Hurt
Hurt
There was a sound of knocking at the front door right before I went to bed. I mentally cursed to myself, and to whoever was outside the door. I went to open the door only with my boxer on. I told you, the person who was on the door, knocked it right before I went to bed. I arrived at the door I look through the peep hole at who it was. At first I did not recognize the man on the other side. So I just left it and opened the door.
Surprise, surprise! I gasped as I saw his face, the most mesmerizing face that I have ever seen in my entire life. It was him, the one that hurt me back when we were going to be joined in marriage.
I don’t honestly don’t get him though, he claimed he loved me, but he lied. He said that I have to trust him, and I do. He didn’t trust me. I don’t know why he would do that to me, but he was the one that always hurt me. I planned to cancel the wedding and never see his face ever again. But I failed.
“Hello, my dear. How are you?” His face was still the same. The only face, I tried to erase it from my mind, but failed because he came back to me. His mischievous smile appeared on his face once again. Oh, how I used to love that smile. The smile was so sweet, so innocence, along with happiness mixed into them. His lips were tender, and juicy. I used to love to kiss him. I loved to hold him in my arms then kissed him happily just to taste the tender juice taste in it.
“I’m so happy that you’re still awake,” He said smirking. He pushed my body aside and then walked past me to my apartment. He looked around a little bit, and then walked towards the sofas and sat down. He then dropped himself lazily over the sofa. “Yeah, awake with your boxer on. What you are wearing just now is my most favorite of clothes that I have ever seen you with.”
The statement started to give my cheek a tomato red color. My cheeks are now burning with happiness. I still confused with him. He said he loved me, but then one second later he admitted lying to me. He said he didn’t love me. He said I was useless. That I was just a piece of shit. He said all of this while he beat me. He said he will kill me soon because I’m nothing. He said words to me; I hope he wouldn’t again.
I walked towards him, still trying to protect my body from his touch. Maybe you don’t know, but he’s a real pervert. He gives almost everyone in this planet a blowjob.
Even his own father. He fucked his father hard, until he died. Yeah, his father died because of him. He didn’t care though; he said that to me himself.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him, my voice wavering slightly even though I was trying to hide how scared I was. I nervously sat down next to him.
He looked at me with that massive smile of his. I don’t like this smile though, he looked just like Goofy the Disney character. I really didn’t like it. Besides, it doesn’t convey any emotion but slight anger and annoyance with me. This smile means that he’s not happy with me at all and that he is probably going to make up a reason to give me hell. Was he going to rape me? “You’re not supposed to be here. I don’t think you should be here Frank,” I mumbled slightly because he was scaring me more and more.
“Pssh, of course I do. I belong to you, silly. That’s why I’m here, to make you notice that I’m yours and you’re mine, forever. I want you to realise that you were made for me and I was made for you. That’s why I’m here,” He said bravely while moving towards me slowly. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t do anything. I just sat there looking at him, like I was a lost puppy. “I’m not going to hurt you, sweet pumps. I love you.”
He kissed me.
For the first time in my failed new live. He kissed me again. He kissed me with those reddish and beautiful lips that I adore. That I still adore. I still love him, even though he doesn’t love me. I still love him. He pulled away and the kiss ended. He smiled at me, but it didn’t mean anything. I knew it didn’t mean a thing to him. I didn’t smile back; I just stare at him like nothing happened before. I didn’t move. I sat still looking at him with no emotion.
“What do you want?” I whispered sadly.
He wrapped a strong arm around me, making the goose bumps growing in my skin. His lips touched my ear and then he whispered. “Honey, would you marry me?”
And then it hit me. He asked me to marry him, again. What was he up to this time? I couldn’t control my emotions. I stood up from the sofa, and released the arm that was touching me. I’m not going to be fooled this time, oh no. I’m not going to hurt anymore.
“What?!” I ask very quietly, not wanting you shout at him because that would make him very angry for sure.
“Gerard, please. I’m asking you to marry me, didn’t you heard me?” He said stood up to and faced me. I was about to say something but he interrupted me. “Don’t you see? I came to you again, for all of these years. You’ve ignored me enough, you ran away from me! Don’t you see that I really love you?!”
