Tasting Fame

BECCA'S P.O.V.

"Hello?.....yes, this is she......oh my god, is she alright? .....alright, can I speak with her please?"

Aileen turned to me and Zacky.

"Will you guys come outside with me please?"

Zacky and I got up and walked outside with her. We walked down the street as Aileen was feverishly talking to someone on her phone. After about 15 minutes, she hung up her phone, and looked like she was gonna start crying.

"Aileen, babe, what's wrong?" Zacky asked as he placed his arm around her shoulder.

"That was my mom. She's in the hospital," she said as she looked at the ground.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Barry beat the shit outta her."

Neither Zacky nor me knew what to say, so we just looked at the ground.

"So, what are you gonna do?" I asked her again.

"Well, we have three days off coming up, so I'm gonna fly out there and see her, then I gonna fucking kill Barry."

"I'm gonna go with you," Zacky said as we started to make our way back to the bus. We had been gone for almost 2 hours already, and we were getting kinda tired.

"I can't have you do that. You gotta be here with your band. Besides, this is my problem, not yours. I don't want you getting mixed up in all of this."

"I've said this before, and I'll say it again. You're my girlfriend, and I love you. If something upsets you, it upsets me too. I'm gonna go with you whether you like it or not."

Aileen opened her mouth to protest, but Zacky quickly placed his lips on hers to keep her from saying anything. I started to walk back towards the bus, Aileen and Zacky catching up with me a few minutes later. After about 5 more minutes, we had arrived back at the bus. I was hella tired, so I decided to go ahead and go to bed. I walked onto the bus and noticed Jimmy leaving our bunk. He gave me a forced smile, and climbed into his own bunk. I grabbed some pajamas from my bag underneath the bunk, and got changed into them.

I opened the curtain to the bunk to notice that Johnny was already asleep, so I tried to get into the bunk without waking him up. I slowly lowered myself into the bunk, and closed the curtain. I looked over and noticed that Johnny was now awake.

"Oh, sorry baby. I didn't mean to wake you," I said as I leaned over to give him a light peck on the lips.

"It's okay. I wasn't asleep yet."

"Well, I am exhausted. Can we get some sleep?"

"Yeah." He slid the blankets over me, and I snuggled up to his chest.

"Goodnight, Johnny. I love you,"

"Becca, there's something I need to tell you....."

I just turned to him with a look of fear. I swallowed hard, wondering what was gonna happen.

"Becca, you know I love you, right?" he began.

I didn't like the way this conversation was starting. I furrowed my brows at him, and crossed my arms. I was fearing the worst. I had a pretty damn good idea of what he was gonna tell me, but I wanted more proof before I jumped to conclusions. So I didn't say anything.

"Well, after you left the bar with Zacky and Aileen, Matt bought a lap dance for me. I got totally smashed, and......."

That was the only proof that I needed. I didn't even need him to tell me that he had cheated on me. I knew where the conversation was headed, and I could tell that he had done something bad by the tone he was using. I can't believe this shit. This was the second time in my life that someone I had thought I loved cheated on me. Mother fuck.

"Save it, motherfucker. I already know what you're gonna say, and I really don't want to fucking hear it. Fuck you, Johnny. I gave you everything I had. Literally. I gave you my virginity, and I have you everything else on top of that, and you had to go and do that shit! Fuck you Jonathan fucking Seward!" I screamed.

I jumped off the bed and ran into the back room and shut the door. I was so pissed at Johnny, that I didn't even notice that Acey and Jimmy were in the back room. To be honest, I'm glad I didn't notice them there because God only knows what they were doing.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Acey asked.

"I just found out that Johnny cheated on me. And I'm pretty fucking pissed about it."

"Oh, Becca, honey, I'm so sorry to hear that."

Acey detached herself from Jimmy to come over to me and give me a hug. By this time I had started crying again. I've never cried this much in my life. I've cried more in the past few months that I've been with Johnny than I have in the past 5 years of my life.

"You wanna talk about it?" she said with a smile.

"No, but you could tell me why you're so happy."

"Well, my wonderful boyfriend here just gave me a gorgeous promise ring."

She flashed a gorgeous ring at me, and walked over to Jimmy to give him a long kiss, and I felt a slight twinge of jealousy. I forced a smile, hoping that they couldn't notice how forced it was.

"Congratulations, guys. I'm really happy for you."

I went over to give Jimmy a kiss on the cheek, and gave Acey one of those wild hugs that we always seem to give each other.

I went to the cabinet on the other side of the back room to grab a spare blanket and pillow, then made my way to the front of the bus, but not before Acey could stop me.

"Where you going?"

