Blinded

I took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob. When I opened the door I heard a sound that I never thought could sound so sweet:

“Mariabella,” Jacob said happily. “You came.”

“Of course I did,” I replied with a smile.

“Come over – shit,” he hissed, and I heard his labored panting.

I inched forward, careful not to run into anything. “What’d you - ?”

“I tried to wave you over, but I realized ‘s not a good idea,” he grunted. “God, that really hurt.”

“Stop hurting yourself, idiot,” I laughed, and stopped when I felt a warm hand on my knee.

“You can sit there,” he said softly. “You’re near the headrest of my small, barely-able-to-fit-me bed.”

I did as I was told and turned slightly to my left; in the direction I heard his voice. I felt his hand against my face, and where his fingers stroked my cheek, a trail of perspiration and fire followed.

“How are you feeling?” I breathed, and I realized too late that my question was ridiculous. Of course he wouldn’t be feeling too well.

“Not too bad, but since Dr. Fang gave me some pain medication, I feel stoned. Now I know how the Beatles felt when they sang Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds.” he replied. “I think he gave me too much pain meds.”

“Oh stop your whining.”

“Whining? I think I deserve to whine considering Dr. Fang re-broke my whole right side. I was fighting the urge not to break him for touching me. It’s unnatural how cold he is.”

“Don’t be a bad boy, Jacob,” I replied.

“That’s not a turn on,” he mumbled and chuckled after.

“Do what Dr. Fang tells you to do,” I continued, ignoring his response. “You’ll get well faster.”

“’S scary how you and Bella say the same things. You guys don’t even look alike – except the brown hair and the brown eyes, but even those are different – and don’t act like one another, but you happen to say similar things. Random things, too.”

“Scary indeed,” I replied, and yes, it was a little sarcastic, which isn’t like me.

“You’re still mad about me leaving you earlier,” he guessed, and I didn’t bother hiding it. Even though I wasn’t mad, I was still hurt and confused. I knew how this imprinting thing worked; I was just confused on how he could still go after her.

“I am sorry, though,” I replied, neither denying nor confirming my anger. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did when you were leaving. I should have -”

“Don’t even apologize, Mariabella,” he interrupted. “I am the one who should be sorry. I shouldn’t have left you like that. You were just barely figuring everything out and I left you when you were vulnerable. I am sorry.”

“You’ve been forgiven,” I whispered. “But I’m still sorry.”

“I wish I could get you to understand that despite everything I’ve done to hurt you or confuse you, I am happy that it’s you,” he said, and then he sucked in a sharp breath. “I have to stop trying to move.”

As he began breathing heavily from the pain I reached my hand up to his face. “May I?” I breathed, and I felt his hand grab mine and put it against his perspiring, extremely warm cheek.

I had not touched his face since he allowed me to that day in the car . . . that day he was in a hurry to see Bella. I tried to ignore the memory and focused on what I was doing at that moment: running my fingers along Jake’s jaw line, feeling his fever-like warmth radiate off of him and warming my skin. The boy was sweating and when I reached his neck I could feel his pulse drumming furiously against his skin. I also felt goosebumps.

“That feels nice,” he whispered gently as I moved my hand back up his face (avoiding his lips) and to his hairline. I felt a sweat droplet.

“You should be resting,” I said to him when I pulled my hand away and wiped it on my jeans. “You’ve been through a lot today.”

“You don’t have any questions for me?” he asked, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“I have tons, actually,” I chuckled.

“I’m open for interrogation.”

“But you’re hurt.”

“Talking with you is more important.”

I grinned. “You don’t mind?”

“’Course not.”

I sighed. “When you would touch me and recoil away from it, and when you would get frustrated when showing any signs of ever having feelings for me, was it because you had trouble coming to terms with imprinting?”

“Mostly,” he breathed. “I had always had mixed feelings about the concept of imprinting. I always felt like it was another part of this life I couldn’t control and I also felt like it was taking away my choices, and before you came, my choice had been . . . you know.”

“Emily told you were sure you and Bella were going to be together,” I whispered.

“I thought I was, yes,” he said. “Bella . . . I don’t know what it was about her, but I knew that if I imprinted, I would lose her. I didn’t know that there was someone much better for me – my other half, the person I was made to make happy.” I laughed once. “When I heard your name, things started changing. When I saw you. . . . I couldn’t handle how much I was changing. I suddenly became overprotective and overly concerned with the well-being of someone else. I was becoming a stranger. I . . .”

He grabbed my hand, which was resting on his bed, and continued: “I had become selfish since Bella. I wanted to be there for her, but I looked out for myself when I wasn’t with her. ”

“I’ve heard from the elders -”

“The who?”

“So you know what imprinting is, and about werewolves and vampires, but you don’t know who the elders are? That’s the basics!”

“Emily didn’t tell me that stuff,” I replied defensively. “I’m not like Edward; I can’t read minds.”

“I guess you’ll learn all of that later,” he replied.

“As you were saying,” I murmured.

