The Flargle!
Somewhere Else, Summer of 2011
It was a momentous day for Korea on July 8, 2011. The dictator of North Korea had been overthrown and both the Koreas united as a single country. The dictator was revolted at his failure, so he went into hiding in his underground lair. His initials were K.J.I., but he preferred to be called Jill (pronounced Jeel). Jill's lair was very technologically advanced, filled with gadgets that wouldn't become popular until the 22nd Century. He resided in his lair with his evil pet hamster named Lucy, whom he thought could talk, but really, it was just squeaking and Lucy's character was all just a figment of his imagination. Jill was a smart man; however, he was an insane man, as well. His insanity powered way over his intelligence and he had a tendency to make stupid, illogical decisions.
"I have an idea!" he proclaimed to himself one day having an epiphany in his secret lair, "Yes. A good idea. But I need Elvis first--no! I need a Flargle first."
"But sir," piped the tiny hamster in its helium voice, "There's no such thing as a Flargle!"
"Yes there is!" roared Jill, "because I will make it . . . I have already made it in my mind, so it must be true! The Flargle exists."
Lucy was confused, "But what is it, exactly?"
Jill had an evil grin on his face, "Let me show you, Lucy." He first put his most-prized Elvis vinyl into his old record player. Elvis began to sing about teddy bears and hound dogs as Jill pranced around his lair gathering supplies. He got a bunch of random objects and threw them all into a black, pewter bowl. He mixed them together thoroughly; he then cut his hand ever so slightly so that a single drop of blood fell into the mixture. It simmered as his blood mixed in and suddenly, out popped the FLARGLE! Lucy was awestruck; Jill danced to the music waving his hands in the air with glee. The Flargle was enormous--it looked like a mix between an octopus, the Hulk, an ant, and a robot.
"Sir, you are indeed a god!" applauded the hamster.
"I've known this for centuries," said the seventy-year-old Jill.
"What should we do now?" asked Lucy, "We've got this awesome beast before us. Should we use it to destroy cities and take over Korea again?"
"Not yet!" cried Jill fearfully; he paced his lair, "Those idiots would figure it out in an instant . . . they would know that I am not really Jill . . . but wait . . . but I am Jill! Haha!" He began to apply mascara; Lucy cocked his furry little head at the sight of his master putting on cosmetics.
Jill was annoyed, "It helps me think! Don't judge me . . . you are nothing but a ball of fur. I've got it now, though! We must kidnap Elvis."
"Isn't he dead, sir?" asked Lucy, sighing heavily.
"Don't question me, fool!" cried Jill brusquely, "But yes, he is still alive. He is hiding deep in the forests of Canada eating maple syrup and pancakes in a desolate log cabin. We shall find him now! Mwahahaha . . . I will have his beautiful music for myself--for Jill!" he cried maniacally, and he added as an afterthought, "And I guess then we can take over the world, Lucy my boy."
"I have an idea!" he proclaimed to himself one day having an epiphany in his secret lair, "Yes. A good idea. But I need Elvis first--no! I need a Flargle first."
"But sir," piped the tiny hamster in its helium voice, "There's no such thing as a Flargle!"
"Yes there is!" roared Jill, "because I will make it . . . I have already made it in my mind, so it must be true! The Flargle exists."
Lucy was confused, "But what is it, exactly?"
Jill had an evil grin on his face, "Let me show you, Lucy." He first put his most-prized Elvis vinyl into his old record player. Elvis began to sing about teddy bears and hound dogs as Jill pranced around his lair gathering supplies. He got a bunch of random objects and threw them all into a black, pewter bowl. He mixed them together thoroughly; he then cut his hand ever so slightly so that a single drop of blood fell into the mixture. It simmered as his blood mixed in and suddenly, out popped the FLARGLE! Lucy was awestruck; Jill danced to the music waving his hands in the air with glee. The Flargle was enormous--it looked like a mix between an octopus, the Hulk, an ant, and a robot.
"Sir, you are indeed a god!" applauded the hamster.
"I've known this for centuries," said the seventy-year-old Jill.
"What should we do now?" asked Lucy, "We've got this awesome beast before us. Should we use it to destroy cities and take over Korea again?"
"Not yet!" cried Jill fearfully; he paced his lair, "Those idiots would figure it out in an instant . . . they would know that I am not really Jill . . . but wait . . . but I am Jill! Haha!" He began to apply mascara; Lucy cocked his furry little head at the sight of his master putting on cosmetics.
Jill was annoyed, "It helps me think! Don't judge me . . . you are nothing but a ball of fur. I've got it now, though! We must kidnap Elvis."
"Isn't he dead, sir?" asked Lucy, sighing heavily.
"Don't question me, fool!" cried Jill brusquely, "But yes, he is still alive. He is hiding deep in the forests of Canada eating maple syrup and pancakes in a desolate log cabin. We shall find him now! Mwahahaha . . . I will have his beautiful music for myself--for Jill!" he cried maniacally, and he added as an afterthought, "And I guess then we can take over the world, Lucy my boy."