Weak, But Not Defeated

Maddie’s mom was asleep when she got to her room. Her dad told her she needed to go home and get ready to go to school tomorrow.

She was dreading going back to school, and she knew she couldn’t catch up on her own. It was already 5:00 p.m. and she didn’t even know where her books were.

She drove to Garrett’s house and Pat was there. He gave her a big hug and was overjoyed she had come back.

They sat in his kitchen while Garrett made dinner. “You guys, I need a tutor. Please help,” she begged.

They looked at each other before bursting into laughter. “Maddie, you think we could help?” Pat said through laughs.

“I don’t have anyone else!”

“Maddie, I barely passed study hall. Aren’t you like valedictorian anyways? You should be fine,” Garrett said.

She sighed. “I just really need help in calculus and government.”

“Jared?” Pat suggested.

“He didn’t take AP. John and Kennedy did, though,” she looked down and drew circles on the counter.

“Just ask,” Garrett said.

She shrugged, not making a decision yet. “Did you know they followed me?” She figured they already did, but their surprised faces proved her wrong.

“What stalkers,” Pat rolled his eyes.

She laughed, “I know right?”

Garrett put plates of spaghetti in front of Maddie and Pat. “You guys, I’m so happy we’re finally together again!”

Maddie smiled. “It’s always been us. We’ve always stuck together.”

“I missed you, Maddie,” Garrett and Pat said in unison.

***

School was just as horrible as Maddie thought it would be. She had missed so much and her counselor spent the entire day telling her if she didn’t pass her finals she would lose her valedictorian status.

She knew it was a bad idea, and that she would probably walk away hurt, but she drove to his apartment anyways.

He opened the door with a friendly expression but when he saw it was Maddie his face turned to a scowl.

“I need a tutor,” she said, hopeful.

“They provide those at the school.”

“They cost money and I don’t have enough. I’ll pay you in baked goods or something. It’s just until midterms.”

He looked at her and shook his head. “No.”

She relaxed her shoulders and tried not to let her anger get the best of her. “I won’t be valedictorian anymore.” She knew that would get him. Ever since she entered high school he had been pushing her to that ultimate achievement.

He sighed, angry she had pulled that. He looked at her before he rolled his eyes and moved to the side and gestured for her to enter.

She inhaled a deep breath and took a step in. She took out her government book and opened it to the part she had to read. She had seven tests to make up.

It was really awkward for both John and Maddie. Maddie could feel the anger and nervousness radiating off of his body, and it put her on edge. After half an hour of one word answers and silence she put her pencil down and closed the book.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

He wouldn’t look at her.

“Why are you acting like this? I’ve forgiven you, why can’t you just get over it?” she asked.

“It’s not that easy,” he replied.

“We both said and did things we didn’t mean. Why can’t we just go back to normal?” Her mind couldn’t conceive the reason as to why he was so standoffish towards her.

He looked her in the eye now, “I don’t know what normal is around you, Maddie.”

She looked at him, dumbfounded.

He sighed, exasperated. “Normal for me, is loving every single thing you do. I can’t do that anymore.”

She swore she heard her heart tear slightly, “Why not?”

“I can’t love you anymore, Maddie. I will not love you anymore.” He tried to convince himself that the words he spoke were true.

She ignored the pain. “Why did you follow me then, John?”

He sighed, “We were worried about you, that’s all,” he said.

She stayed silent for a moment before looking at him again. “Why can’t we just be best friends again? Why can’t I be like your little sister anymore?”

He stood up now, “Maddie, you were never my little sister. Don’t be immature. I always loved you and I know you knew it.”

She stood up, too. “I did not!” She defended herself. “You didn’t make it obvious at all until you kissed me! I’m sorry I was already in love with someone else but it’s not like I could help that!”

“This is what you’re not getting, Maddie!” he raised his voice. “You picked Kennedy over me! You didn’t love me, you love him.”

“I don’t love him anymore, John! I could never feel the same way about him ever, ever again,” her volume matched his.

