Weak, But Not Defeated

Maddie descended her staircase slowly and carefully in her silver heels. It really was like a fairy tale moment, and she couldn’t wait for it to be over. She finally made it to the end and her smiling mother embraced her.

“Oh, honey, you look so beautiful,” she remarked, tears in her eyes.

Maddie’s dad looked at his daughter. He grunted his approval and a smile tugged at his worried lips, before he yelled into the kitchen, “John, come here please.”

John entered the living room, a napkin acting as a bib as he ate a burrito. He wore all black with a red tie. His hair was a tousled mess and Maddie had never seen him look more attractive.

He stopped mid bite and stared at Maddie, “Wow, you-you look… wow.”

“O’Callaghan, you’ll watch over my baby tonight, right?” Mr. Riggs asked.

“Of course,” John breathed, still looking at Maddie.

Maddie smiled shyly at him as she stood in front of him, “Are you just going to stare at me all day or are you going to offer me some of that burrito?”

John laughed as Maddie took his napkin and tucked it into her dress and took a bite of his burrito. Her mom shook her head at Maddie before she and her husband left the room. Maddie covered her mouth as she spoke, “Is this not attractive?” she laughed.

“You’ve never looked sexier,” John teased.

She rolled her eyes as she finished off his burrito. The doorbell rang soon after and Maddie grinned when she saw Caroline’s dress. It was crazy and out there and fun, just like Caroline.

Courtney showed up soon after, wearing an extremely slutty red dress, but Maddie couldn’t deny that she looked gorgeous.

Eric and his date, Jordan, showed up with Pat and Lacey. Garrett came last. He hugged Maddie and kissed her while he did it, but Maddie could tell that something was off. She didn’t know if she was only focusing on it because she expected it, but something was definitely there.

“Maddie, may I speak to you?” Eric asked.

She rolled her eyes as she let him pull her to the corner, “I want to apologize for drugging your best friend.”

“You should probably apologize to him.”

“I do it to him all the time, I just didn’t mean to ruin your night,” Eric said.

“You didn’t ruin my night,” Maddie said.

“Did you and John bang or something?” Eric asked bluntly.

Maddie shushed him, putting her hand on his arm, “Shut up, Eric.”

“You did!?” he asked excitedly.

“No! We definitely did not,” Maddie said, “I have a boyfriend.”

“Your lying face is getting so good,” Eric winked.

“Your creepy face is remarkable,” Maddie countered.

“It hurts that you think I’m so weird,” Eric pouted.

“It’s amazing to me that you don’t think you are a freak.”

“Of course I know that! By the way, you look gorgeous,” Eric smiled sweetly.

Maddie cocked her head to the side, “Are you actually being nice, Eric?”

“Yeah, I would totally do you right now in the dress,” he replied.

“And you’re back,” Maddie laughed, walking away.

The group had rented a limo to shuttle them around the city. They first went to dinner, then to the dance.

“Our prom was so much cooler,” Eric commented.

Maddie rolled her eyes as the group sat around a table. The hotel ballroom was decorated in blue and white hues. It looked expensive and fancy for a not so fancy high school. Most of the upperclassmen were present, mostly just to see the crowning of the royalty.

Garrett sat to the right of Maddie, John to her left. Garrett was speaking to Pat emphatically, and Maddie was absentmindedly fiddling with the table cloth.

“You don’t look like you’re having much fun,” John whispered.

“It’s a little bit tense,” Maddie said.

John sighed, “Don’t let this ruin your night. You deserve to have a good night.”

Maddie met his eyes, “You’re right, I do.”

John’s stomach turned in reaction to Maddie’s determination. He thought maybe she would leave Garrett behind, or maybe she would realize she had it all wrong.

But instead she turned to Garrett, “Will you come talk with me?”

He nodded his head in agreement, following Maddie outdoors.

The two sat with their hands on the railing of the balcony in silence for about a minute. Garrett finally spoke, “So… what’s up?”

Maddie stayed looking at the lights of the city, “Please, Garrett, let’s not make this night weird.”

“I’m not trying to, things just feel off,” he replied.

“This is our last big event of high school. I wouldn’t rather spend this with anyone else,” Maddie said.

Garrett sighed, eventually moving his hand to rest atop Maddie’s, “You’re right. Let’s forget everything for tonight, and have a good time.”

“What do we need to forget?” Maddie asked, disappointed.

“We’re still not okay, Madds. I mean, sure, we will be… but we just really need to talk,” Garrett said, trying to be comforting.

“Are you going to break up with me?” Maddie asked; her mouth dry.

