Ten Zillion Fireflies

May 24, 2009
5:23 a.m.
I watch as mom drags in the large bag from the car. Cam follows carrying nothing at all, which makes me angry for the simple fact that he’s a man, and my mother is tired and frail. I quickly shower and change into my sweatpants and t-shirt. Aside from the bandaged wrists, I almost looked healthy again. I had put on a small portion of weight back, but I was still too skinny, my small shirt hung off my body. I frowned and followed Cam to my mom’s car.

“I’ll call you later okay?” Cam says leaning in the window, but I only look at him wondering what it was that I saw in him in the first place. “Or, I’ll stop by or something.” He leaned in for a kiss but I turned my head giving him a mouthful of hair. I started rolling the window up, he got the point and got out, watching as mom and I drove away. Mom looks over at me with a hopeful smile.

“Are you up for packing today?”” She asks and I nod, wanting so desperately to get this over with. She drives to the house where my Aunt Sherrie is waiting and gives me a big hug.

“Oh Maddie, your hair has gotten so long. It’s so pretty when you wear it curly like that.” Sherrie says with a smile as she gives me a once over. “Come on,” she says. We quickly sort through my belongings, throwing away the trash, packing up the items into boxes, and by 3 p.m. we’re finally finished and loaded. We do a final walkthrough of the house and I pause by Brendon’s room.

“Is there anything left of his that you want?” Mom asks, and as I look around I frown.

“Perry.” I say and watch as her attention flashes to the giant tank holding Brendon’s Australian box jellyfish. I grab the picture off Brendon’s nightstand. His smile remains. Through everything, it never changes.

“Oh Perry, we’ll have the boys bring you back to get him with the tank okay?” She offers, not willing to help scoop out the poisonous sea creature. And I nod because it’s the best offer I can get.

“Maddie,” Sherrie interrupts the silence. “I found this in the bathroom this morning. Do you want to keep it or throw it away?” I look at the journal in her hand. It had battle scars, just like I did.

“Keep it.” I say without thinking making a worried look cross mom’s face.

“Maddie, I don’t think that’s...” Mom says, but I cut her off.

“I want to remember the places I’ve been. Good or bad.” I tell her and she only nods. I turned to Sherri, “Did you have to clean up my ... mess?” I ask her. But she only nodded. “Was it, I mean, was there... a lot?”

“It wasn’t bad. There wasn’t a big mess. It just hurt to clean up because I knew it was yours and it was because you weren’t happy enough to stay alive.” She explains wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “So, let’s not do it again. Okay?” She asks with a smile and I agree. I carry out the last of my stuff, put it in the truck.

I ride in the truck with Sherrie, letting mom tie up some unfinished business in town. I was glad that it worked out that way because Sherrie doesn’t make the silence awkward like mom. She understands that I do not want to talk, and does not attempt conversation. I stare out the window, taking all of the greenness and I think about Brendon and his obsession with the ocean. He had a quote that he made up himself, he said it over and over, and no one really knew the point of it except him. The ocean is full of salt. He would say. Not your average table salt either, this is prime time salt material. It always had made me laugh. He would lie I bed telling me stuff like that all the time, but something he had said once really got to me.

“You know what I wish for?” Brendon asks.

“The ocean?” I guesses as we stared into the starry sky above us.

“Well yes.” He says, “But more than that, I wish I could find some way to bottle up all the oceans and hold it in my hand.” I looked at him puzzled.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because Mayjay, could you imagine holding something so vast and mysterious in the palm of your hand?” Brendon asks, and it is then that I fall silent, because it is something to think about.
7:54 p.m
I watch as the headlights dance on the gravel, the long five hour drive was finally over, and I was tired. I knew I would be making the trip again far too soon, because I still did not have Perry and there was no way that I was leaving him behind, but I had to make sure everything was ready for him. We pulled into the driveway and Anna and four kids ran out. I barely get out of the truck before Jace wraps his arms around me.

“Everything is going to be okay, you know that right?” He whispers to me, and I nod. He squeezes my before letting me go, and Kyle who is now even with my nose takes his place.

“We were worried.” Kyle admits and smiles. “I’m almost taller than you now.” I smile as I realize this and the fact that he is only twelve and I mess up his hair. Jace beckons the other kids closer. The girl is breathtakingly gorgeous, her long straight hair perfect without even a strand out of place, and the boy might as well have just hung the stars.

“This is my adorable girlfriend Alex, and this is her twin brother Avvian.” Jace says taking the girl’s hand. I wince at the word twin, but I should have expected it. They were identical. Same dark brown hair, same pale skin, same electrifying green eyes. The girl, Alex, smiles at me.

“It’s going to be nice having a girl in the house. I mean I know there are three others, but they don’t really count.” Alex says with a smile, and I nod because it will be nice to have a friend again. They show me into the house and give me the room beside Alex’s. “I figured that you wouldn’t want to share a bathroom with the cavemen, and it’s the only one on this hall.” Alex says with a smile, “And this one connects our rooms.” She continues enunciating the first word, and opens the door. I know without a doubt that we will be friends now. The boys were bringing in load after load and setting my things in a somewhat organized pile in my oversized room.

“So, where do the boys sleep?” I ask out of curiosity making her laugh.

“Next hall over.” She replies opening up a box of books and looks at me. “How do you want these organized?” She asks.

“By author please, then by title or series.” I decide and she nods as she begins to organize the books while I begin to put up my clothes in my giant walk-in closet. “So, um, your brother.” I begin.

“Is single, yes.” Alex says with a gigantic smile. My face turns a bright red.

“No, he frowned at me earlier; I don’t think he likes me.” I say and she smiles.

“Oh, don’t worry. He’s an artist and a total social idiot. Just give him some time to warm up to you.” She explains, “And by the way, if you want help painting your room, he’s the one to go to. He’s amazing.”

I was surprised by how much stuff I actually had, because there was still a very sizable pile left over after all the books and clothing were put up, but I figured it was a good starting point, so I collected my bathroom supplies and makeup and set in on the large double sink inside. The bathroom was jet black with I take up the empty side promising to organize later, even though Alex’s side looked like a train wreck.

“Want to see my room?” Alex offers, and I nod. So she leads me through the other door, and into space. Her room was a black blanket of night sprinkled with dazzling blue-white stars arranged in constellations that sparkled in the sunlight streaming in from her balcony doors. I can’t help but to notice the framed painting of her and Jace hanging on the wall beside her bed.

“Wow.” I say in amazement.

“Thanks. Avvian did it. I want to be an astronomer, and guess what, the stars glow at night. It’s really cool.” She said.

“It’s amazing.” I say, because it was, and there was no denying that.