My Castles Are Falling

Finally back in New Jersey at school after a week and a half of staying with Rayne's mom, Alex had begun to feel the slightest bit better. Mornings were still rough, as were nights. But he had been able to make it through without tears escaping during the day. And he knew that the most difficult part would be when the weekend came and he wouldn't be going home to see her or she would not be coming through his door with a smile adorning her face.

Sitting in his apartment after class would all but drive him crazy if he didn't have a lot of homework, wasn't scheduled at work or have something to otherwise keep him busy. And on this particular day he was without something to occupy his mind. Seeking a distraction, he found himself at a music store, browsing through the racks with no real intention of buying anything.

About an hour had passed by the time he left. The weather outside was perfect. The sun was shining and it was hot without being uncomfortable. There was a cool breeze that pushed through the trees every so often. Alex looked at the fluffy white clouds that sat in the crisp blue sky and tried his hardest to smile, wondering if Rayne was looking down at him with a smile that could light galaxies, wondering if that's why the weather was the most perfect it had ever been.

Instead of going to back to his apartment, he wandered into a book store, a place he could always find solace. Whether he was just browsing through the shelves or pulling a book and finding a corner in which he could sit and read half the book before buying it, there was a comfort he found there that he had never been able to find anywhere else.

As he was reaching for a book in the non fiction section, something caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He turned just in time to see a the figure of a girl with long, dark hair with a very familiar height and build. Thinking his mind was playing tricks on him, he abandoned the book his hand was on and followed in the direction the girl had gone. He just wanted to know if he'd really seen someone or if it was a manifestation of his imagination.

He turned a corner into the fiction section but the girl was nowhere to be seen. Writing it off as imagination, he looked at the shelf in front of him and pulled a book from it. For a few minutes, he became lost in the world the pages contained but it wasn't long before he felt that he was no longer alone there. A hand was pulling the same book from the shelf and he stepped to the side, allowing the person to whom it belonged better access. He had no intention of looking up from the book until, from the corner of his eye, he saw the swaying of dark hair next to him.

His heart pounded in his chest. The moment he looked up and took in the appearance of the girl next to him was most surreal moment he had ever experienced. He blinked a few times trying to erase the image of his deceased friend he was seeing but it wouldn't budge.

"Raynie Day?" he said quietly to the person standing a mere three feet from him.

She looked up from the book and turned her head toward Alex, a bewildered smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I think it's still sunny, actually," she said sweetly.

Alex's thoughts jumbled in his brain, "I, uh, you," he stuttered quietly and then paused, trying to make a coherent string of words form in his head before opening his mouth again. "I'm sorry," he said finally. "You look just like a girl I know. Or used to know, I guess."

"And she was named after a weather forecast?" the girl asked innocently.

For the first time in almost three weeks, a genuine laugh escaped Alex's throat, "Not exactly," he said, "Her name was Rayne Alyssandra Macalister. But I don't know, I always called her Raynie Day."

The girl nodded in understanding. "You say 'was,'" she commented and Alex looked back at her blankly. "You know, past tense. What happened?" she asked. Alex remained quiet and shifted his eyes to the pages of the open book in his hand. "I'm sorry," she said, "Nosy me. You don't have to answer."

"It's okay," Alex said, "It's just that it's still fresh," he said. She looked at him, her head cocking slightly to the side and a look of confusion covering her face, Rayne's face. "She died in a car accident nineteen days ago," he said. For the first time since it had happened, he didn't feel tears spring to his eyes. It still hurt like hell, but it was what happened. It was simply a fact. Saying it had been hard and it almost made him want to smile knowing he had made at least a little bit of progress.

It was obvious she didn't know how to react to what he said. "I'm sorry," she said finally. "You were close?" And as soon as the words passed her lips, she wanted to kick herself. "Not that it matters. You knew her, regardless. That was a stupid question. And it's not my business anyway. I'm sorry," she apologized again.

For the second time, he let out a small laugh. "It's okay," he said. "Yeah, we were close. She was my best friend of twelve years," he explained. "I'm Alex, by the way."

"Grace," she said with a smile, "And it's no wonder you looked a little spooked when you looked at me. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I know that probably doesn't mean much coming from a complete stranger, but I really am."

An involuntary smile tugged at Alex's mouth, "Thank you. It means a lot, actually. I mean, I didn't come seeking out sympathy or anything. I got more than enough of that when I was home and I just wanted to be alone," he said. "I'm sorry. I'm rambling."

"It's fine," Grace said looking down at the book in her hands. "Have you ever read this book?" she asked, changing the subject to something less intrusive of his life.

The sudden change in subject caught Alex by surprise but he welcomed it. It seemed like it had been far too long since he had a conversation about something other than his feelings. And it had definitely been too long since he'd not felt sorry for himself. Normal conversation, he hoped, would change that, even if only temporarily.

"Yes," he said, "It's one of my favorites. I've owned three copies of it and worn all of them out because I read it two or three times a year, every year. I'm thinking about buying it again, but I'm not sure if I should wait until the pages start falling out of the one I have. I could probably get one more read out of it." He shrugged as he finished, realizing he had been rambling again. But Grace didn't seem to mind.

"Maybe you should buy it now so you don't have to worry about it later," she offered with a smile.

It threw him off that what little he knew of Grace was so much like Rayne. She had a constant, genuine smile that lifted his spirits without any real effort on her part. And her gentle manner was comforting in itself. And he saw Rayne every time he looked at Grace which eased the pain he had been feeling. It scared him because he knew Rayne was gone, but it almost felt like he was getting a second chance and he didn't want to mess it up.

"Yeah," he said, "That's probably the best way to do it. Thanks."

Again, her lips curved upward and she smiled with her entire face. Her eyes, though a little darker than Rayne's, lit up and her skin seemed to take on a glow. "I think I'll buy it too," she said and glanced down at her watch. "I have to get going," she said, "It was really nice meeting you, Alex. Maybe I'll see you around."

She didn't give him a chance to respond before turning on her heel and hurrying toward the registers. Alex watched her for a moment and then turned his attention back to the book shelf in front of him. He took a few steps and plucked a book from the shelf and read the first few pages. But his mind was anywhere but on the book he held in his hands. It wandered to Grace, to Rayne, to all his memories of the past. The past that was so recent yet would forever be the furthest thing from reach. He tried to focus on the words that played across the pages in front of him but it was a futile effort. Instead he found himself wondering if he had really just met the girl who called herself Grace or if he had imagined her.