89.4 Zombie Radio

"My boob itches," Jessie said as we entered the next town.

"Wow, thanks for that information Jessie," I replied.

"You're welcome Bob, anytime I can be of service, just let me know," Jessie added. We pulled into a little gas station, and went inside. Dalton and I figured out how to work the register to unlock the pumps, and the girls stocked up on water and supplies. Dalton went outside to pump gas, and I stayed inside to bother the girls, something I was becoming rather good at. I was on my way over to where they were and I saw my favorite brand of salt and vinegar chips. They were very hard to find, and every time I found them, I usually bought a few bags to stock up. I put every bag of them I could find in the back seat of the car, and the girls came out to join us.

"God, my bra is just bothering me today," Jessie said.

"Okay, again Jessie, thank you for that image," I replied.

"What? It is, I can't help it," Jessie added.

"Bob, women have these problems. Be thankful you're a guy," Layla said.

"Hey, men have problems too. Have you ever had to take a piss with an erection? Its not easy!" I explained. Dalton laughed, he knew what I was talking about. I could tell by the looks on Jessie and Layla's faces that I was about to get it. I cracked a smile and waited for them to read me the riot act... What was the riot act? I've never actually read it to be able understand that phrase.

"Bob, we bleed out of our vagina's once a month, if you bled out of your penis, you'd probably freak out," Layla said.

"Oh no doubt, in fact I wish I could be a girl for one day to know what that's like. I also want a girl to just once wake up with an erection and try to take a piss, its not easy," I replied, doing my best to not laugh.

"First of all Bob, no you don't want to know what that's like, and I highly doubt peeing with an erection compares to anything women go through. Second, I think you just want to be a girl to play with boobs," Jessie said.

"Well... You may have a point there Jessie, but I'm just saying we have our own set of physical obstacles. Ever been kicked in the balls? It hurts!" I argued in defense. "Dalton! Help! Please!?"

"Oh no, you dug your own grave here," Dalton replied.

"Bob, we have children. You lose," Layla answered.

"Yea, you got me... I went into that argument knowing I was fighting a losing battle. Women have it tougher, no doubt about it," I explained.

"Then why did you even try?" Jessie asked.

"Because you're fun to argue with Jessie," I replied. "How's the bra?"

"Still bothering me, having boobs isn't all its cracked up to be," Jessie explained.

"Well... I don't know how to reply to that without getting slapped," I said.

"Then let's just get in the car and go," Layla replied. "...Why are there six bags of salt and vinegar chips in the car?"

"Because they're delicious!" I exclaimed. "Those are the best salt and vinegar chips ever made by human hands, and if I find anymore, believe me, I'm taking them."

"Whatever makes you happy," Layla said. I looked in the distance and noticed a car covered up in the back of the gas station parking lot. I remembered seeing a poster as I walked into the station about a special James Dean car show or something. I decided to let the only car person in the group know, and see what she had to say.

"Hey Jessie, there's a car back there. Wanna go take a look at it?" I asked. "I guess its like James Dean's car or something. I seen a poster on the way in."

"Really!? We have to go look at it!" Jessie shouted, excited about what I had just told her. We all walked over towards the car and took the cover off. It was a little two seater convertible, and Jessie was practically giddy as she went into further detail about the car.

"Its a Porsche 550 Spyder," Jessie explained. "James Dean drove it when he died. It was nicknamed the little B."

"The little B? What does the B stand for? Bitch or bastard?" I asked.

"The second one," Jessie replied. "Its hard telling if its the actual car, or just a replica."

"Well, let's take it for a ride Jessie," Dalton said.

"No! I'm not getting in this car! Just in case its the real one! This thing is cursed! Its killed every person who owned it!" Jessie shouted. "If you even so much as get in that car Dalton, I will be mad!"

"Okay, I'm staying away from it," Dalton replied.

"You better! Its a beautiful car. I love James Dean, and I love the car, but we're not driving it. Dalton, cut one of the tires. We can't let somebody drive this thing, it would be like killing them," Jessie said.

"Are you serious? You're going to go through that much trouble to keep somebody from driving it?" I asked.

"I'm dead serious," Jessie answered. "This car is cursed. Whoever owns it, ends up dying. Including the current owner, because they're obviously a zombie. Dalton, why haven't you cut one of the tires yet?"

"I'm sorry Jessie, I'm doing it now," Dalton replied as he got his pocket knife out. He cut the front tire on the driver's side. Nobody was going to go anywhere in that car unless they did some serious work. We all made our way back to the car and Jessie stopped before we got in.

"Bob, do you want to drive? I don't like driving this car, its too big for me."

