Waking The Fallen

I'm swinging on my old swing set underneath the huge old oak in our yard. I look down to see my favorite pair of chucks that I had when I was around six. Daddy would have to wait till I was asleep to pry the off of my feet. I look to my left to see Smith swinging beside me, and Jade leaning against the tree talking to Davey. I hear the familiar rattle of Daddy's '73 blue pick up pulling into the driveway. I smile to myself as I jump off of my swing and run full force towards Daddy as he's getting out of his truck.

The closer I get to him the further away he gets. I try running faster but that only makes him move further back. I can feel tears start to run down my cheeks as I call out to him.

"Daddy! Come back! Daddy! Wait for me! Daddy I wanna come with you," I yell but to no avail.

I keep running till, suddenly, everything goes black and I'm suddenly whisked into a funeral home. I look around my surroundings and see a casket in the front of the room. I look around to notice I'm alone and then slowly walk towards the casket. As I get up close to it I can feel my stomach move around uneasy. I walk up to the casket and slowly look over into it. I see Daddy laying there in a blue suit and his beloved Miami Dolphins tie. I smile weakly and rest my hands on the casket and stand there looking at how peaceful he looks. Then his arm flies up and grabs my forearm pulling me down to him.

I jolt upright drenched in a cold sweat breathing heavily with tears streaming down my face.

"Baby are you OK?" Jimmy asks sitting up.

"It… it was just a dream," I say shaking my head wiping my cheeks dry.

"I'm sorry babe," Jimmy says pulling me to him rubbing my back.

"What time is it?" I ask as I rest my head on his chest.

"About five," Jimmy says as he continues to rub my back.

"Well I got to sleep for two fucking hours," I say with a small smile.

"CD baby you've gotta get more sleep than this," Jimmy says lifting my head so I have to look at him.

"I can't. This is the fifth fucking time I've had that fucking dream tonight. I don't wanna go back to sleep," I say shaking my head.

"Baby. It's just a dream," Jimmy says rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

"But it feels so fucking real," I say looking down.

"Well, your dad's burial is later on today. You need to be rested up for it," Jimmy says laying back down pulling me down with him.

"Do I have to go?" I ask laying my head on Jimmy's chest.

"I know it's gonna be hard but yeah you do babe," Jimmy says pulling me closer to him.

"Fine," I say rolling my eyes giving in to the fact that I will have to watch them put my dad six feet under.

"CD are you up?" Jimmy asks.

"Yeah," I say looking up at him.

"You need to start getting ready. We need to leave in about an hour and a half," Jimmy says smiling down at me.

"OK. Will you get ready with me?" I ask Jimmy with a pouty face.

"Sure babe," Jimmy says smiling as he gets up and carries me into the bathroom. We take a shower and I go through my routine getting dressed in a black fitted dress, fishnets, and black pumps.

After I'm ready Jimmy and I walk upstairs we see Megan, Brian and Matt sitting around waiting on us and GG. "Hey love," Megan says smiling as Jimmy and I sit down on the couch.

"Hey," I say looking up at her as GG enters the room.

"Well are y'all ready to go?" GG asks clapping her hands in front and behind her. Everyone nods, gets up and heads towards the door other than me and Jimmy.

"You ready CD?" Jimmy asks standing up.

"I guess," I say standing up and Jimmy wraps his arm around my waist.

"Then to the car away," Jimmy says doing a Batman pose making me giggle a little.

"It giggles!" Jimmy says dancing around like a five year old on a pixi stix high.

"That's fucked up," I say looking at Jimmy weird walking towards the door.

When I walk outside I walk over towards Megan's mustang and climb in the back followed by Jimmy. On the way to the cemetery I sit pressed up against Jimmy looking out the window emotionless. Megan, Brian, and Jimmy talked all the way up there but I was to emotionally drained to even tune into the conversation. I wonder how everyone else is taking this? I even care if Momma's OK. What kinda crack am I on? I have a heart whatta ya know? The rest of the way I simply sit there in my own little world with my head on Jimmy's shoulder looking out the window engulfed in my own little world.

