I Saw Your Heart as It Overtook Me

I literally felt my heart stop as soon as those words left Matt's mouth. Wait, no, no ... there's no way in Hell this could be happening ... I must have just misunderstood him.

"Baby, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before."

Oh my gosh ... It was true.

I felt the tears instantly start to fall from my eyes as my legs gave out from underneath me. Matt tightened his arms around me to keep me from falling to the bathroom floor.

"No, Matt, no." I sobbed, clutching onto him. "Please tell me it's not true."

"Lauren, I ... " He trailed off, clearly indicating that it was.

"No, baby ... H-How long have you know?"

Matt didn't reply.

"M-Matt?"

"Zacky told me before we left for tour." He whispered. "That's why he didn't want you to come with us."

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" I asked angrily, pulling away from him.

I wiped the tears away and narrowed my eyes at him, slapping his hand away when he tried to reach for me.

"Lauren, I'm sorry." He said quietly. "Your brother said not to tell you be-"

"Wait, Zacky said not to tell me?"

"Yeah, because-"

I shoved my way past Matt and flung open the door, finding my brother sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, his face buried in his hands. He looked up when he heard me open the door and stood up quickly when he saw the expression on my face. He came eye level with me as soon as I stopped in from of him and he opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off by slapping him as hard as I could across the face.

"How dare you keep something like this from me, Zachary." I whispered harshly.

Zacky didn't reply but rather continued to hold a hand over the spot on his face where I had hit him, giving me a sorry look. I made a move to slap him again but he reached up and grabbed a hold of my hand to stop me from doing so.

"Zacky, let go of me." I muttered, blinking through the tears that were falling continued down either side of my face. "I'm going to be with mom."

"No you're not." He said quietly.

"Who's fucking gonna stop me?" I asked, staring coldly at him as if daring him to try.

"Lauren ... Matt and I didn't tell you about mom because she asked us not to." He whispered as the tears started to glaze over his own vibrant eyes.

"I don't fucking care; you think that's gonna stop me from going to see her?" I asked, looking at him like he was stupid, which he was.

"Lauren, please ... mom doesn't want us to see her like that."

I jerked my hand away from Zacky and gave him a death glare before I turned on my heal and stormed off towards me and Matt's room.

Matt's POV
I watched as Lauren stormed off down the hallway and into our room, slamming the door shut behind her. I continued to stare at the door for a couple seconds before I looked back to Zacky. I bit my lip when I saw the silent tears starting to roll down either side of his face.

I knew it hurt him not to tell Lauren, but fuck, he made a promise to his mom. True, it was a promise he should have broken, but Zacky was a man of his word.

"Zacky, aren't you going with her?" I asked quietly.

"She's not going." He said blankly."

"Zacky, you know you're not gonna stop her."

"Well, I ... " Zacky trailed off, looking down at the ground.

"God Zacky, your sister and your mother need you now more than ever, despite what they say. Fucking, go be with them."

"Matt, I made my mom a promise though." He said weakly, looking helplessly up at me.

The poor man was torn between keeping his word and doing what was right.

"Zacky, listen to me. I know you made a promise to your mom, but forget about it right now. Would you really rather stay here than go and be with your mom, rather stay here than to be with her one last time, or even to say goodbye to her?"

Zacky chose not to reply but rather looked to the door to me and Lauren's room, as if he were trying to look through the walls and see what she was doing.

"Matt ... I ... " He trailed off, not having any clue as to what to say.

"Fuck Zacky, if you're not gonna go with her, I am." I mumbled, turning to see everybody else in the hallway watching us.

"Matt, don't worry, I'll go. You have to stay here and finish up the tour; there's only three more days left." Zacky whispered.

"Zacky, if you go, think we're all gonna go." Syn said quietly.

"You guys ... " Zacky trailed off once again, the tears starting to multiply as they fell down his face.

"Shh." Amber cooed, stepping forward to take her husband in her arms. "Baby, your mom is basically like a mom to every single one of us."

There was a slight silence that followed, broken only by the quiet cries of Zacky. I rubbed a hand across my face and let out a long sigh, hearing the ruckus coming from me and Lauren's room.

"Well, um ... Let's get packed up guys." I said quietly.