"Sure Jessie, I'll drive. Just don't steal any of those salt and vinegar chips in the back seat there or I will have to kill you," I replied.

"I'd like to see you try that Bob," Jessie said.

"Holy shit! Does anybody else see that!? Dalton shouted.

"See what?... Oh my God!" Layla screamed. I looked in the distance at what they were staring at and almost died at the sight of it. It was a massive army of zombies. Not just a few like we had been running into. This was a huge army of them, bigger than I had ever seen. It was like someone or something had been organizing them. Duh Bob! Its been almost a week now! This is probably what most of the queens have been doing. I grabbed Zonbikira and Reiragado out of the car, and then grabbed an arm and dragged it with me. I didn't look, or think about it, it was all instinct. I pulled whoever it was I was dragging to the backyard of a house across the street from the gas station. When things seemed calm, I looked at who I was dragging. It was Jessie... Oops.

"Bob! Let go of me you idiot! I..." I put my hand over Jessie's mouth to stop her from yelling at me.

"Jessie, shut up! Do you want to get us killed!?" I whispered. Jessie bit my hand and I held my lip with my teeth to keep from screaming. She then slapped me across the face once and continued slapping me in the shoulder and arms until I finally grabbed her in a bear hug so she would stop.

"Jessie just calm down until they pass okay? I'm sorry I grabbed you instead of Layla..."

"What's that supposed to mean!?" Jessie angrily whispered back.

"I didn't mean it that way! Stop twisting my words around!"

"No! I do what I want Bob! And don't ever tell me to shut up again! Why did you have to go and..."

I seen the army getting closer and I swung Jessie around, cupping her mouth with my hand. She started kicking and squirming to get out, but when she saw what was nearby, she calmed down to where I could let her go. I saw the army was being led by a man with a cane, and dark sunglasses. From the looks of things, he was blind. A blind queen? Of all the bodies it could have picked, it had the poor judgment to pick that one. I knew it was a queen the closer it got. I could see that little black mark on his forehead, but why a blind guy? Maybe these things aren't as smart as I thought. The blind queen stopped, and sniffed the air. It hit me, just because it was blind, its other senses were probably heightened. Shit, on second thought, this was bad... Really bad.

"Where are Dalton and Layla hiding?" Jessie asked. I didn't respond verbally, because I didn't want to risk him hearing us. I remember Dalton dragging her behind the gas station, and I pointed out to Jessie where I thought I saw them go. She nodded, and understood why I wasn't saying anything. Jessie definitely wasn't stupid, and she caught on quick to things. If she didn't, she'd most definitely be dead right now. The blind zombie pointed to the gas station, and gave one of the zombies a lighter. They all started to move back as the one approached. He found the gas pump we had been using. The nozzle was still in the gas tank of the car.

"Oh fuck!" I whispered, catching myself before my voice elevated. The zombie started to pump gas all over the ground, and lit the lighter. I swung Jessie around and put my back towards the upcoming blast. The sound of the gas station exploding shook the ground we stood on, and the force of the blast knocked us down even behind the building. I fell on Jessie, who immediately started hitting me again until I rolled off of her. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. The station Layla and Dalton were hiding behind just blew up. Oh no! Oh please God no! I ran around the corner and shouted Layla's name at the top of my lungs. Jessie came running behind me and slapped me hard across the back of the head.

The blind queen turned and looked in my direction after he heard me cry out. He smiled, and pointed towards Jessie and I. Now Jessie was dragging me by the arm, and we started to run through back yards, trying to make our escape. I could hear a few zombies starting to catch up to us, and Jessie was starting to break away from me. I couldn't catch my breath. Damn it, Lucky did kill me. Fuck these fucking ribs! Jessie ran up a front porch to an abandoned house and opened the front door which thankfully wasn't locked. I flew up the steps into the house, and Jessie slammed the door behind me, locking it. I collapsed on the ground, holding my stomach in pain and trying to catch my breath.

"Bob! If you don't get up we're as good as dead!" Jessie shouted. "We outran most of them, but a few made it, and I'm sure they'll be trying to get in here soon. Now get up and stop being a baby! I need your help!"

"I don't even care Jessie! Layla's..."

"Layla and Dalton are probably fine Bob! They're not stupid! I'm sure they seen that coming and got away. Now get up! If I have to tell Layla you died... I'll kill you!"

"Wait how can you..."

"Just shut up and get off the floor! We have zombies to kill! This is your chance to use your little swords or whatever! So be happy!"

