Every Time You Fall Apart You Can Hide Here In My Arms

All my life I've been over the top, I don't know what I'm doing all I know is, I don't wanna stop, all fired up I'm gonna go till I drop, you're either in or in the way, don't make me, I don't wanna stop...

Ozzy Osbourne's unique voice filled the steadily darkening air on the sandy beach as the entire crew sat around a camp fire cooking hot dogs and marshmallows.

"No, sweetie, here," Austin dropped onto one knee in the sand to help Mattie hold onto the stick she was using to cook her hot dog with. The little girl was insistant on putting her hot dog directly in the flames, "it'll just burn if you do that."

Mattie allowed Austin to help her while everyone else chatted amongst themselves. Matt watched his girls intently. He liked the way Austin was taking a protective notion towards Mattie. And he liked that Mattie was allowing her to do it.

"Shadows, you want another beer?"

Matt glanced over at Johnny who was digging in one of the coolers. "Sure."

"Bottle or can?" Johnny held one up in each hand.

"Bottle," Matt leaned forward and Johnny tossed him one.

"Dad, I want ketchup!" Mattie yelled at him. Matt smiled. He'd promised to make her hot dog bun.

Austin looked up and locked eyes with him, "it's almost done."

Matt pushed himself up out of his chair and headed to the deck of the house which wasn't far away. They'd laid everything out on the table there. He set his bottle of beer down on the top of the table before grabbing the hot dog buns. He twisted open the bag and proceeded by splitting one open and squirting some ketchup inside.

"Matt, where is she?"

Matt's head snapped up to see Val standing in the sliding glass doors. Jesus, she was seriously like a cat.

"Mattie?" he searched his ex's eyes with his own, "she's making a hot dog. What are you doing here?"

"Our daughter is in your care, and you're drinking?" Val frowned, "what is she down there by the fire by herself?"

Matt's temper was starting to flare. He could feel it ignite in the pit of his stomach.

"Everyone is here Val. Everyone watches out for her."

"But you're her father!" Val yelped, "she's not everyone's responsibility, she's yours."

"You did good, you didn't even burn it."

Matt spun around on his heels to see Mattie and Austin approaching hand in hand. The look on Austin's face nearly broke his heart when she looked up.

"Come on, sweetie we're going home," Val reached her hand out. Her daughter, oblivious to what was really happening between the adults, bolted from Austin's care into her mother's.
Val scooped Mattie up into her arms and glared at Matt. "I can't believe you."

He was losing it. "Val, I've had a couple of drinks, Austin hasn't had any, Leana hasn't had any. You know that there isn't a soul here who wouldn't throw themselves in front of a god damn bus for Mattie!"

Mattie's eyes widened as her father yelled. She looked on the verge of tears. Austin stepped up behind Matt and slipped one of her hands into his. He squeezed.

"Never again, Matt," Val was shaking her head.

"Never again what, Val? You're not going to let me see her anymore?"

Val's very serious eyes locked with Matt's, "not when you're drinking, no."

Matt rolled his eyes, "jesus, Val, you make it sound like I'm an alcoholic."

"You drink way more than you use to," she hitched Mattie further up on her hip, "think about it, Matt, you don't wanna lose her."

"I won't lose her. In fact, keep pulling this shit, Val, and I'll be going for at least joint custody."

Austin shivered when she saw Val's inner wall fall down. Matt had nailed the hammer on the head that time.

Now there was only fury in Val's eyes. "Fuck you, Matt." Mattie began crying and burried her face in her mother's neck as Val stepped back into the house and left them standing there on the deck in the silence. Even everyone around the fire had quit talking.

"Fuck!" Matt suddenly let go of Austin's hand and whipped his almost full bottle of beer across the deck. It hit the side of the house and shattered sending beer flying everywhere. It splattered lightly against Austin's face as Matt stormed into the house.

She brushed her hand over her face and glanced back at their friends before looking up at the dark house Matt had disappeared into.

***

It didn't take long after the Matt and Val incident for the party to begin winding down. The girls helped clean up, while the guys put out the fire and folded up lawnchairs, carrying them back into the house and back out the front door into their respective vehicles.

"Hey, Austin."

Austin turned to see Michelle standing on the deck. Austin stepped outside with her. Just the two of them standing there in thick air.

"Remember when we all use to be friends?"

Austin slipped her hands into her jeans pockets and stared out over the ocean. Yeah, she remembered. At one time, her and Val were inseperable. Beyond best friend status. They were like sisters. So much had changed in five years.

"Val is just scared right now."

Austin glanced over at Michelle who continued to speak without looking at her. "I know that what she did to you was wrong. I know that. She knows that. Matt knows that. But they did have something together. Something pretty special, I mean, it lead to Mattie."

Austin wasn't entirely sure she wanted to hear this. Opening old wounds was just asking for a scar.

"But I think Matt's always really loved you. And Val knows that too. She's scared that she's going to lose the only part of Matt she has, to you."

"I'm not trying to be Mattie's mother," Austin caught the drift of where this was going, "but I don't want Mattie to hate me every time she spends time with her father either."

Michelle nodded in understanding. "Maybe you should let Val know that." She suddenly hugged Austin, a brief but supportive hug before heading into the house and out the front door with Brian.

All Austin could hear now were the waves crashing against the beach. While it gave her a feeling of calmness, it also made her feel very alone. Even though she wasn't.
She sank down onto the steps of the deck, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Am I a bad father?"

Austin never turned her head to look at him. She opted to keep staring out over the beach, her eyes cutting through the darkness in search of some light. He eventually sat down a step above her and she finally looked over at him, her chin resting on her shoulder. "No, Matt, I don't think you're a bad father."

He looked at her like he didn't believe her. She had to look away. She hated how his eyes turned so sad. He took a drink of someting and she caught the shape of a Jack Daniel's bottle out the corner of her eye.

"Drinking more isn't going to help the situation."

"No," he shook his head and looked out over the sand, and the ocean, "but it's going to make me feel better."

Austin sighed. There was no point in arguing with him at the moment.

"I just want Mattie to love me," Matt shifted slightly beside her and rested his elbows on his thighs, dangling the bottle between his legs.

Austin had a feeling this conversation was not going to go away, not until they talked it to death anyway, which just may end up being tonight.

"She does love you, Matt," she looked over at him. "Haven't you noticed the smile she gets when she sees you? How tight her hugs are? The way her eyes light up when you call her babe?"

He eventually looked up and over at her. He looked like he was ready to cry. Austin shivered. Of all the years she'd known Matt, she'd never seen him on even the verge of tears before. Instinctively she reached out and brushed her palm against his cheek, he dropped the bottle of Jack Daniels and it clinked a few times against the wood of the stairs before landing in the sand; draining it's amber liquid.

Matt reached out and pulled Austin to him. She sat on the step between his legs, her arms around his waist as he hugged her tight, burrying his face in the crook of her neck, his large arms holding her protectively against him. And Austin found herself wondering how in the world anyone who was in the care of these arms would feel unsafe.