“Now, I’m asking you, Frank Iero. Did you never see that I left because it was hurting me both mentally and physically that I was dating you. How can you not see that it hurt me to leave you but it would have been worse if I hadn’t! You fucking hurt me Frank, you hurt me so fucking much.” I knew the tears would come soon. “I’m hurt baby, I’m still hurt. I don’t know why you did those things to me.”
“What things?”
I sighed and looked away from him. He didn’t notice. “You used me.”
And then, silence fills the room. The silence was killing me. It was like the silence was gripping on my neck, trying to end my life by strangling me. It was a very uncomfortable silence.
He broke the silence. “I … I didn’t use you, Gerard. I’ve never used you.”
“But you did. You used me, you called me horrible things. You never loved me. You said it to me. You said looking straight up close into my eyes. I still remember it. You called me whore for tiny little things. Little things like liking the way you used to suck me off. You called me things that I didn’t like. You shattered my heart enough; I don’t want you to touch it again.” Tears pooled in my eyes again and now I let them fall. There was no point trying to stop them. “You actually came to me again to say I love you, but you’re fucking lying to me Frank and I fucking know it! So don’t bother trying to act all innocent.”
“B-Baby, I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. How can you say that I didn’t love you?” He was hurt. I knew it, the hurt came through his voice. I smiled in victory. I was happy. “Why are you smiling, baby?”
“You’re the one hurting just now not me. I just think it’s funny that right now our roles are reversed.” He frowned. And then he collapsed on the sofa near him and sobbed. His hands were on his face, and he was sobbing so loudly. He touched my heart again.
“I-I’m so—“ I didn’t finished my sorry, he interrupted me.
“You can’t feel sorry for me, not again. You’re right Gerard. For all of these years, I didn’t love you. I used you. I used you to be my whore, my slut. But it felt so right back then. But now I know that it is why I have to change. I asked you to marry me.” He looked at me with those broken eyes.
He was now making me feel guilty so I looked down at the carpet. “I’ve never asked to anyone to marry me before, Gee. If I used a person as my whore, the longest time, would be two months. But I found it weird for you; I didn’t want to let you go. I didn’t want to, I needed time. But then, the words slipped out of my mouth. I called you whore for the first time that day, remember?”
I nod my head and then sat next to him. “I didn’t know what’s going on. I called you stuff the next day as well. I didn’t know what happened to me, Gee. I cried all night long after I called you things. I was mad, really mad. I couldn’t lose you that day. But you did, you walked away from me. You closed the chapter of my new start, telling me I have to begin the next chapter soon,” He paused to sob. “I don’t know why, but I never started it. I never want to start it over again. I want to continue the chapter that we were together in, the chapter I had with you.”
My hands slipped into his shoulder. I tried to calm him down, and he did. “Frank, but why would you use me as your whore?”
“It’s my hobby to use people as my whore. I need to fuck someone once in a while, but I never have a proper boyfriend.” He looked down into his feet.
“I do.”
He looked at me shocked and confused. “E-Excuse me?”
“You asked me if I want to marry you. I do, Frank. I want to marry you, for real,” I said as I smile to him, but he didn’t smile. He looked down again. He still upset. “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”
He shook his head, letting a small whimper. “I-I can’t have you Gerard. You know me, I’ll use you again. You’ll walk away from me again. I don’t want that to happen.” I let out a small chuckled, he looked up to me.
“Just promise me you won’t use me, and then you can have your chapter again. But, wait; I can’t understand the chapter part. What do you mean as chapter?” I asked him softly. Now, he let out a small chuckle.
“Life is just like a book, Gerard. That’s why people have diaries. They write their feelings and days on it, just like they’re making a book of their life. Well, I do. I write in diaries, every single thing that happened in my life. I write it by chapters, I don’t know why. It just like, a chapter have a different theme to it or a different time to another chapter. When you walked away, I have to write a new chapter of my book, because you’re no longer there. Just like a character died in a story, they’ll move to the next chapter without the character.” I smiled lovingly.
“So, we have to make stories?”
“Not really, my mother told me, if I’m sad, I can tell the book how I am feeling. But then, the book became my life,” He said forgetting the things that happened.
