I Saw Your Heart as It Overtook Me
Stressful Times
- || Johnny's POV || -
I walked hand and hand with Shawna as we slowly made our way through the hallways of the hospital towards Lauren's room. I heard Shawna sniff a little and I looked over to see a lone tear slowly falling down her cheek. I instinctively reached over and whipped it away before I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She gave me a weak smile and we continued on, taking a left at the nurses' station and coming to a stop in front of room #823.
I reached over and slowly opened the door, peaking in to see Matt sitting on one side of Lauren's bed and Zacky sitting on the other, both of whom were holding tightly to either one of her hands. Zacky looked up when he heard the door open and he gave us a soft smile as if to say 'thank you for coming' or something of the sort. Matt, on the other hand, didn't acknowledge our presence in any way.
I bit my lip as we walked over to the bed and I let Shawna go to let her give Lauren a little hug.
"How is she doing today?" I whispered, standing beside Zacky's chair.
"The doctors said she's looking better than she has been." Zacky said softly. "But they still don't know if she's going to ... " He trailed off, rubbing his face with his freehand.
I nodded my head and leaned over to kiss Lauren gently on her forehead. It struck me weird to see her so ... seemingly lifeless lying there on the bed. What with the absence of her usual smile and the lack of her non-stop smarty remarks, she seemed so ... death like.
It's been a week since Matt took Lauren to the hospital. The doctors figured that she had pneumonia and they've been treating her for it, but you know how things can turn south in a hurry with pneumonia. Despite the doctors' treatments, Lauren hasn't responded to any of it.
She still lies there, sleeping and looking as if she'll never wake again. Everybody assures Matt and Zacky to stay positive, stay optimistic, and keep themselves together, but it seems as if only Zacky has been listening to their words. For the past week, I don't think Matt has even left Lauren's side. He's completely torn up with the possibility of losing Lauren and he spends every waking moment he can with her.
It's hard, you know, watching one of your best friends slowly fall apart with each day that passed. It hurts to watch them, knowing that there's nothing really you can do for them and that all you can do is sit there, hold their hand, praying that everything will turn out alright in the end. And it hurts to see someone you've always known to be so strong, mentally and emotionally, reduced to someone so, well ... weak and helpless.
I watched as a little tear silently fell from the corner of Matt's eye and flow gracefully down his unshaven cheek. Yes, it was definitely hard to watch a man like Matt fall to pieces like he has been. But if I know Lauren, I know that it'd take a lot more than some little case of pneumonia to keep her down.
- || End of Johnny's POV || -
- || Matt's POV || -
I heard Johnny and Zacky talking about something across from me but I paid no attention to what they were saying. The only thing I was really aware of was my girlfriend lying unconscious in front of me, as she had been for the past week. I'd spend every minute of everyday praying that her fever would break and that she would just open her eyes.
It was unbelievable how much I missed her. I already missed feeling her press her lips to my flesh, hearing the sound of her laugh, seeing her vibrant eyes looking back into mine. Zacky and the guys assure me that in no time she'd be back with us, moving about, giving me a hard time as always, but you guys know me; I usually tend not to look at the glass as half full.
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, running a hand across my face as if to try and wipe away the sleep that was trying to pull me away. I glanced up at the monitor and saw that Lauren's temperature was still 103. I sighed once again and turned to look at the clock, seeing that it was already 1:30; the nurse should be in anytime to check up on Lauren, and probably change her IV bag because it looked as if it were just about out.
Suddenly I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, shaking me gently. I turned my head and came face to face with Zacky, who was looking as tired as I was feeling at the moment.
"Hey." He said quietly.
"Hey." I managed to croak out.
I just now realized that it's been a while since I've actually spoken.
"Why don't we go grab something to eat?" He suggested, but frowned a little when I shook my head.
"No, I don't wanna leave Lauren." I said weakly, turning back to her.
"Matt, she'll be here when we come back." Zacky said. "Come on, you haven't eaten in a while."
"But Lauren-"
"Wouldn't want you to be treating yourself like you have this past weak." Zacky said, cutting me off.
