89.4 Zombie Radio

"Jessie! I know you're trying to make some distance on that fucking zombie army after us, but for the love of God, don't kill us in the process!" I shouted as Jessie charged down the road. She had been doing a steady pace of ninety miles per hour since we had gotten out onto the highway. I started to wonder if she always had driven like this, or if she just thought it was fun to be able to do it now.

"Stop being such a baby Bob! I'm saving our lives here!" Jessie replied. "I never got to drive like this before... Its fun. Oh! And language Bob! For the last time!"

"I'm sorry and I realize that, but seriously, we could still hit something or you could lose control. Plus, we have a kid in the car, so..." Jessie groaned loudly to cut me off.

"Fine, I'll slow down! Are you happy now!?" Jessie shouted as she let off the gas.

"Yes, I am," I answered, finally feeling the illusion of safety. I now know one thing, Jessie and a fast car, is a scary combination. We drove for a good hour down the road at a steady pace. The world seemed so dead when you drove down these kinds of roads. Especially now, when the world actually was dead. I started daydreaming about a cure for this whole thing. Maybe there was a way to set everything right. My dream was interrupted by red, white and blue lights in the distance. Something was up ahead. Something I didn't have a good feeling about. Damn these guts of mine.

"What's that up there?" Dalton asked.

"I don't know, guess we're gonna find out," Jessie answered.

"We should turn around," I said. "I have a bad feeling about this whole thing."

"Oh stop, it could be people who need help," Jessie replied. "Or maybe its people who can help us. Maybe this whole thing isn't as big as we think it is Bob. Did you ever think of that?"

"Jessie, I wish I had your optimism," I told her as we started to slow down. As we got closer to the lights, I noticed what they were. They were two cop cars, parked across the road, forming a blockade. Jessie slowed down some more as we got closer.

"What do you think this is Dalton?" Jessie asked.

"Well, it looks like maybe this was something they were doing before everything got bad," Dalton answered. "Maybe they were trying to quarantine the area or something. That would be my guess."

"Well, I guess we should get out and find out," I said. "We can't go any further anyways, until we move these cars off of the road."

We all got out of the car, our weapons drawn and ready for anything. I made my way to the driver's door of one of the cars, and someone I couldn't see yelled "Freeze!" Shit... I knew I had a bad feeling about this.

"None of you fuckers make a God damn move!" the voice continued as three figures slowly emerged from behind the police cruisers.

"Hands in the fucking sky! And drop whatever you're carrying!" One of the men shouted, with his semi-automatic pointed in my face. We did as instructed, knowing they had the drop on us, and also knowing we were heavily outgunned. I had been worried about this sort of thing happening for a while. When anarchy is law, people tend to take advantage of it. I knew what was going on before any of them said anything, and I just prayed to God it wasn't anything worse.

"Alright, you! The bald one! What are you guys carrying!?" a girl asked me. She didn't look like one of those sweet innocent types at all. More like, and forgive me for saying this, the butch lesbian type. I'm sure there was some girl, somewhere who's had that look and wasn't a lesbian, but I've never met them. She was big, and intimidating. In other words, nobody I was going to overpower.

"We're just trying to meet up with our friends, that's all. We're headed south..."

"She didn't ask you where you were heading you bald fuck! She was asking what you were carrying!?" One of the men shouted. He had an army uniform on, with arms the size of my head. Great, just what we needed. A drill sergeant, with a mental problem and a gun.

"First of all sir, bald fuck is pretty hateful," I said. "Second, we don't have much. Just a few supplies, and weapons to survive with. That's it. Nothing really worth taking I can assure you."

"Who said we were taking anything?" the other man asked. He didn't fit this posse at all. He was dressed in a pricey suit. I'm sure at one point it wasn't filthy, and I'm sure it cost him an arm and a leg to buy it too. His now ruined haircut alone was probably more than what I had on.

"Nobody did, but I'm not an idiot," I replied.

"Bob shut up! You're gonna get yourself killed!" Layla whispered in my ear.

"Its fine, I've got it under control," I answered back.

"Why would you want any of our stuff?" Jessie asked. "I mean no offense, but I think you're a little too big to fit into any of our clothes lady."

If I didn't have my hands above my head, I would have slapped myself. Did she really just say that? Damn Jessie has some balls! The girl with them didn't take kindly to Jessie's words and quickly came around the car to point the gun right in her face.