I picked myself off of the floor slowly and made my way to my feet. I looked at Zonbikira, which had a beautiful painting of the Japanese God Fūjin, the God of wind, on the sheath. Reiragado had a painting of Raijin, Fūjin's brother and the God of thunder. Other than that, both swords were nearly identical, bearing the same background color on the sheath, which was solid black. I stuffed the swords into my belt, and made sure they were going to stay put. When I felt comfortable with them, I drew out Zonbikira, and pointed the tip at Jessie.

"Bob, you had better point that somewhere else before..." Jessie didn't get to finish, before she let out a loud scream which pierced the air around me. I turned just in time to catch the teenage zombie charging, and knocked him down with the back part of the sword. I put my foot on him, and stabbed him through the back of the head. I pulled my sword out, and flicked the blood off the blade as best I could. I had learned that trick from watching way too many samurai movies as a kid.

"You're such a dork," Jessie said. "I think that one was already in here, because..."

Jessie was once again interrupted by a zombie, this time crashing through the front window. Jessie charged it, and took a downward swing with her skateboard. The zombie flipped into the house, and Jessie finished it off on the ground. Windows started crashing around us, and I knew we would be quickly overwhelmed if we didn't think of something fast. Jessie and I both seen the staircase at the same time, and hurried up it. We stopped at the top, and waited for zombies to come charging. We now had the advantage of higher ground, which was going to be key in this situation. I just hope these damn swords are as good as I think they are.

"Come on samurai boy! Its not the swords that make the man! Its the man that makes the swords! Prove to your friend your worth a damn!" I thought to myself. Jessie was on the other side of the stairs, clutching her skateboard, and getting herself ready. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. A group of about five zombies came charging up the steps, and when the first one reached the top, Jessie swung with all her might and knocked it down the stairs into the other zombies. One dodged the falling zombie and charged up the stairs. I took the point of my blade and stabbed it through the eye. It fell back down the steps, and the other four made their second charge. I took some wild swings, and Jessie knocked another one down before it got to the top. She finished it off by smashing it's head against the corner of the top stair. My swinging killed two of them, and the third fell back down the steps when Jessie kicked her zombie down.

Another group of around six of them, came screaming from down the hallway. Instinct was taking over at this point, and I was just slashing at whatever moved. Jessie was handling herself next to me, knocking whatever got too close down to the bottom. One of my wild slashes, decapitated a zombie, and I couldn't help but feel a bit proud of myself. Damn, these swords were the real deal. I just hoped my little white, nerdy ass was worthy of them. After some struggling, we had defeated the remaining seven. Unfortunately, we didn't have time to celebrate, as another group came rushing in.

This time I just took to stabbing them as they came up. I got one through the chest and kicked him off into three more on their way up. Jessie nailed one of them, and it fell up against the railing on the side. She smashed its head up against the wooden rail with a few solid stomps, and then hit another with her skateboard on its way up. The group kept growing until it was impossible to count all of them. If we would have stayed downstairs, we would have been overwhelmed for sure. I just kept stabbing away at whatever came up the steps, and Jessie kept bashing whatever got close to her. We had picked the right place to fight, and to quote Dwight from Sin City, sometimes you can beat the odds with a careful choice of where to fight.

The rest of the fight was a blur of blood and gore. Jessie and I were both covered in crimson at the end of the battle. The important thing was we were alive, and we both gave each other a blood soaked victory high five in celebration. The stairs were covered in organs, and limbs, and the corpses of the zombies who tried their luck at charging the stairs. Damn... Jessie and I were fucking good. The adrenalin faded, and my ribs started to flair up. I sat down and did what I could to catch my breath. Jessie was winded too, and she hunched over and grabbed her knees. I just felt the need to be a smart ass. It was practically how I was raised.

"How's the bra?" I asked. Jessie smiled and laughed.

"Now its bloody, and even worse. It was pink, now I'm guessing its..."

"I don't want to know Jessie! Thanks, but no thanks!"

"Well hey! You're the one who asked about it, I'm just telling you."

I heard something coming from out of one of the rooms upstairs, and Jessie and I both turned around, still in kill anything that moves mode. It was a kid, and from the looks of things, he wasn't a zombie. Jessie and I stared, still ready to kill him just in case we were wrong. He stood there in his Ben 10 T-shirt and short brown hair, looking at us like we were crazy. After a few moments of silence, he finally started to speak, much to our relief.

"Hi... Are you guys zombies?" he asked.

"No, we're not," Jessie replied. "I'm Jessie and this is Bob. He's an idiot, so just ignore whatever he says."

"Hey!" I shouted.

"I'm joking," Jessie said. "Calm down. What's your name?"

"I'm Nolan," the boy answered. "Is my brother still here? If he is, we're in a lot of trouble."

"How old is your brother?" I asked.

