Perfect Weapon
Mike Portnoy
“I have nothing left to give
I have found the perfect end
You were made to make it hurt
Disappear into the dirt
Carry me to heaven's arms
Light the way and let me go
Take the time to take my breath
I will end where I began
And I will find the enemy within
Because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin
Dear Agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's got to be?
Dear Agony
Suddenly
The lights go out
Let forever
Drag me down
I will fight for one last breath
I will fight until the end
And I will find the enemy within
Because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin
Dear Agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's got to be?
Don't bury me
Faceless enemy
I'm so sorry
Is this the way it's got to be?
Dear Agony
Leave me alone
God let me go
I'm blue and cold
Black sky will burn
Love pulls me down
Hate lifts me up
Just turn around
There's nothing left
Somewhere far beyond this world
I feel nothing anymore
Dear Agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's got to be?
Don't bury me
Faceless enemy
I'm so sorry
Is this the way it's got to be?
Dear Agony
I feel nothing anymore” I sang as I read the lyrics out of my journal; Sienna and I were Chase’s house in his home studio writing songs together.
The three of us had a meeting this morning with our record label and we decided that we would release another album for Jayden; our record label had been so supportive and let us do whatever we wanted, and we wanted to make Jayden’s memory last forever.
After Brian heard me singing last week he somehow convinced me to talk to Sienna and Chase about recording another album; everyone thought it was a great idea which wasn’t a big surprise. Chase thought it would be good for both of us; we would be able to get all our thoughts and feelings out in our songs.
Of course everyone was supporting us and helping us out whenever they could; the guys were also about to head into the studio to record their next album.
Jimmy suggested that once both albums were released that we go on tour again together; which Sienna and I loved the idea of. We needed them so much right now and touring will be hard on us; we both need our boyfriends and family for this.
“Yes that song is perfect Ashie, and if the music sounded like…” Sienna said as she trailed off in describing how the music should sound; Sienna was a master at picking music to go along with a song. She comes up with all the music while I’m the song writer of the band; Jayden used to just help us when he could.
“Now the song is perfect, my baby is so smart and clever” Johnny said proudly as he walked over to Sienna and kissed her forehead softly; before he plopped onto the couch beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
“Hey. Ash is just as smart and clever, but you girls should take a break. Or you’ll wear yourself out or just a mental blank” Brian said as he stood in front of me and smiled just as proudly at me; he leaned down cupping my face in his hands and kissed me passionately.
“Ash and I are fine, this is really helping us. We’re getting all our emotions out while making amazing songs, we’re also learning about how each other feels about what happened” Sienna said smiling as he kissed Johnny’s cheek; I’d found out that Sienna was taking Jayden’s death a lot better than I thought, but she was always the calmer one.
I on the other hand was still very angry and lost; I guess that happens when you keep everything bottled up inside you. I think being with Jay when the accident happened also caused the anger that I was feeling because I couldn’t do anything to save him; I feel so guilty that I came out of the accident basically fine while Jayden lost his life.
“At first it was hard to get ourselves into the writing because Jay was always with us when we wrote, it’s easier now but it still feels weird without him here” I said softly as I leaned into Brian once he had sat beside me; he wrapped his arm around my waist and held me tightly.
“It will get better and easier, that’s why we got a surprise for you both. A surprise that you’ll hopefully love and not kill us for” Johnny said smiling but a little unsure at the same time; I smiled when I saw Sienna giving him a firm look as she hated surprises, I was the opposite and loved surprises.
“We talked to our good friend Mike Portnoy, he of course already knew about Jayden as he’s a big fan of yours. We asked him if he would like to play the drums for your songs, he agreed straight away” Brian told us with a smile and I nearly broke out into tears; Mike was Jayden’s all-time favourite drummer and idol, it was also a shock to hear Mike was a fan.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you girls cry” I heard a deep voice behind us and when I looked back I saw Mike standing right there. Sienna wiped her eyes as she walked over to him and hugged him; once she was finished I ran to him and hugged him tightly.
“Thank you so much for this, we can’t thank you enough. This means so much to us and I know Jayden would be proud, you really are the perfect man to do this. And now I probably look like crap and I’m rambling” I said looking at him as he hugged Sienna and I together; I wiped my ears to make sure my makeup was still in place, while Sienna and Mike laughed.
“You don’t have to thank me, I’m honoured to be working with you both. I’ve been a fan since you released you’re first album. You guys sure are lucky to have such amazing girls, they’re both so much more beautiful in person” Mike said as he winked at Sienna and I; he looked up smiling at Brian and Johnny.
“Trust me, we both know how lucky we are to have them” Johnny said as Sienna walked into his arms and kissed him softly; I kissed Mike’s cheek before I too walked into Brian’s arms and leaned into him.
After all the thanking was over with and Chase had come home; we were all able to sit down and get to work. We got a good amount of songs written out and some of the music to go with them; I was surprised by how easily Sienna and I were able to work with Mike, he even helped us when we got stuck.
I thought it would be hard for me at least because I was so used to Jayden helping us and I wasn’t on changes like this; but I was fine because I now knew Jayden was looking over us.