“I don’t want to talk about it Maddie. Not tonight, don’t ruin this,” Garrett said.

A tear fell down Maddie’s cheek but she quickly wiped it away. Maddie still faced the city; Garrett’s back was to the view. The couple stood shoulder to shoulder.

Garrett’s hands were in his pockets as he looked at Maddie’s face, her eyes fixed on the shining lights; looking more blue than ever.

The door to the ballroom opened, “Everything okay?”

Garrett looked at his friend, “Yup, everything is just peachy,” he said before walking past John and into the room.

When John stood next to Maddie she spoke, “Thanks for saving me.”

“It looked a little bit tense out here.”

“Garrett is going to break up with me,” Maddie said.

“Why don’t you do it first then?” John asked.

“I don’t have the guts, I guess,” she replied.

John looked at her sympathetically and wrapped an arm around her frail shoulders, “Let’s go inside. They’ll announce the royalty and then we’ll go to Eric’s for the party. You can get super drunk if you would like.”

Maddie laughed, “No thank you.”

He smiled, taking her hand and leading her into the ballroom.

The principle spoke into the microphone, “Okay, kids. We’re going to announce your king and queen.” Quiet murmurs filled the room, making last minute bets. “Your prom royalty is Garrett Nickelsen and Courtney Robertson.”

The entire group yelled for their friends. John kissed Courtney before she strutted to the stage. Garrett stood in front of Maddie before he kissed her cheek lightly.

The two were crowned before the designated slow song began to play. Everyone made their way to the dance floor, but Maddie stayed seated.

She saw a hand come into her vision and she looked up to see Garrett, “What are you doing?”

“I’m forgetting,” he said.

Maddie placed her hand in his hesitantly, standing and letting him lead her to the dance floor.

“You’re really playing with my emotions here, Gare,” Maddie said as they swayed on the dance floor.

“I don’t want to break up with you, Maddie. I love you,” he said.

“Then why are things so weird right now?” she asked.

“Because I’m upset, baby. I’ve done so many things to make this work, and I just… I feel like you’re not doing the same,” Garrett said.

“Well what do you want me to do?” Maddie asked defensively.

“I want you to want to be with me more than you want to be with John,” he said.

“It hurts me that you doubt me,” she said.

“I don’t. I’m a jealous person, Maddie, and so are you. I saw the way he made you smile so easily out there. That pisses me off,” Garrett said sadly, “I just don’t know if this can work anymore.”

“Garrett, you’ve been breaking your promises,” Maddie said.

“How? I’ve stopped drinking so much, I haven’t been pushing you for sex, I don’t understand,” Garrett spoke frantically.

“You promised you wouldn’t break my heart,” Maddie said, her voice shaking.

Garrett looked into her tear filled eyes before his eyes fell to her neck, the necklace not hanging from it. “You’re breaking mine too.”

Maddie pressed her forehead to Garrett’s, “I don’t want this to happen.”

“Neither do I,” he said.

“Then let’s not,” she whispered.

Garrett lifted her chin with his hand, “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, Madeline. I love you and I’d be a fool to let you go.”

“But we still need to talk?” Maddie asked, hoping he would say no.

“Tomorrow,” Garrett said, kissing her lips and pressing her into him tightly. It was a sweet, simple kiss but the meaning behind it was overwhelming.

The song ended and Maddie sat down next to John as he spoke to Pat. Garrett had gone to take yearbook pictures with Courtney.

Maddie rested her chin in her right hand with her elbow on the table. She could see Garrett through the windows. The way he smiled so innocently and made everyone around laugh made her heart hurt. Garrett was the sweetest boy in her life, but that wasn’t why she liked him.

Losing Garrett meant losing her stability. He had held her together when her best friend had chosen to attempt to forget her; he had loved her when she didn’t love herself.

Garrett was Maddie’s sure thing; it was as simple as that. John was unreliable and no matter how much he claimed to love her, she was so scared. But as she switched her view from Garrett to John her stomach turned.

Butterflies were in her stomach and goose bumps on her skin. He was so gorgeous, and the feelings she had had never really faded, no matter how much she prayed it wasn’t true. He glanced at her and smiled, still in conversation with Pat.

It was at that moment as she looked at John’s smiling lips that lit up his green eyes that Maddie realized John still held her heart. Maybe not all of it, or maybe just a part, but he held on tight. And the way his eyes always seemed to fall back to Maddie’s adoringly told her that he was never letting go.