I clenched my jaw shut tight and decided not to answer Zacky, but rather turned my back even more to him.
"Matt, please." He whispered. "You need to get out of here and get some fresh air. You'll feel better, and I swear Lauren will still be here when we get back."
I bit my lip and thought to myself for a couple of seconds before I nodded my head in agreement. I reached over and pressed my lips to Lauren's somewhat fever stricken ones before I stood up, letting Zacky lead me out of the room.
We walked in silence for a couple of minutes before we got to the cafeteria. Not really having much of an appetite, I headed straight for the table area while Zacky wandered around, looking for something to get for lunch. I picked a table in the far corner and sat down, folding my arms in front of me and began to zone out.
I'm not too sure what my mind wandered over while I waited for Zacky, but before long there was a little bowl of jell-o placed in front of me. I looked up and saw Zacky taking a seat across from me, holding a burrito in one hand and a bag of chips in the other.
"I'm not hungry." I mumbled, shoving the jell-o back over towards him.
"Dude, eat the motherfucking jell-o." He huffed, shoving it back over to me.
"Dude I don't want no damn jell-o."
"Well, what the fuck, you have to eat something Matt. Do you want this burrito instead?" He asked, handing it over across the table.
"Get that the fuck out of here, I don't want to eat anything."
"Fuck, don't make me shove my damn burrito in your mouth." Zacky said, getting slightly angry. "Whoa, that sounded kind of weird." He added, calming down a little.
"Yeah, it did." I mumbled.
"Matt." He sighed. "Please, just eat something. This isn't healthy not eating and shit like this, and not to mention slightly dumb."
I sighed as well and shrugged my shoulders.
"Maybe a little, but it's just that ... God Zacky, I'm so worried about Lauren." I whispered. "She hasn't showed any signs of improvement at all since she's been here, her fever's still running high ... "
"Matt, she's going to be okay." Zacky said. "The doctor said she's gonna be getter soon."
"Yeah, and he also said she'd wake up and be able to go home that same fucking day I brought her in." I said miserably.
"Well, you know it doesn't hurt to stay positive." Zacky mumbled.
"I know Zacky, I just ... Fuck, I'm so fucking scared to lose her. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to her. I know that thought of someone loving your sister like that freaks the fuck out of you, but I do love her, it's true. I've never loved someone like I love you sister, and there's not a single person who I'd rather spend my life with other than her. I know how fucking shitty it is without Lauren in my life and I pray everyday that I'd never have to be separated from her like that ever again."
I paused for a second, burying my faces in my hands.
"I love her so much Zacky." I whispered.
I tried my hardest to keep the tears from falling but I couldn't help it. I waiting for Zacky to say something but all that greeted my ear was silence. Finally, someone decided to speak up, but it wasn't Zacky.
"Wow, that's real ... sweet I suppose."
I brought my head out of my hands and scowled at Johnny, who in turn moved back behind a different table as if to shield himself from me.
"I ... I-Its just that you should have saved your speech for Lauren." He said in a squeaky voice. "She's in the room asking for you."
***********************************************
I pulled up into our driveway and turned off the engine before I slowly turned to look at a very tried Lauren curled up in the passenger seat. I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached over, gently caressing the side of her face with my fingers tips. She, in turn, gave me a soft, rather weak smile.
"How are you feeling baby?" I asked gently.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Tired." She said softly.
"Aww, well, when we get inside I'll take you upstairs so you can take a nap, alright?"
"Mattie, I've been napping for the past week." She laughed softly. "I'm just tired of being tired."
"I'm sorry baby." I whispered. "I don't know what to do to fix that."
Which was true; I didn't have a single clue as to how to make her feel better. Of course the medicine was doing their stuff so to that part, but I didn't know how to make her feel better in the mean time.
"Just be with me babe." She grinned. "That'll be good enough."
"Alright baby." I whispered with a little smile, leaning in towards her. "Whatever you want." I added before pressing my lips flush with hers.
After a few seconds I broke the kiss and pulled away from her as I grabbed her chin between my thumb and index fingers.
