September's Mourning

The room was in complete chaos. Smoke filled the room and the heat was unbearable. All around, people screamed, shouted, sobbed, and cried out for help. The calm little centre of the office was the man huddled under the desk, his clothes torn, blood trickling down his face from a gash in his forehead. He sat quite still, in the gap where the chair would normally slide under the desk. His knees were pulled up to his chin and he stared straight ahead. His shoes were scuffed and his clothes were covered in ash. They were singed in places. He was trembling slightly, but there was no fear upon his face. Only a grim determination.

In his hand, he gripped his cell phone. He was calling the same number again and again, but the network was so clogged up with callers he couldn’t get through. Closing his eyes, the young man, named Aaron, prayed for the first time in years.

"Lord," he whispered. "If I have to die today, please, just let me get through to my wife. Let me say goodbye. Let me tell her I love her one last time."

He called again. Nothing. He tried again. Still nothing. Third time lucky – trying again, the phone was picked up, and he heard Rachel’s voice. Rachel. The love of his life. The mother of his beautiful son. How he wished he could hold her again. How he wished he could curl up on the couch with her as they watched nothing on TV late into the night. How they went up to bed hand in hand and looked in on Michael, their little angel, as he slept soundly in his room, his favourite dinosaur teddy clutched in his arms. How they got into bed and held onto one another, whispering until the early hours.

"Aaron," Rachel whispered, and her sweet voice sent tears finally spurting down Aaron’s face.

"Hey, babe," he replied, trying to keep his voice calm.

"Tell me you’re not at the office," Rachel said, and her voice caught at the end and Aaron could hear the tears in her voice. It was killing him to hear her so upset, and not to be able to take her into his arms and tell her it would all be OK.

"I wish I could," Aaron said, as softly as the roaring flames would allow him, and he heard Rachel let out a low moan.

"I heard on the news," she said. "I told Michael to go and play upstairs, but he knows something’s wrong. Oh, Aaron. Can you get out any way at all?"

"I’ve looked," Aaron said gently, trying to break the horrible news as kindly as possibly. "The offices below us took a direct hit. It’s all smoke and flame. We thought we could get out onto the roof and get lifted out by helicopters, but the smoke’s too thick and they’ve closed off airspace. We’ve been told to wait here. Fire fighters are on the way, but I’m not sure how long they’ll be. I needed to talk to you, you know ... just in case."

"You already know, don’t you?" Rachel asked softly. "What will I do without you, Aaron?"

"Don’t think like that, darling," Aaron said, struggling to keep the tears from being obvious. He didn’t want Rachel to know he was as distraught as he was. "You always said that death isn’t for forever, remember?"

"I know," Rachel sniffed. "But it’s different, when you’re just talking about it. Not when ... not when you know it’s going to happen now, today, even."

"I love you, Rachel," Aaron said suddenly, and he had never meant it more. "You and Michael are the best things that have ever happened to me. You’re a wonderful mom; I know you’ll do just fine. You and Michael will cope. You’ll stick together and I promise – I promise – that I’ll be watching over you. Michael’s first day at school, I’ll be there. When he gets older and you’re not sure what to do, I’ll be right beside you, I promise. Just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I’m not there, OK?"

"All right," Rachel whispered, and she was sobbing audibly now. "I love you, Aaron. I’ll try to be strong, I promise. I’ll do it for you. But Aaron ... this morning was so normal! How could this happen? Why? Why would someone do this?"

"I don’t think we’ll ever know, babe," Aaron said softly. "But don’t dwell. Please. I know it’ll hurt, but please, move on, OK? I want you to move on. I want you to go on as best as you can."

"I will," Rachel whispered.

"I love you, Rachel."

"I love you too, Aaron."

"Tell Michael his Daddy will always be there if he wants to talk, yeah?"

"I will. I will."

"And that Daddy loves him very much."

"I will, I promise."

"Take care, babe."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Rachel was sobbing now, and as much as she wanted to, she couldn’t draw her eyes away from the TV. When she saw the top of the South Tower cave in and plummet towards the ground, taking the rest of the tower with it, and when she heard the phone go dead, she felt as though someone had ripped her heart right out of her chest and thrown it down on the ground in front of her. All of the pictures in the room, of her and Aaron and Michael, stabbed at her like knives, as she struggled to come to terms with the fact her beloved, wonderful husband was gone, along with thousands of others, and now she had this beautiful two-year-old to raise all by herself.

Turning away from the TV, she spotted Michael. He was standing in the doorway, clutching his dinosaur, watching his mother with wide eyes.

"Daddy works there," he said softly.

"I know, darling."

"Why did it fall down?" Michael asked innocently, his huge eyes, the same colour as his father’s, full of fear and curiosity.

Rachel gently picked him up and held him close.

"Some very bad men made it fall, baby," she told him gently. "They made the tower fall down, and Daddy has to go away for a while, OK?"

"Where is he, Mommy?"

"He’s in a wonderful place called Heaven," Rachel whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks as she buried her face in her son’s soft, brown hair. God, he looked like his father. "In Heaven, no one can hurt you. He’ll have lots of fun with Jesus and the angels, and Daddy will get to see his Mommy. You remember how she went to Heaven?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, Daddy will see her again. And one day, when you’re a very old man, Michael, you’ll go to Heaven too, and Daddy will be there. He loves you very much, and he’s going to keep an eye on you. OK?"

"OK," Michael nodded, but there were tears in his brown eyes and he knew something was terribly wrong.

"You talk to him whenever you want, Michael," Rachel whispered. "He’ll be able to hear both of us, all right?"

Michael paused, looking past his mother’s shoulder at the sky.

"I love you Daddy," he whispered, and Rachel knew, somewhere, Aaron whispered 'I love you' back.