Bad Luck, Bad Blood

She says "Hey, Anderson,"

She pauses for a moment, and then keeps going. "I'm at Jimmy Falcon's house."

The line seemingly goes dead before she continues on with one last sentence. "I really need you right now."

Without hesitation, I climb out of bed and slip on a pair of old jeans and a T-shirt I think I borrowed from my older brother three years ago. I grab my keys from the dresser before sneaking out the front door and into the crappy Honda my brother passed onto me before he moved onto bigger and better things.

I don't even know why I do this anymore, this chasing after an unattainable girl. This being friends with someone that doesn't even seem to like you back that much.

But I drive into the hills anyways, because that's what I do. Because she asked me too.

Sometimes I want to hate her... wrap my hands around her neck and choke some sense into her. Maybe then she would realize she has to have some sense of self-worth. Guys wouldn't walk all over her if she didn't allow it to happen. She wouldn't have to take her top off just to get some male attention.

She's so much better than that.

I pull onto the main road and stop at a red light a few hundred feet later. It's then I remember the radio and turn it on. There usually isn't much to listen to at two in the morning. At least nothing worthy, it's usually just background music anyways.

My phone vibrates in the passenger's seat, and when I look down I see Emily's name and an old picture I'd taken of her on the screen. I think about letting it go to voice mail again, but decide against it. She's probably shaking in her boots by now.

"What do you want?" I ask, putting the phone to my ear.

"Did you get my message?" she asks.

"What message?" I turn down the radio so she can't tell I'm in the car, on my way to pick her up.

Emily whines. "I need you to pick me up, Anderson. I'm at Jimmy Falcon's house. You know.. Jimmy from baseball? He had that graduation party last year? You came with me, remember?"

I roll my eyes. How could I forget that party? Emily whines and whines about how she has to show up, drags me along, and leaves me in the living room with some drunk girl for five hours while she screws the entire baseball team.

Or so I've heard.

"Yeah, Emily. I remember," I tell her. "But I can't come pick you up."

I can almost see her eyes widening. "What? How come?"

I make a right turn, and start driving up the road that leads to Jimmy Falcon's house. "I don't know... I'm just tired, okay? Call your dad or something."

Emily doesn't say anything, as I make a second turn onto the street Jimmy lives on. I can see her standing there in a pair of faded denim shorts and an over sized t-shirt she'd gotten from her church a couple of weeks back. I was surprised to learn she even believed in God.

There is always so much more to people. Always.

"I can see your fucking car, Anderson. Jeez!"

She hangs up on me and places her hands on her hips as I pull up next to her, parking the car. "You're really fucked up, you know that?" She asks me.

I shrug. "So are you, Emily. I can't believe you called me at two in the fucking morning to come pick you up from this guy's house. Of all people, you choose to sleep with Jimmy Falcon?"

Emily climbs into the front seat, tossing her bag into the back. She folds her arms and looks pissed off. I don't understand why. It wasn't like she had to sneak out of the house to pick up a friend from some guy's house. It wasn't as if she had been inconvenienced in any way.

"I don't really want to talk about it. Anderson," Emily mumbled, pulling her phone from her back pocket. She flicks through the numbers for a few seconds before putting the phone to her ear.

I watch as she waits for the phone or the answering machine to pick up. The anticipation can bee seen on her face, and immediately, I know she's calling her father.

"Hey, Daddy," Emily says. "No, no. I'm fine. I'm at Anderson's house."

Pause.

"I'm fine, really. I know... I was helping him out with a few errands he had to run today. I forgot to call you before I went to sleep. I'll be home around noon tomorrow."

Pause

"Okay. Goodnight, Daddy."

She hangs up the phone and then looks at me. Smiles. "Can I stay over at your place tonight?"

I roll my eyes and start up the car. I don't answer her until we reach the first light. "You know, Emily... I don't know how much longer I can do this with you."

She furrows her brow. "Do what? It's not like we're together anymore. You broke up with me, remember?"

I run a hand through my hair, refusing to look at her. It's gotten so much harder over the past few weeks. Spending so much time with her all of the sudden. She was my best friend, and then nothing, and then all of the sudden she's everything all over again.

"I know that, Emily, but I'm not the one that called you up a month ago. I wasn't the one almost passed out drunk at Keegan's birthday party."

She doesn't say anything for a few minutes. It's only when I turn to face her, that I realize she's crying. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings.

"Em-"

She interrupts me with a sharp intake of breath. She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "I didn't know who else to call, okay? You were the only person I had."

I look up and realized that the light had turned green. I press my foot to the gas and continue the drive in silence. Emily sniffles to my right. I reach into the console in between us and grab a tissue before handing it over to her. She mumbles a thank you.

We reach the house minutes later, and instead of getting out, we stay in the car. I think we both know that if we go inside the conversation will never be finished.

"I don't do it on purpose, you know," she says. "I don't use you on purpose."

I lean back in my seat, covering my eyes with my palms. Emily makes me feel exhausted, and yet I can't seem to stay away, even if I want to.

"It's a conscious decision, Em," I tell her. "I love you, you know that, but... I can't be around you like this. I told you this before, and then you call me from Keegan's fucking bathroom, Em. Not to mention what you did at Jimmy Falcon's graduation party."

She had no excuse because there was no excuse. I was right and she was wrong and that was the end of it. She did, however, want to pull me back into her. She wanted things to go back to the way they were, but in order for that to happen, she knew things had to be different.

"I'm sorry," she tells me. "That's all I can say."

"Why did you even call me?" I ask her. "From Keegan's that night?"

Emily sighs, closing her eyes. "I told you... I don't have anyone else. Those other guys... they're just guys I know, Anderson."

"Yeah, Emily. Guys you sleep with."

Her lips form a tight line, as her eyes narrow. For a minute, I think she's going to hit me. "You're being a real dick, Anderson," she says.

"I'm being a dick? Do you know where you asked me to pick you up from tonight?" I ask.

"Jimmy's," she says, plain as day.

"Yeah, Emily. Jimmy fucking Falcon. Excuse me if I'm just being overly sensitive, but isn't it kind of fucked up to ask your ex-boyfriend to pick you up from the house you cheated on him in? Not to mention the fact that you left him sitting in the god damned living room while you did it?"

She didn't say anything.

"You know what? I'm done," I tell her.

Her eyes widen. "What?"

I re-start the car and pull out of the driveway. "I'm done believing in you. You don't even care. I try and try to help you. Every time you call, I pick up and bail you out of whatever it is you've gotten yourself into. I'm done. You don't care, so why should I?"

She only lives ten minutes out, and while I want her to stay, I know she shouldn't. Nothing good can come out of this. She doesn't even say anything when I finish. She doesn't ask to stay, she doesn't ask for another chance. She doesn't say a single word. She simply doesn't care.

When I reach her house she looks over at me. I look back, and before I know it she's leaning over and pressing a quick kiss to my lips. I think it means goodbye. She's done too, and in a way, it's relieving.

I watch her climb out of the car, and walk up the driveway to her house. she stops at the bottom step that leads to the front door. She pivots, and looks at me through the glass of the passenger's window. She wants to know if this really means it's over. If this really is the way I plan to say goodbye.

I want to say no. That I'm really not just afraid of diving back into her, and pushing through whatever fucked up situation she decides to hit me with next. I want to say that I'm not afraid of falling for her all over again.

The truth is, I am, and that's all there is to it.

She's still standing there, so I wave goodbye. She does the same, and turns around and heads for the door. I drive off before she gets into the house.