“It doesn’t change anything. You ran off and had your time to sort things out. Well so did I. I’m done with it, Maddie. You can do whatever and whoever you want to, it doesn’t concern me,” he said.

She stayed silent, knowing that what he wished for would never be possible. Everything concerned John, every single thing she did somehow related back to him.

He walked to the door now and opened it. She gathered her things and stepped out.

“Maddie,” He stopped her before she walked own the steps. “I want to forgive you,” he paused. “And I want to forget you,” he said it quietly, trying to make her understand. He didn’t want to be so mean to her, but he needed to get his point across.

“So what, we never speak again? Is that what you want?”

He sighed, “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“You’re making it harder than it needs to be, John. This isn’t me doing this any longer. It’s all you. So call me if you ever decide you can forgive me for whatever the hell I did to deserve this,” she started walking down the steps, “I still need a tutor.”

**

The next day at school Maddie scrambled to find someone to tutor her. She walked into her second period theatre class and sat down next to Matt, her acting partner she had met at the beginning of the year.

“Woah!” he gasped. “You’re back!” he said, excitedly.

She nodded her head and gave him a smile, “I sure am.”

“How is…everything?” He asked but then quickly back tracked. “No, no, never mind. You don’t have to talk about it. I’m just happy you’re back!”

She smiled; happy he figured out for himself she didn’t want to bring it up. “Thanks, Matt.”

“So, while you were gone we had to do Romeo and Juliet. Do you know how hard it is to profess your love to an empty space? Please don’t ever leave again.”

Maddie laughed. She liked Matt, he was a nice guy. He walked with her to Calculus and even gave her the notes for the chapter they were currently on. The bell rang and she walked to her seat. She had been completely preoccupied talking to Matt she didn’t notice Kennedy at his work station until she met his eyes.

She looked away quickly and sat down. Mr. Watts called her up to his desk immediately and explained she would be responsible for all the missing work and she had until the semester ended. He told her she could get all the work from Mr. Brock.

She dragged her feet as she walked back to her seat. The bell rang and Maddie was happy Courtney and her annoying friend ditched so she didn’t have to see them.

The class cleared out and Maddie turned to Kennedy. “Do you have the work I need?”

He handed her a large stack of papers, “I organized them by lesson and day. The ones on top are all the notes you missed.”

She studied them, “Is this your handwriting?”

He nodded his head, “I took notes for you every day you were gone.”

Maddie sighed, unhappy that her heart beat sped up. “Thanks for the gesture.” She tried to walk away but he followed her.

“If you need any help, I could…” he suggested.

“No, thanks,” she said quickly before walking out.

Maddie caught up with Matt in the quad and politely pulled him away from the group of people he was with. “So, um, I got all the notes and stuff, and…I was wondering if you wanted to come to my house today and maybe help me sort though them?” she asked, biting her lower lip and praying he would agree to help.

He smiled and his dimples showed, “Of course I’ll help you.”

She thanked him then ran to her next class. She sat down next to Garrett and threw the large stack of papers on the desk and rested her head in her hands.

“Holy cow, how’s the makeup work going?”

“Fantastic,” she rolled her eyes. “So, I guess Kennedy took notes for me everyday I was gone.”

“Dude, he totally loves you,” Garrett said.

“Not what I wanted to hear, bud,” she told him. “Anyways, I found a new tutor because John is a douche bag.”

“Good. You need to be valedictorian so you can thank me in your speech,” he grinned.

She rolled her eyes as the bell rang. She didn’t even want to think about that pressure.

Maddie walked into her empty house after school and tried to find some kind of food she could possibly give to Matt when he came. She couldn’t find anything before he knocked on the door.

She opened the door and found him resting his hands on a little boy’s shoulders. He was probably six or seven and the only thing she could do was pray it was not his son.

“Maddie, this is Brandon, my little brother,” he smiled and Maddie breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hi, Brandon,” she smiled at him and the boy smiled shyly at her.