There were a few mumbles of 'yeahs' that came from the guys and I turned around, heading for our room while mentally kicking myself in the ass for keeping this from Lauren all this time.
End of Matt's POV

I slammed the door shut behind me before I rushed over and started to pack my clothes back into my bag as fast as I could. Unfortunately that wasn't very fast due to the fact I was only really able to use one hand.

I couldn't believe that for nearly two months Matt has kept something like this from me. And Zacky ... God knows how long he's known about this. It hurt that they didn't tell me; hurt more than words could describe. I mean, did they actually think it right to keep this from me as long as they did?

I started to cuss out loud to myself and banged around my luggage, trying to force things in places it didn't fit. Somewhere between trying to force my conditioner into a side pocket and trying to zip up my luggage, I contorted my broken hand in a way it definitely shouldn't have and bit my tongue.

I heard the door open but I didn't bother to look at who it was, nor did I say anything. I felt a hand rest on my shoulder but I shrugged it off, knowing it was either Matt or Zacky ... my guess was Matt, though, because Zacky knew better than to try and come even in the same room as me what with the fucking stunt he pulled.

"Lauren?"

Matt's voice was soft and full of sorrow. I wanted to ignore him, and I tried my best to ... but I couldn't. I bit my lip and slowly turned around to look at Matt, finding him standing beside the end of the bed. He sighed heavily and motioned for me to join him with a little flick of his hand. I left the place by my luggage and ran over to his outstretched arms, holding him tightly.

"Matt, I'm so scared." I cried, clutching onto him.

"Shh." He cooed, rocking me in his arms. "Don't worry baby, we're going with you. Everything's gonna be alright."

**********************************

I held tightly onto Matt's hand while my brother and Amber led the way through the hallways in this hospital, searching for the room in which my mother was residing in. we took a left, a right, another right, before we finally came to a stop in front of room number 7305. I took a deep breath and clutched tighter onto Matt's hand, who in turn nudged me forward a little to stand up beside Zacky.

"No, Matt, I-"

"Shh." He cooed, pressing a finger to my lips while kissing me gently on the forehead. "You can do this baby."

I took another deep breath and let it out slowly, allowing my brother to grab a hold of my hand and pull me into the room. The first thing I saw was all the machines, then all the tubes, and then my mother, lying there on the bed, looking so sickly and helpless.

I blinked once or twice to keep the tears from clouding my vision as Zacky and I slowly made our way to beside her bed. Our mom's eyes were closed and it didn't seem like as if she knew we were there. Zacky pulled me so I was in front of him a little; so that I was closest to our mom.

"M-Mom?" I whispered, gently taking hold of her cold, fragile hand. "Mom, are you awake?"

Our mom stirred a little upon hearing my voice and she opened her eyes, slowly swiveling them around the room, focusing on various parts before she finally turned to look at Zacky and I.

"Lauren?" She whispered. "Zacky?"

Her voice was weak and shallow; such like it hurt her to even talk.

"My babies." She said. "Is that you?"

"Yeah mom." I said quietly.

I reached over and put her bedside rail down so I could lean over and wrap my arm around her.

"Mom, I love you." I cried. "I love you so much mom."

"Shh, Lauren. I know sweetheart." She said softly. "I love you too baby. I love both of you with all my heart."

I shut my eyes tight as I held her in my arms.

"Mom, why didn't you want to tell me?" I asked quietly.

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Zacky ... give us a minute, would you?"

"Alright mom." Zacky said quietly.

My mom waited for Zacky to leave the room before she spoke again.

"Sweetheart, take a seat." She said gently.

I slowly pulled away from her and pulled the chair up behind me, taking a seat. I grasped tightly into one of my moms hands while her other started to caress the side of my face. I leaned into her touch, knowing it would be one of the last times I could feel her soft fingers upon my flesh.

"Mom ... why did you want to keep this a secret from me?" I asked quietly.

"I did it for a couple reasons sweetie."

"Mom, please, tell me."

"Well," she paused for a second, breathing in deep through her nose tube, "for one, I wanted you to remember me how I was instead of seeing me how I am now. Trust me sweetie, it was never my intention for you to see me like this. I know it hurts you to see me this weak ... feeble. I know it hurts you because you're one of those who hate to see others in such pain."

I sniffed back some tears and bit my lip as my mom's eyes bore into mine.

"And second ... I knew if I did tell you sooner ... you'd most likely go back to how you used to be before."

