Bis Die Zeit Uns Vergisst

The arena was packed wall to wall. Screams reverberated off the walls, deafening me. I felt strange standing in front of the blocked off stage area with the few authorized photographers and body guards.

“Who’s that girl?” someone behind me questioned, to her friend probably.

“You don’t know who that is?” the other asked, dumbfounded. “That’s Deanndra Schwarz! She’s Tokio Hotel’s fashion designer!”

“O-o-oh,” the first girl drug out the syllable. “I thought she looked familiar.”

It felt strange having people know me for my name…definitely something to get used to.

Awkwardly, I stood sketchpad and pencil in hand, ready for whatever came to my mind. Girls, or mostly girls, behind me kept screaming “TOKIO HOTEL!” over and over in a chant until the lights began to dim and stage lights came on. Then when the stage lights illuminated the faces of the guys, the screaming became even more intense.

My eyes grazed across the guys. They’re eyes were shining so bright. They were living it up, having the time of their lives, living their dream. Bill looked as if his face was stuck in the same goofy grin. I smiled at him and he caught my eyes. I looked into his eyes for a minute, almost able to read his thoughts.

When we looked away, I instantly reached to turn back the pages of my sketch pad to a fresh sheet and put the drawing pencil to the paper. Instead of my design coming out as something for Bill, it was more of a design for Gustav, modeled after the tattoo I had seen on his back. White shirt, with a slight v-neck cut high on the chest, a Tokio Hotel symbol on the left shoulder, and wings printed on the back in black. As a rough sketch for the runway composition, I scratched a pair of almost totally ripped and destroyed jeans. Beside the jeans sketch I scribbled in the words dark wash…almost black.

“What’s up?!” Bill shouted into the microphone. “How are you guys feeling tonight?!”

The arena erupted into enormous screams and shouts. Bill looked over to me and grinned. He was enjoying this…you could see it clearly.

* * *

Before the show had ended, I went ahead and walked backstage so we could get back on the road sooner. Next stop: Lisbon, Portugal. It got brighter as the arena lights came on so people could safely and successfully exit the arena.

“Deanndra!”

I whirled around as I heard Georg shout my name. Georg was leading, followed by Gustav and Tom. Finally, Bill came out.

“You guys were awesome! I was able to come up with a few more sketches: one for Gustav, and one for Bill.”

“Great!” Bill exclaimed, blotting his sweaty face with a towel. “But we’ll have to
wait to see them…Saki’s told us that there are a couple people with backstage passes. We shouldn’t be too long.”

I smiled at him. Gustav, Georg, and Tom were already making their way down the hall towards where I assumed the people were waiting to meet them.

“You know how they say it’s hard to pick out one person from a crowd in a dark room with all the lights pointed at you?” Bill questioned, moving closer to me.

I raised my eyebrows. “Um…no?”
Bill chuckled a little to himself. “Well maybe that’s just me…But anyways, by far, you were the most beautiful person in the crowd tonight.”

It was my turn to grin. I punched his arm. “You really shouldn’t say stuff like that. It can get you into a great deal of trouble.” I winked at him before allowing myself to help close the distance between us, kissing his lips gently.

When we pulled away, Bill was grinning like a fool, as was I.

“You wanna come too? I don’t think I really want my girl to be anywhere without me right now…”

I rolled my eyes at him. “You’re girl? Since when was I your girl?”

Bill snorted and pulled me closer to him by my waist. “Darlin’ the first time I laid eyes on you.”

I smiled. “Maybe I should just wait on the bus…considering you’re brother hates me and I don’t wanna completely ruin the night for him.”

“Tom really doesn’t hate you…He hates me.”

“What?”

“He hates me because the girl he really wants hasn’t fallen for him, but for me.”

I swallowed. He was making no sense. “Not meaning to sound conceited or anything, but would that be me?”

Bill smiled and pecked me on the lips again. “Yep. Now, please come on.”

I sighed and nodded. “Okay.”

Bill kissed me again before pulling me excitedly along the white hallway to a room on the left at the very end. My head was spinning, partly because of Bill himself, another part because of my feelings for him and those kisses, and a third part because of the information just confessed about Tom.

“Finally, Bill, geez, what took you so long?” Tom questioned, turning on his tardy twin. “Oh…her.”

He said it like I was a disease, causing me not to believe what Bill had just confided in me. Bill looked over at me and I gave him a wary look back. He smiled at me comfortingly and I felt myself warm up a little inside.

But, hey, this was strictly business. I couldn’t be falling too fast…and I definitely couldn’t be falling this hard in front of the few unknown people in the room and the rest of the guys.

Bill looked at me one more time, as if to make sure that I was alright and I looked over his shoulder, trying to get his attention back to his fans. He nodded acknowledging them and turned away from me to be Mr. Bill Kaulitz, singer of Tokio Hotel.

I caught a glimpse of Tom watching me moments before I stuttered out that I should go to the bus and leave them be with their fans. Bill turned and smiled, showing me that it was okay that I went ahead and Tom scoffed. I wasn’t too sure that Gustav and Georg even heard me.

Quickly, I backtracked out of the room and down the hallway Bill and I had walked down. All the corridors started to look the same as I took turn after turn. Leave it to me to be the first person to get lost in backstage hallways.

“Are you lost Deanndra?” a voice said from behind me.

Startled, I jumped and turned around to find the source of the voice, but no one was there… I turned in circles, going enough to peep in the open door ways, but still there was no one. I decided to shrug it off and go back to finding my way out.

“I think you are, aren’t you?”

I didn’t turn around this time. Instead I called back, “Who are you?”

A few moments passed by before an answer came. “Oh, just someone who’s been watching you very closely.”

I swallowed hard and turned around. No one.

Now, I was definitely freaked out. I broke out in a full blown, nervous run, tuning down halls and passing doors until I was back to where I had left the guys. I pushed open the door.

“Bill?”

No answer.

“Gustav?”

Nothing.

“Georg?”

Silence.

I felt my eyes grow wide. This couldn’t be happening. It was probably just my mind playing tricks on me. While I had gotten lost, they had returned to the bus. They’re probably there waiting on me so we can leave.

“Deanndra-a-a!”

That same voice. In a flash, I ran out of the room and down the hall. I wasn’t focused on where I was going. The only thing I was paying attention to was getting away from that voice.

Somewhere along my path, I ended up going the right way. I flew out of the backstage exit. Taking a deep inhale, exhale when I saw the lights of the tour bus on and ready to go.

“Where’ve you been?”

I was greeted with curious looks and Bill’s wide eyes.

“We’ve been waiting for at least forty-five minutes,” Tom said, his voice bored and monotone.

I felt my forehead scrunch and I mumbled an apology, quickly climbing to the bunk area. What I really needed right now was a Tylenol and some rest.

I rummaged though my bags until I found the bottle in my suitcase marked Tylenol and took one out. I downed it with a sip of water and then changed hurriedly into some shorts and a tank top. Then, I crawled into my bunk and pulled the covers up to my chin, hoping the soft rocking of the tour bus would help put me to sleep.

Something still felt wrong about being here though. And the memory of that voice was still in my head, screaming “Deanndra!” Maybe it was my conscious giving me trouble about falling in love with my client. Then I thought back to the night in the parking garage. Maybe it was something else entirely…something I wasn’t ready to face…