“So, I totally forgot I have to take him to his soccer game, so I was thinking maybe you would want to go with me? We can work on the homework in the bleachers,” he said, hopefully.

“Sounds great! It’s been a while since I’ve seen a pro soccer game,” she said and Brandon smiled. She picked up her backpack and grabbed her jacket off the counter and followed Matt to his car.

Maddie and Matt sat at the top of the bleachers. They got to work immediately and Matt was a good teacher. When the game began the two turned their attention to watch Brandon kickoff the ball.

They cheered very loudly and some of the kids on the field looked at them. The sideline referee turned to them and Maddie looked at him, too. She slouched her shoulders and was inwardly disappointed. Did he have to be everywhere she went?

“You know him?” Matt asked.

“I used to,” she said quietly, “His name is John.”

He noticed her reluctance to say anymore and changed the subject, “Okay, next page.”

Maddie focused on her homework and on Matt the entire game, only looking at John when she noticed him staring at her. At the end of the game all of the families congratulated the kids at the sideline. Brandon had scored a goal so Matt offered to take him out for ice cream.

He invited Maddie but she had to politely decline. She asked him to take her home so she could drive to the hospital. Before he could say yes John stepped into their conversation.

“I’ll take her,” he said to Matt.

“Um, okay. Is that all right, Maddie?” Matt asked.

She sighed and glanced at John before smiling at Matt. “Yeah, I wouldn’t want to keep Brandon waiting for any longer,” she ruffled his hair and he smiled as he pulled Matt away.

“I’ll see you at school!” Matt called and Maddie smiled before turning to John.

“I need to go to the hospital,” she said.

“Fine,” he said, walking ahead of her.

They sat in silence for most of the fifteen minute car ride until Maddie spoke up. “So since when are you refereeing little kid’s soccer games?”

“Since we started the band up again and we need money to record,” he said, staring at the road in front of him.

“You started the band again? Hmm,” she said, surprised Garrett hadn’t told her.

“You leaving gave us time to focus,” he said. His voice was low and everything he said sounded angry and hostile towards Maddie.

“Sorry I was so distracting,” she said sarcastically.

“Glad you found a new tutor,” he said through his teeth. Making it painfully obvious he was the farthest from happy for her.

“Well, at least someone will help me,” she told him.

He grunted and she rolled her eyes. They arrived at the hospital minutes later and he pulled up in front of the entrance.

“Do you need a ride home?” he asked Maddie as she opened the door.

“No, I’ll ask one of my friends to pick me up,” she said before pushing the door closed. John gripped the steering wheel tighter, the anger he harbored towards her renewed. He sped off and Maddie walked into the hospital without looking back at him.

She entered her mom’s room and for the first time didn’t see Kennedy. Her mom was sitting up and she looked much less pale and more coherent.

“Hi, mom,” Maddie said sheepishly, she didn’t know if her mother would be cold to her again.

“Madeline,” her mom said her daughter’s full name. She looked as if it was about to cry and
her smile told Maddie it was happy tears.

She ran to her and hugged her tight. Her mom held onto her as if she would never let go. Maddie slightly pulled away from her and stroked her mother’s hair. “Don’t ever scare me like that again, got it?”

Her mom laughed as a tear fell. “I’m sorry, kid. I’m really sorry for making you leave. I’ll get better, I promise.”

Maddie smiled as her eyes filled with tears of joy, too, “I love you, mom.”

“I love you more than anything in this world, Maddie,” she hugged her again. Soon after a male doctor came in and said he had to do Maddie’s mom’s nightly evaluation. Maddie kissed her mom goodbye as she realized she still had homework to do.

Maddie walked out of the waiting room and pulled out her phone to call Garrett and ask him to come pick her up. He didn’t answer the first four times she called. She tried Pat and Jared, too. No one was picking up their phones.

She stayed at the hospital staring out the window, waiting for the rain that had just begun to stop so she could walk to her house. It was a long way there but she needed some time to think, anyways.

