Oh, How Could I Forget?

[Present time]
Why did I ever do that? Was it stupidity? Lust? Did I really believe he could be more than one night? I convinced myself that he just didn't have the time to call me in the past few days. I didn't know his schedule; he could be a really busy guy.
"Stop lying to yourself. You know that's not true. He did what he wanted and he's done." I squeezed my eyes shut in denial. I wouldn't let myself believe that I was stupid enough to let the party scene get the best of me. I wouldn't let myself believe that my self control went out the window-I had always been one of the ones that kept everyone else in check. I was too ashamed to tell any other of my friends what exactly happened that night; even though I knew they wouldn't say anything about it. It was just something personal. I was hurt too, in a way.
But I couldn't let myself believe that I did all that. It was too much to handle, and looking back, I think I really could have liked him. If we were in a different place, at a different time, maybe we could have been something. Something more than a quickie. It hurt, because after one night I felt like we had a connection, just because we had done something so very important to me, and it's not like I had sex with just anyone who came around. They had to, and always did, mean something. But Trace...did he mean anything? I know that I thought he did. Did he think once about me since leaving here? I hoped he did, because God knows that the last thing I want is to turn into "that girl".
Frustrated, I got up and reached for the cigarettes and my lighter that I threw on the coffee table. Too much thinking involved when it came to my emotions. Sometimes I wish I could be a bit more like Kathy or something. She could party hard, and let things go. Random hookups weren't something we all did, but I knew that she secretly did it. How? How could she just...give herself like that, in such an intimate way and not feel anything at all?
But before I went out to smoke again, I heard my phone go off. Maybe it was a call, or a text. I felt bad for ignoring my friends, so I decided it wouldn't hurt to respond and tell them I'm ok, and maybe lie and say I'm just a little sick. I don't see how that would be a total lie-I was sick with myself.
However once I got back to my room and picked up my phone, I almost dropped it back onto the bed. I stared at the name on the screen in disbelief. After a few seconds, I just opened the message, and smiled.