“As I was saying,” he laughed. “I’ve heard from the elders – the elders of our tribe, the ones who pass down the knowledge of the werewolves – that imprinting is like a blind man seeing the sun from the first time. Even though you’re the blind one, you’re my sun, so much so that I’m blinded. Mariabella, honey, you’ve helped me see things differently, and I love it – I love being with you; I love being able to make you smile and to make you laugh.”

“Jake,” I whispered, at a loss for words. I never knew he could be like that.

“And I love how I can make you say things that you normally don’t! You never call me Jake!” I laughed. “Whenever you call me by my full name I always feel like I’m going to get scolded or something.”

“Most of the time I am going to scold you,” I laughed. “Most of the time I scold myself for being so different with you.” I paused. “Even Cara noticed how you make me . . . weird.”

He chuckled once. “At least it isn’t just me who changed. I’ve never been so . . . protective of someone before. Not even. . . .” He cleared his throat. “But with you . . . I’d be anything for you, do anything for you, and go anywhere.”

I stroked his hair and felt the sweat moisten my hand. It brought back a memory from what seemed like ages ago but was only a couple months ago: Suddenly awoken by a loud bang, and then listening to another before hearing the front door open and close. My dad’s frantic voice calling for me and asking me if I was awake. Then he burst into my room and hysterically confessed what he did, punched a wall, then went into my lap trembling and hyperventilating when the police knocked on our door. I remember stroking his hair, feeling the sweat come off on my fingertips, feeling his trembling body. . . .

“You all right?” Jacob whispered.

“I should be asking you that question,” I whispered back before I kissed his forehead – which surprised us both – and said, “All I want you to be at the moment is healed; I want you to be resting. I’ll see you soon.”

“Sure, sure,” he sighed and grunted as the bed groaned beneath him. (I’m assuming he moved).

As I got up off of the ground and headed toward his door I heard him say, “I’m smiling at you,” he said softly; I could hear his voice beginning to fade as he grew more tired. “In case you wanted to know.”

Touching the door frame, back turned to him, I whispered, “I’m smiling too,” before walking out into the hallway.

*|*|*

I wondered if my dreams would ever stop being so . . . lifelike, so full of color and other things – things like trees and clouds and grass that I haven’t seen since the day of the accident. It was so vivid and real that it was hard to believe that my reality was black.

Secretly, I hoped the dreams never stopped.

I walked through the now homey forest and welcomed its emerald greens and deep browns with a smile. Something was missing, however: the rain, and in its place was the gleam of light shining through the leaves above, hinting of the brightness and warmth that the sun brings. Though the ground squished beneath me and left my bare feet damp, I felt no remnants of the constant companion that is the rain here in my new home of Forks; I only saw the hint of sunlight that hit the ground I tread.

“We’re almost to the clearing,” a husky voice said; it came from my left. “I can smell it.”

Slightly shocked and yet not, I looked down at my left hand and figured out why it was warmer than my right: there was a large and that was eating my own, the fingers ten times the size of my fingers; and even so they looked like they were supposed to be intertwined despite the size.

I looked up at his familiar face, a face that I have dreamt about since the time I got here. He looked down at me and grinned a toothy grin (which was also somehow familiar) when he saw me look up at him.

“You can smell it?” I asked him.

He tapped his nose (I suddenly found his nose cute) and continued grinning. “Werewolf sense of smell. I can smell the vampire stench from here.” When I gave him a perplexed look he continued: “You know that sweet smell vamps have? When they’re burned its intensified and it’s sickening.” His nose wrinkled in response.

A touch of light hit his face and I looked ahead. I could see the bright sunlight as we came into the clearing – which wasn’t at all clear. They smoking piles scattered around the clearing looked like . . . well, burning piles of vampire bits. The smoke was not the color of smoke, more like an incense – a pinky color, almost. (I only knew colors because I remembered them from when I could see).

Being closer to the burning vampire piles I could smell the scent he was talking about, however I found it almost intoxicating at first. The longer I stood there, the more it made my head hurt. I wrinkled my nose and squinted my now burning, teary eyes.

And then Jacob flicked my nose.

“Mi scusi,” I said (and translated mi scusi is excuse me) as I looked up at him and rubbed my nose. “What was that for?”

He was laughing and put his arm around me. “I thought your nose was cute so I flicked it.”

I flicked him on the forehead. “I think you’re cute so therefore I flick you.”

He smiled. “This is going to be the start of a beautiful but abusive relationship.”

I smiled in return. “And it can start without any killer vampires around to ruin it.”

His smile disappeared and he looked back out toward the clearing, pulling his arm away to curl his hands into fists. “Not exactly.”

I heard a howl, a wolf’s howl, and I looked back at the clearing. The burning piles were still there but, in the middle, right in the sunlight, was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen – and the most frightening: it was a woman with silvery blond hair with a beautiful face. That wasn’t the thing that made her stunning and breathtaking; it was the way she shone in the light, like a diamond put in direct sunlight. The most frightening thing about her was the way she stood, posed for an attack, baring her teeth and hissing at the thing that threatened her: the huge russet wolf growling, snapping, clawing at her.

