House M.D. Season One

(A/N: By the way, I am following the episodes. This starts in Season 1, Episode 1.)

Opening

Young girl is riding the bus. She looks about in her mid or late 20s. Her name is Rebecca. She gets off and walks to a school. When she walks in she meets up with a girl about the same age named Melanie.

“Why are you late?” asks Melanie.

“You’re not going to like the answer,” replies Rebecca.

“I already know the answer.”

“I missed the bus.”

“I don’t doubt it, no bus stops near Brad’s. You spent the night, the alarm didn’t work. Or maybe it did.”

“I didn’t sleep with him.”

“Girl, there’s-“

“I missed the bus!” interrupts Rebecca.

“There’s something either very wrong with you, or there’s something very wrong with him.”

“There’s nothing wrong with him.”

“Please tell me you know that for a fact.”

“Melanie, I gotta go.”

“You’re lying, aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” Rebecca then turns to a class of 5 year olds. “Good morning, Guys!”

“Good morning, Miss Rebecca!” exclaims the 5 year old.

“Everybody’s in their sits?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, Sydney, why don’t you tell us about your weekend,” the 5 year old paused. “Come on, Sydney, we know you’re not shy!” She glances around the classroom as the children giggle.

One 5 year old asked, “Why do we have to say what we did, but you don’t tell us what you did?” The class giggles.

“Ok, I had a great weekend. You can’t tell Miss Melanie, okay?”

“What did you do?” another student asked.

“I made a new friend! It’s always fun to make new friends, right?”

“Yeah,” said the whole class.

“Did you tell your parents about your new friend?” Another five year old asks.

“Of course! You should never keep anything from your parents! And I told them…” she starts saying something that sounds like baby-talk. The class giggles. “Wh…“ some more baby-talk. The children giggles some more. It goes on until Rebecca goes to a dry erase board while stumbling.

“C, A, T, H…” the kids say as she writes on the board.

“The, we know that word, The.” One boy says. Rebecca suddenly collapses and the children get out of their sits and gather around Rebecca. ‘CALL THE NURSE’ is written on the board.

Scene change

Two men are walking down a hallway of what looks like a hospital. At first all you see is their legs. One has a cane and limping while the other is wearing a lab coat and walking normal. Walking along side them is a woman who is wearing skinny jeans and converse. The camera moves up and shows a man who looks like the younger than the other one. He is about in his late 30s and is the one with the lab coat. The older one is about early or mid 40s and the one with a limp. The woman who looks like late 30s is a five foot, six inches red head. Her hair is short and she is wearing glasses over her pretty green eyes and is wearing a Poison shirt with a black sports jacket.

The younger one is Wilson, and is the Head of the Department Oncology at the hospital. The other male is Greg House and is the Co-Head of the Department of Diagnostic Medicine. The woman is the other Head of the Department of Diagnostic Medicine. Her name is Jezabelle Merwood or also known as Jez.

While walking down the hallway, Wilson is saying “29 female, first seizure was one month ago, and she lost the ability to speak in the middle of teaching her class. She started babbling some gibberish. Present deterioration of mental status.”

“See that?” House says while pointing around them. “They all assume I’m a patient because of this cane.”

“So, put on a coat like the rest of us.”

“Jez doesn’t wear a coat. Besides I don’t want them to know that I’m a doctor.”

“I just don’t like or want to wear them,” Jez says bluntly when Wilson looks at her.

“You see, the administration might have problem with that attitude, House.”

“People don’t want a sick doctor,” House states.

“Fair enough. I don’t like healthy patients. The 29 year old female…”

“The one who can’t talk, I liked that part.” House says.

“She’s my cousin.”

“And your cousin doesn’t like the diagnosis.” Jez says. She goes to continue, but House cuts in.

“I wouldn’t either. Brain tumor, she’s gonna die, boring.” He says.

“No wonder you’re such known diagnosticians,” Wilson says sarcastically. “You don’t need to actually know anything to figure out what’s wrong.”

“You’re the oncologist; I’m just a lowly infectious disease guy,” House says.

“And I don’t know what I am,” Jez says jokingly with a side smile.

“Hah, yes, just a simple country doctor,” jokes Wilson. “Brain tumors at her age are highly unlikely.”

“She’s 29!” exclaims Jez. “Whatever she has is highly unlikely!”

“Protein markers for the three most prevalent brain cancers came up negative,” Wilson continues.

“That’s an HMO lab; you might as well have sent it to a high school student with a chemistry set,” House says while taking one of his pills.

“There’s no family history,” Wilson sighs.

“I thought your uncle died of cancer,” Jez confusedly states.

“That’s on the other side,” Wilson says to her. To House he says, “There’s no environmental factors.”

“That you know of,” House points to him.

“She’s not responding to the radiation treatment,” Wilson continues, ignoring House’s statement.

“None of which is even close to dispositive,” states Jez.

“All it does is raise one question. Your cousin goes to an HMO?” asks House.

“Come on! Why leave all the fun for the coroner? What’s the point of putting together a team of you’re not going to use them? You’ve got three overqualified doctors working for you. Getting bored.” Wilson looks at House and Jez for a moment before walking away. They watched him walk away and then they walk away as well.