“I love you, Frank,” I said suddenly, looking straight into his eyes. After I said those words, I saw stars in his eyes, his eyes turned into the beautiful Frankie again. I smiled to him. “I’m happy I don’t have to write a different chapter again. Marry me, would you?”
“I will.”
Surprise, surprise! I gasped as I saw his face, the most mesmerizing face that I have ever seen in my entire life. It was him, the one that hurt me back when we were going to be joined in marriage.
I don’t honestly don’t get him though, he claimed he loved me, but he lied. He said that I have to trust him, and I do. He didn’t trust me. I don’t know why he would do that to me, but he was the one that always hurt me. I planned to cancel the wedding and never see his face ever again. But I failed.
“Hello, my dear. How are you?” His face was still the same. The only face, I tried to erase it from my mind, but failed because he came back to me. His mischievous smile appeared on his face once again. Oh, how I used to love that smile. The smile was so sweet, so innocence, along with happiness mixed into them. His lips were tender, and juicy. I used to love to kiss him. I loved to hold him in my arms then kissed him happily just to taste the tender juice taste in it.
“I’m so happy that you’re still awake,” He said smirking. He pushed my body aside and then walked past me to my apartment. He looked around a little bit, and then walked towards the sofas and sat down. He then dropped himself lazily over the sofa. “Yeah, awake with your boxer on. What you are wearing just now is my most favorite of clothes that I have ever seen you with.”
The statement started to give my cheek a tomato red color. My cheeks are now burning with happiness. I still confused with him. He said he loved me, but then one second later he admitted lying to me. He said he didn’t love me. He said I was useless. That I was just a piece of shit. He said all of this while he beat me. He said he will kill me soon because I’m nothing. He said words to me; I hope he wouldn’t again.
I walked towards him, still trying to protect my body from his touch. Maybe you don’t know, but he’s a real pervert. He gives almost everyone in this planet a blowjob.
Even his own father. He fucked his father hard, until he died. Yeah, his father died because of him. He didn’t care though; he said that to me himself.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him, my voice wavering slightly even though I was trying to hide how scared I was. I nervously sat down next to him.
He looked at me with that massive smile of his. I don’t like this smile though, he looked just like Goofy the Disney character. I really didn’t like it. Besides, it doesn’t convey any emotion but slight anger and annoyance with me. This smile means that he’s not happy with me at all and that he is probably going to make up a reason to give me hell. Was he going to rape me? “You’re not supposed to be here. I don’t think you should be here Frank,” I mumbled slightly because he was scaring me more and more.
“Pssh, of course I do. I belong to you, silly. That’s why I’m here, to make you notice that I’m yours and you’re mine, forever. I want you to realise that you were made for me and I was made for you. That’s why I’m here,” He said bravely while moving towards me slowly. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t do anything. I just sat there looking at him, like I was a lost puppy. “I’m not going to hurt you, sweet pumps. I love you.”
He kissed me.
For the first time in my failed new live. He kissed me again. He kissed me with those reddish and beautiful lips that I adore. That I still adore. I still love him, even though he doesn’t love me. I still love him. He pulled away and the kiss ended. He smiled at me, but it didn’t mean anything. I knew it didn’t mean a thing to him. I didn’t smile back; I just stare at him like nothing happened before. I didn’t move. I sat still looking at him with no emotion.
“What do you want?” I whispered sadly.
He wrapped a strong arm around me, making the goose bumps growing in my skin. His lips touched my ear and then he whispered. “Honey, would you marry me?”
And then it hit me. He asked me to marry him, again. What was he up to this time? I couldn’t control my emotions. I stood up from the sofa, and released the arm that was touching me. I’m not going to be fooled this time, oh no. I’m not going to hurt anymore.
“What?!” I ask very quietly, not wanting you shout at him because that would make him very angry for sure.
“Gerard, please. I’m asking you to marry me, didn’t you heard me?” He said stood up to and faced me. I was about to say something but he interrupted me. “Don’t you see? I came to you again, for all of these years. You’ve ignored me enough, you ran away from me! Don’t you see that I really love you?!”
“Now, I’m asking you, Frank Iero. Did you never see that I left because it was hurting me both mentally and physically that I was dating you. How can you not see that it hurt me to leave you but it would have been worse if I hadn’t! You fucking hurt me Frank, you hurt me so fucking much.” I knew the tears would come soon. “I’m hurt baby, I’m still hurt. I don’t know why you did those things to me.”
