I Saw Your Heart as It Overtook Me

I woke up to the sound of rain pounding down on the rooftop and tapping slightly on the windows. My head was resting on Matt's chest, raising and falling with each breath he took. I was barely able to make out the tattoos on his chest in the darkness, but it was enough to allow for me to start tracing the outline of them.

He shifted slightly when my cold fingers came n contact with is bare chest, and tightened his arm around my wait. I paused my 'tracing' for a couple of seconds to see if he had woken up, but soon his soft breathing signaled that he was still fast asleep.

As my fingers began once again to trace absentmindedly [[-- hmm...what a funny looking word] around his tattoos, my thoughts drifted off into another direction. It wasn't in any particular direction, but still. It wandered randomly from whether or not I should make potato salad tomorrow (yes, I got stuck cooking Christmas dinner as well) to if I should do my laundry here at my mom's or just wait until the night before we left again for tour to do it.

Meanwhile, the rain started to fall even harder outside and the wind began to pick up steed. The window panes whistled and creaked as the wind found its way through minute cracks along the frame, causing me to snap out of my stupor.

Seeing that it was five o'clock in the morning, I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. However, as soon as I did so it seemed like my ears were picking up every little sound. The annoy tick of the clock, the heater humming somewhere in the corner of the room, fuck, even my brother snoring in the room beside mine.

Well, I guess that doesn't really count; Zacky can be louder than a motherfucker when he snores.

I let out an annoyed sigh, knowing that I wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep and sat up, stretching a bit. Carefully scooting to the edge of the bed as to not wake Matt, I got up and tiptoed across the room to grab a bra and pair of undies to slip onto my nude figure.

Not that Matt and I banged each other in my mom's house; come on people, I have more respect than that. I just ... like to sleep naked. Don't act appalled, I'm sure you've done it once or twice. Anyway ...

I reached into my bag once again to pull out a pair of shorts and slipped into them. Hearing Matt mumbling some nonsense on the bed, I turned around and looked at him, finding him cuddling with my pillow, still fast asleep. I smiled to myself a bit and turned back to my bag, searching for a t-shirt to put on.

Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around my waist, scaring the crap out of me.

"D-Dude." I stuttered, turning around in Matt's arms to look up at him. "I seriously just about pissed myself."

"Baby, what are you doing?" He mumbled, his one eye that was open staring down at me. "Come back to bed."

"I can't sleep though." I sighed. "I'm gonna go and start cooking the turkey."

"At five o'clock in the morning?" He protested, resting his head over my shoulder. "Please, just come lay down with me ... I wanna snuggle."

I let out a little laugh and pulled away from him so I could look into his eyes.

"Alright ... Tell you what ... let me go down and take care of that damn turkey." I said, pausing for a second to peck his lips. "And then I'll be back up and we can snuggle."

"Promise?" He asked, reminding me very much of a little kid.

"I promise babe."

"Fine then." He sighed, dragging his feet back to the bed. "I'll be here waiting."

He plopped down on top of the covers and laid there, his face buried in his pillow.

"Tested but secure." He added in a muffled voice.

"Shut up." I laughed, balling up a random shirt and throwing it at him.

He didn't do anything but continued to lay there, so I took off into the hallway and made my way downstairs to the kitchen.

I preheated the oven and started to search the joint, looking for a pan to put the bird in. I found one big enough and lined it with tin foil, setting the turkey in it. I did all the other shit one would do [honestly I don't know 'cause I've never cooked a fucking turkey before] and sat around waiting for the oven to finish preheating.

I rubbed the back of my neck and felt my fingers run around the chain that held my ring on it. I held the ring up to my face and let my eyes wander over it, taking in its stunningly simple elegance.

I couldn't help but let a smile spread across my face as I continued to look at it. Seven months ago, when I first met Matt, I never would have thought that I would have fallen in love with him over the course of the summer. But now, here I am, staring at the promise ring he had given me.

Soon the sound of the oven dinging brought me from my thoughts and I got up to put the turkey inside of it. I closed the oven door and took off back upstairs to the room, only to find that my boyfriend was already fast asleep.

*****************

Here we were all sitting around in the living room with wrapping paper littered all over the place. It was pretty damn late and it looked as if almost everyone were ready to call it a night.

Johnny and Shawna were curled up together on one of the giant bean bags, Amber was sitting on Zacky's lap messing around with the iPod he had gotten her, Syn and Lissa were tangled up together on the other couch having some sort of conversation about guns, and Jimmy and Alyssa were cuddling with one another underneath the coffee table.

Matt and I were sitting on the same couch as Amber and Zacky, not really doing anything besides watching television.

"Man, I don't wanna go back on tour tomorrow." I whined, resting my head on Matt's chest.

"Me neither babe." He said quietly, running his fingers through my hair. "But ... it's only for three more weeks then we'll be done until the summer."

I sighed as he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to sit on his lap, resting his head over my shoulder. We sat there like that for a few more minutes, Matt humming some sort of tune softly in my ear.

"Well, we're going to bed." My brother announced, standing up while still holding Amber bridal style in his arms.

"Shut up, nobody cares." I replied.

He just narrowed his eyes at me before disappearing into the hallway. I laughed a bit to myself and pulled myself from Matt's grip, standing up as well.

"Come on babe, let's call it a night." I said softly, turning around to lace my fingers with his.

"I'm not tired though." He protested, yawning not long after the words left his mouth.

"Right." I said slowly, pulling him to his feet.

"Well ... Maybe I'm a little tired." He said, smiling sheepishly at me as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, leading me out into the hallway and up the stairs to our room.