"I love you Lauren." I said softly.
"I know Matt." She smiled. "I love you too."
I kissed her one more time before I pulled away completely and got out of the car. I went around to Lauren's side of the car and opened the door, gently taking her in my arms. I grabbed her bag of medicine and shut the door, making my way across the driveway and up the sidewalk to the front door. I adjusted Lauren a little in my arms so I could reach over and unlock the door.
"Where to babe?" I asked once we got inside.
"Um ... the living room?"
"Alright, to the living room then." I said, nodding my head as I kicked the door shut behind us.
I continued on down the hallway and took a left at the end, heading straight into the living room. I packed Lauren over to the couch and gently set her down. I took my jacket off and tossed it to the floor before I took a seat next to Lauren. I kicked my shoes off and took Lauren's slippers off for her before I actually got comfortable.
Lauren rested her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around my middle as I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kicked my feet up on the coffee table. However, just as we got settled in, the damn phone started to ring. I let out a frustrated sigh took my feet off the table.
"I'll make it quick, sweetheart." I said as I stood up and made my way to the kitchen.
Damn it Matt, why the hell don't you have a phone in the living room, a voice said in the back of my mind. I shook my head and crossed the hallway to the kitchen, stopping in front of the phone. I picked it up and frowned a little when I didn't recognize the number. I turned it on and held it to my ear.
*****************************************
I cursed out loud to myself as I drove along down to the studio, pissed for having to leave Lauren all by herself like a fucking douche bag. The label called and fucking demanded I'd go back in right away. Of course I told them that my girlfriend had just returned home from the hospital literally five fucking minutes before they called but
the bastards wouldn't have it any other way.
So, after apologizing a million times over to Lauren for having to leave and calling Amber over to stay with her, here I am heading back into the studio. As I pulled into the studio I saw Jimmy and Syn's cars already in the parking lot. I parked my car next to Jimmy's and shut off the engine, sighing heavily as I got out. All I knew was that this was going to be a long fucking day.
Although I would be spending the entire day doing what I loved, it all meant nothing when compared to the fact that I could be spending the entire day with the one I loved.
I walked hand and hand with Shawna as we slowly made our way through the hallways of the hospital towards Lauren's room. I heard Shawna sniff a little and I looked over to see a lone tear slowly falling down her cheek. I instinctively reached over and whipped it away before I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She gave me a weak smile and we continued on, taking a left at the nurses' station and coming to a stop in front of room #823.
I reached over and slowly opened the door, peaking in to see Matt sitting on one side of Lauren's bed and Zacky sitting on the other, both of whom were holding tightly to either one of her hands. Zacky looked up when he heard the door open and he gave us a soft smile as if to say 'thank you for coming' or something of the sort. Matt, on the other hand, didn't acknowledge our presence in any way.
I bit my lip as we walked over to the bed and I let Shawna go to let her give Lauren a little hug.
"How is she doing today?" I whispered, standing beside Zacky's chair.
"The doctors said she's looking better than she has been." Zacky said softly. "But they still don't know if she's going to ... " He trailed off, rubbing his face with his freehand.
I nodded my head and leaned over to kiss Lauren gently on her forehead. It struck me weird to see her so ... seemingly lifeless lying there on the bed. What with the absence of her usual smile and the lack of her non-stop smarty remarks, she seemed so ... death like.
It's been a week since Matt took Lauren to the hospital. The doctors figured that she had pneumonia and they've been treating her for it, but you know how things can turn south in a hurry with pneumonia. Despite the doctors' treatments, Lauren hasn't responded to any of it.
She still lies there, sleeping and looking as if she'll never wake again. Everybody assures Matt and Zacky to stay positive, stay optimistic, and keep themselves together, but it seems as if only Zacky has been listening to their words. For the past week, I don't think Matt has even left Lauren's side. He's completely torn up with the possibility of losing Lauren and he spends every waking moment he can with her.
It's hard, you know, watching one of your best friends slowly fall apart with each day that passed. It hurts to watch them, knowing that there's nothing really you can do for them and that all you can do is sit there, hold their hand, praying that everything will turn out alright in the end. And it hurts to see someone you've always known to be so strong, mentally and emotionally, reduced to someone so, well ... weak and helpless.
