I Saw Your Heart as It Overtook Me

FF Three Weeks
There I lay on the hammock, swinging slightly in the light breeze, a bottle of 151 in one hand while my other fumbled around with my pack of cigarettes. I was waiting for Zacky to take Lovella inside before I pulled one of my cigarettes out and lit it because I didn't want to be smoking around her.

As I watched him pushing her on the little swing set they had gotten her, I couldn't help but feel a sense of loneliness wash over me.

"Loser, what are you doing over there?"

I turned my head a little and looked towards the backdoor where JB was standing. I gave him a soft smile and motioned for him to come join me. He came to a stop beside the hammock and caught hold of it so he could climb on and lay down next to me. He kicked us off a little before he swung his other leg up onto the hammock, allowing us to return to our swinging once again.

"Why are you looking so sad over here, Lauren?" He asked, turning on his side a little so he was now facing me rather than lying flat on his back.

"I don't know." I said quietly. "I just ... " I trailed off, shrugging my shoulders.

JB gave me an apologetic smile and rolled onto his back once more. I let out a long, loud sigh and turned my eyes back to my brother and my niece to find that they were now joined by Amber. Again, I felt another stab of loneliness surge through my pathetic little heart.

You miss Matt, a voice said in the back of my mind, admit it.

"No." I said out loud to myself.

"No?" JB asked, turning his head to give me a funny look. "No what?"

"Oh, um ... nothing." I blushed. "I was just sort of talking to myself."

"Uh ... okay." He said slowly.

I bit my lip and looked down at my hand that was holding my bottle of 151 and expected for a second or two to see my engagement ring sparkling back at me before I remembered I no longer had it. I haven't had it for about three months now, but every once in a while I would look down, thinking it had magically found its way back onto my hand.

"Oh, hey, our homies are here now." JB said, nodding towards the house. "I'm gonna go kick Johnny's ass because he owes me money."

"Ha, alright JB, I'll still be here after you get your ass handed to you." I called after him as he took off across the lawn to chase down Johnny, who had taken off as soon as he saw JB coming after him.

I took a chance and looked around to everybody else; Jimmy sitting with Alyssa, Shawna who would be sitting with Johnny had he not been chased off by JB, Syn sitting with Lissa, and finally Zacky sitting with Amber and Miss Lovella. And here I sat ... or lay rather ... all by myself. All this lovey dovey stuff in the air, it was starting to get to me.

As I watched everybody with their better halves, it made me realize how much I missed having a boyfriend, how much I missed having Matt with me. Fuck, how I missed having his arms around me, holding me tight, how I missed hearing his pointless stories, how much I missed loving him.

Matt's POV
In a weird way, the days seem to fly by once nothing really matters to you anymore. The past three weeks? They seemed to go by in the blink of an eye. I don't really know what I did with my time anymore, where I went, who I spent it with. Actually I'm not even sure if I even went any where. I think spent most of the time at home, wallowing around in the self pity that surrounded me, playing the 'what if' game, and numbing the heartache with a shot of tequila every once in a while.

However, one thing's for certain; I haven't seen nor spoken to Lauren at all since that day she told me she couldn't love me anymore ...

I sighed loudly and turned over on the couch so that I was now lying on my stomach. I felt a headache coming on so I used the remote to turn the television off and I closed my eyes, thinking to take a quick nap. Within minutes I felt myself being pulled off into my subliminal state of mind but a sudden ringing of my doorbell brought me back to the real world.

I groaned a little and rubbed my temple, mumbling some words of nonsense under my breath. I rolled over and climbed to my feet, slowly making my way towards the door. I came to a stop in front of it and stretched a little before I looked through my peep hole to see who it was.

I instantly recognized Johnny's Mohawk and I frowned to myself a little, wondering why he even bothered to ring the doorbell. I opened the door and looked out at him, giving him a funny look.

"Johnny?" I asked.

"Matt." He said hoarsely.

I blinked my eyes a couple of times and struggled to focus on him. I felt my heart drop a little when I saw the tears in his eyes. That's when I knew something was wrong.

"Johnny, what's wrong man?" I asked, pulling him inside.

"Matt ... L-Lauren's ... " He trailed off, burying his face in his hands.

"L-Lauren?" I asked, my voice getting choked up a little by the lump in my throat. "Johnny, what happened? Is Lauren okay?"

"She's in the hospital, Matt. Zacky just called and s-said that they had to t-take her in because she wouldn't wake up this morning." Johnny cried, suddenly flinging his arms around me.