"Oh, you got jokes!? Well nobodies fucking laughing now! I might have been nice before, but fuck it now, I'm taking everything you got!" the girl said, aggressively shoving the gun in Jessie's face.

"I don't even have anything," Jessie replied. "Go ahead and take it. What do I care? Can I put my arms down now? I'm starting to get tired."

"Oh you will care when we leave you butt naked with nothing to stay alive with!" the girl shouted back.

"Ha! I've been through way worse already. You guys are..." I knew I had to cut Jessie off before she went too far.

"Take whatever you want," I said. "I'm not doing anything funny, but we're all going to put our arms down now. Our stuff is in the car, and if you want to search us, that's fine too."

The men behind the cars made their way towards us, and we all put our arms down now. There was no way in hell I was going to let them get away with this shit. I was done praying now, and trying to think of a way to either get away, or ultimately kill these people. I didn't like killing the people who weren't zombies, but I had already done it once, and I knew I could kill a few more fuckers who deserved it without it bothering my conscience too much. The men stopped in front of us, and I could only wonder what else they wanted.

"Can I bash this fucking cunt's pretty, little face in?" the girl asked. Calling her a girl was flattering for her. She was a woman, and in my mind, I was referring to her as Butch.

"No! We need her with all her teeth in her mouth. Nobody will pay for a girl with half her jaw knocked off," the army man said.

"You're fucking lucky!" Butch shouted at Jessie. Jessie looked like she wanted to start laughing at Butch, which I knew wasn't a good idea. Damn, Jessie just continues to surprise me. Where was all this coming from? Dalton was getting worried about her after that comment, and I started to put together what was coming next, having seen too many movies about the apocalypse, zombie and otherwise.

"This other one is pretty too," said the business man. "This is gonna be a damn good start for our brothel."

"What's a brothel?" Jessie asked.

"I don't know honestly," Dalton answered.

"Its a whorehouse guys," I told them. "They're apparently starting a whorehouse."

"We sure are baldy, we're gonna make a killing. I bet people will pay at least a can of beans for either one of these two!" the army man said, slowly getting excited about their plan coming to fruition.

"Hey! I am worth way more than a can of beans!" Jessie yelled.

"Whoa ho! I like this girl! I bet you are little girl! You'll be our number one for sure! I have a proposition for you gentlemen. How about, you both join us, and you can keep all your stuff. We'll start this brothel, even advertise it on that radio station with that annoying fucking DJ. That sounds good doesn't it? We'll even take care of the kid too. Maybe whore him out to the pedophiles left in the world. What do you say?" the army man asked.

"I say, sure... Sounds good," I answered. Layla's eyes got wide, and I thought she was going to kill me right there. I had a plan, I just needed an opening. I had to get them to let there guard down. If everything worked, she'd forgive me later.

"How about you skinny? Are you good with that proposal?" the army man asked Dalton. I looked at Dalton, and tried somehow to convey to him what I was doing... As soon as he opened his mouth, I knew he didn't get the message.

"Fuck you! You'll have to kill me!" Dalton shouted at them. Damn it! This was not good... Now I had to improvise.

"Let me do it!" I shouted. "I fucking hate that guy! I've been dying to kill him. He's annoying as shit! I could care less about any of these people. I barely even know them. You guys can fucking eat the kid for all I care."

Nolan started to cry, and I instantly felt terrible about the whole thing. Please, doesn't anybody realize what I'm doing? Don't they know me better than this? Apparently not, because Jessie was furious. Her face looked like it was on fire, and I knew I was about to get it.

"Bob! You really are that stupid!? How could you!? I hate you!" she shouted. "How could you!? I hate you!"

Jessie continued shouting at me, and Layla was starting to cry. Oh God please let this work. I needed to make this even more convincing. I had to be the total opposite of myself right now. I had to summon my inner Robert De Niro for this. I didn't like this side of myself at all, but this was the only way. Time to up the ante a little bit.

"God Jessie, shut the fuck up! All you do is call me an idiot, well who's the dumb one now? I'm gonna kill your little hubby right in front of you and laugh about it later. And Layla, that night we had was great, but I'm sure we'll have more like it. These guys have the right idea. We should be taking advantage of this," I told them all with an evil smile. "Now, let me borrow one of those guns, I'm not killing this fucking prick with anything close range. I don't need his blood all over me. I just showered."

