89.4 Zombie Radio

"So Roxy, what's the deal wit chu and old dude back there?" Kwame asked.

"Who Brock?" Roxy replied. "He's practically my brother. My dad took him in after his parents died. He went from foster home to foster home, and he started getting into some trouble."

"Shit, what kinda trouble?" Kwame asked. "He start smokin' crack and shit? Cause that's what my brother did."

"Ha! Fuck no, nothing like that," Roxy answered. "He was just boosting a lot of cars and shit like that. He would sell parts to my dad all the time, who never asked a whole lot of questions. Then one day, Brock just started to hang out at his shop all the time, and my dad sort of took him under his wing. A few years later, he adopted him."

"So technically he's your brother," Lucas said.

"Yes, technically, Brock is my brother," Roxy replied. "But we've never really seen each other as being related. We've always just kind of been friends. It happened when I was like fourteen. Brock's a few years older than me."

"I see, I was just wonderin' if you and him were you know..." Roxy cut Kwame off before he could finish.

"Fuck no!" she exclaimed. "Like I said, he and I have a strictly brother and sister relationship. That shit would be way too awkward."

"Then who the fuck are you into then?" Kwame asked. "I mean, come on, its the end of the world and shit. We gonna have to repopulate at some point."

"Is that what you keep telling Riley? No wonder she slapped you," Roxy replied. "For the record, I'm not into anyone."

"Shit, you're probably into Jack or some shit," Kwame said.

"Fuck no!" Roxy yelled. "Hell fuckin' no! You can just get that shit the fuck out of you're head right now! First of all, he's a fucking cop! Me and cops don't mix. Second of all... Just fuck you! Never going to happen!"

"Okay! Shit... Sounds like you like him," Kwame replied under his breathe.
"Fuck no! When I like a guy, I'll fucking admit it okay! No offense to any of you, but none of you are my type!" Roxy shouted.

"Then what the fuck is yo type?" Kwame asked.

"Not you, so just fucking drop it!" Roxy screamed. Kwame got silent for a few seconds before moving on to his next victim.

"Luke! Who you feelin' man!?" Kwame exclaimed. Lucas turned red, and turned his head to look out the window.

"Umm, I don't know," he replied.

"Oh you know mothahfuckah, you just too afraid to answer," Kwame said. "Bet I know who it is, and I bet she's sittin' in this mothahfuckin car right now."

"Kwame! For God's sake! You're embarrassing the shit out of the poor kid! Shut the fuck up!" Roxy yelled.

"Shit, don't worry bout it homeboy, I got you," Kwame replied. "I'm bout to get you laid before its all said and done. Believe that shit son!"

"Oh yea? Just like you're getting yourself laid at the moment?" Roxy asked.

"Hey! Mark my words! I will get with old girl by the time its all said and done!" Kwame answered. "Shit, that's why I came on this trip, cause I can't have ya'll fuckin' around and shit! We gotta get this bus and get the fuck back!"

"Whatever you say Kwame, bet anything you don't get her," Roxy said.

"Bitch, I will take you up on that shit right there! Bet a blow job for my man Luke, I fuck old girl before its all said and done!" Kwame shouted.

"Um, I don't like my penis being inserted into your bets," Lucas said.

"I'm not betting you that! Get the fuck out of here!" Roxy yelled. "That's fucking disgusting!"

"Cause you know I got that shit! Kwame Watts always gets his girl!" Kwame replied. "Dude in the back! Bein' all quiet and shit! What chu think dog?"

"Me?" I asked.

"No, the mothahfuckin leprechaun sitting in between ya'll! Fuck yea you! You know I got that girl right?" Kwame replied.

"Well, I give you one thing, you are persistent, and sometimes that pays off," I answered.
"Shit! My man knows his shit!" Kwame shouted.

"I think he really just meant you might annoy her into sleeping with you," Lucas said.

"Hey! Fuck you! That sort of shit right there is why you don't get..." Roxy interrupted Kwame before he could finish.

"Alright! All of you! Shut the fuck up! I'm tired of hearing about it!" she yelled. "I'm turning the radio on! And everybody, including myself, is shutting the fuck up for the remainder of the trip!"

"Shit that's hard for me! I got a breathing problem and shit, I gotta talk!" Kwame replied.