"We're here babe," Jimmy says kissing the top of my head as Megan take the key out of the ignition.

I nod and slowly climb out of the car with Jimmy's help. On the way to the little tent that they have set up at the graveside I lean on Jimmy; the closer we get the more I lean on him.

"You alright?" Jimmy asks pulling me closer to him.

I shake my head no and try to fight the burning sensation that has sprung up behind my eyes. Once we get to the tent I see Jade, some girl hanging off of his arm, Smith, and Momma and other people I don't know.

Within seconds Smith has enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug. I feel the sting behind my eyes travel down to my throat as I hug him back. "How are you doing kiddo?" Smith asks smiling weakly.

"I'm alright. You?" I ask leaning back into Jimmy who wraps his arm around me.

"A hell of a lot better than Mom," Smith says looking over at her. I turn my head to see Momma sitting down with a glazed over look on her face simply staring at the casket.

"Love I'll be right back," I say to Jimmy turning around facing him.

"Alright baby," Jimmy says as he walks over to Matt and Brian.

I walk over to where Momma's sitting and sit down beside her. "Hey Momma," I say with a weak smile.

"Hello Christina," Momma says not looking away from the casket.

"How have you been?" I ask putting my hand on her arm.

"I've been as good as expected," she says still not looking at me.

"Look. I know we have nowhere near a good past but if you ever need me I'm just a call away," I say hoping she'll look at me.

"That's nice," she says still not looking at me making me sigh, stand up and start walking towards Jimmy.

When I get to Jimmy I bury my face in his chest and wrap my arms around him. "What happened?" Jimmy asks wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I fucking try to be nice to Momma and she still acts all distant and I just give the fuck up," I say sighing.

"Love I'm sure she's just trying to deal with this like you are," I hear Megan say to the left of me.

"I guess," I say shrugging.

"Everyone gather around please and we'll start the service," the preacher guy says. All of us slow hurdle over around the casket. The preacher starts droning on about how Daddy was now in heaven with God making me roll my eyes. After the preacher's done with his part of the service people come up and start talking about Daddy.

My uncle gets up there and starts talking about how proud of me Daddy was the day I was born because I was the first girl to be born on his side of the family. The burning sensation behind my eyes and in my throat intensifies to the point where I can't help it and I let tears stream down my face and bury my face in Jimmy's shoulder. Jimmy rubs my back occasionally shushing me and kissing the top of my head.

"S,s,s..sorry," I manage to coke out.

"It's OK love," GG says putting her hand on my back. I stay like this till the burial is done and they ask us if we could leave so that they can actually bury him.

Once everyone else starts to scatter I just kind of stand there looking at the casket. "CD we need to leave love," Megan says tapping my arm.

"I know," I say not moving.

"CD come on," GG says pulling on my arm.

I pull my arm out of her reach and turn around. I walk over to Jimmy who's talking to Smith and put his arm around me. "Hey babe," Jimmy says squeezing me into him.

"Are you ready to go? Megan and GG are," I say kicking a random pebble at my feet.

"I'm ready whenever you're ready. If you wanna stay a little longer I will and I'm sure Megan will too," Jimmy says smiling down at me.

"I don't wanna be here anymore," I say shaking my head.

"Alright. Talk to you later," Jimmy says to Smith as Smith attacks me in another bone crushing hug.

"Bye," I say once I regain my normal breathing.

"Bye. I'll see you later," Smith says walking towards his car as we head for Megan's car.

As everyone files inside the house I start to walk around the house towards the back yard. Once in the back yard I sit on the wall leading off of the patio and watch the little squires flickering around the yard and am slightly amused by two fighting over the same acorn. I sit there thinking about random memories I have of Daddy when about and hour later I fell something being wrapped around me. I look down to see my Nightmare Before Christmas blanket wrapped around my shoulders.

"Thanks," I say looking up smiling at Jimmy.

"No problem. You looked like you where cold," Jimmy says sitting down beside me.

"You probably are too. You're out here in a fucking tee shirt and the winds a bitch today," I say slightly laughing.

"A little but I'm OK," Jimmy says smiling back at me.

"I can share my blankey," I say opening my blanket.

