Take This To Heart

Alex hung around for another month. It took me that long to get Jade to trust me and even a longer time to get him to open up.

When he finally did, I had a much better understanding of him. The motives behind his actions never seemed so easy to understand and the way he acted became a subject I majored in.

He hid his eyes because when he went to public school, he was ridiculed for it. However, even when he was ridiculed for it, his eyes became his pride and sometimes I’d walk in the room and he’d be at the mirror, holding his hair back and staring at them. I never questioned him about it; he’d tell me in his own time. And he did.

“The guy from Rise Against,” he muttered out, “He also had eyes like mine and he became famous and no one ever says anything about him. He’s my hero.” Then, he got really quite and I was sure he wouldn’t say anything else. “I want to be like him one day.”

I could only nod.

“I never told you what happened to me, did I?”

He shook his head. “Alex came in when you were explaining.”

I sat down. “I…was stupid and figured no one loved me and I thought I’d been hurt again…so I tried to off myself.” The last two words came out choked.

He sat there and didn’t say anything for a while. “When I woke up from the coma, a nurse came in, I remember begging her to finish me off. She never did and after a while, the nurse asked me if I remembered saying that. I denied it, but it wasn’t totally true. I remembered. I just had no reason to really live.” I shrugged as if it was no big deal.

Jack chose that time to come in. “Shrug my a-” I cut him off.

“If Alex won’t me cuss, neither can you.” I turned my head to look at him and smiled. “Where’s Alex?”

He grimaced. “He’s back at the hotel…packing. He wanted me to drop by and see if you were ready.”

I looked at Jade.

“You got adopted?” He asked. The confusion and disappointment in his voice was unmistakable.

I gave a fake smile, one that said hang in there. “Yeah.” I nodded.

The look on his face clearly said that he wanted to talk some more and I looked at Jack. “Yeah, I’m goin’. Just give me a moment….”

He nodded and took out a cell phone and started dialing.

As soon as he was out of the room, I looked back at Jade, but I noticed he was headed for the bathroom, towel and clothes in hand. “Didn’t you want to finish talking?”

He shook his head.

“Why?” I asked.

He sighed, dropping his stuff on the sink counter and came to the bathroom doorway. He placed one hand on the inside of the doorway. “I don’t feel like getting close to someone and then having the ground ripped away again.”

He shut the door and locked it. It took me a moment to realize what he was saying. The shower started, but I banged on the door. “Jade, listen!” The water stopped.

Sure he could hear me, I continued. “I wasn’t going to do that, kid! I’ve had that happen to me, too, and the truth is, it sucked. I wasn’t going to do that!” I slid down the door, my back pressed against it; I didn’t feel like standing anymore. “Really.”

The water started again and went on for what seemed like forever. When it started leaking out from under the door, I knew something was terribly wrong. “Jade? Jade answer me!”

No reply. In anxiety, I grabbed the knife from under my bed and thrust it into the crack between the door and wiggled it until the lock came loose.

What I saw made me panic.

The needle. The tracks. The body.

And the note.