Just Look Up To The Stars, and Believe Who You Are

"Devyn?" I heard someone call in from behind my closed bedroom door. Pushing my hair out of my face I made my way to it, and pulled it open revealing Paul standing there with a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

"What?" I asked bitterly, lately I just haven't been in a good mood, and having them all constantly watching over me was unbelievably obnoxious- even Edward and Bella watched over me at times, but they stayed outside.

"I was going to order pizza, and wanted to know if you wanted anything- you haven't eaten in a few days." Paul said, and I just pressed my shoulder to the wall leaning against it.

"No thanks Paul." I stated before trying to shut the door only to have him hold it open, I rolled my eyes and made my back to my bed collapsing onto it, resting my head on a pillow.

"Talk to us Dev, you haven't said much to anyone in like two weeks- you haven't eaten in three days…" Paul said sitting next to me, but I just got up making my way to my window seat, I sat down and faced away from him my eyes glued to the forest surrounding my house.

"Edward won't tell us either, please Devyn?" Paul pleaded, and I just slammed my eyes shut.

"Go away." I demanded, but Paul wouldn't leave- he sat on the edge of the bench and looked at me.

"No, I'm not going away Devyn." Paul stated, and I just looked at him, rubbing my face with my hands I sighed into them before looking out the window.

"I'm not talking Paul, so go away." I hissed through clenched teeth, mainly to keep myself from crying. I didn't want to be involved in this werewolf/vampire bullshit, but I wanted to love Jacob- I loved him with all my heart, but I hated what he was- and how he could get hurt because me, and if he ever found out how I felt it'd kill us both, so that's why when I thought with Edward around I made him promise not to tell anyone.

"What the hell is wrong with you Devyn? Three weeks ago you were this bright bubbly girl, now you won't talk anyone even Jacob! Do you know how much he's hurting? He hasn't slept in a week, he has barely eaten anything the past week, Devyn, it's not all about you all the time- I don't care if your mom died, I don't care if you hate what we are, but we can't help it and seeing Jacob, my best friend hurting hurts me, and seeing you hurting doesn't help. Dammit Devyn, I don't fucking get you!" Paul exploded at me, I turned my attention out the window as tears spilled profusely done my cheeks.

"I told you to leave- if you would've just listened to me, now just get the fuck out of my room Paul." I told him keeping my eyes on the trees outside my room, I heard him huff as he made his way out and slammed the door behind him causing me to wince. I let a sob escape from my lips as more tears spilled from my eyes.

He didn't get it, no one did. I knew never to let anyone in, I knew that I should've just stayed quiet- never have let Jacob in. No one understood how much it hurt me to see them all risking their lives to protect me, how badly if hurt me to know I caused all this tension- I wanted to run away, I wanted to get as far from them as possible.

Looking out the window I let a single tear roll from my eye before getting up and running around. I grabbed a duffle bag and shoved in everything I could, taking my wallet I knew I had over three hundred dollars in there from my mothers will. I slipped on some shoes, before ripping a piece of paper from my notebook and quickly scribbling on it.

'To Whomever Cares,
I'm going as far away from you as possible, so no one ends up hurt, or dead over me. I'm not worth it all, I love you all so much- that's why I'm doing this. Don't hate me-
Devyn'

After taping the note to door I slowly made my way downstairs, I heard snores filling the air. Knowing Paul was asleep I grabbed my car keys and made a run for my car getting in and revving the engine, I sped out of the driveway and ultimately away from everything I loved, and knew. I forgot I had my phone on me, but rolled down my window before tossing it out quickly and it smashed against the pavement. Tears streamed down my face as I passed the sign reading 'Now leaving La Push' and turned the radio up so I wasn't in complete silence.

I knew what I was doing was stupid, I knew that I'd have to go back eventually, but I also knew that if I left for long enough that maybe all this would go away and when I came back everything would be fine- except the fact they will probably all hate me. Only knowing one place to go, I drove west, I drove home- I drove back to Boston.

Each day passed, and my mind became more and more clear as I got closer and closer to Boston, the city I loved- as I pulled into town I smiled at the tall buildings that greeted me. It had taken a week, and I'd called my dad from a pay phone the first day telling him where I went, but not to tell anyone. He said okay, and that he didn't like this, but that's about it. I drove to Travis's house knowing his mother would let me in, even if he wasn't home, pulling into the driveway I cut the engine and smiled at the familiar house sitting in front of me. Not even grabbing my stuff, I ran out of the car and up the front steps quickly knocking on the front door- not even a minute passed before Travis's mom pulled it open a smile spreading across her face instantly.

"Shh, I'm gonna surprise Travis!" I said quickly, and she just pulled me into a hug before telling me he was in his room. I made my way down the hall to his room, I pushed it open quietly to see him on his bed.

"Mom, I told you I'm not hungry." He grumbled from behind the screen of his computer, I laughed which caused him to shut the computer and his mouth dropped when he saw me.

"Devyn! No fucking way!" He exclaimed jumping up, and running to me, his arms wrapped around my body tightly as I breathed in the familiar scent of his cologne, he was my best friend since 5th grade.

"Hello there stranger." I whispered into his shoulder, he pulled back and smiled at me, but it dropped when he realized I was standing there in front of him. My hair a disaster, and no make-up on.

"What'd they do? What happened? Do they know you're here?" Travis stated pulling me to sit on his bed besides him, I rested next to him and sighed.

"I left because I couldn't take it anymore Trav, My dad knows I'm here, but my boyfr- my friends don't." I said, not knowing what to call Jacob as of this moment, he must hate me right now.

"Devyn, you're a wreck- did your boyfriend break up with you?" Travis asked, and I just shrugged my shoulders quickly.

"I just needed to get away Trav, I don't want to talk about it- I want to talk about how I'm here, and you're here- like it used to be." I mumbled, and he just pulled me into another hug.

"As you wish princess." He whispered, and I smiled at my old nickname. I missed them so much, I missed everything back home- but one thing ran through my mind as I thought of what I missed, and how badly I just wanted it back-

Jacob.