Pay the Price of Your Betrayal

3 years later - The present day.
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I had that nightmare again, the horrible one. Even though I haven't seen him in 3 years I still have it. It sucks. It had taken me a long time to get over the whole rape thing, I went to counselling, my brother Corey tried to help me and the whole of slipknot. My friend's Brandy and Sam also tried to help. It took about a year, but I did eventually, slowly get over it. Well not get over it, who could get over being raped my your boyfriend? But you know what I mean. Just forgot about it for a while.

I was currently on tour at the moment with my brother and his band Slipknot, well Joey's band. Brandy and Sam were also with me, Corey said they could tag along. After the whole incident Corey never really understood why I didn't press charges against him. I guess I couldn't really, I mean even though I was mad at the time and traumatized why he did it. I still loved him. I guess true love conquers all, even in the darkest of places.

We were heading out to the UK today to play at Download Festival 2010. It was going to be kick ass and I couldn't wait, though it wouldn't really be the same since Paul died. It was such a sad day, I couldn't believe it, I cried and cried for hours with Brandy, he was such a nice guy. We had known him since, well I don't know, since we were little I guess. he was a true Legend and always will be. I smiled at the thought of Paul and how much fun he was. He was the one that always made me laugh and smile out of all of Slipknot, well apart from Joey. He was one of my best friends, and I will always love him dearly.

I got knocked out of my senses when Brandy jumped on me.and screamed in my ear canal. "HEY BITCH! WHATCHA UP TO!?" I just looked her with wide eyes, it was too early in the morning for someone to be bursting volumes through my ear drums. I smiled then cuddled her. I love Brandy, we had known each other since we were born. She had black hair with purple highlights in and had wonderful green eyes, she was very beautiful. She was my Best Friend. As for Sam, we found her about 2 years ago, just after the incident. We got to know her well and she became the third musketeer. We told her about the whole rape thing and she was kind and trustworthy. She has blonde hair with blue highlights in, and brown eyes. She's a cutie.

"Hu? Nothing much, just had a nightmare that was all" I half heartedly smiled, and grabbed a pad of paper and pen off the side, I decided I would do some writing seeing as we have got ages to go until we read England. I sighed and Brandy sensed that there was something up with me. I fucking hated when she did that.

"Was it him?" She just simply asked, damn woman! Don't hesitate to ask, I thought. I sighed and just nodded. By now I would have been crying but over time I got used to it and just decided to grow some balls, which has been very successful for me. Brandy hugged me and was about to say something when Sam walked through the door holding a sheet that looked like it had been printed off the computer. Well laptop and printer.

"Um, Cris I thought you should see the line up for the weekend" Sam sounded a bit faint then she passed me the sheet and I saw why. Great he was going to be there, just when I thought I had finally got over it and rid of him. Bullet For My Valentine were playing. My eyes weld up and I nearly started to cry, though I pulled myself together. I will just have to stay out of his was and not talk to him. Sam put a hand on my back and Brandy took the sheet away after I had had a staring contest with it.

"You okay Cristina?" Sam asked the sound of her voice just above a whisper, I swallowed hard and turned around to face them, I didn't want to got to download now. I had been looking forward to it for ages, but not now. Now I was scared. He was so sweet and loving, yet. He tried to rape me, RAPE me, I never thought he had that in him. Just as I was about to answer Sam, my door burst open and showed Corey Taylor himself. It made me giggle a bit, he looked like he was a god, a superhero, but really he was just a metal head.

"Don't worry sis! I won't let that skinny fuck near you! Nu ur! Not at all, and joey's going to help!" Corey said with his hands on his hips and his head high int he sky. I laughed at him and then at Joey trying to fend my honor. I mean Joey doe's have a lot of muscle for a little drummer, but I don't think he is no match against Matt. For starters Joey's what 5'3 - 5'4? And Matt's 6'2? Who's going to win that battle. And the second, Matt just has bigger muscles than him anyways. I giggled a bit at Corey's comment and started to smile, I think my brother was a tad drunk and it 12 in the afternoon. Yes, I thought 12 in the afternoon was too early to get up and it was still morning. Well, it technically is if you've just woken up, isn't it?

"Corey! You made her smile! Do something else dumb in your stupid drunken state!" Brandy shouted and and clapped to get Corey's attention. Sure he liked to drink and he did drink a fair amount sometimes, but he never got violent like he did. Though I suppose he only got violent once, and that was three years ago. Where as for Corey, he just did stupid things and was funny. Corey just looked at me and smiled, making me smile was a big thing for him after all this happened. He just wanted to make sure I was happy. Joey came through the door to see what was going on and just to say Hi.

"Hey guys, Um, so you all disappeared and all the booze is gone, plus you okay Cris?" He asked and smiled at me, I smiled back and just nodded. I love Joey he's awesome and so caring, plus he helps me with my drumming, yeah. I play drums.