"I'm gonna go sleep on the couch in the front. I might accidentally kill Johnny if I sleep in the bunk with him."

"Becca, you can sleep in mine and Acey's bunk. We're gonna camp out back here tonight," Jimmy said as he went up behind Acey and wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

"Are you sure? I don't want to get in your guys' way."

"Yeah, we're sure. This couch has a pullout anyways, so get into our bed, and get some sleep. And for what it's worth....."

Jimmy walked over to me and gave me a hug, then pulled away.

".....I'm sorry about Johnny."

"It's cool, Jimmy. It's not your fault. You're not the one that slept with a stripper. "

I waved to them, then made my way to Jimmy and Acey's bunk. It was, conveniently, located right next to my old one. Right as I was getting into the bunk, Johnny ripped open the curtain to his bunk. I looked at him, and could tell that he had been crying. To be honest, I really didn't care. He had ripped my heart out and stomped on it, after all those times he had promised me that he would never hurt me.

I shook myself out of my gaze and lowered myself into the bunk. I went to close the curtain, but was stopped by Johnny's hand.

"Becca, please don't do this."

"Don't do what, Johnny? Don't be pissed at you for breaking my heart? Don't be pissed at you for breaking your promises? Don't be fucking pissed at you for cheating on me? How the fuck am I supposed to act? You're the one that fucked up, and you're gonna have to live with what you've done."

I took off my promise ring and handed it back to him, then closed the curtain and zipped it shut so he couldn't get back in. Before my head had even hit the pillow, I had tears streaming down my face again. I didn't want to break up with Johnny, but it seems like every time I let a guy get close, he goes and does something like this. This time hurt a lot worse. Yeah, Chris had cheated on me, too. But Johnny has a piece of me that Chris will never have. One that Chris will never be able to get.

FF 5 DAYS - STILL BECCA'S P.O.V.

Tonight was the guys' last show before another 3 day break. We've been on tour for a month, and it feels like we've been gone forever. Three times that, it feels like. We were playing at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York tonight, then we were gonna make another month-long trek going the opposite way across the country.

Johnny and I haven't spoken since the incident 5 days ago. I gave him my promise ring back, but he wears it on a chain around his neck. As cliche as this may sound, I sorta felt incomplete without him now. I had been so happy with him over the past 7 weeks. But he fucked up. I'm not gonna let my guard down that easily.

I am currently listening to my IPod. I have just recently gotten into a band called Eighteen Visions, and I am totally in love with their song I Let Go.

"I don't know why I even try. I can't be that way when my life looks this grey, so I let go. I let go. I don't understand why clouds sit on my head. It looks like rain. But I feel shame," I sang to myself.

"You have such a beautiful voice."

I turned around to face Johnny. I tried to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm and spun me around so I was facing him again.

"Let me go!" I yelled.

"Not until you fucking talk to me!" he said as he directed me to a chair.

"You can say all you fucking want, but that's not gonna change anything," I said, attempting to stand up only to be pushed back down into the chair by Johnny.

"You never even gave me a chance to explain. You know how I get when I'm drunk!"

"Then why did you do it, Johnny? You could've stopped drinking at any time. But you didn't, did you?"

"I don't know what to do, Becca. You know I wouldn't have done that if I were sober. I love you with everything I have, and I want to be with you. Why can't you give me another chance?"

"If you EVER get another chance, then it won't be today. Johnny, you made me a promise. A big promise. And you broke it. It's gonna take me a long time to forgive you, if I ever do. This has happened to me before, and you just gotta give me time. Now, if you don't mind, I got something important to be doing."

I got up off the chair, much to Johnny's protesting, and made my way to the stage just as Matt was helping the roadies finish setting up their stuff.

"Hey, Bec. What are you doing here?" Matt asked as he jumped off the stage to give me a hug.

"Just walking around. Got kinda bored being back there in the dressing room, so I thought I'd come and check out your guys' new set. And, may I say, it looks pretty fucking awesome."

"Thanks. Hey, have you seen Johnny? We gotta start sound check."

"Last time I saw him, he was in the dressing room. That was about 5 minutes ago."

"Oh, okay. Are you alright? You look kinda down."

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Liar."

"And why am I a liar, Matt?"

"Because I'm your brother, and I can always tell when you're upset. Now tell me what's wrong."

"Johnny and I broke up."

"When?"

"5 days ago."

"Well, what happened?"

"He cheated on me with that stripper that you paid to give him a lap dance," I said as I glared up at him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright. It's not technically your fault. But I'll be fine. I hope."

Just then Johnny walked through the backstage door, and he had a limp, bruises on his face, and a busted lip.

"My God, man. What the fuck happened to you?" Matt asked as he rushed over to him.

