Tasting Fame

FF 11 MONTHS TO AUGUST 23- BECCA'S P.O.V.

"God, this sucks. My ankles are swollen, my back hurts like a bitch, and my boobs hurt," I said, placing a plate full of hamburgers and hot dogs on the table in the back yard.

"Would you quit your bitching already?' Matt asked me. "You're the one that wanted to get pregnant in the first place."

That's right. I'm pregnant. About 9 months, actually. It took about two months of trying for us to get pregnant, and we finally did some time around Johnny's birthday. Although my due date's not for another 2 weeks, it feels like this kid is going to pop any moment. Johnny was so fucking thrilled when he found out it was a boy. Matt wasn't very happy with Johnny and me when he first found out that we were trying to have kids. He was kinda silent about the whole thing after he found out, but let loose how happy he was when he found out it was a boy. Him and Johnny are practically inseparable now.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it's a boy, but I want a girl at some point. But I'm gonna love little Johnny Jr. too, no matter what. Yeah, we're naming him after Johnny. I couldn't think of any boy names, and Johnny said he's always wanted a son named after him.

"Oh, blow it out your ass, Matthew," I said, taking a seat on the bench next to Acey and Jimmy.

"Watch you language while you're carrying my nephew, Rebecca Ann."

"It's my child, so I'll talk how I want, Matthew Charles."

He shut up after that. He hates it when people call him by his full name. He always has. Even when our mom would call him that, he'd get pissed.

It started one time when our mom caught him having sex in his room one day after she came home early from work. She went to get his dirty clothes and.....BAM!!! Matt's hairy, white, unclothed ass was in her face. She called him by his full name, and he got into a full blown argument with her while he was still in the girl. Didn't bother to get up and get dressed or anything.

Matt must've known what I was thinking because he narrowed his eyes at me, then went back to cooking the food outside.

"Daddy."

I looked over to see Seifer walk up to Jimmy and reach his hands out to be picked up. Him and Rinoa started walking when they were seven months, and started talking very soon after that. They're such smart kids.

"What do you want, you little bastard?" Jimmy muttered under his breath.

Seifer had been going around saying 'daddy' all day, and it was starting to get on his nerves. It was funny, because Jimmy was so fucking overjoyed when he first started saying it.

Rinoa, who was sitting next to Jimmy, in Acey's lap, gasped, and pointed a warning finger at him. She thinks it's funny when Jimmy cusses and Acey hears it, because it makes her hella fucking mad.

Acey slapped Jimmy for his choice of words.

"What?" he asked like he did nothing.

"Don't you 'what' me, asshole," Acey whispered in his ear.

They just got back from their honeymoon. They went to Tijuana for 2 weeks. Their wedding was so beautiful. It was very simple and traditional, but it was a gorgeous ceremony. The girls were all brides maids, even Zacky's new girlfriend, Lisa, and all the guys were groomsmen, of course. Matt was made the Best Man, and I was made the Maid Of Honor. Acey gave me the honor because I 'introduced her to Jimmy'. Jimmy made Matt the Best Man because he was my brother. Don't ask.

It was so cute because Seifer was the ring bearer and Rinoa was the flower girl. They got it all on tape, and all the pictures and everything should be in in a few weeks. Let me tell you that I won't be surprised if Acey comes up to me in that few weeks and tells me she's pregnant again, especially after that honeymoon.

"Hey, Becca"

Lisa sat down next to me as Zacky slid in right next to her. They've been dating since the day after they met at Taco Bell. Yeah, Zacky and Aileen broke up. She showed up here a few months ago, and her and Zacky fought for about an hour over it, and why the fuck she left and didn't call or anything. She grabbed all her stuff from the house, and left without another word to anyone. Not even me. Needless to say, it made everyone in the house a little pissed off.

"Hey, Lisa. When did you get here?" I asked.

"Just a few minutes ago. Zacky came and picked me up from work. I faked sick to get off early."

I laughed at her, and everyone sat down at the table to eat. We were all gathered for Seifer and Rinoa's birthday. They were definately already some spoiled kids.

That's pretty much all that's happened in the last 11 months: I got pregnant, Zacky and Aileen broke up, and Acey and Jimmy got married.

"Seifer, you throw that fry at your sister, and you're gonna be sorry," Acey warned.

I looked over in time to see Seifer lower his hand, which, indeed, held a french fry.

"Sowwy, Ommy."

He doesn't pronounce the first 'M' for some reason.

"Are you ready to pop yet?" Lisa asked me after swallowing a bite of her hamburger.

