Because She Loved Him
.
Abbie Lesesne could be found yet again waiting in the Room of Requirements. She was waiting but she knew the boy wouldn’t come. And yet she waited because…
Because she was a fool.
Because she didn’t have the heart to leave.
Because she loved him too much to give up on him.
She knew he cared about her. Abbie was sure he did. And so she waited. She wasted another night alone.
Abbie expected his absence by now. He had been missing dates for two months. Abbie sighed as she checked the time again. He was four hours late. He wasn’t coming.
|||||
The following morning, as she sat eating breakfast, Abbie’s faith in him was shaken yet again.
As she took in a bit of her porridge, she glanced over at his table.
While he ate, Pansy Parkinson sat running her hairs through his hair. Draco certainly wasn’t stopping her. Abbie’s heart tightened painfully; she resolved to meet him that night—they had many things to talk about.
|||||
“Hello Abbie,” he said as he walked into the room and held her in his arms. Abbie allowed him to kiss her once before pulling away.
“What’s going on with you?” she asked quietly. “You have been missing dates...” She hated herself for how weak she sounded.
“Nothing’s going on.” he sighed as he turned his back to her. “I just…” he huffed loudly. “I do not see why we have to meet here.” he finished, gesturing his arms widely.
Anger flaring, Abbie retorted, “You wanted to meet here so that no one would find out about us because you’re ashamed of—”
“Do not pull that on me, Abbie.” he hissed as he turned again to face her. “You don’t want your Gryffindork friends to know either—”
“I don’t care if they know!” she yelled. “I don’t care! So if I don’t care and you don’t care, then why are we here? Let’s go tell them! Let’s walk into the Great Hall holding hands!”
He paused. “Fine.”
But Abbie saw and clung to that moment of hesitation. “Liar. You are ashamed—”
“I am not ashamed of you!”
“Then what’s going on? Draco, please, just tell me. Don’t you trust me?”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it? What are you hiding?”
“Nothing, Abbie.” he insisted futilely.
“Don’t lie to me! Look, if you’re cheating on me—”
“I’m not ch—”
“Then just end it now. I don’t need you stringing me along. I understand that Pansy must have some allure to you—”
Draco groaned, “I’m not cheating on you—”
“I’m sure you don’t find her completely repulsive. I’m sure she has…some redeeming qualities, at least in your eyes. She’s…she’s a pureblood and she’s a Slytherin. I’m sure you can’t find a reason to be ashamed of her—”
“Abbie, I’m not cheating on you and I’m not ashamed of you. And I certainly wouldn’t pick Parkinson over you. Why would you think that?” he exclaimed as he ran a hand through his hair.
“I see how you are with Pansy. She clearly wants you and if you want her, I don’t want to get in your way.”
“Pansy?” he retorted in disgust. “You think I want Pansy?”
“I think you’re tired of me. That’s why you’re never around.”
“Abbie,” he said softly as he took her hands. “I could never get tired of you.” he insisted as he pressed his lips against hers. “Never.”
“Then what are you doing? What are you hiding?”
“Nothing.” he insisted.
“If you don’t trust me, how can—”
“I trust you—”
“Then tell me what’s going on!”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because you wouldn’t understand. You’d leave—”
“There is nothing that you could tell me that would make me leave you! I care about you too damn much. I didn’t leave when you missed dates. I didn’t leave when you let Pansy fall all over you. I didn’t leave you when you made me wait four hours—stupidly—before I realized you weren’t going to show.” she looked into his tired eyes as she held his face in her hands. “I’m too much in love with you to ever leave you. Draco, what’s going on?”
“You’re going to leave me.” he insisted as he closed his eyes tightly to block out the sight of her eyes.
“Never.”
“You’re going to tell your friends.” he said as he played with her gold and scarlet tie.
“No, I won’t. Draco, please…”
He released her from his arms and turned his back to her yet again.
“Draco?”
Slowly, he rolled up his sleeve and turned to show her his forearm. “I had to take his mark.” There, emblazoned on Draco’s arm was the Dark Mark.
