Weak, But Not Defeated

“Madeline Riggs, will you marry me?”

“Leave me alone, Eric,” Maddie whined, trying to pull her hand out of his grasp.

“Just give me an answer!” he shouted.

“Fine! Yes, I’ll do it,” Maddie said, exasperated.

Eric jumped up and wrapped her in his arms, “Yay!” he smiled, laying a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“Let’s go, team!” Pat said, clapping his hands and ushering everyone into the van.

Maddie played rock, paper, scissors with Jared for the front seat and won. The group exited the venue parking lot and Maddie smiled as she peered out the window at the cloudy sky. The constant drizzle made the trees hang low and small puddles on the sidewalks.

“I love Oregon,” Maddie said, rolling down the window and inhaling the smell of the air.

“Oregon is cold,” Kennedy grumbled from the back seat.

“Shut your mouth, Brock. Don’t ruin this for me,” Maddie warned.

In a matter of minutes they arrived at their destination. The white, stone rock with green letters spelling out University of Oregon stuck out against the trees.

Once they were parked, Maddie jumped out of the van. She waited for Garrett to climb out and took his hand, “I am so excited!”

“Me too!” he said, matching her enthusiasm.

Maddie began to skip off as she dragged Garrett with her. The group followed behind as she acted as a sort of tour guide.

“And that’s where I went to my first college fraternity party,” Maddie said, pointing at a large house to the left.

Everyone stared at her and Kennedy laughed, “This whole time we though Eugene depressed you, not made you party!”

Maddie smiled, “Eugene didn’t depress me. If anything it made me happy again, so be thankful.”

“Oh, John caught some ladies,” Eric said, stopping the group. They all looked back to him as the two girls flirted shamelessly with him. He noticed his friends watching and found Maddie’s eyes. She shook her head and he winked at her.

He quickly wrapped up the conversation, writing his phone number on one of the girl’s hands. He jogged back to the group and smiled unapologetically.
“This right here,” Maddie started, pointing at John, “Is a boy who would never survive college because he’s too horny.”

John laughed as he walked past her, “I’m going to explore.”

The group followed John but Garrett took Maddie’s hand and pulled her the other way. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise!” he told her as he led her through the grass.

He eventually stopped in front of a tree and Maddie looked at him, confused, “Garrett, what is this?” she asked, studying the blanket on the ground.

“I made a picnic!” he smiled, walking behind the enormous tree and picking up a basket.

“Are we allowed to do this?” Maddie asked, sitting on the blanket.

He shrugged, “Who cares? The University of Oregon already accepted you.”

“I haven’t committed to them though,” she said. “Harvard is still my number one.”

“Uh, about that,” Garrett said as he reached in the basket, pulling out his signature peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, “I have some objections.”

“I’m sure you do,” she laughed, taking a bite.

“Harvard is two thousand and seven hundred miles away from Arizona. Oregon is only one thousand two hundred miles. That’s huge! We could make a roundtrip from Arizona to Eugene in the time it takes to get to Massachusetts.” Garrett said.

“You did research?” Maddie asked.

Garrett continued, “Eugene is like, the culture capital of Oregon. It has a huge music scene and tons of those little cafés you love. You know that, that’s all you did when you were here, isn’t it?”

“I guess,” Maddie said quietly. She wished he would stop. She didn’t want to fall in love with the University of Oregon, but the words coming out of his mouth were so appealing.

“I mean, look at this tree,” Garrett pointed above to the tree that would provide complete shade if the sun was even shining, “This could be our tree.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Every time I come to visit you we could have a picnic under this tree. It will protect us from the rain,” he said.

“Why do you want me to go to Oregon so bad?” Maddie asked as she laid her head in his lap.

He moved the hair out of her eyes, “Because I want you to be close to me.”

“You’re going on tour, Garrett. It doesn’t matter where I am, you’ll still see me once a tour no matter where I live,” she told him.

“We don’t tour all year, Maddie. When I’m home I want to be close to you. I want to see you on holidays and I want to be able to come see you quickly if I just miss you too much,” he said. “We can make this work.”

“And we can’t if I go to Harvard?” she asked.

“Of course we can. But Eugene makes you happy, Maddie. You haven’t stopped smiling since we got here. Harvard is the biggest honor ever, and you should be proud and I understand you want to maximize that opportunity, but just think about your sanity,” Garrett pleaded.

“You’re giving me a lot to process,” she said quietly.

Garrett leaned down and kissed her forehead, “It’s all up to you, baby.”

With Garrett’s last words Maddie thought of John. She suddenly felt a demand to know his opinion. And like clockwork, the group approached them.