"I hate you so much Bob! I hope you go to hell!" Jessie screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Ha! Hell, I'm already there Jessie. I'm looking forward to having you too. A can of beans might be worth it," I replied. The army man handed me his gun, and I made my way over to Dalton. I looked Layla in the eye, so only she could see, and winked at her. I think at that point she finally got what I was doing. I just wished Jessie did too, so she'd stop shouting at me. Then again, it was helping my cause. She was a great actress, especially because she didn't know she was acting.

"On your knees Dalton. I'll give you a chance to reconsider this whole thing, and will somebody please shut Jessie the fuck up!" I shouted. I guess I was a better actor than I thought. Butch grabbed Jessie, and covered her mouth. I put the semi-auto to Dalton's head, and tried to assess the situation. Butch had Jessie, and the other had a gun to my back. I needed to get Butch closer to me. It was now occurring to me that these people were pretty stupid, or just way too trusting. Maybe my psychotic act was making them feel this sort of bond to me.

"Okay! thank you! I can finally think! Now, bring her over here, so she can watch this. I want her totally broken after all of this is done. It will make her easier to break later"

Jessie was now crying, as the girl brought her closer to me. I tried to angle it so that she was blocking the other gun still pointed at me. I looked over and saw Layla slowly reaching for the gun on the ground while all of them were distracted. I love you Layla, you knew exactly what I was going for. Now there was one without a gun, and two with them. Butch was easy, but the haircut with the gun, I was worried about. Layla had the gun in her hands without them noticing, and I knew it was time to signal our next move. Layla was a genius, and I was just praying we were on the same page here.

"Alright, I'm gonna count to three Jessie, and Dalton's a dead man. One... Two..."

I didn't say three, I just turned and popped a bullet into Butch's head. Layla shot the haircut before he even realized what was going on. Jessie threw Butch's lifeless corpse off of her and ran to Dalton still on his knees. All that was left was the defenseless army man, and Layla and I both were stalking him down like a mad dog. His back hit one one of the cruisers, and he dropped to his knees.

"Please! Please don't do this! I'm sorry! It was them! They made me do it! I hated that fucking dike! All she did was mastur..." I had to cut the guy off before he went into details I didn't want to know about.

"Dude! Just shut the fuck up!" I shouted. "I don't want to fucking hear it! You were fully aware of what was going on!"

"Bob, watch your mouth now, Nolan's over there," Layla whispered.

"Oh right, sorry... Layla, what do you think we should do with him?" I asked.

"I don't know... Maybe we should just take all of his stuff, and leave him naked with nothing to survive with. Kind of like they were going to do to us," Layla answered.

"If only we were starting a brothel," I said. "That would be perfect... I don't think I'd pay a can of beans for him though... But I like your idea Layla. We'll take your clothes. Leave the underwear on though, there's women and children around. Oh, and anything else you're packing too. All of it. How many people have you robbed so far?"

"Nobody else! I swear! You guys were the first ones!" the army man shouted.

"No wonder you guys were so bad at it," I replied. "You were just a little too trusting, and it was your downfall. Oh, and I don't know what way you're planning on going after this, but I would avoid the opposite direction as us. I think there's a big horde of zombies coming from that way. They're after us, but I'm sure a big, half naked guy like yourself would make an excellent snack."

"Fuck you!" the man screamed as he took off his clothes.

"Hey man, there's a kid around!" I scolded. "I know, I have trouble with it too."

We took everything the thieves had. They were definitely packing some nice supplies too, excluding the man's clothes. Three semi automatics, loads of ammo, and enough food and water to last a while. We packed it all into the trunk, and Jessie finally decided it was time to yell at me again. I knew it was coming.

"Bob! Don't you ever do that to me again you idiot! You had me so scared! I really thought you were going to kill Dalton! And how dare you say I might have been worth a can of beans! I'm way better than that!" she shouted. I just started laughing. Out of all the things to be mad about, she picked that one. Jessie was great, she made me smile without even trying. I loved her like the sister I never had.

"I'm sorry Jessie, I had to convince them somehow. You can hit me if you want, just avoid the ribs please," I told her. Jessie hit me in the arm a few times, as hard as she could. After that, I could tell she felt better.