Jacob’s voice echoed in my ears: “Not exactly.” The danger wasn’t over yet.

“Of course not,” the woman said before she lunged at the wolf, and she turned towards me as she held Jacob around his neck. “It has just begun. And it’ll begin with you . . . dead.”

As the world began to fade out, she appeared right before me, and two writhing bodies lay at her feet – one female and one male - screaming in agony. They looked too familiar to me. And they sounded too familiar.

My dream ended with a wolf’s howl – and it sounded like Jacob’s painful howl that he cried when he found out Bella was engaged.

*|*|*

When I woke up, I heard whimpers and something scratching against wood. I assumed it was Romeo, my dog, but when I moved I felt his warm body lying at my feet. He snuffed and got up to lick my face.

I heard the whining again.

I went to the window and opened it wide, letting the night air caress my face before it filled my room. The sounds of the night were different: frogs weren’t croaking, crickets sang quietly, and the rustling of the leaves were more prominent. Then I heard a familiar voice join the new night song:

“Mariabella, watch out!” he said, and I moved out of the way before I heard something land on my floor with a light thud.

“You know, my godparents could charge you with breaking and entering,” I said to Jacob as I closed my window, slightly chilled.

“You let me in,” he said, “so not really. But nice try. I didn’t know you wanted me gone so soon.”

“No,” I said a little too quickly. I heard him chuckle. “But I do want to know what you are doing here.”

“I wanted to see you.” I heard his footsteps come closer to me before he touched my hand with his clammy, feverishly-hot hand. “I started to feel better so I came to see you.”

“That was really quick,” I said. “And you’re still way hotter than normal. Are you sure you’re okay? Are you in any pain?”

“Seeing you numbs it,” he whispered. He grabbed my hand and put it on something that felt like rough cloth. “I still have the brace on, so don’t freak out and yell at me.”

“I won’t yell at you, but I’m still concerned that you’re going to hurt yourself. Especially if you jump through a window, stupid. What if you missed and hit the side of the wall? My godparents could have charged you with vandalism!”

“Since when did you become a cop?” he chuckled and surprised me by putting his hand on my waist. “You wanna shackle me?” he asked seductively. “Take me down -”

“Say downtown and I will personally push you out my window,” I said, blushing madly.

He laughed again. “Relax, I’m only joking.” He cleared his throat. “I’m serious now. I came here to tell you something.” I reached up to cup his cheek without really meaning to. It just felt so natural and right. He sighed, and I felt his hot breath hit my face. “That feels nice.”

“What does?” I whispered, my heart pounding wildly in my chest.

“Being near you,” he replied. “It feels right; it feels like I’m supposed to love you.”

I think he just said he loved me.

“I – I love you t – too,” I stuttered, failing epically at telling him how I felt.

And yet, he still kissed me.

It was not a full on make-out session. I don’t know if I could have handled that since this was my official first kiss. (The cheek action did not count). His lips felt soft, nice, and they moved against in foreign yet familiar ways – foreign because I’ve never kissed anyone like this and familiar because it felt natural. He grabbed my waist with his one hand and pulled me to him, and I noticed how his muscles tensed when I hit his brace. Still, that wasn’t what broke our kiss. It was him pushing me away slightly to breathe.

“You know I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “And I always will.”

I reached my hand up to caress his hurt arm. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“’S not that bad,” he said. “The pain. It hurt worse when Dr. Fang was re-breaking the bones. Seth said it hurt just hearing the bones cracking and shifting.”

I wrinkled my nose in disgust before I empathized. Then my expression went to confused when he flicked my nose.

“Mi scusi!” I said, and had a strange sense of déjà vu. “And what was your reasoning behind that?”

He chuckled. “You’re cute when you wrinkle your nose so I thought I’d flick it.” I flicked his forehead. “Ow, why’d you do - ?”

“I think you’re cute so therefore I flick you,” I replied, and still felt that sense of déjà vu.

“Wow, a kiss and a compliment – all in one night!”

“Don’t get used to it,” I muttered.

“Aw, but I was looking forward to those things,” he said. “That’s what people usually do in a relationship, you know. This” – he ran the back of his hand across my cheek, leading down to my neck – “and this.” He kissed me again, softly and sweetly.

When he pulled away my pulse beat wildly, and his hand was right there on my neck, right where my vein was, to feel it. “At least,” I whispered, “the only danger I’m in now is letting you find out exactly how much you really mean to me.”

He chuckled, but it was only was, before he put a hand on my shoulder and pulled me to him in a one-armed hug. “Not exactly,” he murmured in my hair, and I realized why I was having déjà vu: I just dreamt about this, and I knew what was coming next.

But it didn’t come. “There’s always more vampires out there,” he said. “Some that will stop at nothing to get what they want.”

And one of them wants me, I thought.

He kissed my forehead, murmured for me not to worry, and I knew, here in his arms, warm, complete, that I was safe. With Jacob by my side, I knew that I could take on anything

Even beautiful, deadly vampires out for my blood.