"What's it fucking look like? Someone kicked the shit outta me."

As he finished his sentence, Acey came running through the door, and charged at Johnny.

"There you are, motherfucker."

It's a good thing that Jimmy wasn't too far behind Acey and was able to restrain her or she probably would've killed Johnny.

"Acey, babe. Leave it alone. This has nothing to do with you."

"But she's my best friend! I can't just let him get away with it."

"Hey, Acey. Wanna come and get a soda with me? I'm kinda thirsty, and the guys gotta start sound check."

She looked back and forth between Johnny and me, who were glaring at each other. Acey jumped off the stage to join me, and we ran into the other guys as we got to the door.

"Zacky, Brian, you guys better hurry. Matt's getting ready to start sound check."

They ran up to the stage with Sarah, while Aileen and Kaitlyn joined Acey and me to go find some drinks.

About an hour later, the doors were opened. The guys were playing tonight for a sold-out crowd, and they have another sold-out show at the Hammerstein the day after we get back from our little 3 day break.

We must've been chatting for an hour or so, because the Beetlejuice music started playing, which is what the guys were playing for their entrance music. Us girls decided to watch the show from the side. There were two changes in their set. One was Johnny and Matt decided not to switch places during Unholy Confessions. I knew why, too. The other change was when they played Warmness On The Soul. I thought they decided to take that out of their set list. Right before they played it, Matt spoke to the crowd.

"Alright, guys. I know that you're all having a good fucking time, and you don't want the moshing to end. But Mr. Christ has something he wants to say. Johnny?"

"Thanks, Shads. Alright, I'm sure you've all heard about my girlfriend, and seen her in magazines with us, and shit. But here's the problem. I fucked up our relationship, and now she won't talk to me. So Matt's gonna take a breather backstage, while I sing for him on this next song, and it's called Warmness On The Soul."

And with that, Brian started playing the song. I was pushed to the edge of the stage by Matt, although it wasn't far enough for the crowd to see me. I found myself wanting to cry as I heard Johnny's voice start the song.

"Your hazel, green-tint eyes watching every move I make
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side
You're the one
And in you I confide my whole
And we have gone through good and bad times
But your unconditional love was always on my mind
You've been there from the start for me
And your love's always been true as can be
I give my heart to you
I give my heart
Cause nothing can compare in this world to you
Woah"

Then Zacky started his part with the solo for this song, and Johnny stared at me the whole time, and I noticed a tear roll down his cheek. I think one rolled down mine, too.

"And we have gone through good and bad times
But your unconditional love was always on my mind
You've been there from the start for me
And your love's always been true as can be
I give my heart to you
I give my heart
Cause nothing can compare in this world to you
Woah
I give my heart to you
I give my heart
Cause nothing can compare in this world to you
Woah"

After the last song, which was Chapter 4, the guys came off stage. Everyone gave me hugs, and I'm assuming that everyone knew what was going on between me and Johnny. Johnny just went straight back into the bathroom and didn't say a word to anyone.

"So, what's gonna happen with you guys now?" Acey asked me as everyone else sat around the table in the middle of the room.

"I don't know. I want to forgive him, but I feel like it's too soon. I gave him a chance already. He broke such an unbelievably huge promise, that I am not sure if I can ever forgive him."

"What promise did he break?" Sarah asked. I forgot that Sarah didn't come into the picture until about 2 weeks after Johnny and I started dating.

"He promised her that he'd never break her heart. To be honest Becca, I'm surprised that you're handling this as well as you are. I remember what you were like when you went through that whole ordeal with Chris. I thought you were gonna fucking kill yourself," Matt said as he sat on the couch where Sarah, Acey, and I were at. No one had noticed that Johnny had even come out of the bathroom.

"Hey man. What's up?" Jimmy asked, trying to hide the fact that we had just been talking about him.

"Just thinking. Becca, can I talk to you?"

"You're not gonna force me to sit in a chair again, are you?"

"No. I just want to talk to you."

I got off the couch and followed Johnny outside by the buses. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and offered me one, which I gladly accepted. After a few silent minutes, I spoke.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk about?" I asked as I tried to break the awkward silence.

"Us."

"Johnny, as of right now, there is no us."

"But why does it have to be that way?"

"Did you really need to ask me that question?"

"No. But you know I'm sorry. I've apologized to you a thousand times, and I'll do it a thousand more if it will help me get you back."

"Johnny, you know that it hurts me when we're apart. I don't know what to do with myself. It's like a part of me is missing, and no matter how hard I search, I just can't find it. I gave you my heart, and you pierced it. It hurts when that happens, and it hurts even more when it happens a second time."

