Status: 30 day challenge
Thirty Times
parents.
Mom,
I apologize for being the way I am, and you don't even know the half of it. You don't know that I hate my body, you don't know that it's because it's a girl body. You don't know that I'm transgendered, but I hope that someday you will and you will accept it. You're still in denial about my sexuality, and I pray that one day you will accept that, too. I want to be close with you and I want to be able to tell you things like I tell Meg, but I fear that your reactions won't be quite as easy to deal with as Meg's are. I know you want my life to be simple, but it's plain as day that so far, it is not simple at all. I've found so many complications in life, and telling you things I want to tell you will be just another obstacle to go through. I'm selfish for wanting my life to be easy, but isn't everyone sort of selfish in that aspect?
Still, I'm sorry.
Love,
Me
*****
Dad,
I'm going to put this bluntly: You were one of the causes of my hospital stays. I love you to death and back to life, but seriously since you and Mom split up everything has been so much better. Last night when you asked me why I like you guys apart, I couldn't explain it. But here I am now, ready to explain. And where are you, Dad? Why aren't you here? I like you better apart because of the intensity of everything has vanished. Everything used to be extremely terrifying, even just walking in the house. Why else would I sneak out all the time? Why else would I have turned to drugs and sex, Dad? You know that's what I did and I know you still can't believe it. I know your life is so hard, and I'm right too, aren't I? Yeah, maybe your life is difficult but you aren't the one with parents that can't be together without internal fighting (I can feel the energy in the room, just to let you know) and you were never EVER scared that your parents wouldn't accept you for who you really were. Sure, you were sent to military school for a year, but at least you got all the help you could possibly get. I can't get any help for this! Not even my therapist can help me with such a thing, unless I see a different kind of therapist.
But I'm scared, Dad. I'm so afraid of coming out transgender to you. You didn't and still don't accept my sexuality, so why would you accept my identity? Do you have an answer for that, Dad? You always seem to have an answer for everything. Here I am, ready to tell the world and then you and Mom come into the picture, and I think, Oh yeah, them. I shrivel up and cower. I'm afraid.
Love,
Me
*****
Mom and Dad,
It seems like I'm selfish, and of course I am. It's human nature to be at least a little bit selfish. Those letters above didn't explain everything that I would like to be explained.
You are the best parents I could ever have, and that's no lie. I understand now that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, and life wouldn't be as fun or interesting if there was. Parents are human, too. I don't know why that concept was so out of reach for me, but there you go. Now I get it. And I'm sorry for being this, for ruining your plans of getting the perfect life. But now you have learned as well that even your own kids won't have the life you wanted them to have.
So, overall, I'm satisfied with you guys. You deserve the satisfaction for at least trying your best.
I love you both,
Me
I apologize for being the way I am, and you don't even know the half of it. You don't know that I hate my body, you don't know that it's because it's a girl body. You don't know that I'm transgendered, but I hope that someday you will and you will accept it. You're still in denial about my sexuality, and I pray that one day you will accept that, too. I want to be close with you and I want to be able to tell you things like I tell Meg, but I fear that your reactions won't be quite as easy to deal with as Meg's are. I know you want my life to be simple, but it's plain as day that so far, it is not simple at all. I've found so many complications in life, and telling you things I want to tell you will be just another obstacle to go through. I'm selfish for wanting my life to be easy, but isn't everyone sort of selfish in that aspect?
Still, I'm sorry.
Love,
Me
*****
Dad,
I'm going to put this bluntly: You were one of the causes of my hospital stays. I love you to death and back to life, but seriously since you and Mom split up everything has been so much better. Last night when you asked me why I like you guys apart, I couldn't explain it. But here I am now, ready to explain. And where are you, Dad? Why aren't you here? I like you better apart because of the intensity of everything has vanished. Everything used to be extremely terrifying, even just walking in the house. Why else would I sneak out all the time? Why else would I have turned to drugs and sex, Dad? You know that's what I did and I know you still can't believe it. I know your life is so hard, and I'm right too, aren't I? Yeah, maybe your life is difficult but you aren't the one with parents that can't be together without internal fighting (I can feel the energy in the room, just to let you know) and you were never EVER scared that your parents wouldn't accept you for who you really were. Sure, you were sent to military school for a year, but at least you got all the help you could possibly get. I can't get any help for this! Not even my therapist can help me with such a thing, unless I see a different kind of therapist.
But I'm scared, Dad. I'm so afraid of coming out transgender to you. You didn't and still don't accept my sexuality, so why would you accept my identity? Do you have an answer for that, Dad? You always seem to have an answer for everything. Here I am, ready to tell the world and then you and Mom come into the picture, and I think, Oh yeah, them. I shrivel up and cower. I'm afraid.
Love,
Me
*****
Mom and Dad,
It seems like I'm selfish, and of course I am. It's human nature to be at least a little bit selfish. Those letters above didn't explain everything that I would like to be explained.
You are the best parents I could ever have, and that's no lie. I understand now that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, and life wouldn't be as fun or interesting if there was. Parents are human, too. I don't know why that concept was so out of reach for me, but there you go. Now I get it. And I'm sorry for being this, for ruining your plans of getting the perfect life. But now you have learned as well that even your own kids won't have the life you wanted them to have.
So, overall, I'm satisfied with you guys. You deserve the satisfaction for at least trying your best.
I love you both,
Me