Take This To Heart

Alex’s plan that he was telling me before Cricket showed up was that we were going to skip tomorrow’s show and maybe just ditch the rest of Warped to go meet up with Rian and go visit Emma in New York. The idea was that we’d stay a week and then they’d take me off to Maryland and plop me off with Jack’s parents…who by the way, I don’t know who they are.

And that leads us to where we are now. In the hospital parking lot waiting for Rian to show up so we can drive two hours to Emma’s hospital. I was getting more nervous by the moment. I’d never met Rian before, but I had seen him the day Alex came in begging Mona about adoption…and he looked like a bear from what I could remember. What if he didn’t like me? What if he thought I was too troublesome? What if-?

I jumped. Cricket had nuzzled her snout into my hand, as if saying, ‘Pet me.’ I was still startled two seconds later when the door to the bunk area slid open. Jack walked in and bent down to my bunk.

“Hey Envy. I just wanted to check on you. You seemed really quite today.” The way he was talking to me told me he wasn’t angry at me from last night’s event.

I shrugged. “Just worried.”

He pursed his lips to the side. “Why?” Then as a last moment thought, he placed his hand on my knee and told me I needed to stop stressing; that I was only sixteen.

“What if he doesn’t like me?” I whined. “What if Emma’s not okay?”

He sighed. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

“I can’t help it.” I moaned. “I don’t know him and he probably thinks I’m crazy. And Emma’s at the hospital. And-“ He cut me off by pressing his finger to my lips.

“Hush and listen to me.” He removed his finger. “For one, Rian is probably the most understanding guy out there. He’s really nice. He’ll love you. Promise.” He gave what I assumed was a reassuring grin, but it did little to calm me. I turned to my old friend and habit: tugging at my hair. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

Jack smacked my hand away and shoved me over to the wall before crawling into my bunk as well, forcing Cricket to the bottom of the bunk. In defiance, I tried shoved him out with no appeal. “Get out!” I struggled trying to use the wall to my advantage and use it as leverage as I arched my back to make myself a little bit bigger and gain more space in hopes that Jack would fall from the bunk. “You’re too big!”

“That’s what she said!” Jack laughed before adding, “That’s also what he said,” to the end of his comment.

“You’re sick.” I protested, still trying to get him to move. I was making no progress even with using the wall as leverage. He was dead weight.

“I’m not coughing. And I don’t have a fever.” He smiled at me, playing the ‘oblivious’ card. Suddenly, his eyes grew big and he grabbed my hand, placing it to his forehead. “Do I?! Because I really don’t like the doctor. And they’ll make me go if I am. And-”

I laughed. “Jack, you’re rambling.” I pulled away from his grip.

He grinned. “Feel better now?”

I laughed. “Why not?” Thinking he had finally given up his dead weight plan, I shoved again, causing him to fall into the floor. Laughing hysterically, I peered over the edge of the bed and glanced down at him. He was at an odd angle: his left foot still propped up on my bed from the fall, him on his back and rubbing the back of his head.

He pointed at me. “You’re evil.” Smirking, he lunged at me. Cricket’s barks were lost to in my pleas and cries as he began tickling me unmercifully, refusing to stop. I started thrashing, trying to get him away, but I couldn’t.

“Stop! I-I-“ A scream of laughter left my mouth. It was followed by two more shrieks. “Jack! I’m go-“ I attempted to roll away again. He held fast, though, and more laughter followed. By now, I had a stitch in my side. “Going t-to pee on my-myself!”

“Good!” He laughed back. “Maybe that will teach you not to push me out of bunks anymore!” I could barely see his grin through my teary eyes and my cheeks were hurting from smiling and laughing so much.

Alex came to my rescue. “Jack, stop raping Phoenix. Rian’s here.”

I gulped as Jack dragged me from the bunk, Alex leading us into the main area of the bus. There sitting on the couch was Zack and another guy. Rian. Alex got behind me, placed his hands on my shoulders and steered me towards him. “You remember Phoenix, don’t you, Rian?”

Rian grinned and nodded. “Yeah, the little rebel who called Jack a freak.” He laughed at the memory, but I just stood there awkwardly. I didn’t exactly know what to say. I just settled on biting at my lip ring and sat down beside Zack, putting a familiar face in-between me and new stranger.

“How’s you’re sister?” Jack asked, moving his way to the fridge and pulling out a case of beer, tossing one to each Rian, Zack, and Alex before getting one for himself. My mouth slightly watered. I hadn’t had alcohol in months and even though I really wanted to get clean…my wants were very overpowering. I turned away, tapping my foot.