“Yum, picnic,” Eric smiled, taking Garrett’s sandwich.

Everyone sat around them. “What did you guys think?” Maddie asked.

“I love it,” Jared said, “Please go here, Madds.”

The boys all voiced their agreements and Maddie watched as John stayed silent. He was sitting and resting his weight on his palms as he studied the trees.

“Maddie isn’t going to college. She’s staying with me, because we’re getting married,” Eric said.

“You know, Halvo,” Maddie said, sitting up, “You just made this decision so much easier. I don’t need college! You’ll be successful enough for the both of us!”

Eric smiled and looked at Garrett, “I hope this isn’t awkward but… I love your girlfriend.”

“On that note,” Kennedy said, standing, “We need to get back.”

The group packed up and began walking out. Maddie held Garrett’s hand as she gazed at the ivy covered buildings surrounded by trees. She let out a sigh as she climbed back in the van.

“Was it everything you remembered?” John asked from the driver’s seat.

“That and more,” she replied. The front seat was silent but the back was loud. The boys were singing along to a song by The Beach Boys, trying out different harmonies. “Do you think I should go to UO?”

“Do you want to know what I really think or the logical answer?” he asked.

“Whichever will make me feel better.”

“You should go to Harvard,” he said after a pause.

“Is that logical or your opinion?” Maddie asked.

He took a quick glance at her, “What do you think?”

“I think it’s logical,” she said.

“Then it probably is,” John said coolly.

“So you want me to go to Oregon?” Maddie clarified.

“I’ll miss you either way, Maddie. My opinion doesn’t matter, the logic does,” he said.

“Your opinion always matters,” she muttered.

John pretended as if he didn’t hear her and the rest of the car ride was only full of the voices of her friends attempting to harmonize.

*

Maddie looked up at her friends as the song ended and John began speaking to the crowd. “Well, hello Eugene,” he said, the crowd giving a roaring response.

“We have a little story, if you don’t mind. We have this friend, let’s call her Bob. Some people in our band really hurt Bob. So much so, that she ran away. She ran away right here to Eugene. She didn’t call and she didn’t write for two months and boy, did we miss her.

“And when I knew she was in Oregon, I realized just how much I hate the rain. We live in Arizona and we’ve been in a drought for like, my whole life, and I just hate rain. And I was mad at Bob for running. So it made me hate the rain even more.

“But Bob came back. And she forgave us for our actions. And the reason she forgave us was… the rain. You inspired her, Eugene. So, by default, you inspired me. I have come to really love Oregon, and the rain. Eugene, I guess I owe you an apology. I’m sorry for hating you before I even knew that you would do so much for me. You brought my best friend back to me, and I owe you.”

The crowd cheered as they took John’s word as the highest compliments. Maddie stared at him as he smiled at her. “So, Bob, thanks for coming back to us,” Kennedy spoke into the microphone.

“And thanks for forgiving us,” Garrett said.

Maddie shook her head as a smile spread across her lips. She now knew John’s answer to her question about college was pure logic, and definitely not what he wanted her to do.

After the show had ended and the bands were ready to leave, Maddie lay down in the back of the van with Garrett, face to face. He played with the necklace she wore; the heart he had given her on Valentine’s Day.

“Maddie, I just want you to do what you think will make you happy. If that’s Harvard, then that’s okay too,” he told her.

“Then why did you put so much effort into making me like Oregon?” she asked.

“Because I can’t lie, I want you closer to me. I am selfish and I am conniving, I know,” he said.

“But you’re honest,” Maddie said. “I don’t know what I want to do.”

Garrett paused before propping himself up and resting on his arm. “Remember when I asked you to take my heart to Boston?”

“Of course,” she said.

“Well, I’m taking your heart on the road with me, Maddie. Everywhere I go I’m holding on tight, so it’s really not fair of me to make you choose one place to stay, is it?” he asked.

“I guess not,” she said meekly.

He took in a breath, hesitating to say his next words in fear he may regret them someday, “Then you can take my heart wherever you want. If it’s Eugene, or Boston, or England, or Australia, I don’t care. You’ve got me for as long as you want me, Maddie.”

Maddie smiled at him, “You always know what to say.”

“Just don’t let me regret it,” he said.

“Never,” Maddie promised before kissing him.

Before she fell asleep, Maddie said a silent prayer to whoever would listen that she wouldn’t regret her promise, either. She also asked for wisdom and guidance, two things she desperately lacked, as she watched the solemn town of Eugene, which held so many unanswered questions in its humid air, disappear in the distance.