I Saw Your Heart as It Overtook Me

I sat there on my brother's lap with my arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders and my head rested in the crook of his neck, silently crying to myself. We were still at the hospital with Matt still MIA. The guys have been calling him non-stop for the past fifteen minutes, trying to figure out where the fuck he was. Of course they got his voice mail every time and I bet you could imagine the sorts of messages my brother left on there.

I'll just say his words included 'castrate,' 'pulverize,' 'torture,' 'shoot,' and 'impale.' Hmm ... if you want to you can try and reconstruct what else he said because I sure as hell don't want to repeat it.

Zacky had an arm wrapped loosely yet firmly around my waist, holding me in place while he held his cell to his ear, trying once again to get a hold of Matt. I heard him let out a long sigh and his cell snap shut, indicating that it was no use.

"Well, sister." He whispered, kissing my forehead gently. "I suppose we should just head back to the bus. He'll have to come back sometime because he wouldn't dare miss a show."

I nodded my head and he carefully stood up, making sure not to put too much strain on my broken ribs.

"JB, can you grab her purse please?" Zacky asked quietly.

"Oh, yeah, sure." He replied.

I moved my head so that it was now resting over Zacky's shoulder and looked back to see Jimmy giving me a sorry look. Earlier he had come over to me and apologized because it was his coke after all that was in my purse. He thought that maybe if he had at least told me it was in there this whole thing wouldn't have happened. I told him that it wasn't his fault because even if he did tell me it was in there, there's no way to know for sure how Zacky would have reacted to finding it.

I closed my eyes, trying to block the remaining tears that still sought to escape my eyes, and tightened my arms around my brother's shoulders. I heard the hinges creak a bit as the weight of the doors shifted on them and soon a blast of cold air stung at my bare arms.

"Well, at least it stopped raining." Syn said, trying to break the uneasy silence.

"Yeah." Zacky mumbled, readjusting his arms so he could lift me up a little higher. "I suppose."

"Lauren, do you have everything you need?" Alyssa asked. "They gave you antiseptics and stuff for your stitches?"

"Yeah ... they're in my purse." I replied, my voice hoarse and rough from crying so much within the past fifteen minutes.

"Okay hun, just making sure." She said.

While we were waiting in the cold for our cabs to show up, Zacky started to rock me ever so slightly in his arms, singing softly in my ear. No one really knows how good my brother can actually sing because, well, he hardly ever does. Sure, he may do some backing vocals during a live show but during those situations he's mainly focused on playing his guitar rather than his actual singing.

But when he actually sings just to sing you realize soft his voice actually is. It's calming. Soothing. Comforting.

"Zacky?" I whispered.

"Yeah sis?"

"Why does it have to be so hard to love somebody?" I asked.

"Sister, the problem isn't actually in loving them. The problem is in everything else surrounding you guys. The world makes it hard on you two; it twists the things you mean to say, messes up the things you mean to do, and makes you look one way while he looks another." He said softly. "Although we try our best to do everything perfectly, you have to remember we're only human. Everybody makes mistakes, Lauren, so don't think for a second you're the only one having a hard time."

I let out a long sigh and hesitated for a moment before I spoke again.

"Brother ... I love Matt so much." I said quietly.

"Shh, I know Lauren."

"And I gotta tell you something ... but promise you won't get mad."

Zacky was quiet for a second or two.

"Its nothing illegal, is it?"

"No." I sighed. "But you promise?"

"Alright sister, I promise." He said gently. "What's on your mind?"

"Well ... Matt gave me a ring."

I felt Zacky's body tense up a bit and I braced myself for the worse.

" ... A ring?"

"A promise ring." I said.

Zacky let out a long, loud sigh and tightened his arms around me ever so slightly. After about a minute of silence I couldn't take it anymore.

"Brother, please say something."

"I ... I don't want to say anything because at the moment I'm trying real hard not to explode on you."

"Zacky."

"We'll talk about this later after you're all rested up get things straightened out with Matt." He said impatiently.

"But-"

"We'll talk about it later." He said quietly yet sternly.

Why is it that my brother won't hesitate for a second to give me love advice but when reminded that I have an actual relationship to apply it to, his attitude turns around 180 degrees in the totally opposite direction?