“Uh…she’s good. Better than she was. She’s getting released on Monday.” That was in three days. It was already Friday night. I took his distraction at Jack’s questions to get a better look at him.

His hair was cut low and his chin was a bit scruffy with facial hair. He was wearing flip flops along with a random T-shirt and a pair of shorts. Peeking out from his sleeve was a tattoo, but I couldn’t quite make it out. He popped open the can of alcohol and I watched as he took a sip.

Alex started recounting the story about taking me to the mall and how the girl at Journey’s tried to seduce him. He was making it sound way more funnier than it actually was, but I was too overcome with the smell of alcohol that was wafting throughout the room.

Everyone burst into laughter and I tensed up again. Alex had yet to notice and had started to tell Rian about Mona and how he really liked her and that maybe they had a chance now that Emma was awake. I doubted it, though.

Everyone was enjoying their selves except for me. Throughout the conversations, I let a few grins slips whenever Jack looked over, but Alex was too engrossed in his recounting of events to even glance at me. It made me feel a little left out and I was starting to think no one even realized I was there.

Zack did, though. He nudged me with his elbow. “You okay?” His genuine concern caused everyone to stop their conversation and look over at me.

I glanced quickly up at him, hoping he hadn’t sensed my feeling of abandonment from Alex. “Yeah. I’m good.”

Standing up, I walked backwards and nodded back to the bunk area. “I’m not feeling so great. Do you guys mind if I-?” I left my question unfinished, knowing they’d get the point. Darting my eyes around to each of them, I jacked my thumb up, hitching it in the direction of the bunks.

Alex nodded, his smile faltering. “You sure you’re ok?”

I let a fake grin show and nodded. “Positive.” I lied. “Just a bit tired.” The bus lurched forward, signaling we were now on our way to Emma’s hospital. The same hospital Alex had gotten directions from Mona not yet two hours ago. “Wake me up when we get there?”

Alex looked worried, as if he didn’t think fatigued was the real reason of my departure, but he nodded and told me he’d wake me up anyways.

I climbed up the two stairs that lead to the sleeping quarters slowly, sliding open the door, then closing it before falling down in front of it, my head in my hands. As if on time, Cricket rushed over to me, licking my hands. I let out a shaky breath. “Everything’s going to be ok.” I told myself, looking at the mutt. “Everything is going to be fine.” I held her close and let my hands get tangled in her silky fur.

My thoughts were cut to a close when I heard a liquid being poured down the drain.
“I’m such an idiot.” The door muffled the words, but I could still tell it was Jack talking. “I shouldn’t have gotten out the booze when he was in the room, knowing it was tempting him.” He sighed and the sound of another drink followed the other down the drain. Two cans of beer gone to waste.

“Here’s mine.” Zack’s quite voice could barely be heard through the door. I pressed my ear against the thin, sliding wood. Footsteps. Then another drink. The couch squeaked. Someone had gotten up. I’m guessing it was Rian. And more footsteps before yet another drink was poured out. It was the last one. Only four cans had been opened. And all of them were still mostly full when they were tossed away.

There was a small silence between everything before a hoarse voice muttered, “I ruined it. I shouldn’t have even accepted the drink, not when he’s trying to get clean.” Alex.

“I’ll apologize when he wakes up.” Zack said.

“Me, too.” Agreed Rian. “If I’d have known, I wouldn’t have-“

Alex cut him off. “It’s fine. It’s my fault anyways…I’ll apologize. I’m his guardian anyways.”

The room was silent and it didn’t take me long to hear footsteps heading in my direction: back towards the bunks. I rushed to get in mine, Cricket followed behind silently. Inside, I closed the curtain that gave me a little privacy and closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep.

The sliding door open and everyone walked in, not much in the mood for conversation anymore, even though Rian had just arrived. Someone stopped in front of my bunk and pulled back the curtain, letting a little light in. My nose was hit with the sweet smelling odor of Alex’s cologne and I knew it was him standing there, watching me.

I groaned once, tossing under the comforter I’d barely managed to get into before they started coming in and acted like the light that was invading my personal space was beginning to wake me up.

The curtain was shut once again, slowly, as if in an attempt not to wake me up with the sound. I cautiously opened my eyes and stared at it as I continued to listen to their conversation.

“He asleep?” Jack.

“Yeah.” Alex answered, tiredly. At that moment, he sounded a lot older than he really was.