Zacky's POV
I smiled down at Amber's sleeping figure one last time and stood up, heading out into the hallway and to the bathroom. After I did my stuff I started my journey back to my room but stopped short when I saw that my mom's door was cracked open just a bit spilling light out into the darkened hallway.

I knocked softly on it and peaked inside, finding her sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at seemingly nothing in particular. Although she didn't say anything to acknowledge my presence, she made a motion for me to take a seat beside her. I slowly made my way across the room to take my place, gently grabbing a hold of her hand as soon as I sat down.

She sighed heavily to herself and tightened her grip.

"Zacky, I know that its a lot to ask to keep this from Lauren." She said quietly.

I nodded my head, taking a sudden interest in the tan carpet.

"Mom ... it hurts so bad to not let her know ... I mean ... she has a right to know about this, doesn't she?" I asked in a whisper, not daring to talk any louder because I wasn't too sure if my vocal cords would allow me to.

"Zacky ... I don't want her to know." She said simply.

"But mom ... why don't you? You know how she got when dad passed away. Don't you think we should tell her so it doesn't all come as a big shock?"

I took a chance to look up at my mom and felt my heart breaking when I caught sight of the tears rolling silently down her cheeks.

"Sweetheart, I don't expect you to understand why I want it to be this way." She said softly. "But when I do go," she paused for a second, swallowing hard, "promise me you'll keep an eye on Lauren. Tell her how much I love her and how much it hurt to keep this from her."

I bit my lip as my own tears started to fall but nodded my head all the same. It's weird talking to someone about the day they'll die, talking about what to do after they've passed. It hurt to think about when that day would come; it hurt even more because I knew that it would come in a couple months time.

What do you do when you know you'll only have two more months to be with them? Do you spend as much time as you can with them until their time comes? Do you treat them differently than you normally would because you already know of their fate?

I don't know. I've never really had a loved one been given a certain amount of time to live. As I sat here and watched the days go by, becoming nearer and nearer to thee day, it felt as if there were a timer set on my own heart as well. I wasn't sure what would happen when the timer expired.

What with all this anxiety it sometimes felt as if it were all I could think about. Sometimes I'd stay awake all through the night, dreading what was to come. It drove me crazy and sometimes I couldn't even handle it.

Maybe this was why my mom didn't want Lauren to know. We all know how Lauren is with the thought of saying goodbye ... and maybe the thought of having to say goodbye to our mom once and for all would tear her apart. Fuck, in this situation it wasn't even a thought ... it was a fact that she had to say goodbye in a few weeks time.

It's hard, even heartbreaking in a way, to prepare yourself to say such a goodbye to someone who's been there your whole life.

Perhaps my mom was right; perhaps it was better for her passing to come as a shock to Lauren.

I shook my head as if that'd shake all my troubles from my mind and looked back over at my mom. She must have seen me watching her out of the corner of her eye because she turned to look at me. Suddenly she reached over with her free hand and wiped some tears away from my face.

As much as I tried not to I felt myself breaking down, and before I knew it my mom had her arms wrapped around me, letting me cry my fucking eyes out on her shoulder.

"Sweetie, shh." She cooed. "Please, you gotta keep strong for you and your sister." She said quietly.

"Mom, I don't want you to go." I cried, clutching onto her.

"Baby, it's just my time though."

"This is fucking bullshit, it's not fair." I sniffed, regaining some control over myself.

"Shh, I know." She sighed. "And watch your mouth." She added, pinching my side a bit.

"Sorry."

I took a deep breath and pulled away from her, wiping my eyes. She reached over and pressed her lips to my forehead, giving me a faint smile as she pulled away.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's going on in here?"

I felt my heart in my throat as I turned around to look at Lauren.

"What's wrong?" Lauren asked, looking on the verge of tears herself once she caught sight of our mom and my tear stained cheeks.

"W-we were just talking about ... " My mom trailed off, tightening her hand around mine once more.

"I was just telling mom that." I paused for a second, flashing her a smile. "That you're going to be an aunt."

Lauren cocked her head to the side a bit, giving me a funny look.

"Wait." She said slowly. "You're lying."

I shook my head and laughed a bit to myself as her face lit up.

"Dude ... no effin way!" She screeched. "Are you serious? You and Amber are ... holy shit! Where is she?!?"

"In the room." I replied. "But she's already ... " I trailed off as Lauren disappeared into the hallway, yelling around for my wife.

I sighed and turned back to my mom.

"When did you find this out?" She asked, wrapping me in another hug.

"Well, I just found out a few minutes ago." I grinned. "But I guess Amber found out a couple weeks ago ... She wanted to wait until I got back to tell me."

My mom just continued to smile at me.

"But something tells me you already knew." I said, eyeing her.

She nodded her head, trying to stifle a yawn. I took that as my cue to roll out.

"Oh ... well, I guess I'd better let you get some sleep." I said quietly as I stood up.

I gave my mom another hug and kiss before I said goodnight and headed down the hallway to me and Amber's room. I stopped short in the doorway when I saw Lauren and Amber passed out together on the bed, smiling a bit to myself.

"Dude, Zacky."

I turned and looked back out into the hallway, spotting Matt standing in the doorway of Lauren's room.

"Where's Lauren? I heard her yelling around about something earlier ... but I don't know where she went."

"She's in here." I said, nodding to my room. "You'd better come get her, she's already out."

He came and joined me in the room, stopping short to stare at the two for a couple of seconds before he reached over to gently take Lauren in his arms. I watched him pack her out into the hallway, shutting the door behind them. I stripped down to my boxers and climbed underneath the covers, falling into a deep sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
End of Zacky's POV