping bag. I figured it'd make too much noise to try and pack all that stuff up. I took one last look at Layla and whispered my goodbyes. Leave Bob, leave before you start thinking any more about it. Don't make this harder than it has to be. I opened the door as quietly as I could and stepped into the hallway. Everybody must have been knocked out. I started wondering how safe it was to sleep without anyone keeping watch. An issue I would have brought up if I were staying. Hopefully that didn't backfire on them at some point. I'm sure one of them, probably Roxy, would notice it was a bad practice eventually. They'd be fine, just leave Bob.

I crept down the hall and descended the stairs. I tried to breathe as little as possible on the way out. I tried to think of an excuse for if I got caught trying to leave. Maybe I could just tell them to fuck off, and leave anyway. I knew I didn't quite have that kind of cold blooded-ness in me though. So I decided to mention that I was nervous about everyone sleeping at once, and I was going to keep watch. That would probably work well enough. So far nothing though, nobody had woken up, I was pretty much home free. All I had to do was step out the door and start walking in whatever direction I felt necessary.

The door was in desperate need of some grease. It gave out a loud creek as I opened it. I hoped nobody heard it. I was almost there, just a few more steps. I got out the door and started power walking down the driveway. I did it, I left them. No time to feel bad about it. They'd be fine, I knew they would be. I slowed down a little bit, knowing I was pretty much home free.

"Don't look back," I said to myself, "It'll only make this harder." I took my own advice and walked on. It was about one in the morning and needless to say it was dark. I set my bag down for just a second to grab the flashlight I managed to loot from Doc's. I didn't even get the chance to open it yet. I finally got it open and attempted to turn it on... Batteries, I didn't get batteries. This was going to be a dark walk down the road.

Just then I heard something running from behind me. I whipped out my pistol and aimed it in the direction where it was coming from. I didn't want to shoot anything. I knew that might wake the others up, since I wasn't too far yet.

"Bob! Don't shoot! Its me!" I recognized the voice instantly, it was Layla. Shit, how did she find me? What woke her up? I tried my best to lie my way out of this situation.

"I was just out checking things out, I couldn't sleep. Sorry if I woke you up." I said. I was always a terrible liar.

"With all your stuff with you? You were going to leave. You don't have to lie," she said. Damn, I couldn't put one past her. I didn't know what to do. I think I could have told anyone else to fuck off at this point and lived with it, but I couldn't tell her that.

"If you're leaving, I'm coming with you," she said walking closer to me.

"No, you can't. Where I'm going it isn't safe," I lied like I actually had some place to go.

"No place is safe anymore, but where you go, I'm going too," she replied. I hesitated, maybe I should just come clean with her now. Just get it all off my chest, and then she'd see, I needed to go at it alone, just like I always had. I couldn't quite bring myself to do it though.

"Look, I just need to go. You guys will be fine without me. Eventually I'll just be holding you back, and I don't want any of your blood on my hands," I said, finally telling her part of the truth. I remembered I was dealing with a genius who majored in psychology, she probably knew exactly where this all was going.

"You're not holding us back, we need you... I need you. Roxy needs you, and whether you want to admit it or not you need us too." Every word she said had that tone like at any moment she could break down and cry.

"Remember earlier? You would be dead right now if it weren't for Roxy saving your ass! We need each other right now. You going out on your own would be as good as killing yourself. I know you're a loner type of guy, I can tell, and to a point I've always been the same way, but right now we all need each other if we want to survive." Every word cut right to the core of me, damn this girl was good, a true pro. I started to get defensive and when I get defensive, the truth usually comes out.

"Well maybe I want to die! The whole worlds fucked anyway! There's no fucking point in any of this! You want to know the truth Layla? The day all this shit happened, I was going to kill myself! That's right, I had it all planned out! That part I told earlier was only half of it. I don't even know what came over me to go out in this shit!" I was yelling uncontrollably at her. I finally regained sanity and calmed down. After my little outburst, it got quiet.

"I get it now," She said.

"You get what?" I snapped back.

She didn't say anything, she just walked up and wrapped her arms around me. This time there was no reluctance to hug back. I couldn't hold it back, it finally caught up to me, just like I knew it would. I cried, for the first time in a long time. I'm man enough to admit that it felt pretty good too. Layla just held on to me, and started crying too. It was just the two of us alone in the dark, completely exposed, and crying like babies fresh out of the womb.

"Its gonna be alright Bob, you're not alone anymore," she said through the tears. I tried to respond, but I couldn't at first. I didn't quite have the right words to say in response. I didn't need them, Layla knew what I was going to say, and she squeezed me tighter.

I'm not sure how long we were outside in the dark. It could have been hours, it could have been a few minutes, but there's a part of me that wishes it would never have ended. Layla was right, I wasn't alone anymore. I had found my place in the world, and it was helping these people to survive. I wasn't one hundred percent if I could do it or not, but I was committed to trying now. If anything I'd do it for the girl right in front of me. I finally gathered myself enough to ask why she even chased after me, and why she even cared.

"Because, I feel safe around you. When I'm around you, nothing bad can happen." I was no psychology major, but I knew what was going on. All those times I got her out of trouble. Maybe she felt some sort of debt to me. I didn't want her to feel like she owed me anything.

"I would have done that for anyone, and I know if roles were reversed, you'd do the same for me," I said.

"Doesn't matter, I'm staying with you until the end," she replied.

After some time passed we decided to head back into the house. I asked Layla not to tell anyone about any of this stuff and she agreed. I promised not to say anything about what she told me. Not that her stuff was really a deep, dark secret or anything. Still, I knew she was a lot like me, and if so, we don't like our emotions to be publicized like that. As we walked in something started bugging me.

"Hey, how did you find me anyway? What woke you up?" I asked.

"I had to pee, I still do actually," she answered. We both started laughing, still getting those after crying breaths in between. We went back upstairs and went back to sleep. I would mention my gripes about nobody staying awake in the morning, but for the first time in a long time, I was actually glad to be alive.