“What things?”
I sighed and looked away from him. He didn’t notice. “You used me.”
And then, silence fills the room. The silence was killing me. It was like the silence was gripping on my neck, trying to end my life by strangling me. It was a very uncomfortable silence.
He broke the silence. “I … I didn’t use you, Gerard. I’ve never used you.”
“But you did. You used me, you called me horrible things. You never loved me. You said it to me. You said looking straight up close into my eyes. I still remember it. You called me whore for tiny little things. Little things like liking the way you used to suck me off. You called me things that I didn’t like. You shattered my heart enough; I don’t want you to touch it again.” Tears pooled in my eyes again and now I let them fall. There was no point trying to stop them. “You actually came to me again to say I love you, but you’re fucking lying to me Frank and I fucking know it! So don’t bother trying to act all innocent.”
“B-Baby, I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. How can you say that I didn’t love you?” He was hurt. I knew it, the hurt came through his voice. I smiled in victory. I was happy. “Why are you smiling, baby?”
“You’re the one hurting just now not me. I just think it’s funny that right now our roles are reversed.” He frowned. And then he collapsed on the sofa near him and sobbed. His hands were on his face, and he was sobbing so loudly. He touched my heart again.
“I-I’m so—“ I didn’t finished my sorry, he interrupted me.
“You can’t feel sorry for me, not again. You’re right Gerard. For all of these years, I didn’t love you. I used you. I used you to be my whore, my slut. But it felt so right back then. But now I know that it is why I have to change. I asked you to marry me.” He looked at me with those broken eyes.
He was now making me feel guilty so I looked down at the carpet. “I’ve never asked to anyone to marry me before, Gee. If I used a person as my whore, the longest time, would be two months. But I found it weird for you; I didn’t want to let you go. I didn’t want to, I needed time. But then, the words slipped out of my mouth. I called you whore for the first time that day, remember?”
I nod my head and then sat next to him. “I didn’t know what’s going on. I called you stuff the next day as well. I didn’t know what happened to me, Gee. I cried all night long after I called you things. I was mad, really mad. I couldn’t lose you that day. But you did, you walked away from me. You closed the chapter of my new start, telling me I have to begin the next chapter soon,” He paused to sob. “I don’t know why, but I never started it. I never want to start it over again. I want to continue the chapter that we were together in, the chapter I had with you.”
My hands slipped into his shoulder. I tried to calm him down, and he did. “Frank, but why would you use me as your whore?”
“It’s my hobby to use people as my whore. I need to fuck someone once in a while, but I never have a proper boyfriend.” He looked down into his feet.
“I do.”
He looked at me shocked and confused. “E-Excuse me?”
“You asked me if I want to marry you. I do, Frank. I want to marry you, for real,” I said as I smile to him, but he didn’t smile. He looked down again. He still upset. “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”
He shook his head, letting a small whimper. “I-I can’t have you Gerard. You know me, I’ll use you again. You’ll walk away from me again. I don’t want that to happen.” I let out a small chuckled, he looked up to me.
“Just promise me you won’t use me, and then you can have your chapter again. But, wait; I can’t understand the chapter part. What do you mean as chapter?” I asked him softly. Now, he let out a small chuckle.
“Life is just like a book, Gerard. That’s why people have diaries. They write their feelings and days on it, just like they’re making a book of their life. Well, I do. I write in diaries, every single thing that happened in my life. I write it by chapters, I don’t know why. It just like, a chapter have a different theme to it or a different time to another chapter. When you walked away, I have to write a new chapter of my book, because you’re no longer there. Just like a character died in a story, they’ll move to the next chapter without the character.” I smiled lovingly.
“So, we have to make stories?”
“Not really, my mother told me, if I’m sad, I can tell the book how I am feeling. But then, the book became my life,” He said forgetting the things that happened.
“I love you, Frank,” I said suddenly, looking straight into his eyes. After I said those words, I saw stars in his eyes, his eyes turned into the beautiful Frankie again. I smiled to him. “I’m happy I don’t have to write a different chapter again. Marry me, would you?”
“I will.”