I watched as a little tear silently fell from the corner of Matt's eye and flow gracefully down his unshaven cheek. Yes, it was definitely hard to watch a man like Matt fall to pieces like he has been. But if I know Lauren, I know that it'd take a lot more than some little case of pneumonia to keep her down.
- || End of Johnny's POV || -
- || Matt's POV || -
I heard Johnny and Zacky talking about something across from me but I paid no attention to what they were saying. The only thing I was really aware of was my girlfriend lying unconscious in front of me, as she had been for the past week. I'd spend every minute of everyday praying that her fever would break and that she would just open her eyes.
It was unbelievable how much I missed her. I already missed feeling her press her lips to my flesh, hearing the sound of her laugh, seeing her vibrant eyes looking back into mine. Zacky and the guys assure me that in no time she'd be back with us, moving about, giving me a hard time as always, but you guys know me; I usually tend not to look at the glass as half full.
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, running a hand across my face as if to try and wipe away the sleep that was trying to pull me away. I glanced up at the monitor and saw that Lauren's temperature was still 103. I sighed once again and turned to look at the clock, seeing that it was already 1:30; the nurse should be in anytime to check up on Lauren, and probably change her IV bag because it looked as if it were just about out.
Suddenly I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, shaking me gently. I turned my head and came face to face with Zacky, who was looking as tired as I was feeling at the moment.
"Hey." He said quietly.
"Hey." I managed to croak out.
I just now realized that it's been a while since I've actually spoken.
"Why don't we go grab something to eat?" He suggested, but frowned a little when I shook my head.
"No, I don't wanna leave Lauren." I said weakly, turning back to her.
"Matt, she'll be here when we come back." Zacky said. "Come on, you haven't eaten in a while."
"But Lauren-"
"Wouldn't want you to be treating yourself like you have this past weak." Zacky said, cutting me off.
I clenched my jaw shut tight and decided not to answer Zacky, but rather turned my back even more to him.
"Matt, please." He whispered. "You need to get out of here and get some fresh air. You'll feel better, and I swear Lauren will still be here when we get back."
I bit my lip and thought to myself for a couple of seconds before I nodded my head in agreement. I reached over and pressed my lips to Lauren's somewhat fever stricken ones before I stood up, letting Zacky lead me out of the room.
We walked in silence for a couple of minutes before we got to the cafeteria. Not really having much of an appetite, I headed straight for the table area while Zacky wandered around, looking for something to get for lunch. I picked a table in the far corner and sat down, folding my arms in front of me and began to zone out.
I'm not too sure what my mind wandered over while I waited for Zacky, but before long there was a little bowl of jell-o placed in front of me. I looked up and saw Zacky taking a seat across from me, holding a burrito in one hand and a bag of chips in the other.
"I'm not hungry." I mumbled, shoving the jell-o back over towards him.
"Dude, eat the motherfucking jell-o." He huffed, shoving it back over to me.
"Dude I don't want no damn jell-o."
"Well, what the fuck, you have to eat something Matt. Do you want this burrito instead?" He asked, handing it over across the table.
"Get that the fuck out of here, I don't want to eat anything."
"Fuck, don't make me shove my damn burrito in your mouth." Zacky said, getting slightly angry. "Whoa, that sounded kind of weird." He added, calming down a little.
"Yeah, it did." I mumbled.
"Matt." He sighed. "Please, just eat something. This isn't healthy not eating and shit like this, and not to mention slightly dumb."
I sighed as well and shrugged my shoulders.
"Maybe a little, but it's just that ... God Zacky, I'm so worried about Lauren." I whispered. "She hasn't showed any signs of improvement at all since she's been here, her fever's still running high ... "
"Matt, she's going to be okay." Zacky said. "The doctor said she's gonna be getter soon."
"Yeah, and he also said she'd wake up and be able to go home that same fucking day I brought her in." I said miserably.
"Well, you know it doesn't hurt to stay positive." Zacky mumbled.