"I don't think we'll both fit," Jimmy says laughing.

"We can if I do this," I say sitting in Jimmy's lap and wrapping the blanket around us both.

"Why'd you stay out here? I figured you'd rush inside to get out of that dress," Jimmy says laughing.

"I just wanted to think I guess," I say shrugging.

"Are you done thinking or do you want me to go inside?" Jimmy asks resting his head on my shoulder.

"I don't wanna go back inside yet but I don't want you to leave me either," I say putting my head on his.

"Alright. This is kinda a bad time to ask I know but how much longer are you gonna stay down here? I don't like being CD deprived," Jimmy says nuzzling my shoulder.

"I could go back with y'all. When are you going back," I say yawning.

"Tonight I think. Well Matt and Brian are. If you stay here I'm staying too," Jimmy says kissing my head.

"I guess I could go back with y'all. Is there room in the car for me too?" I ask getting up.

"Yeah. If not we can always leave Matt here. I'm sure GG with appreciate it," Jimmy says laughing.

"No we would have to leave Brian other wise Megan would kill us," I say laughing.

"CD and Jimmy stop fucking outside for five minutes and come in here so we can tell you something," Megan yells from inside.

"Well, with that I do believe we need to go inside," I say with a smile.

Once Jimmy and I get into the living room Megan and GG both say at the same time, "We're moving!"

"Huh?" I ask confused.

"First off why the fuck are you still in your dress and I'm moving in with Matt and Megan's moving in with Brian," GG says looking at me funny.

"I haven't been inside yet. And that rocks. We can hang out together," I say smiling for real the first time in two days.

"OK. We figured you, Jimmy, Brian and me could take the car they came up in and GG and Matt could go back in GG's hummer loaded down with our shit," Megan says laughing.

"OK well I'm gonna go shower while y'all pack," I say walking downstairs followed by Jimmy.

"Can I help you?" I ask while grabbing clothes.

"I need to take a shower too," Jimmy says in a little kid's voice.

"That's nice," I say walking towards my bathroom.

"What no invitation to join you?" Jimmy asks pouting.

"Foine, if you must. Besides I suppose we could save water. It is August," I say laughing.

"Yay," Jimmy says running into the bathroom with me making me laugh.

After our shower I go through my normal routine and get dressed in a corset shirt, plaid belts, black dickies, Jack slip on shoes, and a belly ring that says insane.

"Why must you do that?" Jimmy whines as I come out of the bathroom.

"Do what? What the fuck are you talking about?" I ask totally confused.

"Look so hot," Jimmy asks wrapping his arms around me.

"I don't know," I say yawning resting my head on his shoulder.

"Are you tired love?" Jimmy asks laughing.

"Very," I say lying down on my bed curling up into a ball.

"No! Come on you can't go to sleep. We're about to leave," Jimmy says sitting on the bed on his knees beside me.

"Fuck off," I whine as Jimmy gets up.

"No I need you to do that. Now get up," Jimmy says poking me.

"Gah," I say smacking his hand away then holding my arms up like a little kid opening and closing my hands.

"You want me to carry you?" Jimmy asks laughing.

"Yesh," I say nodding my head. Jimmy rolls his eyes and then picks me up and carries me upstairs.

"About fucking time," Megan says laughing.

"Where'd GG and Matt go?" I ask looking around only seeing Megan and Brian.

"They already left because they got tired of waiten for your slow ass's," Brian says laughing.

"Shut up," I whine as Jimmy walks towards the door.

"You shut up," Megan says closing and locking the door.

Jimmy puts me in the back seat of their car and gets in after me. Brian climes in the driver's seat as Megan gets into the passenger seat. "Can I pwease go to sleep now?" I ask Jimmy as Brian pulls out of our driveway.

"Sure babe," Jimmy says laughing.

"Yay," I squeal as I put my head in his lap and lay out in the seat.

"Hey! No fucking blowjobs in the back of the fucking car," Brian says looking in the rear view mirror.

"Shut the fuck up," Jimmy says covering me up with his jacket.

"Thanks love," I say as I slowly give into sleep.