"Well if you keep talking I'll make sure you stop breathing myself, so the choice is yours motherfucker!" Roxy scolded. Afterwords, the car got quiet. Kwame made a few comments under his breath, but every time he did, Roxy shot him a death glare and he quickly stopped. Lucas and I had to muffle our laughter a few times with our hands. We drove for about an hour, and I was starting to wonder how much gas the car we were driving had. Hopefully it had enough to get where we were going and back again. Another half an hour passed and something was emerging on the side of the road. I couldn't quite make it out from the backseat, but when I heard Roxy's reaction, I knew what it was.

"Oh fuck yes!" she shouted at the top of her lungs.

"Aww shit! Jack's crazy ass was right! That's what the fuck I'm talkin' bout right there!" Kwame added. It was a huge relief to have found the bus, now the questions were changing. Who took our bus? And why did they leave it here? The car ran out of gas maybe one hundred feet from the bus, which made us all laugh.

"Hey, if the bus is out of gas, and the car is out of gas, how are we supposed to get back?" Lucas asked.

"Well, we'll call the house and have everyone meet us out here with gas... Or something," Roxy answered. As we approached the bus, I noticed a grasshopper jump on Roxy's leg, and I decided to tell her, since it seemed like the courteous thing to do. As soon as the warning left my mouth, and she looked at her leg, she jumped about a foot high and shrieked in terror.

"Fucking get it off me! Get it off!" She screamed. Kwame and Lucas laughed as I walked over to brush it off her leg. She turned away from all of us, and started to continue towards the bus. Lucas had stopped laughing, sensing the seriousness of the situation, but not Kwame. He kept right on laughing, and over dramatizing every action he made. When Roxy stopped, he was on the ground rolling, and holding his sides.

"Shut the fuck up Kwame!" Roxy cried. It wasn't the usual Roxy scolding. I could tell in her voice, there were tears behind those words. Kwame could tell too, and it made him laugh even harder.

"Shit! I thought you weren't afraid of shit! And a mothahfuckin grasshopper hops on your ass and you flip the script!" Kwame said, still on the floor laughing. "God damn, I ain't seen you flinch at a mothahfuckin zombie yet! But a grasshopper! Shit you bout had a god damned heart attack!"

I walked over to Roxy and put my arm around her. Roxy was tough, but she was still a woman. I don't know many girls who aren't afraid of bugs. I can recall more than a few nights Celeste waking me up to kill a spider in the bathroom. She was scared, and I think that's something we all can relate to. Kwame was finally getting off the ground, his laughter slowly subsiding. Roxy was starting to regather herself, and I could tell her next move against Kwame was coming. Needless to say, I didn't want to be him. Roxy threw my arm off of her and turned around, her eyes were on fire and glaring at Kwame. Kwame seen her coming and his demeanor changed. Roxy threw a punch that landed right on Kwame's jaw, and all six foot six of him went down.

"Fuck you! I fucking hate bugs alright!? Don't you fucking laugh at me! Next time I'll fucking kill you!" Roxy screamed. Kwame shuffled away from her in fear. Roxy just kept edging towards him, waiting for him to say the wrong thing. She was definitely the scariest person I've ever seen mad. It was like Micheal Myers, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Kruger all possessed her at the same time.

"Um, I'm really sorry I laughed too Roxy," Lucas said.

"Don't worry about it, I might have laughed too. This asshole just kept fucking going though," Roxy said, gritting her teeth and not taking her eyes off Kwame, who was still trying to peel himself off of the road. Kwame gulped, and started to prepare his apology.

"Uh, yea, look... I'm sorry. My bad alright? We cool?"

"No, we're not fucking cool... But I'll get over it," Roxy replied. "Just get the fuck up, and let's go check on this bus."

Now that we were all somewhat on the same page again, we made our way to the bus. Roxy walked over to the door, and it opened. Whoever left it here left it unlocked. We all went inside, and took a look around. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, and we began to look around for the keys. We searched every inch of the bus, but it soon became clear that the keys were gone.

"Well shit Roxy, we bout to call mothahfuckin Brock up and have him come get this baby rollin'?" Kwame asked.

"Nope, I have a better plan," Roxy answered. "We're going to sit here and wait for the bitch ass motherfucker who stole it to show up with gas."

"How do you know they're coming back?" Lucas asked.