"He's sixteen," Nolan answered.

"I think we killed your brother," I told him. "I'm sorry, but he was a zombie."

"I know. My parents were too, they all left for the hospital one day, and left me with him. When he started to turn into one, I took a bunch of stuff into my room to eat and hid in there. I always do that when I'm scared," Nolan explained.

"You're a smart kid!" Jessie replied. "How old are you?"

"I'm seven," the boy proudly proclaimed.

"Well Nolan, you're coming with us. We're looking for two of our other friends. One's my husband, and the other is Bob's girlfriend," Jessie informed. "I'll carry you out of here, and I want you to close your eyes, because there's a big nasty mess on the stairs that I don't want you to see. It will give you nightmares."

Jessie walked over to the boy and lifted him onto her shoulder. It was a good thing he was maybe forty pounds at most, or Jessie would have never been able to keep her promise. We carefully made our way down the stairs, crawling over the piles of broken zombie bodies, and back outside. Jessie put Nolan down, and reached into her pocket. Her phone was going off, and I could only hope that it was Layla and Dalton, calling to tell us they were okay. Jessie answered, and I heard Layla on the other end. I immediately felt relieved, and did a quick thank you prayer that she was alright. Jessie put the phone on speaker, and we continued the conversation.

"Layla! I'm so glad you're okay!" I shouted.

"I'm glad you're okay too Bob! I was worried! We saw the one send those zombies after you guys and we weren't sure if you guys would make it. You didn't fight them did you?" Layla asked.

"He did Layla, but we didn't have any other choice," Jessie said in my defense. For once, she was on my side. That was an odd thing to say the least.

"Okay, well Dalton's glad you're okay Jessie. He says he loves you, and we'll meet you back at the gas station," Layla told us.

"Can I talk to Dalton?" Jessie asked. Jessie took the phone back off speaker, and talked to Dalton. She told him about Nolan, and they confirmed the meeting point. Nolan was looking around like a lost puppy. I was never good with kids. I never quite knew what to say to them, but it seemed Nolan knew what to say to me.

"So was that you're girlfriend on the phone?" he asked.

"Yea it was," I replied. "You'll get to meet her pretty soon. She's nice. So, you're into Ben 10?"

"Yea, he's awesome!" Nolan exclaimed.

"Dude, I totally agree. Ben 10 is... The stuff!"

Jessie hung up the phone, and we started to walk back towards the gas station. When we got there, I seen Layla and Dalton looking over the wreckage of what was once our car. I was relieved they had grabbed most of our gear out of it before the explosion, or else this was going to be a tough trip. Layla saw me and ran to meet me. She shoved her tongue down my throat before I even had a chance to react, and we were making out like nobody was around to watch us. Jessie loudly cleared her throat, and we finally stopped.

"Guys, there's a kid around now, can we keep it PG please?" Jessie asked.

"Sorry, I forgot about that," Layla answered. "Hey little guy! My names Layla, and that's Dalton over there. What's your name?"

"They told you it was Nolan over the phone didn't they?" Nolan answered. We all laughed at what Nolan said. I walked over to Dalton, who was still looking at the wreckage of the car.

"So we have a kid with us now?" he asked.

"Yep. Our foursome, is now a five-some," I replied.

"That's cool, I'm just hoping he's okay with walking until we find another car. This one is done for," Dalton said.

"Obviously," I replied. "I'm just pissed off those assholes blew it up with my fucking salt and vinegar chips inside of it! Do you know how hard that brand is to find!? Nearly impossible! I finally find some and they get blown up! Story of my life man!"

"Ha! Yea, what is it with us and cars anyways? It seems like we destroy every one we get doesn't it?" Dalton asked.

"Yea, I think we're cursed brothah. Maybe we'd have better luck with motor scooters or something," I answered.

"Oh Jessie would have a fit," Dalton said.

"What would I have a fit about?" Jessie asked, as her, Layla and Nolan approached.

"If we drove motor scooters the rest of the way, since we seem to have no luck with cars at the moment," I replied.

"Oh yea, I'd throw a fit. We are not driving stupid motor scooters," Jessie said.

"We'll find a car, I'm sure of it," Layla reassured us. "For now, let's just be glad the car's dead and we're not.

Layla had a good point. We were alive, and that was a good thing. This whole scene with the queen though, something about it just bothered me. They were organizing it seemed like. They blew up that gas station. It was like they knew we were going to need it. Was this happening other places too? Were they gathering armies of zombies and destroying everything we needed to survive? This was not good, but I would bite my tongue for now. Like Layla said, for now, we were alive, and that's all that mattered. Our foursome, was now a five-some... Or was it more like a four and a half-some?