"You bet your ass I am," I said.

Rinoa gasped and pointed at me, which cause everyone to laugh.

We sat around and chatted while eating our food. When we were finished, and people started to clear the table, I felt the weirdest urge to pee.

"Fuck, I gotta piss," I said to Johnny.

He laughed at me, then grabbed my plate as I walked inside as fast as I could. But then I felt the warm sensation of liquid running down my legs.

"Damnit" I yelled.

I walked to my bedroom to change clothes, and I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. It stopped just as suddenly as it started, so I just shook the thought of going into labor from my head as I changed clothes.

After I was finished changing clothes, I made my way back down the stairs, and went back into the back yard where everyone was sitting and talking.

"Babe, why'd you change clothes?" Johnny asked me as he made room for me to sit next to him.

"I didn't make it to the bathroom in time," I said.

Everyone laughed at me. I had to admit, it was kinda funny.

It was then that I felt another sharp pain in my stomach, and it lasted about 30 seconds longer than the first one.

I grabbed Johnny's hand as the pain escalated and squeezed it as hard as possible, although it didn't seem that hard to me.

"Damn, Becca. What the hell are you squeezing my hand so fucking hard for?" he said as I let go of his hand and he rubbed his knuckles.

"I.....I think I need to go to the hospital," I said, slightly clutching my stomach.

He sat there and looked at me with a clueless expression on his face. Everyone else was oblivious to what we were talking about, as they were having their own conversations.

"I'm having the baby, dumbass!" I screamed.

The table went silent and everyone looked at me.

"But you're two weeks early," he said.

I could tell he was nervous about the birth of our child. He was fidgeting with his hands, and had started to sweat.

"I mean, there's no way it can be ready yet. I mean, I'm not even ready. The baby can't be ready to be born yet because I'm not ready!" he said loudly.

"Well, Johnny. Ready or not, here he comes."

Everyone scattered from the table, and Johnny just sat there and started to hyperventilate. Acey ran to grab my bag as Jimmy took the kids. Matt helped me up from the table as everyone else ran to the car, except for Zacky who walked to the other side of the table and slapped Johnny to bring him out of his stupor. Matt and I had already gotten to the back door before Johnny realized what all was going on.

He ran to the side of me that Matt was on and took my hand so that Matt could get my keys and start the car. I got into the back with Johnny as Matt got into the driver's seat, with Sarah in the passenger seat.

I guess my water really did break, and I hadn't just pissed myself. I can't believe this is really happening.

"About another centimeter, and you'll be ready to push."

My doctor smiled at me, then backed away from my bed and discarded his gloves to the trashcan. A few moments after he exited the room, everyone else came in. Except for Johnny, because he was already in the room. He's been with me the whole time. I feel so bad because I know that I've said some mean things to him, but I'm just gonna pretend that it was my hormones talking.

"You feeling okay?" Matt asked me.

"Yeah. I'm just ready for this fucker to get out of me already."

"I know how you feel, Becca," Acey said, laughing at me. "Just give it a little more time. You've only been in labor for 3 hours. I mean, hell. I was in labor for a total of 10 1/2 hours. But, then again, I was carrying two kids, and not just one."

About 30 minutes later, the doctor came back in to check on me, and said that I was dilated enough to start pushing.

Let me tell you that it felt like I was trying to squeeze out a watermelon. It hurt so fucking bad. And it took me an hour to push the little fucker out.

So here I am, holding little Jonathan Lewis Seward Jr with Johnny, and everyone else standing around my bed. I was laughing with everyone else and having a good time, when I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my chest, and everything went black.

NO ONE'S P.O.V. - THIRD PERSON

The heart monitor next to Becca's bed had gone flat line, causing everyone to stop what they were doing. Matt ran out the door to get a doctor and he ran back in a few moments later, with several doctors and nurses at his heels. One of the doctors ushered everyone out of the room as they began to try and resuscitate Becca.

A nurse removed a screaming Jonathan Jr from Becca's lap as the doctors scrambled around and tried to revive her, none of them quite sure of what has caused her sudden flat line.

---OUT IN THE LOBBY---

Everyone just sat in the waiting area of the lobby, unsure of any words that would be spoken. They had all been laughing and having a great time, and they were just as perplexed as the doctors seemed to be as to why her heart had suddenly stopped beating like that.

"I can't believe this is happening," Acey said.

"None of us can, Ace," Jimmy said, giving her a reassuring hug. "Johnny, did any of her doctors ever mention that anything like this would possibly happen?"