"JOEY! My man!" Corey shouted and wrapped an arm around him, Joey look scared, he has been the target for many of Corey's stunts. Why? You ask. It's cause he's small. I laughed at the thought and just smiled. These people, were all my family, even though were not blood related, well apart from me and Corey. They always look out for me and I look out for them. Were a team. A musical team.

"Hey man, what's up?" Joeys asked him as he tried to get out of his death grip though he wasn't having any of it.
"Um, the sky?" Corey really meant it, he thought it was an actual challenge for him. Bless. Joey shook his head.
"No man, I mean really why did you want me?" He said and then stood dead still in his tracks. Me, Brandy and Sam all looked at him, wondering what was going on. That was when he shouted.

"Corey! Where is you fucking hand?!" Joey's face was in complete shock and wanted to get away from the drunken Corey as quick as possible. I started to laugh, they always knew how to make me smile and I was thankful for that. I could tell that Brandy and Sam were looking at me to see if I was cheering up. I looked up at them with a big smile on my face and they both started to smile. They knew I was fine now, so they had a reason to smile, also because Corey just felt Joey up. Which was pretty funny. Corey simply said in response,

"I want yo eat you" With that, Joey screamed and ran out the room and Corey chased after him, shouting sexual words at him. Brandy, Sam and myself all burst out laughing and crying. It that truly cheered me up to the extent that i wasn't thinking about him anymore. We then all decided to go out side and get some fresh air and something to eat.

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Download Festival 2010
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I didn't want to go, I didn't even want to see a glimpse of him. Right now, at this very moment. All of slipknot and Brandy and Sam were trying to force me off the bus, literally pushing me off. It's not that I was shy, I just basically really didn't want to see him. He now scares me. He had his chance with me and blew it.

"Cristina you have to face him one day or another!" Sam said as she tried to pry my hands off of the sides of the door on the bus.
"Yeah! Well today's not the day!" I said as I tried turning around to get back onto the bus. It was no use, Brandy just shoved me back.

"GET YOUR GOD DAMN ASS OFF THIS FUCKING BUS NOW!" She bellowed in my ear, she knows I hate it when people shout directly into my ear canal. It pissed me off and I screamed. Corey just put a hand over my mouth, picked me up with all of his strength and shoved me on to the grass outside in the fresh open air. I would have loved to see the other people's expressions as they walked past. They probably expected it from the Slipknot van, a screaming chick being pushed off of the bus. Maybe thought I was a fan, unless they actually knew Corey Taylor's sister. They should do. But probably if I was up close.

"Don't you wanna come and watch us play? And all the other great bands, Minus Bullet?" Joey said. I sighed, he had won me over. I huffed and crossed my arms and went back inside the bus just to get my bag, which held by pen and paper, book and camera. I may as well take something to entertain me while THEY play. God he had pissed me off so much in my life and fucked it up. I loved that band so much, he also fucked up friendships for me, so I never saw any of the Bullet crew again. Cunt.

I stepped back off the bus and ran to catch up with the rest of them. When I got there Brandy put her arm around me as we walked backstage. We got sent to a little room for Slipknot to get ready, so me and Sam went to get drinks. The sun was shining and there was a wonderful breeze too the sky, the sky looked like someone had painted it pastel blue. It was all well in the world of rock festivals. I laughed to myself at that last comment I made. Sam looked at my but shook it off, we finally arrived at the beer booth and got fuck load of beer, they didn't believe us at first but once we showed them the passes and another pass showing we were related to slipknot, they agreed and gave us the loot.

Once we got back, we found out that Slipknot was on in 10, so they all went away to their changing room to get ready. Me, Brandy and Sam all waited outside till they were done. We didn't really want to be in the same room as them. As me and the girls were talking about random things I heard a familiar voice come from around the corner. It was Matt's. In reflex, I panicked and ran into the dressing room. All the guys just turned round suddenly, there faces were priceless, a mixture of everything. If I had my camera, I so would of taken a photo. Oh wait! I do. I laughed, pulled it out and took a snapshot. The whole group suddenly came back to focus and started to whine and shout. I laughed and then Brandy came inside and pulled me back out. There was no sign of Matt, thank fuck! I thought and just carried on with talking to Brandy and Sam.

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Slipknot Live
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The crowd were amazing! They were so full of energy and joy. Slipknot had been on for about 10 minutes so far and there was already a sea of people. The feeling was amazing, I wish I was in the crowd with everyone, but being small as I am, I decided it would be best if I stayed at top with Brandy and Sam. Corey started to speak to all the fans for a brief second and then they started to play Psychosocial. They crowd went mad! There was a massive! Mosh pit forming and everyone were screaming their guts out. Some crying, bleeding, people running around in circles and every other shit you could think of. After the song ended he began to talk some more and then he played my favourite song, Dead Memories. I was happy too sing along.

