Take This To Heart

I was released from the hospital two weeks later. By that time, Alex had gained back some pounds and his jeans fit better, tighter. I was tired a lot, but every time I tried to take a nap he'd point out that I'd been sleeping for about two weeks. I ignored him whenever he said that. If I was tired, I was tired. Oh well. Build a bridge and get over it.

Mona had been balancing her time. Half with me, half at the Center. She mentioned something about a small boy who had a past like me, but when she did, I sneered and muttered something about the kid wouldn't be alive if he had a past like me.

"He isn't." She said in a clear but blunt voice, as if I was stupid. "You should know if I compared him with you, he'd have to have some brush with death." I watched her, waiting to hear what this kid's past was. "His mom tried to drown him a few months ago. When the paramedics got to him, he was out, flat lined, but they were only seconds late, so they got out the defibrillator and shocked him a few good times and he came back. The poor kid had a harsh new awakening to life when his mom injected him with heroine. He's addicted to it, but he goes to group once every week, but he's too young to go to rehab so instead, the doctor suggested that we give him doses of it, but limit it, cutting it back every day to a smaller dose until he's clean."

"He won't get clean." I muttered casually.

Mona was silent. "Why do you say that?" She asked after a few moments.
I showed her the tracks that ran up my arms, crisscrossing with the self inflicted cuts. "Because I've been trying to do if for two years...even if I'm scared of needles."

She didn't seemed shocked at what I'd showed her and I knew that the doctors had noticed it when I was first placed here. "They told me." She seemed to want to explain her lack of shock. I knew it.

"I know." I said.

She was once more quite. "Envy, if you had a problem, you should've told us."

"Why?" I snapped. "So you could put me in the nuthouse for underage usage of drugs and self mutilation? I don't think so." I turned away from her. She went quite once more and I began to think. A pattern. She speaks. I speak. She's quite. Then she speaks again.
When she finally opened her mouth, she said, "I was hoping that you'd watch after him, keep him straight."

I was quite this time, pondering her words before I came up with an answer. "I can hardly keep myself straight, much less a little kid."

Mona sighed, but didn't pause before she answered. "Phoenix, I realize it’s too late for you and I'm sorry I couldn't save you, but him, Jade has a chance. I can still save him and you can help. Please Phoenix."

I didn't answer.

Mona left.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
We were riding down the road back down to the Center when a song made Mona fall apart. Her small car was on the hit station. You know? That one with Ryan Seacrest as the host? Simple Plan's song "Save You" was playing and I don't know. She just started crying. Pulling over, she apologized and grabbed a tissue out of the glove compartment. When she calmed down, she looked at me.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't save you, Phoenix, and I know this sounds really televised, but there are so many things I want you to know. I want you to know that out there, people want to adopt someone like you and that they care about you and that one day you'll realize that."

I looked away. The truth finally sunk in. She thought I was too far gone. I didn't know what to feel, shock or anger. I was too baffled to say anything. Too baffled to realize she was right and I could help someone. I felt as if I'd just gotten slapped. I touched my cheek, waiting for the stinging feeling, but felt none.

She pulled back on the road and we headed back to the Center.