“W-why?” she choked out.
“Don’t....” he faltered for a moment. “Don’t be afraid.”
“I’m…not. I’m just…surprised.” she said as she bit her lip. “Why?”
“He would’ve killed me and my mother. I had to.”
“Draco…” she mumbled with pity in her voice as she tried to wrap her arms around him. Draco wouldn’t let her touch him, however.
“That’s not why you’ll hate me.” he muttered.
“Draco?”
“I have a job to do—one he gave me.”
Abbie waited with baited breath.
“I have to kill Dumbledore.”
“No.”
“That’s why I hate meeting here. I hate being in here. I come here to work on how I’m going to do it—”
“No!”
“I hate being here because it reminds me of the part of me that you can never accept. It reminds me every day that I don’t deserve you—”
“Then just don’t—”
“Abbie—”
“Don’t do it!”
“You—”
“You’re not a murderer.”
“Abbie—”
“No! Listen to me! You are not a murderer. I know you, Draco. You can’t do this.”
“I have to!”
“No, you don’t. Tell Dumbledore. He’ll protect you.”
“He can’t! No one can.”
“Draco—”
“He will kill everyone if I fail. Me, my mum. That’s…that’s why…”
“That’s why what, Draco?”
“That’s why we can’t tell anyone about us…because if he knows about you, he’ll kill you too.”
“I’ll be—”
“Dead! You’ll be dead if he knows about you and I don’t do this. He will kill you!”
“Draco!” she grabbed his hands and held them tightly. “Nothing will happen.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“Trust me.” Abbie insisted. “We won’t tell anyone about us. I won’t tell anyone about what you have to do. Not a soul. And I’ll be here for you.” she said as she gently caressed the boy’s face. “I’ll be here for you.”
With a shudder, Draco pulled Abbie into a tight embrace. This was not what either of them wanted. Draco did not want to kill Dumbledore. Abbie did not want Draco to do it but she loved him too much to abandon him when he needed her. So she would be by his side for every minute of his struggle. Because she loved him.
Because she was a fool.
Because she didn’t have the heart to leave.
Because she loved him too much to give up on him.
She knew he cared about her. Abbie was sure he did. And so she waited. She wasted another night alone.
Abbie expected his absence by now. He had been missing dates for two months. Abbie sighed as she checked the time again. He was four hours late. He wasn’t coming.
|||||
The following morning, as she sat eating breakfast, Abbie’s faith in him was shaken yet again.
As she took in a bit of her porridge, she glanced over at his table.
While he ate, Pansy Parkinson sat running her hairs through his hair. Draco certainly wasn’t stopping her. Abbie’s heart tightened painfully; she resolved to meet him that night—they had many things to talk about.
|||||
“Hello Abbie,” he said as he walked into the room and held her in his arms. Abbie allowed him to kiss her once before pulling away.
“What’s going on with you?” she asked quietly. “You have been missing dates...” She hated herself for how weak she sounded.
“Nothing’s going on.” he sighed as he turned his back to her. “I just…” he huffed loudly. “I do not see why we have to meet here.” he finished, gesturing his arms widely.
Anger flaring, Abbie retorted, “You wanted to meet here so that no one would find out about us because you’re ashamed of—”
“Do not pull that on me, Abbie.” he hissed as he turned again to face her. “You don’t want your Gryffindork friends to know either—”
“I don’t care if they know!” she yelled. “I don’t care! So if I don’t care and you don’t care, then why are we here? Let’s go tell them! Let’s walk into the Great Hall holding hands!”
He paused. “Fine.”
But Abbie saw and clung to that moment of hesitation. “Liar. You are ashamed—”
“I am not ashamed of you!”
“Then what’s going on? Draco, please, just tell me. Don’t you trust me?”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it? What are you hiding?”
“Nothing, Abbie.” he insisted futilely.