Johnny just continued to stare at the ground, not having made a sound since the whole situation started. He was silently crying, trying to avoid anyone's gaze so they would not see him.

"Johnny?" Jimmy asked again.

Johnny was in his own world. He was not hearing anyone or anything around him. The woman that he was completely in love with, and was the mother of his child, could possibly be dead. He was sitting next to Matt, who was in the same state Johnny was. He wasn't crying, but he was hunched over, staring at the floor with his hands intertwined on his knees.

Sarah scooted over to Matt, and rubbed his back in an attempt to comfort him as Jimmy walked over to Johnny to try and talk to him. He looked up at Jimmy as he sat down, tears streaming down his face. Johnny shook his head as he started to cry and shake uncontrollably. Jimmy wrapped an arm around Johnny's shoulder and brought him to his own chest in an attempt to comfort his best friend, which would be a weird site to any normal person.

Fifteen minutes of silence passed, and a doctor finally walked out of Becca's room. He cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. They all stood up, and Johnny and Matt walked over to the doctor. They couldn't talk, their voices catching in their throats, as they just stared at the doctor for an answer.

"I'm sorry," the doctor whispered.

That's when Matt finally broke down and started sobbing. The doctor slowly backed out of the lobby area that we were in as everyone sat back down.

The next few minutes were silent except for the occasional sobs that were emitting from everyone's mouths.

"This is all your fault," Matt suddenly said.

"What are you talking about, Matt?" Zacky asked. That was the first time that he had spoken since we left Becca's room.

"This is all your fault, you fucking bastard!" Matt said, now yelling and looking at Johnny.

"How is this my fault?" Johnny asked, standing up.

"If you hadn't pressured my sister into having kids, none of this would have fucking happened!" Matt said, standing up and getting in Johnny's face.

"Yeah, I initially brought up the idea of us having kids, but she was the one that ultimately decided she wad ready for them, so don't you dare fucking blame this on me!" Johnny yelled.

Before anyone had any time to blink, Matt had punched Johnny in the nose, and sent him into a nearby chair, knocking it over. Johnny skidded a few feet on the floor before he came to a stop after lightly hitting a table with his side.

He layed there for a fraction of a second before he got up and turned towards Matt. He broke into a full-speed run, tackling Matt to the ground and punching every part of him that his fists could reach. It wasn't hard for Matt to turn the tables on Johnny, as there was a significant size difference. It took Zacky, Brian, and Jimmy to pull Matt off of Johnny. The rest of the girls went to help Johnny off the floor as Jimmy, Zacky, and Brian stood in front of Matt to keep him from killing Johnny. Matt had a bruised eye, and a busted lip, and Johnny was bleeding from his nose, had a black eye, a gash across his right cheek, and a huge gash above his left eyebrow. They stood there, staring each other down and breathing heavily.

"Guys, it's no one fault."

We turned in the direction of the voice to see a doctor standing in the doorway, one that we obviously hadn't noticed before.

"Please, sit."

He gestured towards the chairs, and everyone took seats.

"What happened, doctor?" Johnny asked. "What caused her heart to fail?"

"Well, sometimes these things just happen during delivery. She was in perfect health for delivery, but the strain of pushing eventually just took it's toll on her heart. It caused her to go into sudden cardiac arrest, and we just couldn't save her."

That confirmed it for everyone in the room. Becca was actually gone.

"What about my son?" Johnny asked.

"Well, he'll be left in the custody of his father, who I assume is you?" he asked Johnny, who shook his head.

"I'll be back in a bit to go over everything with you."

The doctor gently shook Johnny's hand, then Matt's, then slowly left the room.

Everyone just sat there, waiting for the doctor's return, thinking about what to do next. Matt was thinking about how to tell his mother what happened. The girls and the rest of the guys, except Johnny were thinking about funeral arrangements and stuff. Johnny was left thinking about how he was going to raise a kid on his own.

"How the fuck am I gonna raise a kid by myself?" Johnny whispered.

"You're not gonna be alone, Johnny," Brian said, this being his first time speaking since we left the delivery room. "We're all gonna be here for you. And I'm sure that your parents and Matt's mom would be more than happy to help you."

"Of course they would," Matt said. "I know I said some pretty nasty things to you, and I'm sorry for what I did to you, but I'll be there for you, and my nephew."

They hugged and then the room went silent again. The doctor finally came in and helped Johnny take care of all the paperwork. And said that he could come back the following night and get Johnny Jr.

Needless to say, that was a very depressing day for everyone.