"Sitting in the dark, I can't forget.
Even now, I realize the time I'll never get
Another story of the bitter pills of fate
I can't go back again
I can't go back again
But you asked me to love you, and I did.
Traded my emotions for a contract to commit
And when I got away, I only got so far
The other me is dead
I hear his voice inside my head
And we were never alive
And we won't be born again
But I'll never survive

With dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart

You told me to love you, and I did.
Tied my soul into a knot and got me to submit
So when I got away, I only kept my scars
The other me is gone
Now I don't know where I belong
And we were never alive
And we won't be born again
But I'll never survive

With dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart

Dead visions in your name
Dead fingers in my veins
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart"

For about another 20 minutes they sang a different range of songs, mostly the more famous ones and the ones off their album. Then Corey started to talk about Paul

"For those that know, our dear friend, band mate, husband, father and son Paul Grey has died. It's has be-Been a tragic loss to us and we will never forget him. Paul was the heart and soul for this band, and he always did the right thing. We will always remember his sense of humor and his wonderful personality. God bless you Paul! We love you!" Corey then had a moment to cry, during the speech he had to tell the fans to be quiet a little because it was such a touchy moment. After Corey stopped and played one last song in Paul's memory, the whole crowd cheered in Paul's respect and had a one minute silence. They then cheered once more for Corey and the rest off the band. Corey then said Thank you to everyone and went off stage.

Me, Brandy and Sam stood there with tears running down our cheeks, happy and sad ones, just that how he died. And that he's in a better place. Corey came up to me and embraced me for a long time and cried a little. No one laughed, no one took the piss. It was a sad moment, that needed to be let out.

After Slipknot played I heard a very familiar voice talk through the speakers. It was Matt's. I breathed a deep breath, I hadn't heard that voice in years. All the memories started to flood back into my mind and I tried so hard to quickly erase them but it was no use.

"How's is everyone!?" He shouted into the mic, I had missed their concerts far too much and I was itching to see them once more a final time. They started to play Fever, I hadn't heard that song in so long. I know it's not been long since it came out. But I mean, I listened to it, but then I turned it off and never listened to that album again. After the song ended he started to speak again, Sam and Brandy were by my side now, for moral support. And I was just hiding behind the curtain on the stage. I was desperate to see him, even though he hurt me so much and caused me pain. I wanted to see him.

"Um, I wrote this song a while back now, though I wasn't sure whether to put it on the album or not. But I did in the end. I wrote this song about a girl, well woman. She meant everything to me, but I fucked up, big time. It's just a song to say im really sorry for what I did to her, and that I was extremely stupid, I shouldn't have done it. I think about it every day, and if I could go back in time I would change everything. I am so sorry, I still love you. But please forget about me. This one is for you Cristina"

I couldn't breath at all, I was so shocked, I wanted to cry so hard, both Brandy and Sam put their hands on my back. I- I couldn't believe he just said that, all of that! I couldn't speak, he remembered my name after 3 years. Corey, Joey and the rest of Slipknot must of heard cause they came round the corner trying to find me. Moose put me out of my trance and started to drum the beat then James and Jay started to do their bit. Then Matt started to sing, this was about me he said.

"You turn me off at the push of a button
And you pretend that I don't mean nothing
i'm not a saint, that's easy to tell
But guess what, honey, it ain't no angel

You like to scream these words as a weapon
Well go head take your best shot woman
I wanna leave you it's easy to see
But guess what, honey, it's not that easy

We get so complicated (COMPLICATED)
These fingers full of memories

So rip my pictures from your wall
Tear them down and burn them all
Light the fire and walk away
There's nothing left to say so
Take the ashes from the floor
Bury them to just make sure
That nothing more is left of me
Just bittersweet memories
(Memories)

I wanna run and escape from your prison
But when I leave I feel something is missing
i'm not afraid that's easy to tell
This cant be heaven it feels like i'm in hell

You're like a drug that I can't stop taking
I want more and I can't stop craving
I still want you it's easy to see
But guess what, honey, you're not that good for me

We get so complicated (COMPLICATED)
These fingers full of memories

So rip my pictures from your wall
Tear them down and burn them all
Light the fire and walk away
There's nothing left to say so
Take the ashes from the floor
Bury them to just make sure
That nothing more is left of me
Just bittersweet memories
Just bittersweet memories

We get so complicated (COMPLICATED, COMPLICATED)

So rip my pictures from your wall
Tear them down and burn them all
Light the fire and walk away
There's nothing left to say so
Take the ashes from the floor
Bury them to just make sure
That nothing more is left of me
Just bittersweet memories

whoa oh oh there's nothing left to say
whoa oh oh there's nothing left to say"