Instinctively I held onto him for comfort, but it was all I could do to keep my legs from giving out from underneath me.

"Johnny." I said shakily. "I ... w-we have to get to the hospital. Did Zacky say where they were?"

"S-S-St. Joseph's."

"Alright, alright, come on man, let's go." I said quietly.

Johnny nodded his head and reluctantly let go of me, pulling away to wipe away his tears. It seemed so wrong to see Johnny crying like this. As hard as it may be to believe, Johnny is the toughest out of all of us and he rarely lets his emotions show like this. But then again he and Lauren are close.

As Johnny was slowly making his way outside and to my car, I hurried into the kitchen to grab my keys off the countertop. I grabbed my coat and threw it on, stopping for a few seconds as I caught my reflection in the mirror. It was only then that I had taken notice to the tears that were falling in a continuous line down either side of my face.

I turned away and rushed to the front door, begging the Lord that everything would turn out just fine.

************************************************

I stood outside the door to room 309, my hand on the door knob, hesitant as to whether or not I really wanted to open it. I cast a sideways glance over to Zacky, who placed a hand on my shoulder and nodded his head.

"Its okay, Matt. The doctor said it was fine to go see her." He said quietly.

"I know." I replied. "I just ... I feel like this is my entire fault."

"Its okay, Matt." He repeated.

I took a deep breath and let it out in a long, loud sigh before I turned the handle and slowly pushed the door open. The room was surprisingly bright and unnervingly quiet, with the exception of an occasional beat every once in a while. I stepped into the room and hesitantly made my way to the side of Lauren's bed. I slowly myself to a stop and stared down at her unconscious figure somewhat still in disbelief as to what the doctors had said earlier.

"Matt, you can come closer." Zacky said softly as he walked around to the other side of her bed and pulled up a chair, taking a seat.

I bit my lip and pulled a chair beside the bed for myself before I sat down.

"Do you think she can hear us?" I whispered.

"I don't know." Zacky said honestly.

I nodded my head a little and leaned forward, putting down the railing on her bed. I reached over and took her hand in mine, holding it tightly. For a moment I sat there, waiting for her to squeeze my hand back in response ... but she didn't. She couldn't do anything, she couldn't talk, laugh, sit up, open her eyes, squeeze my hand ... All she could do was lay there; she was in a coma.

As the doctors explained it to us, she had so much alcohol in her system that she had gotten alcohol poisoning and slipped into a coma. No one really knows how long she's been unconscious but what we do know is that Zacky had gotten her to the hospital just in time. If he hadn't found her when he did ... well ... I'd rather not think about it.

"Zacky ... do you know what the last thing I heard her say was?" I whispered.

"No." He said quietly.

"She said that she couldn't love me like she once did. She gave me a chance, Zacky, and I blew it. Because of me she said that she'd rather be alone in the world than give her love to someone. All I ever wanted to do was show her how much I loved her ... Fuck, I couldn't even do that."

"Matt, look at me." Zacky said, causing me to tear my eyes from Lauren's seemingly lifeless figure. "Lauren does love you, you hear me?"

I shook my head and lowered my gaze back to Lauren's hand that was resting in my own. It was a little disturbing to see her summer tan replaced with a porcelain complexion.

"You didn't see the look in her eyes when she said it, Zacky. She doesn't love me anymore."

"Damn it Matt, yes she does. You're the one who doesn't see the look in her eyes whenever someone talks about you, mentions your name, whenever she sees a damn cheesy picture of you. It's her own pride, ignorance, and self pity that blinds her from seeing what her heart wants, what she really wants."

"How can you be so sure though Zacky."

"Matt." Zacky sighed. "Lauren and I are close, I mean, she's my sister for crying out loud. I know what she wants even when she doesn't."

"Honestly Zacky?"

"You know that I wouldn't lie about something like that, Matt." He said sincerely. "You're my best friend. True, what you did was wrong, but like you said, you're only human and you make mistakes."

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and wondering for a second or two if Zacky had actually been listening to me and Lauren's conversation through the door that day.
Whether he really was or not, I'll never know because at the moment there was a soft knock on the door. Zacky and I both turned our heads just in time to see Lauren's nurse step inside.

"Excuse me, but I have to come in, take her stats, change her sheets." She said quietly. "It shouldn't take more than five minutes, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room."

"Alright." Zacky replied.

He stood up and leaned over, pressing his lips softly to Lauren's forehead and whispered something in her ear before he straightened himself out. I stood up as well and bent over, kissing her cheek and then her lips before I followed Zacky out into the hallway.