"I ... W-What do you mean, 'like I used to be'?"

"I mean like after your father died. I knew that if I told you, you think non-stop about it and let it drive you crazy. I was afraid that telling you something like this ... would drive you back to the drugs and the alcohol. Sweetie, I didn't want to do that to you, not when you've come so far from it."

"But mom ... I don't want you to go." I cried.

"Shh, sweetie. I can't help it, I have to go; it's my time."

"No mom, it's not fair." I said angrily.

"Lauren, baby, we can't help what cards are dealt to us."

"Damn it mom, you shouldn't have to go though." I sniffed.

"Lauren ... I know I don't have too much time left. I don't want you to be angry with what little time I have left here. I don't want to sit around and argue hun. All I want to do is spend my last few hours I have with my babies." She whispered, wiping the tears away from my eyes. "And from the sounds of it, I'd say all ten, no, wait, eleven of them ... I always forget about JB."

Despite the situation, I let out a little laugh; no matter what the situation my mom always knew how to lighten the mood.

"Lauren, I love you sweetheart." She whispered. "I wish I could be here to see my little grandbabies running around, but I guess I'm just gonna have to check in on them from time to time."

"Yeah ... I just pray they're not gonna be like a bunch of little Zacky's running around ... that'll be enough to drive me crazy." I joked.

"Oh you just wait 'till you get all your little 'Lauren's' running around; now that will drive you crazy."

"Shh." I said, smiling weakly. "Mom, you know there'll never be any little Lauren's."

"Well, there's just that possibility sweetheart." She whispered, giving me a soft smile.

We sat there in silence staring at one another for a minute or two; not an awkward silence or anything, just ... like we were both taking in the reality that this was indeed the last time we'd ever spend together. Finally my mom decided to break the silence.

"C'mere sweetheart." She said softly.

I got up and gladly fell into her open arms. I prayed that those few seconds I was in her arms would never have to end but unfortunately, they had to sooner or later.

"I love you mom." I whispered, clinging onto her.

"I know sweetheart. I love you too." She replied, kissing my forehead softly. "Now ... what do you say we invite the rest of the clan in as well?"

I nodded my head and stood up, giving my mom's hand one last squeeze before I released it and made my way across the room.

******************************************

Matt's POV
It was now 5:37 in the morning and the only people who seemed to be awake at this hour was Mrs. Baker and I. I was sitting in a chair placed next to Mrs. Baker's bed, cradling an exhausted Lauren in my lap. I myself was on the verge of passing out but the steady beeping of Mrs. Baker's heart monitor seemed determined to keep me in time with the rest of the world.

I felt Lauren shift slightly on my lap so I readjusted my arms, making her a little more comfortable. I let out a little sight as I watched her sleep.

"Matt?" Mrs. Baker's feeble voice startled me a little and I quickly looked up at her.

"Yes ma'am?" I asked softly.

"Matt ... I can feel myself starting to slip."

I instantly felt my heart leap to my throat and a sudden look of fear flashed across my face.

"Please, don't wake Lauren." She requested. "It was hard enough to say goodbye to her the first time."

I nodded my head and tried my best to blink back the tears that were starting to cloud my vision.

"But promise me one thing Mathew."

"What's that?"

"Look after Lauren. Please, don't let her get lost again." She said quietly. "I know that you two love each other very much but please, take care of her."

"I will ma'am." I whispered. "I swear to God I will."

Mrs. Baker gave me a weak smile, but I knew it was a sincere smile all the same.

"And one more thing ... Don't let Zacky get to you too much. I know he's a hardheaded pissy pot from time to time, but he's only trying to look after his baby sister. You know what to do if he gets too out of hand."

I cocked my head to the side a bit and gave her a funny look.

"Slap him up and tell him who's boss." She smiled.

I laughed a little and nodded my head.

"Yes ma'am." I grinned.

She stared at me for a couple of seconds with her soft smile.

"I love you Mathew." She whispered. "Take care of my babies ... and any grandbabies that come along ... I'll keep an eye on you and make sure you are too."

I felt the tears start to fall without my permission; I knew the time was coming.

"Goodbye Mathew." She said softly, closing her eyes.

"G-Goodbye Mrs. B-"

The sound of the heart monitor going flat line stopped me in mid-sentence.
End of Matt's POV