Take This To Heart

I didn't know how long I had slept when the nightmares started. Not long. I know that much. Maybe an hour. Maybe shorter. I knew that it wasn't long though because I woke up screaming. I don't think anyone heard me because no one came, but I did rock back and forth like I had earlier, trying to soothe myself while humming my favorite song. The lyrics playing in my mind.

"Welcome to the planet.
Welcome to existence.
Everyone's here.
Everyone's here."

Not everyone, I thought bitterly. My sister's missing.

"Everybody's watching you now.
Everybody waits for you now.
What happens next?
What happens next?"

I don't know. I don't know what happens next. I leave. I decided. I leave and I don't come back. My sister would want that. She'd want me to be with her.

I pulled out the orange bottle out of my pocket. By the time they read about this in the file, It'll already be too late.

Too late. The words playing in my mind like a record that had been scratched and the needle on the record player just kept playing that one part. Too late. Too late. Too late. The words were a ghostly whisper in my mind. And a fate. A fate I would never wake up from.

And I sat there. I must have sat there for hours watching the bottle, holding it in my hand, as if by some miracle, I'd end up dead without ever touching the medication.

I watched the images replay themselves over and over, again and again until it was in the middle of the day and a soft knock came at my door. When I stood to open it, hiding the bottle, just a little, I noticed it was someone I didn't expect to see. "Mona." I said, a little shocked and confused by her arrival.

She gave a small smile. "Hey, Phoenix Envy." She stood there for a moment. "I hate to be the barer of bad news, but I'm afraid Alex and Jack left." My face fell. I knew this was too good to be true. All bands, I figured, were like this. They wanted to be part of your life for a few days and then they'd leave. I wanted to spit on the floor in my disgust. "They came by earlier and left a note before saying they had to leave on short notice." She muttered out quickly before handing it to me.

I took it and opened it as she left.

Hey Phoenix Envy. I bet u hate us 4 leave like this, but don't get ur hopes up, we're coming back. A freak accident and a few injuries and Rian gets a call 4m his mom saying that his sis was n a wreck, but yeah. Jack wanted me 2 tell u he said hey and that he couldn't wait to go back shopping with you again. Lol. …Which is the first thing we're gonna do as soon as we get back but instead of going shoppin' for clothes, we're going shopping 4 u stuff. As n cds, a tv, a game system. Anything u want within reasonable pricing rage…meaning no 2010 Eclipse Spyder. So… I guess theres only one other thing to write about and I know you're smart enough to figure that it'd come to me talking about this somehow…and seeing as I won't be able to see you for a few weeks…a month at the most, all we got is letters. And cell phones. Mona's got all our contact information so just go to her. And don't worry, we'll call too.

The journals. I kinda figured you wouldn't give us much, but that was way more that I thought you'd give us to work with. It kinda scares me because you told us that you were only scratching the surface with what you gave us…and that stuff was pretty deep so all I can think about is how shocking does your past go?

But it doesn't matter. Not yet anyways and since you told me a little about yourself I figured I'd share something about me that only one other person knows. I'm thinking you could guess that that person is Jack…yeah. But anyways here it goes.

By the time I was fourteen, I had already gotten high once (but I didn't enjoy it that much seeing as I had a bad trip so I never tried it again), was drinking on a regular basis, and had sex with any willing girl…. Umm, don't show Mona this….lol. As you can tell, I don’t come anywhere near as bad as you had it and I don't know what to say about you. I can't tell if that’s good or bad…both ways I guess because you turned out to be A LOT better than I'd figured you would have which is good and bad because no one deserved to go through that.

That’s all I can think to say.

See ya round. Stay outta trouble…or try…either way.

-Alex w/ Jack saying 'hey.' & the bit at the bottom…

P.S: This is jack envy. Uhh…THE JEANS FIT GREAT!!! But besides that…I hope you stay good while were not there…. And you know that’s not really what I want to say. I'm stalling. Alex looked over my shoulder a moment ago and told me you'd be thinking that. That you'd be thinking, "That’s not really what he means to say. He's stalling. Gathering his thoughts, trying to decide what he wants to say…." Guess he was right if you're thinking this….but I guess get right to the point. Whatever it is you did to yourself or whatever happened to you, it really messed up Alex. (He's trying to look over my shoulder again, I'm blocking it, but I guess it won't matter because he'll read it anyways before he seals it up and gives it to Mona to give to you.) He read everything in under two hours. Alex NEVER reads, but he seemed really caught up in the journals. Well…I guess I'll see you in (looks up above in the other writing) a few weeks to a month. Keep safe. –Jack.

P.P.S: I didn't get messed up reading your journals, Envy. Jacks just overreacting. See you later.

–Alex.

When I finished reading, I let the note drop to the ground and I grabbed the ends of my hair. I tugged a piece loose and stared at it, waiting for I don't know what. Bored, I made my way downstairs and sat at my usual space on the landing, waiting for Alex or Jack to walk through the door and say, "Ha! Fooled ya! Now what would you rather do? Go out and get some snacks and have a movie party or would you rather go get some ice cream?" And I'd laugh and tell them I wasn't eight anymore, I didn't like ice cream, and they'd laugh and make a comment on how anyone couldn't like ice cream.

But the problem was they didn't come. I looked at the clock that hung on the wall. 3:51. I had stared at the exact spot for over two hours before I realized they weren't coming back.
I figured that I needed some time away and I walked around to find Mona. When I found her, she was on the phone with this really angry look on her face. "Yes, I realize all three of them were out on Friday. Melody had an interview with candidates that could become her future parents. Same was with Phoenix…but Josh-" She was cut off leaving me to wonder what had happened to Josh this time.

Josh was a problem child. Or more likely trouble followed him. The endless harassing of Freshman year didn't help his 'adoption' case.

"No," Mona said, anger flaring in her voice, "You listen. Joshua Brooks has been having a problem with harassment and even came home one day with a bruise on his shoulder where one of the football players’ shoulder checked him. And I swear to you, Ms. Vander, but if you do not get your students under control, and if this ever happens again, I will be seeing you in a court room along with Samuel Falcon. Am I clear?"

I was snickering. Sam Falcon was the football captain and was a total jock. Ms. Vander was the principle and just for the record, that wasn't the first time she'd gotten an angry phone call from a parent of a harassed victim.

The other side of the conversation was muffled and I couldn't make it out, but I knew it only fueled Mona's anger. "Just don't let it happen again!" Mona yelled before slamming the phone on the receiver up against the wall.

Taking a moment to calm down, she turned towards me and gave a small, weak smile. It was clear that she was stressed. "Yeah, Envy?" She asked.

"Today's Sunday right?" I asked. She nodded. "Are you going to the store today?" They always went to the store on Sunday afternoon. She nodded again. "Can I go with you?" I pleaded.

She looked confused from where my face had been uncaring and now that it was pleading.

She looked worried. "Yeah, Envy. What's on your mind?"

I shrugged. "I just want to get away."

She nodded, understanding. "Yeah, I understand. Look, I'm sorry about what happened to you today. You know…between them leaving and all."

I looked up at her abruptly. "They're coming back." I forced the words out, hoping one day I could believe them. She gave another small nod.

Her voice went weak then. "Alright Phoenix Envy. But I think it might be time that you start to look for some other parents."

"They're coming back." I said again, my voice cracking. "They promised."

She gave another short nod and once more said, "Alright, Phoenix Envy. Alright."

I could tell that she didn't believe me.