*****************************************

I entered the elevator and reached over to press the number 3 button before I stood back and watching as the door closed before me. While the elevator slowly took me up to the third floor I looked down at the bouquet of roses I was packing. Somewhere near the ceiling, a bell dinged and the door opened back up, revealing a rather busy hallway.

I stepped out and took a left, weaving my way through the people. Every once in a while there was a 'Hi Matt' that would reach my ears and I would look in the general direction of which it came and waved a little. After three weeks worth of daily trips to this floor, you sort of started to make friends with the staff.

I took a left, a right, and then one more left before I found myself before room number 309. I opened the door and walked straight in, humming a little tune to myself when I stopped dead in my tracks. The room was ... empty. Well, the bed and machines were there, but all of Lauren's stuff, her cards, flowers, Lauren herself ... was gone.

I wouldn't be surprised if the nurses outside heard my heart him the cold, tile floor. I felt the tears starting to sting my eyes and I did my best to blink them back.

"Matt?"

No way.

I slowly turned around and actually blinked once or twice trying to determine whether or not I was really seeing what I was seeing. There she stood, her skin no longer deathly white, her figure no longer looking lifeless.

"L-Lauren?" I stuttered. "I ... when ... " I trailed off, swallowing hard.

For the first time in what must have been four months, I watched as the smile slowly spread across her lips.

"That's exactly what Zacky said when he walked in." She said, slowly making her way towards me.

Finally snapping out of my stupor I rushed forward, wrapping my arms around her, holding her tight. And surprisingly ... she hugged me back, clutching me tightly like she would never let me go.

"Oh God Lauren." I whispered. "I was so scared that you'd never wake up. I love you so much."

"Matt ... say it again." She said softly, her voice somewhat muffled by my shirt because of the face she had buried her face in my chest.

She turned a little so that she could look up at me, her vibrant eyes boring into mine.

"Please, say it one more time." She said.

"I ... I love you Lauren." I said quietly. "I know you said don't ever - "

"Matt, I love you too." She said, cutting me off. "Forget all that shit I said that day, I fucking love you."

"I-I, wait ... what?" I asked, sounding like a complete moron. "I-I-"

Again she cut me off, only this time by pressing her lips to mine. I stood there in shock for a few seconds before I started to kiss her back, my mind still trying to process everything that was happening. After about a minute or so, Lauren pulled away and looked me dead in the eye. I bit my lip and lowered my gaze, remembering how intimidating her stare actually was.

"Matt, I'm sorry I said those things to you because none of it was true. Just like the last time I said I couldn't love you ... I didn't realize that I was lying to the both of us. I was hurt and heartbroken when I said it. But as time when on, I began to realize how much I missed you. That night ... before I fucking drank myself into a coma ... I finally admitted to myself that I still loved you, that I'd love you no matter what. So this time, Matt ... this time I'm asking your forgiveness. And this time ... I'm asking you for another chance."

"Lauren." I said softly, bringing my free hand up to gently caress the side of her face. "You don't have to ask my forgiveness and you don't have to ask for another chance. I love you, there's no question about it. You're my everything; without you nothing else matters to me."

"Really?" She asked.

"No, I lie ... Zacky's really my everything." I smirked.

"Shut up." She grinned.

"So, are you two back together yet?"

Lauren and I both jumped a little and turned to find Zacky standing in the doorway watching us. I bit my lip and looked back down at Lauren.

"Are we?" I asked softly.

She turned back towards me, studying me for a second or two before she slowly nodded her head.

"Yes, we are." She whispered. "And I believe you have something that belongs to me."

I cocked my head to the side and gave her a funny look before she reached up and gave a little tug to my chain that had her rings on it.

"Oh yeah." I blushed as I pulled away from her. "Oh, and these are yours too." I added, handing her the roses.

She took them and smiled to herself as I reached up and struggled to grab a hold of my chain. Finally I was able to find a grip and I pulled it up and over my head. I unclasped the hook and carefully slid her engagement ring off of it. I quickly put clasped the chain back together and took hold of Lauren's left hand, sliding her engagement ring onto it. I took the necklace and carefully put it over her head.

"I swear, you two are the weirdest couple ever." Zacky mumbled from the doorway. "Come on, you've already been discharged Lauren, let's get the hell out of here."

I ignored Zacky's first comment and wrapped an arm around Lauren's shoulders, following Zacky out into the hallway. For the first time in months I felt alive again, I felt happy, I felt free. I had Lauren back by my side and there was nothing in the world that could ever take her from me again.
End of Matt's POV