Every Time You Fall Apart You Can Hide Here In My Arms

"Austin?"

Syn suddenly lunged down the front steps of the house after Matt grabbing him by the arm, stopping him before he could near Austin. He told Matt something before Matt hurried back into the house.

Austin let out a sigh of relief and frustraion as she stood up, running her fingers through her hair.

"Hey, what's your problem?" Syn asked as he neared her, a beer still in hand.

She knew Brian, quite well actually, and she knew that sometimes drinking brought out the asshole in him. At this moment, if he was sober, he'd never speak to her that way.

"Don't worry about it Brian."

He frowned, "It's Syn...and you're still pissed that Matt left you aren't you?"

Austin's eyes narrowed and met his, "no."

"Bullshit," Syn laughed, "seriously Austin, what pisses you off more? The fact that Matt just up and left you? Or the fact that Matt just up and left you for Val?"

Val? She had no idea what Syn was talking about.

"Austin wait!"

She looked up in time to see Matt hurry down the front steps as fast as he could.

Val. Austin was starting to catch on to Syn's little comment.

"Anyone care to explain?" James asked when he was unable to comprehend.

Austin shook her head and smiled at him softly, "I'll call you tomorrow okay."

Leaving James there to figure out the whole situation with help from Syn, she turned around and began walking down the sidewalk away from the party. She could hear footsteps behind her and she knew who they belonged to. She turned when she got far enough away and headed down a dark street she'd never seen before.

Austin moved fairly quickly and she was surprised at how well Matt was keeping up. Hell, he was surprised to. Seeing her sobered him up pretty fuckin fast. He just wanted to talk, she obviously didn't. He felt like a fool chasing her down this eery, rarely traveled street. It was like one of those that you'd see most often in horror movies.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

This was so bizarre. If anything, he thought she'd be sort of happy to see him since it'd been so long. But, here she was doing everything in her power to stay away. Apparently she hadn't applied the forgive and forget rule to their particular situation.

"Because I'm sick of you!" she finally spoke for the first time. She stumbled for a moment then stood up swearing. She reached down and untied her sandal, examining it and the broken heel.

"You're sick of me?" he was finally catching up to her, "how the hell could you be sick of me, I haven't seen you in years!"

She snapped her head up and locked eyes with him. A tear escaping and rolling down her cheek as she looked away before looking back at him, running her fingers through her hair. "Years. That's right Matt. Five to be exact. And you're the only thing I've thought about those past 5 years. Do you have any idea at all, what that would be like?"

Matt stared at her which only made her that much more upset. She would have liked a reply like 'yes, I do' or 'I've missed you just as much as you've missed me' but that clearly wasn't the case.

She took a deep breath and stared back, "since you just disappeared, out of my bed, out of my house, out of the state, and off the face of the fucking earth, every day I've tried not to think that each time the phone rang it was you, that every piece of mail I got was from you," more tears rolled down her cheeks, "to be afraid to leave the house in case you called or stopped by," she was sobbing now and she had to get away, but she couldn't quite yet, there were so many things she wanted to know.

"Why Matt? I called your parents a few days later. They said they'd heard from you, and to tell me that you were fine," she brushed the tears away from her cheeks, "why'd you go Matt?"

He was about to answer when she cut him off, "was it worth it?"

He snapped his mouth shut. The million dollar question had just slapped him in the face. The truth was that it was worth it, but at the same time it wasn't.

Shaking her head slightly as she looked at him, her mascara running down her cheeks, suddenly she turned around and started walking away. Shivering slightly she wrapped her arms across her chest. She was so upset that even in the summer warmth, she was cold and it was at that moment that she realized that she was lost. A quick glance behind her told her that Matt was still there. It was like he knew.

Shaking her head, letting tears of frustration trickle down her cheeks she sat down on the steps leading up into a building. A few moments later Matt was sitting down beside her.

"I'm sorry Austin, I really am..."

"Don't," she shook her head and looked away, "I was only 17, I was stupid."

"You were anything but stupid," Matt assured her before looking down at his feet, "I had to come home Austin."

"Right," she wiped away her tears, "you slept with your girlfriend for the first time and just had to leave...I get it."

Matt sighed, "you want the truth?"

She glanced over at him. She did but she didn't. Oh hell, it couldn't get much worse, "yeah, and nothing but."

"You sure?" Matt asked again, "because I don't want you freaking out midway."

She looked at him sternly, urging him to continue, "Sanders."

"Fine," he looked straight ahead onto the street, "I moved with you to New York, number one, because I wanted you to be safe, and two, back then I wasn't entirely to sure that the band was going to take off," he paused momentarily clasping his hands together, "that night, that we...,"

Fuck why couldn't he just say it? He realized that saying it out loud made him understand just how harsh his actions had been.

"Anyway," he continued, deciding to nix the whole trip down memory lane, "I don't think it was a mistake, and at this moment in time, I don't regret it, but I did then."

Great, he was making things so much better. She looked up at the stars in the sky to keep from crying again as he continued.

"I was falling in love with you Austin. But I couldn't stay with you. You remember when I got that call that night?"

"Perfectly," she whispered, "you told me it was the Rev."

"I lied," Matt sighed, "it was Valary?"

Austin glanced over at him, now she knew exactly what Syn meant. He wasn't lying, "Val? Like Valary DiBenedetto, as in my best friend? Why would she have been calling you?"

"She phoned and wanted me to come back."

"Back to her?" Austin couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her boyfriend, the only soul she truly trusted, had betrayed her. Went behind her back and hooked up with her best friend, "unbelieveable," she muttered before standing up again, "and you didn't think to, you know just tell me then where you were going? Or why you were going."

"I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I had to."

She rolled her eyes, "well you did a pretty shitty job."

"Better than if I had told you the truth, because that is only a part of the reason I left Austin."

He stood up and placed himself directly in front of her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her but he couldn't. He'd screwed things over fairly well. He clenched his hands and opted to place his arms over his chest.

"What's the other part?" she sighed, highly doubting it could get much worse.

Matt swallowed his emotions and looked her in the eyes, "I'm a dad Austin...I have a four year old daughter."

Well that made it worse. Her heart lurched in her chest and her eyes threatened to overflow. This wasn't how she envisioned meeting up with Matt again at all. He was suppose to be hers, all hers. Now she had no choice but to share.

"That's why I left that night. Val phoned to tell me she was pregnant. She wanted me to come home or she'd tell everyone about the whole situation. I thought that by...severing all ties, we'd both be better off."

Her foot was starting to get cold and she looked down at the ground and all she could do was laugh when she realized she was still holding her shoe in her hand. It was like everything she'd taken in wasn't real. Like Matt wasn't serious, at least that's what she wanted to believe.

She leaned down and slipped her foot back into her broken shoe, before standing up again, holding the heel in her hand.

Matt cracked a grin, "bet your heart's broken about that hey?"

She nodded. He was trying to lighten the mood. But the reality of the situation was that her heart was broken. Not because of her shoe. But because now, after all these years, she finally had a reason to move on, and forget Matt.

"What's her name?" Austin found herself wondering about his daughter. Did she look like him or Val?

The question caught him off guard. He didn't expect her to want to know anything about it, "Maddison or...Mattie," he smiled.

Austin groaned, someone already had daddy wrapped around her little finger.