FF 5 YEARS - JOHNNY'S P.O.V.

"Daddy, I want to go see mommy before we go out to eat," Johnny Jr. said. Everyone calls him JJ now since it got a little confusing after a while. It got to the point where I couldn't tell which one of us they were talking to.

"Alright, buddy. Anything you want on your birthday, right?"

He smiled and me, and clutched a letter tightly in his small hands. He wrote a letter especially for Becca, but wouldn't let me read it. He said it was 'only for mommy's eyes to see'. I've briefly talked to him about what happened to his mom five years ago, and he doesn't completely understand the concept of death yet, but he understand that his mom won't be coming back.

I turned in the direction of the cemetery that Becca was buried at and pulled into a parking spot. JJ hopped out of the car first and ran in the direction of Becca's grave. He loves to come here and talk to her, so he knows this place like the back of his hand. Kinda sad that he has to spend so much of his childhood at a cemetery visiting his dead mother.

Before I got out of my car, I dialed Matt's number to let him know that we were going to be late. The phone rang three times before Matt answered it.

"Hey, Johnny. Where are you and JJ at? We're all at the restaurant waiting for you guys," he said.

I just laughed.

"JJ wanted to see Becca before we got there."

"Oh."

The line was silent for a moment.

"You okay, man?" he asked.

"Yeah. Just the stress of the album release, and JJ's birthday..... it's just all kinda overwhelming. It's been five fucking years since she died, man, and each year is harder than the one before."

Yeah, we released our fourth album right after Becca died, and we've released two more since then. But we've decided as a group that we're not gonna release anymore. Besides, I need to spend more time with my son. My parents and Matt's mom have seen more of him than I have.

I got out of my car, locked it, then went to join my son at Becca's grave.

"I know, man. It's hard on all of us. But look at what a great fucking job you've done with JJ!"

That cause me to laugh a little, and I came to a stop a few feet behind my son.

"She'd be proud, man," Matt said quietly.

"I know she would Matt. She just went too soon, and I feel like it's all my fault."

"Don't say that, damnit. If I could, I'd kick my own ass for what I said to you that day. In no way is what happened your fault."

"I know. But I can't help but feel that way."

"Well, stop it and hurry up and get over here. Seifer and Rinoa want to eat, and they won't shut up, which is driving Jimmy up the wall."

"Alright," I said with a chuckle. "We'll be there in a bit."

We said our goodbyes, then I hung up my phone. I could hear JJ talking to his mom, so I stood back and let him have his moment.

".....and I can tie my own shoes now, mommy. Daddy taught me how. I love him a lot, mommy. I start school on next week, and I am excited for it, mommy. I wish you were here so that you could help me with my homework, because I'm kinda scared too..."

I started to cry as I think about all the things the Becca missed. JJ's first steps, his first words.....hell, even when he first learned how to piss on his own. That was a nightmare. It took him forever to learn how to aim, and not piss all over the place in the process.

"...and he talks 'bout you every day, mommy. And he cries when he does. But I t'ink it's cause he's happy, mommy. Cause your in a better place, right? That's what daddy and Uncle Matty and my grandpa and grandmas tell me. But don't forget to read my letter mommy, cause it's very, very important that you do. But daddy loves you, and Uncle Matty loves you, and Uncle Jimmy, and Auntie Acey, and everyone else. But I especially love you."

JJ stood up and placed the letter at the foot of the headstone, then kissed it and hugged it. I couldn't stop crying and smiling. He turned around to face me and frowned when he saw me crying.

"Why are you sad, daddy?" he asked, walking over to me and placing his hand in mine as we walked back to my car

"I'm not sad, little man," I said as we climbed into the car. "Far from it."

"Are you happy crying again? Like you do when we talk about mommy?"

"Yeah."

"Well, let's go! I'm hungry. And I want to see Rinoa and Seifer."

I just laughed and backed out of the parking lot, and made my way towards the restaurant that we were eating at for Rinoa, Seifer, and JJ's birthdays.

Every time I look at JJ, I see Becca. He's got her amazing blue eyes, her nose, hair color, sense of humor, and her personality. Everything else, he is like me. He's stubborn as hell, gets into trouble all the time, and loves his hair to be styled like a mowhawk. He has a mowhawk, and the sides of his head are shaved, but he won't let anyone touch his 'hawk. Makes him mad. Much like I was years ago.

Yeah, I wish Becca was still here. I miss her more than any words can ever express. But I know that she would've wanted me to move on with my life. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I won't ever forget about her. I've got a little piece of her that reminds me every day of what she was like. But I know that she is watching over us, and I just want her to know...

