Hard Nights

For the first time, in a long time I’m genuinely worried. Im never worried, even when everyone tells me I should be at least cautious of the fans, and the injuries, oh and of course the puck bunnies. But I never do, because I know Jordan, and he never tries to do anything to hurt our relationship, and he’s too damn stubborn to even care when he gets hurt. That’s just him. And I love him for it. Tonight is different though, tonight is going to be one of the most difficult nights of our relationship, and I could feel it. ***

I sit here on this couch absolutely still, almost as if I was paralyzed. The room is silent because I had already turned the TV off. I didn’t want to see the celebrations. I couldn’t handle that. All I can do is sit here and wring my hands tighter while staring at the door.

Please don’t open, please.

But let him get home safe okay?

Not right now though.

No he needs to get home now, who knows what he could be doing out there right now.

“Ughhhh,” I groan as I keep having this internal battle with myself. I close my eyes to temporarily mend the pain in my head, when I hear the door close.

“Jordan,” I whisper while snapping my head up to look toward the door.
Immediately the frown that adorned my face deepens as I take in his features. His normal stature of 6”4 looked more like 5’8 considering how much his body slouched down. His hair sat like a nest on top of his head, and there was a bruise forming on the side of his cheek. His eyes hurt me the most though. Those gorgeous blue eyes that I had grown to love so much, were filled with so much pain. They were glassed over making me guess that he had been crying or was close to crying again. The deep purple bags under them supported my theory of him not sleeping for days. With his head hanging low it made him look tired, and defeated. He slowly slid down to the floor with his back pressed up against the door, and hung his head between his knees. After trying to figure out what to do, I quietly got up and crawled over to him.

“Jordan”?

“What”? He questioned. His voice was scratchy. I put my hand out to gently squeeze his and he moved his hand away from mine. “I’m sorry Jord, I really am. “ I sighed. I knew how much this meant to him. How much he wanted it. We sat there in silence until the phone rang. Startled, I jumped up to answer it,

“Hello”?

“Addison, hey,” Someone said.

“Oh hey Eric,” I replied after recognizing his voice.

“How is he?”

“Not good. He won’t say anything to me. I’m scared to even approach him because I don’t know what to say.”

“Look, this is hard for him, and knowing my brother he’s taking it harder than anyone else. If I were you, I would ask him if he wanted to talk about it and if not I would leave it alone for the night. Just give him time Addie. Okay?”

“Alright.”

“And try to avoid confrontation, for me please.” He begged.

I chuckled a little. “Okay, I will.”

“I got to go, but good luck.”

“Thanks and bye Eric.”

“Bye,” he replied and I hung up. With a sigh I walked back into the hallway, where Jordan still hadn’t moved off the door. I sat down in front of him again and ran my hand through his half dried blonde hair. I laughed as he involuntarily shivered; I forgot how he reacted to that. Finally he looked up at me, sighing with a glint of annoyance in his eyes.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. I just- I-I, do you want to talk about it.” I eventually got out, surprising myself by even forming a sentence.
“No, not right now okay? Just leave me alone, you wouldn’t understand anyway.” He muttered obviously angry. I tried to keep my temper in check while responding, “What wouldn’t I understand Jordan?”

“You just don’t get it. You will never understand how much tonight meant to me. I wanted this so much more than I did last time. I worked myself to the bone for this. I fought so hard, so fucking hard, for it. And just when I could feel it, when I thought I had it all, it slipped right through my fingers!” He got up and started pacing the hall as I just sat on the floor watching him. “Shit, I wanted this so bad. I needed this, Addie. I haven’t slept in days because I’ve been itching with anticipation. All of my energy went toward this game, nothing else mattered. I played my hardest out there, and it wasn’t enough.” He yelled out. “It was the Stanley Cup, the Stanley fucking Cup, and you will never know how it feels to lose it.” He finally finished leaning against the wall.

The whole time he went on as I sat on the floor allowed my anger to build. I knew how much this meant to him, I wasn’t fucking stupid. I saw how much he worked, I saw it all. I took a deep breath, before I spoke, because I was trying to do as Eric said Avoid confrontation.

“Jordan, I know how much you wanted this, believe me I do. The Stanley Cup is the biggest thing in hockey next to an Olympic medal, I KNOW THAT! And I’m so very sorry that you lost it. It hurts me as much as you Jord. My heart sank at the end of that game, I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to.”

I sigh to catch my breath and continue, “Look, I know I’m not a hockey player. I know I’ve never tried winning the cup for the second year in a row. I know I’ve never been there, I get that. But Jordan you of all people should know that I know exactly what it feels like to lose something like that. Something you wanted and needed so dearly. Something you would die for.” I breathe out to calm myself down; I didn’t want to argue with him.
He turns around to look at me and with an icy glare says, “What was that”? I turn around so fast, I almost give myself whiplash.

“I can’t believe you would ask me that!” I yell as my eyes widen in shock. “Seriously Jordan, are you fucking kidding me?!” I guess the no confrontation thing is over. “I lost our son Jordan, our own child!” his eyes softened and I knew he felt bad. “But I guess that’s not as important as the Stanley Cup.”

I got up off the floor and silently walked to our room. Walking pass Jordan, I could see that I had really upset him. Maybe that last statement was too harsh, but at this point I could care less. I sat on our bed waiting, for him to come in because I knew he would. Not even a minute later he shuffled into the room, lying on the bed next to me.

“Babe look, “he started with a sigh. “I’m sorry; you know I didn’t mean it like that. I loved our son just as much as you did and nothing would ever be more important than our family, it’s just tonight was a difficult night for me. We all wanted to win and we just couldn’t pull it out.’

“Jord, I get that. I really do and you need to know that. You are hurting, I see it in your eyes, but please don’t shut me out. I know I can’t help fix the problem, but you can still talk to me ok”?

He sat up to face me. “Alright.” He said as he gave me a soft kiss. We broke away, and I grinned.

“What?” he asked confused.

“Well, soon you can start working to try to win the cup next year.” I said as my grin got even bigger.

“Yea so?” he asked still confused.

‘Well I know something else WE can work on..,” I say. He starts to smirk as he starts to piece things together.

“Ah and what would that be Addie’?

I giggle as his face comes closer to mine. Trying to sound innocent I say “Umm its starts with b and rhymes with maybe.” He chuckles and closes the space between us, kissing me again. I start laughing into the kiss as it deepens, and I can feel Jordan’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“What now?”

“Ha-ha nothing, it’s just if I knew sex would cheer you up, I would have gone for that first.” I say still laughing.

“He he. Shut up im trying to get something going here.” He connects our lips once again, and all I can do is relish in the feeling and smile.

“I love you Jordan.”

“I love you too baby”.

Fin