Scene change

Camera comes to the room where Rebecca is in. The camera then goes up the nose and into the blood stream.

Scene change

Camera is then in a room with five people in it. Two of the people we know is Jez and House. The five look at an MRI of Rebecca’s head.

One of three we do not know speaks up, the dark skinned male. “It’s a lesion.” This is Dr. Eric Foreman. He is in his late 20s and one of the ‘followers’, as House puts it.

“And the big green thing in the middle of the bigger blue thing on a map is an island,” House says sarcastically. “I was hoping for something more creative.”

“Shouldn’t we be speaking to the patient before we start diagnosing?” Foreman questions confusedly.

“Is she a doctor?” asks Jez.

“No, but-“Foreman gets cut off by House.

“Everybody lies.”

“They don’t like dealing with patients,” says a new voice. The younger female of the group. She is brunette and in her mid or late 20s. She is another ‘follower’ and she has a crush on House.

“Isn’t treating patients why we become doctors?” Foreman asks.

“No, treating illnesses is why we become doctors,” Jez says.

“Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable,” House continues.

“So you’re trying to eliminate the humanity from the practice of medicine,” Foreman says while raising an eye-brow.

“If you don’t talk to them they can’t lie to us, and we can’t lie to them,” House says like it’s obvious. “Humanity is overrated. I don’t think it’s a tumor.”

“I don’t either,” says Jez. She sits down and puts her feet on the table and leans back.

Foreman then states, “In the first year of medical school of you hear hoof beets you think ‘horses’ not ‘zebras’.”

Jez takes her feet off the table and leans forward with her forearms on the table with her hands laced together. “Are you in the first year of medical school? No. First of all, there’s nothing on the CAT scan.”

House continues, “Second of all, if this is a horse then the kindly family doctor in Trenton makes the obvious diagnosis and it never gets near this office. Differential diagnosis, people: if it’s not a tumor what are the suspects? Why couldn’t she talk?”

Another ‘follower’ says, “Aneurysm, stroke, or some other ischemic syndrome.” He is the blonde male of the group and is an Aussie. He is in his mid or late 20s. He also known as Dr. Idiot. His name is Robert Chase.

“Get her a contrast MRI.” House says to the groupies.

Cameron says, “Creutzfeld-Jakob disease.”

“Mad cow?” Chase asks incredulously.

House then states sarcastically, “Mad zebra.”

“Wernickie’s encephalopathy?” Suggested Foreman.

“No, blood thiamine level was normal,” said Jez.

“Lab in Trenton could have screwed up the blood test. I assume it’s a corollary if people lie, that people screw up.”

“Let’s find out what kind of zebra we’re dealing with here,” House said.

“Re-draw the blood tests. And get her scheduled for that contrast MRI fast,” said Jez. The team walked out.

Scene change

House and Jez are standing at the elevator. House sees Dr. Lisa Cuddy coming and puts his head down, while putting his head down. Cuddy is a woman about the same age as Jez, only a little bit younger. She is the Dean of the Hospital. Cuddy sees them and walks over.

“I expected you two on my office 20 minutes ago,” she stated.

“Really? Well, that’s odd,” House began, sarcastically.

“Because we had no intention of being in your office 20 minutes ago,” Jez continued in the same tone.

“You think we have nothing to talk about?” Cuddy asked.

“No, just that I can’t think of anything that we’d be interested in,” House said.

“I sign both of your paychecks.”

“We have tenure,” said Jez walking into the elevator.

“Are you going to grab my cane now, stop me from leaving?” House joked.

“That would be juvenile.” Said Cuddy. They both walk onto the elevator. “I can still fire you if you’re not doing your job.”

“We’re here from 9 to 5.” says House.

“Your billings are practically nonexistent,” Cuddy continues, ignoring House.

“Rough year,” he states simply.

“You both ignore requests for consults.”

“I call back. Sometimes I misdial.”

“Maybe my machines broken,” Jez says, sarcastically with a fake confused face.

“House, you’re 6 years behind on clinic work. Jez, you’re 5 years behind on yours.”

“See, I was right, this doesn’t interest me.” House said.

“Not in the slightest.” Jez says.

“6 years and 5 years, times 3 weeks; House, you owe me better then 4 months. Jez owes me better than 3 months.”

“It’s 5:00. We’re going home,” House says.

“To what?”

“Nice,” House says sarcastically.

“I don’t really care if I have nothing to go home to. As long as it’s away from your annoying voice,” Jez says, finally getting annoyed.

“Look, the only reason that I don’t fire either of you is because both of your reputations still worth something to this hospital,” Cuddy continued as if Jez hadn’t spoken.

“Good, we have a point of an agreement. You aren’t going to fire us,” House stated.

“The reputation won’t last if you don’t do your job,” Cuddy still continues. “The clinic is part of your job. I want you to do your job.”

House then said, as always, sarcastically, “Well, like Jagger, the philosopher, once said, ‘You can’t always get what you want.”

They then leave.