"Well, they took the keys. Who the fuck takes keys to a bus they're not coming back for?" Roxy replied.

"Maybe they just like playin' with keys and shit," Kwame said.

"You're not serious are you?" Lucas asked.

"Shit, you never know," Kwame answered.

"Yes! I found it!" Lucas exclaimed as he held up his morning star. "I never got to use this thing! Psyched!"

"You're gonna fuck yourself up with that thing Lucas," Roxy said.

"Yea, yea," Lucas replied.

"Hey! Everyone shut the fuck up for a second," Kwame said. "I think there's some shit goin' down outside."

We all moved towards the door and listened close to what was going on. Kwame was right, there was clearly someone or something moving around outside. We all slowly got out of the bus and started to search the perimeter. It didn't take very long to find the culprit, a giant black bear.

"Holy fuck!" Roxy whispered.

"What do we do?" Lucas asked.

"Shit, I'm getting back in that bus and locking the door!" Roxy replied. We all quietly made our way back onto the bus, and watched as the bear slowly made its way back into the surrounding woods.

"Do you think the bear is a zombie too?" Lucas asked.

"Well, we can't be sure, but seriously, how would it have gotten sick?" I asked.

"Shit, it coulda gotten into the wrong picnic basket or some shit, or maybe it got some chicken up in its honey pot," Kwame replied.

"I don't think its Winnie the Pooh," Roxy said. "Or Yogi Bear for that matter."

"Hey Boo Boo! Let's go eat some human flesh!" Lucas joked in his best Yogi Bear impression.

"Shit, only shit I know about bears s from cartoons... And gummi bears," Kwame said.

"So all bears eat honey, steal picnic baskets and taste delicious?" Lucas asked.

"As far as I know, and they friendly too. Ever seen mothahfuckin Care Bears?" Kwame replied.

"Oh yea Kwame, go out there and give him a big hug, tell me how it works out," I said.
"Alright, he's gone anyways, but you never know if he'll come back. We have to be on or guard," Roxy said. We found a few chairs near the back of the bus, and took them outside to sit. Then we put the other car in neutral and pushed it up towards the bus. We used the radio for entertainment and we sat around staring at the horizon for a few endless hours. Waiting for somebody or something to appear and listening to whatever DJ Double Tap played. It was starting to get late, and our attention turned to the sunset.

"Oh shit! I still have to call the station and check on Bob's dumb ass," Roxy said. She pulled out Riley's phone and dialed the number. It only took one ring before DJ Double Tap cut off the Gun's and Roses song he was playing and answered the phone.

"What's up!? You got DJ Double Tap on the line!"

"DJ Double Tap, this is Roxy, how are you?"

"Not too bad Roxy! DJ Double Tap is still alive, still kickin', and still rockin' out in the zombie apocalypse."

"What's the news on Bob? I figure he called earlier when I wasn't listening."

"Well Roxy, DJ Double Tap actually has yet to hear from Bob today."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!"

"I wish I was Roxy, but DJ Double Tap is dead serious. In fact, now that you mention it, I'm a little worried."

"No fucking shit! That motherfucker! I told him to call every fucking day! What the fuck!?"

"Well, I'm hoping for the best Roxy. Here's hoping he calls in soon. Bob! If you're out there! We're worried about you! Call in as soon as you can! DJ Double Tap wants to know you're okay! Anything messages for him Roxy?"

"Yea, tell him we got the bus back, even though he never knew it was fucking missing, and tell him I'm waiting for the motherfucker who stole it to show back up. Oh, and that I'm fucking furious at him. Might want to mention that too."

"Will do Roxy, DJ Double Tap is on it. Anything else?"

"No, I'm done. I'm going to be listening, and hoping to fucking God he calls. Later DJ Double Tap."

"Later Roxy!"

The two of them both hung up, and DJ Double Tap began to introduce his next song. I could see in Roxy's face she was worried. We all were a little worried. I barely knew Bob, but still, I'd hate to see one of our own die. If he was dead, it meant Layla, Dalton, and Jessie were all as good as dead too. I was just praying there was some logical explanation for all of this. The sun had set, and we all got back in the bus. A few more hours passed, and the stress of the past few days caught all of us at once. We all fell asleep one by one. It seemed as though I was the last to go and I whispered out a laugh when Kwame was still talking in his sleep. He really never shut up.