“Don’t lie to me! Look, if you’re cheating on me—”
“I’m not ch—”
“Then just end it now. I don’t need you stringing me along. I understand that Pansy must have some allure to you—”
Draco groaned, “I’m not cheating on you—”
“I’m sure you don’t find her completely repulsive. I’m sure she has…some redeeming qualities, at least in your eyes. She’s…she’s a pureblood and she’s a Slytherin. I’m sure you can’t find a reason to be ashamed of her—”
“Abbie, I’m not cheating on you and I’m not ashamed of you. And I certainly wouldn’t pick Parkinson over you. Why would you think that?” he exclaimed as he ran a hand through his hair.
“I see how you are with Pansy. She clearly wants you and if you want her, I don’t want to get in your way.”
“Pansy?” he retorted in disgust. “You think I want Pansy?”
“I think you’re tired of me. That’s why you’re never around.”
“Abbie,” he said softly as he took her hands. “I could never get tired of you.” he insisted as he pressed his lips against hers. “Never.”
“Then what are you doing? What are you hiding?”
“Nothing.” he insisted.
“If you don’t trust me, how can—”
“I trust you—”
“Then tell me what’s going on!”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because you wouldn’t understand. You’d leave—”
“There is nothing that you could tell me that would make me leave you! I care about you too damn much. I didn’t leave when you missed dates. I didn’t leave when you let Pansy fall all over you. I didn’t leave you when you made me wait four hours—stupidly—before I realized you weren’t going to show.” she looked into his tired eyes as she held his face in her hands. “I’m too much in love with you to ever leave you. Draco, what’s going on?”
“You’re going to leave me.” he insisted as he closed his eyes tightly to block out the sight of her eyes.
“Never.”
“You’re going to tell your friends.” he said as he played with her gold and scarlet tie.
“No, I won’t. Draco, please…”
He released her from his arms and turned his back to her yet again.
“Draco?”
Slowly, he rolled up his sleeve and turned to show her his forearm. “I had to take his mark.” There, emblazoned on Draco’s arm was the Dark Mark.
“W-why?” she choked out.
“Don’t....” he faltered for a moment. “Don’t be afraid.”
“I’m…not. I’m just…surprised.” she said as she bit her lip. “Why?”
“He would’ve killed me and my mother. I had to.”
“Draco…” she mumbled with pity in her voice as she tried to wrap her arms around him. Draco wouldn’t let her touch him, however.
“That’s not why you’ll hate me.” he muttered.
“Draco?”
“I have a job to do—one he gave me.”
Abbie waited with baited breath.
“I have to kill Dumbledore.”
“No.”
“That’s why I hate meeting here. I hate being in here. I come here to work on how I’m going to do it—”
“No!”
“I hate being here because it reminds me of the part of me that you can never accept. It reminds me every day that I don’t deserve you—”
“Then just don’t—”
“Abbie—”
“Don’t do it!”
“You—”
“You’re not a murderer.”
“Abbie—”
“No! Listen to me! You are not a murderer. I know you, Draco. You can’t do this.”
“I have to!”
“No, you don’t. Tell Dumbledore. He’ll protect you.”
“He can’t! No one can.”
“Draco—”
“He will kill everyone if I fail. Me, my mum. That’s…that’s why…”
“That’s why what, Draco?”
“That’s why we can’t tell anyone about us…because if he knows about you, he’ll kill you too.”
“I’ll be—”
“Dead! You’ll be dead if he knows about you and I don’t do this. He will kill you!”
“Draco!” she grabbed his hands and held them tightly. “Nothing will happen.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“Trust me.” Abbie insisted. “We won’t tell anyone about us. I won’t tell anyone about what you have to do. Not a soul. And I’ll be here for you.” she said as she gently caressed the boy’s face. “I’ll be here for you.”
With a shudder, Draco pulled Abbie into a tight embrace. This was not what either of them wanted. Draco did not want to kill Dumbledore. Abbie did not want Draco to do it but she loved him too much to abandon him when he needed her. So she would be by his side for every minute of his struggle. Because she loved him.