I love her. I always have, and I will for the rest of my fucking life.

??? P.O.V.

I was comfortably laying in my bed when I felt someone somewhat violently shake me.

"Wake up," they said.

I slowly blinked my eyes open, and they were immediately greeted with a bright white light, so I immediately closed them again.

'Where am I?' I thought.

"Damnit, woman. Wake your ass up!"

I heard someone gasp, and several people laugh. I slowly opened my eyes to let them adjust to the light, and was looking right into Johnny's chocolate brown ones.

"Hey baby," he smiled.

"Hey, Becca," everyone else said in unison.

I was stunned. How could this be? I was supposed to be dead.

I looked around the room to see everyone else standing there with smiles on their faces. Acey, Rinoa (that must've been who gasped earlier), Seifer, Jimmy, Matt, Sarah, Brian, Kaitlyn, Zacky, Lisa, my mom, and Johnny's parents.

"What the fuck happened?" I said. Rinoa gasped again as people slightly laughed.

"Babe, you ok?" Johnny asked, still slightly smiling.

"I.....I was dead. I died right after I gave birth, and...and...."

"Babe, you never died. You passed out right after you fed the baby. You were out for almost two days. You were just dreaming."

Words could not express the gratitude I felt just then. The tears of joy started to cascade down my cheeks as I hopped out of the bed and engulfed Johnny in the biggest, tightest hug I've ever given to anyone in my life. It was a few seconds before he hugged me back, then he slowly pried my body from his.

"Babe, are you sure you're alright?" he asked, a little worried.

"Johnny...it...just seemed...so real," I said in between sobs.

He hugged me tightly, almost like he was afraid of letting go.

"Babe, everything's fine. You're fine, Johnny's fine, everyone's fine."

He pulled away from me but kept his hands on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes.

"You're still here, and I'm not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere."

I let go of Johnny and walked over to Matt to give him a hug too. My mom walked out of the room to get a doctor, and he came in a shooed everyone out to check me over and make sure that I was in condition to leave.

"I'll just bring your child in, then you can change and leave whenever you like."

I smiled at the doctor, and waited for him to exit and everyone else to come back in, but the only one that did was Johnny. Everyone else just waited until I was ready to leave.

The doctor brought my baby in the room in his carrier, and he was wearing the little blue one-piece outfit with the little matching hat and pacifier. I smiled at his sleeping form, then I changed into the clothes that were in my bag, then had Matt and Zacky come back in to help me with all the gifts and cards and everything that I had gotten since I'd been in the hospital. Even the hate letters that some of the female Avenged Sevenfold fans had sent in. They made me laugh.

I carried my son's carrier on one arm, and a few bags in the other while Johnny, Zacky, and Matt carried the rest.

I walked behind everyone else with my mom, and Johnny's mom as we made our way through the parking lot.

"I'm scared mom" I said.

"Of what?" she asked.

"I mean, I don't know anything about how to be a mom and raise a kid."

"You'll do great," Johnny's mom said. "And your mom and I will be here to help you whenever you need it."

"Of course we will dear," my mom said. "Just care for him, and treat him with love and patience, and everything will be fine. You'll know more of what to do when the time comes than you think you will."

After I had packed everything in the car, I hugged everyone, and said my goodbyes.

"Call me if you need anything," my mom said.

"And you better call me if you guys need anything too, young man," Johnny's mom said as she hugged him.

He just laughed.

"Don't worry mom. We will."

Everyone got into their cars and pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

"So what'd you do while I was passed out?" I asked Johnny as he pulled onto the freeway.

"I actually got Johnny's room ready," he said with a laugh.

"Shit....I mean crap. I didn't even think about that."

"I know."

He laughed at me again.

"Your mom and my mom helped. There's a crib, a dresser, and changing table, and everything else we'll need. It's all been taken care of."

He smiled at me, being proud of himself, then turned his attention back on the road.

"We need to think of a nickname for him so that people don't get confused," Johnny said.

Thinking about the fucked up dream I had, it gave me an idea.

"Can we call him JJ? You know, for Johnny Junior?"

"Of course," he said. "I like that. How does it feel to get to go home after all this?"

"It feels great, Johnny," I sighed. "It feels great to be going home without a huge hump on my stomach."

"That dream must've really rattled you, babe," he said as we took the freeway exit to our house, right behind everyone else. "Are you sure you're alright?"

I just smiled and looked out the window.

"I'm fine," I said to reassure him.

"Everything's fine."