***************

"Ah, our cozy little bus." Johnny said, sighing to himself as the bus came in sight. "Oh, how I love our bus."

Zacky and I both turned to give Johnny a funny look and in turn he gave us a little embarrassed smile.

"Sorry," he blushed, "I don't know where that came from honestly. I just ... felt like saying it."

"Well, I think it may have something to do with all those Milky Ways you totally annihilated this morning." I joked as our cab slowed to a stop in front of our bus.

While Zacky carefully helped me out of the cab and Johnny paid the driver, the other cab carrying Jimmy, Alyssa, JB, and Syn pulled up behind ours. Once I was 'secured' in my brother's arms, he kicked the cab door shut behind us and started off towards the bus. He came to a stop in front of the door and whispered for me to punch in the code, seeing as how his arms were currently preoccupied with holding my lard ass up.

I entered the code and pulled the door open, allowing Zacky to continue on up the stairs. The bus was quiet ... unnaturally quiet almost, and it made me a bit uneasy for some odd reason. Zacky gently sat me down on the couch and took a seat beside me.

"Zacky?" I whispered, taking a hold of his hand. "Are you mad at me for accepting this ring from Matt?" I asked, pulling it out from its resting place beneath my shirt.

Zacky let his eyes scan the ring for a few seconds as if he were studying it before looking away.

"No." He said stiffly. "What makes you think that?"

"Well, you haven't said anything since I told you about it back at the hospital for one." I said quietly. "And plus I know your big brother protectiveness is wanting to tell me it's too early in our relationship to be thinking like this."

Zacky let out a little sigh and shrugged his shoulders, mumbling something under his breath.

"What?" I asked.

"I said yes, I'm mad at you right now but I'm way more fucking mad at Matt for leaving you there at the hospital like he fucking did. So, when I find him, I'm gonna kick his fucking ass and tell him if he ever does it again that he'll be very fucking sorry indeed." He said angrily, balling his fists up in his lap.

"I ... oh, we-"

"Don't think you're off the hook." Zacky snapped. "When I'm done with him I'm gonna come back and yell at you."

I frowned a little to myself and shrugged my shoulders, pulling away from Zacky a bit and leaned more towards my other side. Yeah, I told you that my brother would get his panties all up in a bunch once he found out about that blasted ring. Honestly, I don't understand how one can get so worked up about such a seemingly insignificant item. But then again this was Zacky ... I swear the man could get worked up about some random pencil lying in the middle of the table if he really wanted to. Anyway ...

At the moment I didn't really give a damn about my brother being pissy with me; all I cared about was finding Matt, hearing his voice, being in his arms, letting him know that I didn't mean any of those things that I said. I wanted to tell him that it was just anger and ignorance speaking; I wanted to tell him that that's not how I really felt. I needed to fix this right now, fix it before everything was ruined.

I looked down at my hands resting neatly on my lap and let my eyes scan over them, trying to keep my mind on them as not think about the physical, mental, and emotional pain I was feeling just then. However, it wasn't enough to preoccupy my mind and before I realized it the tears had made a comeback.

"Shh, Lauren, please don't cry." Zacky said softly, his voice breaking a bit. "Although I'm pissed at both you and Matt right now, it stills hurts me like a motherfucker to see you so upset about this. Please, don't cry sister."

"I can't help it Zacky." I sniffed. "I just can't help but think about what would happen if I don't find Matt and get things straightened out. What if he doesn't let me apologize to him? What if he does but doesn't accept it? What if-"

Matt's POV
I stood at the edge of the hallway on our bus, going unnoticed by Zacky and Lauren as I watched them on the couch. I watched as Lauren broke down into a whole new string of tears and watched as Zacky took her in his arms. He rubbed her back for comfort, rocking her gently while whispering words of comfort to her.

I bet your wondering why I took off from the hospital, huh?

Well, I'm not actually sure myself. I guess I just wanted to go be somewhere by myself and just sit back and think. I didn't want to sit around in some hospital so I had decided to come back to the bus. The whole time I lay in the bunk, thinking about everything Lauren had said. I knew that she didn't really mean any of those things she said, it was just her nasty temper getting the best of her.