It was at 7:30 she decided the rain wasn’t going to let up and it was time to just deal with it. She put her hood on and held onto her backpack tight, shielding it from getting wet.
She walked for about a mile when a car stopped next to her on the road.

“Maddie, what are you doing!?” She looked inside the car and saw Kennedy shielding his face from the rain that was falling in through his window.

“I’m walking home,” She was already annoyed enough and seeing Kennedy just made it worse.

“You live like ten miles away! Let me drive you,” he begged.

“I’m fine, Kennedy!” she told him and continued walking. He followed her slowly.

“Maddie if you don’t get in this car you’re going to get sick and die.” He sounded like a parent scolding their six year old and she almost laughed.

She stopped and looked at him. “Are you ever going to give up?”

“Nope,” he said.

She rolled her eyes and got in the car. She looked at Kennedy out of the corner of her eye.

He was wearing a long sleeved black shirt and dark jeans. His hair was off of his face and he looked gorgeous. She pinched herself to get her mind out of that place that was so familiar.

He reached into the backseat and handed her a blanket. For a second she wondered why he kept a blanket in his backseat, but then she realized it was for his daughter, Maddie’s niece.

“Shoot!” Maddie exclaimed loudly.

“What?” Kennedy said, alarmed.

“I don’t have a house key and no one is at home,” she said. This was not turning out to be a great day.

“Do you want me to take you to Garrett’s house? I was heading there anyways. We have band practice.” Kennedy smiled; pleased the band was back together.

She sighed, “I guess.” She was fine seeing Garrett, Pat, and Jared, but she didn’t want to spend anymore time with Kennedy or John today.

They pulled into Garrett’s driveway and ran to the house. When they entered all the guys were in the living room, and all their mouths dropped when they saw Maddie and Kennedy together.

They looked at each other awkwardly until Garrett spoke up, “Maddie!”

Pat and Jared joined in the hug Garrett was giving her while Kennedy stood next to John.

“Madds, I’m glad you’re here, you can critique our new songs!” Jared said.

Maddie thought that if John wrote them she would have plenty to critique, but she kept it to herself. She just smiled and nodded as Pat gave her a chair to sit in the corner of the large garage.

John was openly disgruntled with her presence, but she just smiled to herself because she knew she was welcomed by everyone else.

“We’re playing a Christmas show this year! Well, the day after, but still. Isn’t that exciting? We haven’t played in like a year!” Garrett was like a four year old with a new toy talking about the band. Maddie thought it was adorable.

“Okay, let’s play Ho, Ho Hopefully,” John told the guys.

“December first, I’m in a foreign state. I’m running late, I’m all alone, wishing I was home with you baby. She’s got a way of making things okay when she’s not around. When she’s not around I’m going crazy.” John sang the words Maddie already knew, he had written this last year.

Maddie’s mind flashed back to last Christmas. She was in England, staying in the dorms. It was snowing there and everyone was hold up in their rooms. She and John kept in touch mostly by video chatting. On Christmas Eve he dressed in a corny sweater and played a song he and his friend Justin from Brighten wrote for her called Merry Christmas, Baby.

She wondered if they would play it at their show. Maddie highly doubted it considering every time John looked at her his face turned angry. When she would occasionally let her eyes travel to Kennedy he would let his eyes speak for him. He wanted her to smile at him; he wanted her to want him.

When did things get so twisted? Why did everything go so wrong, so quick? She didn’t understand why John couldn’t be nice to her. Surely if she made an effort with Kennedy, the boy who broke her heart, John could make an effort with her, the girl that had broken his heart.

So Maddie smiled at Kennedy reassuringly. His face lit up. He knew it didn’t mean she liked him, but it was a large step in mending their friendship.

Maddie knew she and Kenny would never have what they did before, but that she and John’s friendship was still reconcilable.

And John knew exactly what she was doing with that perfect smile. Right then and there, in the middle of the song, he silently vowed to himself that Madeline Riggs would never get the best of his heart again.