"Becca, I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry. I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

"Do you realize how cheesy you sounded just now as you quoted one of your own songs?" I asked. I was trying my hardest not to smile at what I had said, but I was finding it very difficult to do so.

"Yeah, I guess it was kinda cheesy."

We both just laughed, and before I knew it, I was embraced in a hug with Johnny. Being back in his arms felt so right, but I felt like I was doing something wrong with the way I was feeling, being in his arms.

"Becca, I'm so sorry."

"I know that you wouldn't have done it if you had been sober. But I need more time to think about things."

He unclasped the rope chain that he was wearing and attempted to hand me back my promise ring. I was skeptical as to whether or not I should even take it.

"No, Johnny. I don't want it back. Not yet."

"Just wear it. In fact....."

He put my ring back onto the necklace and walked behind me to place it around my neck.

"Please. Just wear it."

I just continued to stare at Johnny as I held the ring in my hand. I played with it as I remembered all the things we'd been through. I felt tears threaten to fall down my face but they never came.

"Let's go back to the guys."

I just nodded my head and made my way back to the dressing room with Johnny right behind me. We got into the room only to notice that the rest of the gang had already left. Instead, we made our way back to the bus where we noticed everyone drinking and having a good time.

"Hey. You guys back together yet?" Jimmy asked, slightly slurring his words.

"No, but we're back on speaking terms. Aileen, we gotta get to sleep. We have an early flight tomorrow."

"Oh, shit. That's right. I almost forgot. Zacky, come on, babe. We gotta be at the airport at 7."

Zacky, with some difficulty, got up from the couch and went back to the bunk with Aileen. I made my way towards the bunk, to notice that Johnny, for some reason, was already in bed.

"Sorry. I'll just go sleep in the back."

"Just because we're not dating anymore doesn't mean that we can't sleep in the same bed," Johnny said.

"Why aren't you drinking with everyone else?" I asked.

"Eh, I just didn't really feel like drinking tonight. Last time I drank, it got me in trouble. Now are you gonna get in this bunk or not?"

I wasn't sure whether or not I should get in with him. I mean, I had been sleeping in Jimmy and Acey's bed for almost a week, and I'm sure they wanted it back. And the bed in the back was hella uncomfortable. Plus, I didn't want anything to happen between us.

"Becca, don't worry. I'm not gonna try anything."

After a few more seconds of deliberation, I climbed into the bunk with Johnny. He let me sleep under the covers while he got another one and slept on top of them. He snuggled up to my backside and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Johnny?" I questioned.

"I'm just gonna sleep. Plus, I'm getting tired of snuggling up to extra pillows at night."

Sometimes Johnny can be just as stubborn as me. After about 20 minutes of thinking about nothing in particular, I drifted off to sleep.

AILEEN'S P.O.V.

"It's too fucking early for this shit," I said as Zacky shook me awake. I tried to pull the blanket back over my head but Zacky just pulled it back down.

"Come on, Kitty. I've got a life to cut short. And I don't wanna be late for it."

I slowly climbed out of the bed and noticed Zacky was cautiously trying to wake Becca up.

"Looks like their fight didn't last long," he said as he pulled back the curtain to reveal Becca wrapped up in the blankets and Johnny laying on top of the blankets in nothing but his boxers with his arms wrapped around her waist.

"Technically, we're still fighting. But I wanted to give Acey and Jimmy their bunk back, and the bed in the back is extremely uncomfortable. This was my only other option," Becca said.

"Well, that doesn't matter right now. You gotta get up because we gotta leave in an hour."

I went into the bathroom, and Zacky and me took a shower. Then we got changed, grabbed our bags, and made for the airport.

"I'm still fucking tired. Wake me the fuck up when we get to the mother fucking airport," Becca said.

"What the hell is her problem?" Zacky asked, looking at me.

"She's a bitch when she gets woken up early."

About 30 minutes later, we were at the airport. We got through airport security without much trouble. Although there was the problem with Becca's piercings. Her tongue and nose piercings set off the metal detector.

"It's a good fucking thing I'm still tired or I wouldn't be able to stand this flight." And with that, Becca was asleep again in the window seat of our aisle.

"Zacky, what am I gonna do?"

"About what, babe?"

"My mom. She's just gonna go running back to Barry when she gets out of the hospital. I can't handle her going through another relationship like this."

"It'll be alright. Just get some more sleep and we'll figure everything out when we get back to Huntington."

I leaned my head into his shoulder, and quickly fell asleep.

FF 6 HOURS

"Aileen. Wake up, babe. We're here."

"Shit. There wasn't enough time for me to sleep. Are you sure we're there?"

