Ten Zillion Fireflies
This is the one.
The hot tears on my face never slowed my running feet. I push open the heavy door to the bathroom and quickly disappear inside. The thought of Cam using me for sex begins to eat me alive as I lock myself inside the stall and sit down. I can already hear Cam’s frustration from outside the door.
“Just hold the door open and tell people not to come in.” Cam says angrily as he storms into the room. I watch as his feet move towards me. He attempts to push on my door but then sees that it’s locked.
“Maddie,” Cam says softly. “Let me in baby.” He waits, but realizes that I’m not planning on moving anytime soon, because I already have my blade out, marring the innocence of my arms. I watch as Cam lowers himself to the ground and crawls into the stall with me. He watches, interested as I run the blade across my arm. “Why here?” he asks, but I ignore him and make another mark.
“Out of all the places to cut, why here? It’s nasty. You are going to get sick.” He says calmly, but I only shrug. “So, I guess they told you that I get around.” He says.
“How’d you guess? But I suppose this is a normal thing for you. Having to go find the girl right?” I say annoyed and hurt.
“No, well yes. But you are the first girl who came here.” Cam says with a matter of fact tone that caused me to smile. I hated him for that. I peaked up to see that he was looking around in disgust.
“Why are you here Cam?” I ask with a sigh, and he looks at me as if it were obvious.
“For you.” He says as if it explained everything.
“I don’t want to sleep with you.” I insist, and a small partial smile covers his face.
“I won’t force you, but I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to. I’m attractive.” He says wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“I want to save myself.” I whisper and I watch as his eyebrows raise.
“Seriously?” He asks in disbelief and I nod as I continue to mark up my arms. “Why?”
“I think that maybe there’s someone out there worth waiting for like Brendon’s Carly.” I say. I frown as he begins to laugh.
“You cannot seriously use that as a comparison.” Cam says annoyed.
“Why not?” I ask.
“Because she was selfish enough to take herself away from him, and he was dumb enough to follow her.” I looked at him in horror and slapped his face before balling up and crying.
“Maddie, come on, that wasn’t what I meant.” He said softly. “I just get really upset when I think about what Brendon done to you.” I heard him slide across the floor and felt him wrap his arms around me. I tried to resist, but curled into him instead.
“Are you dating me just for the sex?” I ask him, waiting for the decisive moment.
“No,” Cam whispers, gently kissing my forehead. “I’m with you because you are the only girl in the world who can make me smile.” He insists, combing his fingers gently through my hair. “Come on sweetie, let me get you home.”
April 17
10:45 a.m.
I woke up to the bright spring sun shining in through my large bay window. From the space I had, I could tell that I was alone, and that Cam had not stayed when he carried me to bed. I look over to my nightstand to see an old mason jar with a twig and butterfly inside. Beside the jar, I notice a folded up note, immediately I open it to discover Cam’s elegantly written words.
I’m sorry about last night darling. You don’t deserve to be treated the way that I did. Will you go to prom with me?
I felt my heart flutter and suddenly I noticed Cam perched in my window seat studying my reaction.
“So,” he said, letting the word drag out and fill the silence. I smiled as I made my way over to him and sat in his lap.
“Yes.” I answer with a smile on my face.
He smiles wrapping his arms around me. “Good.” He says, “I wouldn’t want to have to ask twice.” We sit like that for a moment. Lost in time in a sense. “Would you like to go find a dress to wear?” Cam asks as I’m taking in his scent.
“Yeah.” I say getting up and walking in the general direction of the bathroom, but Cam’s legs are longer than mine are and he blocks the path.
“I love you.” He says leaning down to kiss me.
“I love you too.” I mumble as our lips meet.
5:26 p.m.
“Teagan!” I shout in frustration. “This is the thirty-second dress I’ve tried on today. It’s good enough.” But she shakes her head.
“It’s still not the one. Just try on one more today.” She says sweetly.
“No.” I say but already I’m taking the dress she is holding out for me. Already I can tell this dress will be the one. It’s breathtakingly gorgeous, but still did not make me feel like I was showing too much. I step out with closed eyes.