But then again it got me thinking about exactly what I could do in order to be a better boyfriend (sticking up for Lauren was definitely number one on my list). I got to thinking about what I could change about myself to make our relationship even stronger.

I don't know.

I watched as Lauren rested her head on her brothers chest, clutching onto him as the tears now began to fall in a continuous line down each side of her flawless face. I felt my own tears start to fall when I recalled that I had told Johnny before I left, when he said that Lauren wanted to talk to me.

Can you believe I said that I didn't want to talk to her?

Yeah, I think I can officially say I'm the biggest douche on the face of the earth right now.

I reached up and wiped the tears away, sniffing a little in the process. Except my little sniff was a bit louder than I had intended it to be and Zacky instantly snapped his head in my direction, narrowing his eyes venomously at me. I tried my hardest to swallow down the lump in my throat as Zacky carefully moved his sister aside and stood up, stomping towards me.

I opened my mouth to say something but failed to get a single word out before Zacky's fist collided with the side of my face. I stumbled a bit from surprise and stared at him in shock.

Funny ... a little while ago it was the opposite way around with Zacky stumbling a bit from surprise and starting at me in shock.

"Dude, Zacky, let me ex-"
End of Matt's POV

My brother didn't even give Matt a chance to finish his sentence and Zacky started to punch whatever part of Matt he could reach. I cried out weakly, trying to tell him to stop but of course Zacky didn't listen to my pleas. Seeing that Matt wasn't even attempting to fight back, looked anxiously around for signs of the rest of the guys.

I cursed under my breath when they were nowhere to be found and struggled to my feet, hobbling over to where my brother was absolutely beating the shit out of my boyfriend.

"Zacky, please, stop." I begged, grabbing a hold of his arm in an attempt to get his attention.

Yeah, I probably would have had better luck with getting a 747 flying overhead to spot me waving at them from some random deserted island.

Not really knowing what else to do to get Zacky's attention, I balled my good hand into a fist and mustered what was left of my strength, clocking Zacky along side his head.

"Motherfucker!" He yelled, clutching the side of his head.

"Yeah, you can say that again." I muttered, holding my ribs.

"Oh shit, Lauren are you-"

"Zacky I'm fine." I mumbled, pushing him aside to get to Matt, who was leaning up against the wall, trying to stem the flow of blood running vigorously from his nose.

I was able to lock eyes with his for a split second before he tore his away, staring down at the ground. I sighed a little and grabbed a handful of tissues, pushing Matt's hand away and pressed the tissues to his nose.

"Lauren, I-I'm sorry." He stuttered, his voice sounding a bit funny because of the fact that I was pinching his nose shut to stop the bleeding. "I know I shouldn't have left you at the hospital and I know I should have said something before you left and I-"

"Shh." I said softly. "It's okay baby. I'm the one who should be apologizing."

Matt brought his eyes back up to mine with sorrow written all over them. I pulled the tissues away and found that the bleeding had now stopped so I threw the tissues away before turning back to Matt. I saw the tears threatening to fall from his stunning eyes and I placed my hand on the side of his face. He instantly leaned into my touch and placed his hand on top of mine, holding it in place.

"I love you Matt." I whispered, caressing his cheek with my thumb. "I love you with all my fucking heart."

"I know baby." He whispered back. "I love you too. And I wish I can rewind everything and set things right, and stop you from getting on that cab, and hell, even catch you before you fell with that damn bowling ball. But seeing as how I can't ... can you at least forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you Matt." I said, giving him a faint smile. "Can you forgive me?"

He nodded his head rather feverishly, making me laugh a little.

"Well in that case." I whispered, leaning in towards him, hoping he'd take the hint.

Thankfully he caught on before I had to had to stand on my tip toes and he reached down, pressing his lips to mine. It was a simple closed mouth kiss but it was still full of so much love and passion that it was able to make my shitty day a little less, well, shitty. Matt pulled away after a few seconds and took me gently in his arms.

"Yeah, so now that you guys have made up," Zacky huffed from his spot on the couch, "now we can discuss a ring a certain douche bag gave to someone's baby sister."

I sighed to myself and rolled my eyes. I swear, if it wasn't one thing it was always another.