"Yes, babe. I'm sure," Zacky said as he laughed a little.

"Come on, mother fuckers. I'm ready to go kick me some ass." Becca grabbed her overhead bag, and skipped off down the aisle.

"This is gonna be interesting," I thought to myself.

None of us said a word the entire time we were riding to our hotel. After we got everything put into our room, we took the cab to the hospital where my mom was at. When we got there, we got out of the cab, paid the driver, and went inside.

"Can you tell me what room Kathleen Renee is in?" I said in one breath.

"Room 225 B, second floor, Dy Llewllyn Ward."

The three of us ran up the flight of stairs, as I didn't feel like waiting for the elevator. I quickly found the room and ran in.

"Mom!"

"Babe, maybe you shouldn't be here right now."

I gave her a weird look until I notice Barry walk out of the bathroom.

"Get the fuck out of here," I said.

"I'm not going anywhere. And now that I think about it, you will call me dad."

"Mom, what the hell is he talking about?"

"We're married now, baby."

"I wouldn't call you dad if you were the last person on earth."

Barry then slapped me in the face. Something in Zacky snapped, and he lunged at Barry. He gets into fights over me a lot.

By the time the cops got to the room, Barry wasn't moving from his spot on the floor.

"Mom, when are you getting out of this hospital?"

"I think they were gonna let me out tonight. Why?"

"You're gonna go and stay with Aunt Shirley in South Carolina. I can't stand to see you go through another relationship like this."

Almost as if the doctor was listening to our conversation, he came back into the room with a newly bandaged Zacky, and a stack of release forms for my mother to sign. We were told that after she signed them, she could leave.

We took my mom back to her house and helped her pack her things. When we got back to the hotel, we decided that it would be better for my mom to stay in one room with me while Becca and Zacky stayed in a room together. I know what you're thinking, but shut the fuck up. I trust them both, and know that neither one of them would ever do something like that to me.

I was in Becca and Zacky's room talking to Becca while my mom got settled into our room. We were gonna stay in the hotel tonight and all of tomorrow, then we were gonna head out on the third day.

"Zacky, hurry up and get out of that bathroom so I can take a piss!" I yelled through the bathroom door.

I went back over the bed that Becca was sitting on, and she was staring into the abyss.

"Earth to Becca."

"What? Oh, sorry."

As soon as I had brought her out of her trance, her phone rang. I noticed that her caller ID showed 'Johnny'.

"Should I answer it?" she asked.

"You do what you want."

She decided not to answer it. A few minutes later, her phone beeped, showing that she had a new voicemail. She dialed the number to her voicemail inbox, and listened intently for a few minutes.

"Listen to it."

I took the phone from her, and pushed the redial number, and listened to the message that Johnny had left for her. It went something like this:

"Becca, I know that you're still mad at me. It sucks that you're not here with us, and I've thought about you constantly since you've left. I want you to know that I haven't drank since that night, and I also wanted you to know that I will still love you no matter what, and I hope that one day, we can put this behind us."

After that part ended, he did an acapella version of 'Warmness On The Soul'. It almost made even me want to cry.

I closed her phone and handed it back to her as she continued to stare at the floor.

"I wanna forgive him so bad, Aileen. I'm just so confused."

"You'll figure out the right thing to do in due time."

Zacky then walked out of the bathroom, and I ran past him like an Indie car. I walked out a few minutes later, gave Zacky a kiss goodnight, gave Becca a hug, and walked into the room with my mom. I hope everything in our lives will return to normal soon. I don't know how much longer I can take this.

BECCA'S P.O.V.

"So what were you and Aileen talking so quietly about when I came out of the shower?" Zacky asked as he sat down on one of the two beds in the room.

"Johnny."

"What about him?"

"Listen to the voicemail he left me a few minutes ago while you were actually in the shower."

I got to the voicemail and let Zacky listen to it. He kept looking at the me, then looking at the floor, then looking at me again, then looking back at the floor. He finally hung up the phone and gave it back to me.

"You've got one hell of a problem, don't you?"

"Yeah, Zacky. I do. I mean, you're one of his best friends. What do you think I should do?"

"I don't have any advice as to what you should do, but I can tell you this: Johnny fucking loves you. Ever since you guy split, he hasn't touched alcohol, and he won't even go out to sign autographs or anything. He's afraid that something will happen. He hardly talks to anyone, even Matt. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that, from what I've seen and heard, he's genuinely sorry, and he definately fucking loves you."

And with that, Zacky got into his bed and under the covers, turned off his lamp, and went to sleep.

I listened to Johnny's voicemail one more time before getting into my bed.

Maybe Johnny was worth one more chance.