I have found the perfect end
You were made to make it hurt
Disappear into the dirt
Carry me to heaven's arms
Light the way and let me go
Take the time to take my breath
I will end where I began
And I will find the enemy within
Because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin
Dear Agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's got to be?
Dear Agony
Suddenly
The lights go out
Let forever
Drag me down
I will fight for one last breath
I will fight until the end
And I will find the enemy within
Because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin
Dear Agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's got to be?
Don't bury me
Faceless enemy
I'm so sorry
Is this the way it's got to be?
Dear Agony
Leave me alone
God let me go
I'm blue and cold
Black sky will burn
Love pulls me down
Hate lifts me up
Just turn around
There's nothing left
Somewhere far beyond this world
I feel nothing anymore
Dear Agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's got to be?
Don't bury me
Faceless enemy
I'm so sorry
Is this the way it's got to be?
Dear Agony
I feel nothing anymore” I sang as I read the lyrics out of my journal; Sienna and I were Chase’s house in his home studio writing songs together.
The three of us had a meeting this morning with our record label and we decided that we would release another album for Jayden; our record label had been so supportive and let us do whatever we wanted, and we wanted to make Jayden’s memory last forever.
After Brian heard me singing last week he somehow convinced me to talk to Sienna and Chase about recording another album; everyone thought it was a great idea which wasn’t a big surprise. Chase thought it would be good for both of us; we would be able to get all our thoughts and feelings out in our songs.
Of course everyone was supporting us and helping us out whenever they could; the guys were also about to head into the studio to record their next album.
Jimmy suggested that once both albums were released that we go on tour again together; which Sienna and I loved the idea of. We needed them so much right now and touring will be hard on us; we both need our boyfriends and family for this.
“Yes that song is perfect Ashie, and if the music sounded like…” Sienna said as she trailed off in describing how the music should sound; Sienna was a master at picking music to go along with a song. She comes up with all the music while I’m the song writer of the band; Jayden used to just help us when he could.
“Now the song is perfect, my baby is so smart and clever” Johnny said proudly as he walked over to Sienna and kissed her forehead softly; before he plopped onto the couch beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
“Hey. Ash is just as smart and clever, but you girls should take a break. Or you’ll wear yourself out or just a mental blank” Brian said as he stood in front of me and smiled just as proudly at me; he leaned down cupping my face in his hands and kissed me passionately.
“Ash and I are fine, this is really helping us. We’re getting all our emotions out while making amazing songs, we’re also learning about how each other feels about what happened” Sienna said smiling as he kissed Johnny’s cheek; I’d found out that Sienna was taking Jayden’s death a lot better than I thought, but she was always the calmer one.
I on the other hand was still very angry and lost; I guess that happens when you keep everything bottled up inside you. I think being with Jay when the accident happened also caused the anger that I was feeling because I couldn’t do anything to save him; I feel so guilty that I came out of the accident basically fine while Jayden lost his life.
“At first it was hard to get ourselves into the writing because Jay was always with us when we wrote, it’s easier now but it still feels weird without him here” I said softly as I leaned into Brian once he had sat beside me; he wrapped his arm around my waist and held me tightly.
“It will get better and easier, that’s why we got a surprise for you both. A surprise that you’ll hopefully love and not kill us for” Johnny said smiling but a little unsure at the same time; I smiled when I saw Sienna giving him a firm look as she hated surprises, I was the opposite and loved surprises.
“We talked to our good friend Mike Portnoy, he of course already knew about Jayden as he’s a big fan of yours. We asked him if he would like to play the drums for your songs, he agreed straight away” Brian told us with a smile and I nearly broke out into tears; Mike was Jayden’s all-time favourite drummer and idol, it was also a shock to hear Mike was a fan.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you girls cry” I heard a deep voice behind us and when I looked back I saw Mike standing right there. Sienna wiped her eyes as she walked over to him and hugged him; once she was finished I ran to him and hugged him tightly.
“Thank you so much for this, we can’t thank you enough. This means so much to us and I know Jayden would be proud, you really are the perfect man to do this. And now I probably look like crap and I’m rambling” I said looking at him as he hugged Sienna and I together; I wiped my ears to make sure my makeup was still in place, while Sienna and Mike laughed.
“You don’t have to thank me, I’m honoured to be working with you both. I’ve been a fan since you released you’re first album. You guys sure are lucky to have such amazing girls, they’re both so much more beautiful in person” Mike said as he winked at Sienna and I; he looked up smiling at Brian and Johnny.
“Trust me, we both know how lucky we are to have them” Johnny said as Sienna walked into his arms and kissed him softly; I kissed Mike’s cheek before I too walked into Brian’s arms and leaned into him.
After all the thanking was over with and Chase had come home; we were all able to sit down and get to work. We got a good amount of songs written out and some of the music to go with them; I was surprised by how easily Sienna and I were able to work with Mike, he even helped us when we got stuck.
I thought it would be hard for me at least because I was so used to Jayden helping us and I wasn’t on changes like this; but I was fine because I now knew Jayden was looking over us.