Take This To Heart

The next twenty one days I was a shell. Empty. We'd been to nineteen cities and I hadn't even managed to keep track of where we'd been and where we were. I had completely forgotten how to function and every meal time, they'd take turns force feeding me. Two weeks ago, Alex had this bright idea where we'd all eat together at the meal shack like we were an actual family. Jack snorted at his idea and said Alex could be the mom, he could be the dad, and Zack could be older brother. Alex rolled his eyes at Jack's childishness and…that leads us all here: meal venue, 7 o'clock PM, right after their showers from performing.

I twirled my fork around in the noodles. It was spaghetti night at the meal venue. I dropped the utensil as I sighed, giving up hope of eating tonight.

Alex looked up at me. "You've got to eat something. You're starving yourself."

I sucked up a noodle and held back the urge to spit it out. I swallowed, but gagged as it went down. I pushed my plate away, shaking my head.

"At least say something." Oh, and I haven't talked in the past three weeks either. The last thing I said was when I told them all thank you.

I just looked away.

Jack twirled a handful of spaghetti on his fork and slurped it up, licking the sauce from his lips. He started refilling his fork when he noticed me watching him. "You okay?"

I didn't answer; spots were flashing across my eyes and I felt faint. He repeated the question, looking at me intensely and looking worried.

He stood up and rushed over to my side of the table, touching my forehead, both Alex and Zack were also crowded around me, trying to see if anything was wrong. Unexpectedly, Alex kneeled down to my height from where I was sitting down and distracted my by looking at my face in a questioning manner. Suddenly and with no warning, he lifted my shirt up and glanced at my ribs.

I knew he'd seen me when his eyes bugged out. "You really are starving yourself." Finding my arms, I angered, tugged my shirt down and glared.

"It's my body! I can do what I want!" I screamed, standing up. I knew everyone was watching us and just as angry Alex yelled back.

"Not while I'm around! I won't let you do this to yourself!" He had his hands clenched into fist and was standing up now to his full height.

I shrunk away, remembering my dad and his angry ways. He always took that same stance when he was drunk and when he was drunk, he always took it out on me.

Jack joined in by grabbing my shoulders roughly and shaking me like a rag doll. “Phoenix, when are you going to wake up and realize this is all real? That you’re playing with death? When will you start taking care of yourself and realizing we care?!” My eyes were wide in fear and uncertainty.

Zack seemed to notice my discomfort and pulled Jack away from behind forcefully, telling him to calm down.

After being released, I stumbled backwards, aiming my next comment at Alex’s last remark, hatred filling my eyes. "Yeah? Well what makes you think I'll let you stay around, you magazine manwhore?! That's why you adopted me, right, because you wanted more attention for you and your stupid band?!" I let out a frustrated growl. "I hate rockstars. I hate you." I ran from the meal venue.

Someone called after me and others called me a brat and other terms. The tears stung at my eyes and Alex called after me, running after me as well. But the adrenaline in my veins was pushing me forward and I managed to get away from the venue, exit it’s grounds, running for a full three minutes before I got tired and weak, but still I pushed on. It only took me two minutes to pass out again, mid run, down the street in the middle of the sidewalk.

The last thing I heard was a stranger say, "Hey, kid, c'mon." A small push to my side and I was gone.