Ten Zillion Fireflies
A New Leaf?
March 3, 2010
4:39 p.m.
I was just getting used to the steady pace of working in the bookstore. Beside me, the new work schedule was tacked to the wall, silently reminding me that Ammiee was looking after me. She had cleverly arranged my workdays to alternate with Cam's so that we wouldn't have to see each other at all, with the exception of a brief encounter on Saturdays. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man approach the counter. As I turned to greet him, I struggled to maintain a smile.
"Sorry," Cam says. "I know you don't want to see me, but I needed this." He explains as he rubs his neck nervously. "Look, Madelynne," he continues as he hands over a twenty. "Let me be there for you. Please." He says in a begging tone.
"Have a nice day Cam." I reply, handing him the bag and the change. Luckily for me, he gets the hint and walks away. After Cam is gone, only a small trickle of customers fill the rest of the day.
March 7, 2010
12:14 p.m.
I sat in the parking lot at school for thirty minutes before I could actually make myself walk in. I had technically been enrolled in a home school program for the last month. It was the one good thing that dad did for me after being sent to court. I never did anything though. Just laid around the house. Sleeping mostly. But even sleep had become a battle now.
All I had to do was get our stuff. That's all. But still, the butterflies roaring in my stomach was enough to make me sick. At the last minute I turned and ran back to my car. I couldn't do this. There was no way, but even more surprises awaited me at home. When I walked in, I found mom sitting in the living room waiting on me.
"Hey Mads," she said, but I only scowled in her direction. I wasn't entirely sure that she even deserved that. "Look Madelynne," mom said as she sighed. "I love you." Mom said making me laugh.
"Yeah mom, you have a great way of showing it." I retorted as I sifted through the mail that she had so kindly went through and brought in for me.
"I do. Look, I'm staying over at Sherrie's with her and the kids and her friend Carol. I just wanted to tell you that a room is open for you." She offered.
"No thanks," I answer, opening the letter from dad.
Madelynne,
I hope you are well. Here is some money. Pay the bills, and then buy yourself something nice. I love you.
Dad
The I love you at the end was a nice touch. Thanks dad. Thanks for the nice smack across the face. I thought as the tears begin to run down my face.
"I'm going to go." Mom said.
"Yeah," I agreed. "It's what you're good at." I looked at the hurt look on her face.
"I'm grieving too Madelynne." She exclaimed, defending herself.
"Yeah, and you're the mom. I'm not asking you to be strong. I never asked you for that. I just asked you to be here with me." I yelled at the top of my lungs. My voice broke in the end, leaving me there to look at here with crazed but broken look on my face.
"It's been two months Maddie. It's time to move on. Brendon wouldn't want this." She said quietly. This lit the blaze that was only smoldering inside me.
"You wouldn't know mom," I sneered. "You were too busy fighting with dad to even notice we were alive. Did you know he had been in love? Did you know that she killed herself? That he never got to tell her his feelings? I'll bet you didn't even know her name was Carly." I accused making her look away ashamed. "Just get out." I demanded.
"Madelynne, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you wern't the one whose life ended in that wreck. Life isn't going to just freeze so that you can get over yourself. People loose the ones they love everyday. I thought that I had raised you better than to be a selfish brat. Look around you Madelynne Jael. You're not just hurting yourself, but everyone around you too." Mom yelled from across the room. I watched as she shook her head and walked out shutting the door behind her.
Through the blinding tears, I made my way to my bathroom. I let the blade release all of my anger that night. The abandonment, the aching empty pain in my heart roared causing me to cry myself to sleep.
After finally cleaning my wounds, I counted. Thirty-four. I scrambled to my room and dug through my desk looking for the cell phone that I never used anymore. I called the one person that I knew I could trust.
"Hello." Ammiee said.
"Hey Ammiee, um, I know this would require a huge favor." I say uncertain. "But can I start working with Cam again?"
4:39 p.m.
I was just getting used to the steady pace of working in the bookstore. Beside me, the new work schedule was tacked to the wall, silently reminding me that Ammiee was looking after me. She had cleverly arranged my workdays to alternate with Cam's so that we wouldn't have to see each other at all, with the exception of a brief encounter on Saturdays. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man approach the counter. As I turned to greet him, I struggled to maintain a smile.
"Sorry," Cam says. "I know you don't want to see me, but I needed this." He explains as he rubs his neck nervously. "Look, Madelynne," he continues as he hands over a twenty. "Let me be there for you. Please." He says in a begging tone.
"Have a nice day Cam." I reply, handing him the bag and the change. Luckily for me, he gets the hint and walks away. After Cam is gone, only a small trickle of customers fill the rest of the day.
March 7, 2010
12:14 p.m.
I sat in the parking lot at school for thirty minutes before I could actually make myself walk in. I had technically been enrolled in a home school program for the last month. It was the one good thing that dad did for me after being sent to court. I never did anything though. Just laid around the house. Sleeping mostly. But even sleep had become a battle now.
All I had to do was get our stuff. That's all. But still, the butterflies roaring in my stomach was enough to make me sick. At the last minute I turned and ran back to my car. I couldn't do this. There was no way, but even more surprises awaited me at home. When I walked in, I found mom sitting in the living room waiting on me.
"Hey Mads," she said, but I only scowled in her direction. I wasn't entirely sure that she even deserved that. "Look Madelynne," mom said as she sighed. "I love you." Mom said making me laugh.
"Yeah mom, you have a great way of showing it." I retorted as I sifted through the mail that she had so kindly went through and brought in for me.
"I do. Look, I'm staying over at Sherrie's with her and the kids and her friend Carol. I just wanted to tell you that a room is open for you." She offered.
"No thanks," I answer, opening the letter from dad.
Madelynne,
I hope you are well. Here is some money. Pay the bills, and then buy yourself something nice. I love you.
Dad
The I love you at the end was a nice touch. Thanks dad. Thanks for the nice smack across the face. I thought as the tears begin to run down my face.
"I'm going to go." Mom said.
"Yeah," I agreed. "It's what you're good at." I looked at the hurt look on her face.
"I'm grieving too Madelynne." She exclaimed, defending herself.
"Yeah, and you're the mom. I'm not asking you to be strong. I never asked you for that. I just asked you to be here with me." I yelled at the top of my lungs. My voice broke in the end, leaving me there to look at here with crazed but broken look on my face.
"It's been two months Maddie. It's time to move on. Brendon wouldn't want this." She said quietly. This lit the blaze that was only smoldering inside me.
"You wouldn't know mom," I sneered. "You were too busy fighting with dad to even notice we were alive. Did you know he had been in love? Did you know that she killed herself? That he never got to tell her his feelings? I'll bet you didn't even know her name was Carly." I accused making her look away ashamed. "Just get out." I demanded.
"Madelynne, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you wern't the one whose life ended in that wreck. Life isn't going to just freeze so that you can get over yourself. People loose the ones they love everyday. I thought that I had raised you better than to be a selfish brat. Look around you Madelynne Jael. You're not just hurting yourself, but everyone around you too." Mom yelled from across the room. I watched as she shook her head and walked out shutting the door behind her.
Through the blinding tears, I made my way to my bathroom. I let the blade release all of my anger that night. The abandonment, the aching empty pain in my heart roared causing me to cry myself to sleep.
After finally cleaning my wounds, I counted. Thirty-four. I scrambled to my room and dug through my desk looking for the cell phone that I never used anymore. I called the one person that I knew I could trust.
"Hello." Ammiee said.
"Hey Ammiee, um, I know this would require a huge favor." I say uncertain. "But can I start working with Cam again?"
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Okay guys (:FEEDBACK please.
I'm not sure about this one.