"Now don't ever do that again without telling me!" she shouted.

"I tried telling Dalton, but... He didn't get the message. I'm really bad at communicating without words," I explained.

"Will you please just leave!?" the army man shouted.

"Shut up!" Jessie yelled back, before kicking him in the groin. We all laughed as the man crumpled to the ground in pain. Afterwords, we moved the police cruisers out of the way, and took the keys so the man was truly stranded. I almost felt bad about what we did to him... Almost. Back on the road, and I could tell by looking at Layla she was thinking of something.

"What's on your mind Layla? I can tell something is. You have your thinking look right now," I told her.

"I have a thinking look?" she asked.

"Yes, you do, and its sexy too. Anyways, what's up?"

"Well, I guess I was just thinking we should probably call into the station and see where Roxy and the rest are," she answered. "Maybe we can get some sort of idea of where to go."

"Good idea," I replied. "I need somebody's phone."

"Can I call?" Jessie asked.

"If you pull over and turn the car off so you don't have to shout at him," I answered. Jessie groaned and did as I asked. I told her the number, since I seemed to be the only one who still remembered it, and she put the phone on speaker.

"What's up? You've got DJ Double Tap on the line!"

"Hey! Its Jessie!"

"Jessie! How are you guys!? DJ Double Tap is happy to hear from you! Is Bob still with you guys? Normally he calls."

"Yea, he is, but I wanted to call this time. Since he was an idiot and scared the crap out of me earlier."

"Oh, how did he manage to do that? DJ Double Tap has got to know!"

"Well he acted like he was going to kill Dalton! It made me cry! But he was just doing it because some jerks were trying to rob us. This big girl with an ugly haircut stuck a gun in my face and called me the C word! But Bob shot her, and then we left the one guy with just his underwear. I kicked him in the crotch!"

"Whoa Jessie! That sounds pretty intense! Glad to hear you guys got out of it okay! People! Robbing people in these times is just not cool! We need to stick together! The zombies are the enemy! Anyways, Roxy called in last night. I'm supposed to tell you guys that they're in Kentucky. She doesn't know where in Kentucky, but they're somewhere in that state. She also said if they have to kill another zombie animal she's gonna flip out! They've been killing zombie bears! And zombie dogs! Its crazy for them right now! DJ Double Tap hopes he's been of some help. Oh! And they said they're very happy for you guys getting married."

"Tell them thank you! And we'll be seeing them soon enough... Will we be seeing them soon Dalton?"

"I think if we can pull an all nighter and drive to Kentucky. We should gain some ground that way. I think we should stop for a little while and get some rest though," Dalton said.

"Did you tell them about the army of zombies after us?" I asked.

"Shut up Bob! I was getting there!" Jessie shouted. "Yea, there's a zombie army after us. Me and Bob killed a bunch of them on a stairway. Oh! And we found a kid! His name's Nolan. Tell them that too, so they know."

"I will Jessie, is there anything else you'd like to tell DJ Double Tap before we part ways?"

"...I think that's it. Oh! Tell Roxy we need to know where she's at next time! Bye DJ Double Tap!"

" Will do! Bye Jessie! Have a great one!"

Jessie hung up, and started the car again. We drove until it started to get dark, and then we stopped at a cute little house for the night. We checked the house, and were relieved when it was totally abandoned.

"Okay, I say we sleep for a few hours, and get back on the road. If we do that, we can probably catch up to them. Hopefully Roxy gives us a location next time, and we can find them," Dalton explained.

"Nolan, you can sleep in me and Dalton's room. I just want to remind Layla and Bob, that there is a child amongst us," Jessie said, obviously inferring something.

"What the fu... Fudge is that supposed to mean!?" I asked.

"You know what it means!" she replied.

"We're just going to sleep Jessie, calm down," Layla answered. It didn't take long before me and Layla were out cold. I was counting on Dalton to wake us all up, since this was his idea. We had a big day tomorrow. A big drive, and hopefully it all payed off. I just had a feeling we'd be seeing everybody real soon. It was that army of zombies following us that made me toss in my sleep tonight. Tonight would not be a good night to sleep in. I just hoped somehow we lost them by now, but my damn guts were telling me differently. It sucks to be me sometimes.