“Oh Maddie,” Teagan says in awe. “That’s the one.” I open my eyes to see the white frilly dress. It was the one. “And who said the fifties was a bad decade?” She asks with a smile and nods at the exhausted woman trying to help us for the last four hours.
“Just hold the door open and tell people not to come in.” Cam says angrily as he storms into the room. I watch as his feet move towards me. He attempts to push on my door but then sees that it’s locked.
“Maddie,” Cam says softly. “Let me in baby.” He waits, but realizes that I’m not planning on moving anytime soon, because I already have my blade out, marring the innocence of my arms. I watch as Cam lowers himself to the ground and crawls into the stall with me. He watches, interested as I run the blade across my arm. “Why here?” he asks, but I ignore him and make another mark.
“Out of all the places to cut, why here? It’s nasty. You are going to get sick.” He says calmly, but I only shrug. “So, I guess they told you that I get around.” He says.
“How’d you guess? But I suppose this is a normal thing for you. Having to go find the girl right?” I say annoyed and hurt.
“No, well yes. But you are the first girl who came here.” Cam says with a matter of fact tone that caused me to smile. I hated him for that. I peaked up to see that he was looking around in disgust.
“Why are you here Cam?” I ask with a sigh, and he looks at me as if it were obvious.
“For you.” He says as if it explained everything.
“I don’t want to sleep with you.” I insist, and a small partial smile covers his face.
“I won’t force you, but I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to. I’m attractive.” He says wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“I want to save myself.” I whisper and I watch as his eyebrows raise.
“Seriously?” He asks in disbelief and I nod as I continue to mark up my arms. “Why?”
“I think that maybe there’s someone out there worth waiting for like Brendon’s Carly.” I say. I frown as he begins to laugh.
“You cannot seriously use that as a comparison.” Cam says annoyed.
“Why not?” I ask.
“Because she was selfish enough to take herself away from him, and he was dumb enough to follow her.” I looked at him in horror and slapped his face before balling up and crying.
“Maddie, come on, that wasn’t what I meant.” He said softly. “I just get really upset when I think about what Brendon done to you.” I heard him slide across the floor and felt him wrap his arms around me. I tried to resist, but curled into him instead.
“Are you dating me just for the sex?” I ask him, waiting for the decisive moment.
“No,” Cam whispers, gently kissing my forehead. “I’m with you because you are the only girl in the world who can make me smile.” He insists, combing his fingers gently through my hair. “Come on sweetie, let me get you home.”
April 17
10:45 a.m.
I woke up to the bright spring sun shining in through my large bay window. From the space I had, I could tell that I was alone, and that Cam had not stayed when he carried me to bed. I look over to my nightstand to see an old mason jar with a twig and butterfly inside. Beside the jar, I notice a folded up note, immediately I open it to discover Cam’s elegantly written words.
I’m sorry about last night darling. You don’t deserve to be treated the way that I did. Will you go to prom with me?
I felt my heart flutter and suddenly I noticed Cam perched in my window seat studying my reaction.
“So,” he said, letting the word drag out and fill the silence. I smiled as I made my way over to him and sat in his lap.
“Yes.” I answer with a smile on my face.
He smiles wrapping his arms around me. “Good.” He says, “I wouldn’t want to have to ask twice.” We sit like that for a moment. Lost in time in a sense. “Would you like to go find a dress to wear?” Cam asks as I’m taking in his scent.
“Yeah.” I say getting up and walking in the general direction of the bathroom, but Cam’s legs are longer than mine are and he blocks the path.
“I love you.” He says leaning down to kiss me.
“I love you too.” I mumble as our lips meet.
5:26 p.m.
“Teagan!” I shout in frustration. “This is the thirty-second dress I’ve tried on today. It’s good enough.” But she shakes her head.
“It’s still not the one. Just try on one more today.” She says sweetly.
“No.” I say but already I’m taking the dress she is holding out for me. Already I can tell this dress will be the one. It’s breathtakingly gorgeous, but still did not make me feel like I was showing too much. I step out with closed eyes.
“Oh Maddie,” Teagan says in awe. “That’s the one.” I open my eyes to see the white frilly dress. It was the one. “And who said the fifties was a bad decade?” She asks with a smile and nods at the exhausted woman trying to help us for the last four hours.