"I know Zacky, I just ... Fuck, I'm so fucking scared to lose her. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to her. I know that thought of someone loving your sister like that freaks the fuck out of you, but I do love her, it's true. I've never loved someone like I love you sister, and there's not a single person who I'd rather spend my life with other than her. I know how fucking shitty it is without Lauren in my life and I pray everyday that I'd never have to be separated from her like that ever again."
I paused for a second, burying my faces in my hands.
"I love her so much Zacky." I whispered.
I tried my hardest to keep the tears from falling but I couldn't help it. I waiting for Zacky to say something but all that greeted my ear was silence. Finally, someone decided to speak up, but it wasn't Zacky.
"Wow, that's real ... sweet I suppose."
I brought my head out of my hands and scowled at Johnny, who in turn moved back behind a different table as if to shield himself from me.
"I ... I-Its just that you should have saved your speech for Lauren." He said in a squeaky voice. "She's in the room asking for you."
***********************************************
I pulled up into our driveway and turned off the engine before I slowly turned to look at a very tried Lauren curled up in the passenger seat. I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached over, gently caressing the side of her face with my fingers tips. She, in turn, gave me a soft, rather weak smile.
"How are you feeling baby?" I asked gently.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Tired." She said softly.
"Aww, well, when we get inside I'll take you upstairs so you can take a nap, alright?"
"Mattie, I've been napping for the past week." She laughed softly. "I'm just tired of being tired."
"I'm sorry baby." I whispered. "I don't know what to do to fix that."
Which was true; I didn't have a single clue as to how to make her feel better. Of course the medicine was doing their stuff so to that part, but I didn't know how to make her feel better in the mean time.
"Just be with me babe." She grinned. "That'll be good enough."
"Alright baby." I whispered with a little smile, leaning in towards her. "Whatever you want." I added before pressing my lips flush with hers.
After a few seconds I broke the kiss and pulled away from her as I grabbed her chin between my thumb and index fingers.
"I love you Lauren." I said softly.
"I know Matt." She smiled. "I love you too."
I kissed her one more time before I pulled away completely and got out of the car. I went around to Lauren's side of the car and opened the door, gently taking her in my arms. I grabbed her bag of medicine and shut the door, making my way across the driveway and up the sidewalk to the front door. I adjusted Lauren a little in my arms so I could reach over and unlock the door.
"Where to babe?" I asked once we got inside.
"Um ... the living room?"
"Alright, to the living room then." I said, nodding my head as I kicked the door shut behind us.
I continued on down the hallway and took a left at the end, heading straight into the living room. I packed Lauren over to the couch and gently set her down. I took my jacket off and tossed it to the floor before I took a seat next to Lauren. I kicked my shoes off and took Lauren's slippers off for her before I actually got comfortable.
Lauren rested her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around my middle as I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kicked my feet up on the coffee table. However, just as we got settled in, the damn phone started to ring. I let out a frustrated sigh took my feet off the table.
"I'll make it quick, sweetheart." I said as I stood up and made my way to the kitchen.
Damn it Matt, why the hell don't you have a phone in the living room, a voice said in the back of my mind. I shook my head and crossed the hallway to the kitchen, stopping in front of the phone. I picked it up and frowned a little when I didn't recognize the number. I turned it on and held it to my ear.
*****************************************
I cursed out loud to myself as I drove along down to the studio, pissed for having to leave Lauren all by herself like a fucking douche bag. The label called and fucking demanded I'd go back in right away. Of course I told them that my girlfriend had just returned home from the hospital literally five fucking minutes before they called but
the bastards wouldn't have it any other way.
So, after apologizing a million times over to Lauren for having to leave and calling Amber over to stay with her, here I am heading back into the studio. As I pulled into the studio I saw Jimmy and Syn's cars already in the parking lot. I parked my car next to Jimmy's and shut off the engine, sighing heavily as I got out. All I knew was that this was going to be a long fucking day.
Although I would be spending the entire day doing what I loved, it all meant nothing when compared to the fact that I could be spending the entire day with the one I loved.