*

Maddie waited impatiently outside of Eric’s bedroom door with Caroline. The girls had decided to change into more comfortable clothes, and Courtney was taking forever.

She finally opened the door, revealing her tanned body in a black cocktail dress.

“I thought we were going more comfortable,” Caroline commented disapprovingly.

“Oh, were we? My bad,” Courtney giggled before exiting.

The girls rolled their eyes before entering Eric’s room before changing into the sundresses they brought.

“So, Kennedy and I are official,” Carolina said.

Maddie grinned, “I’m so happy for you guys.”

“I’m trying not to be too happy, because I saw you crying at the dance,” she said carefully.

“I have no idea what’s going on,” Maddie said, collapsing on Eric’s bed.

Caroline sat next to her, “Is it because of John?”

“Isn’t it always?” Maddie chuckled, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry baby girl,” Caroline said, “Listen to your heart.”

“I’m not sure I trust it anymore,” Maddie said honestly, “It’s screwed me over too many times.”

“That’s because you thought it was your heart, but it was really just your hormones,” Caroline smiled.

“So how do I know if it’s my heart this time, wise one?” Maddie asked.

“The way I see it: John would know the answer to that question, because he’s the one that stole it,” she replied simply.

Maddie shot her a glare and Caroline grinned. The blond grabbed her friend’s hand and pulled her out to the living room that was crowded with people. They quickly went their separate ways when Kennedy caught Caroline’s eye.

Maddie couldn’t find Garrett so she walked to the kitchen, finding a soda in Eric’s refrigerator.

“Getting crazy tonight, Madeline?”

She turned to face John, “Oh you know me.”

John tapped his own can of soda against Maddie’s before taking a sip. “You still owe me a dance,” he said, once the two made it out to the living room.

“I don’t think they’ll play a slow song at a party,” Maddie laughed.

John scoffed at her before disappearing in the crowd, leaving Maddie alone. She searched for Garrett, but couldn’t find him. She prayed he wasn’t getting drunk.

In a matter of seconds Maddie heard the music tempo change and saw the people on the floor stop. A few groans were emitted before the sweaty, crowded designated dance floor began to couple up. Maddie didn’t even hear the song playing, because all she could focus on was John’s fingers interlacing with her own.

“I like your dress,” John said.

Maddie rolled her eyes, “You’ve seen it before.”

“I love it every time I see it then,” he laughed.

She smiled at him, extremely aware of his hands on her hips. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, their torsos were almost touching.

“So, successful night?” John asked.

“Mm, not particularly,” she replied.

“I’m sorry your boyfriend is such a dick,” John said.

Maddie slapped his shoulder, “Shut up.”

John looked down, smiling. “Hey Maddie, you know that letter you found yesterday?”

“What about it?” Maddie asked.

“Should I regret it?” he asked. He was biting the inside of his bottom lip and honestly looked scared.

Maddie’s chest grew tight and her breathing restricted when she realized just how strong her feelings were for the boy she was moving in step with. “Talk to me tomorrow.”

“Is that when Garrett is breaking up with you?” John asked.

“Or when I break up with him,” Maddie whispered to herself.

“Why would you do that?” John asked, moving a piece of hair that had fallen in Maddie’s eyes.

“I think I like someone else,” Maddie said.

John met her eyes, “Do I know him?”

Her lips fell into a smile, “Yeah, its Eric.”

John shook his head, “Not cool.”

Maddie smiled as the twirled John’s hair on the back of his head between her fingers. The song ended and the two got out of the crowd. They stood near Jared, talking to a group of their friends. John was standing next to Courtney but his mind was focused on every word coming out of Maddie’s mouth.

“Maddie?” she heard in her ear. She turned to Kennedy, looking at him warily. “Uh… Garrett is… just look,” he said, pointing to the dance floor.

Maddie turned on the heel of her foot to see her boyfriend gliding his hips against the backside of another girl. His hand was wrapped around her waist as he kissed her neck. A beer was in his free hand and the girl was petite and beautiful.

The world around her was spinning as her senses heated with anger and embarrassment. Garrett was completely oblivious to the disapproving glances at him from their friends and they all felt for Maddie. Tears blurred her vision as she rushed towards the door.

She only made it halfway through Eric’s yard before she felt a hand wrap around her small arm and pull her towards the boy.

She looked into John’s green eyes and fell into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her snugly. She let the tears stain the tie he still wore.

Maddie pulled away from John, wiping her eyes free of any makeup that had smeared. “It’s so over.”

“Good,” John said, “Garrett is too immature. He isn’t good enough for you.”

“Is anyone?” Maddie said, turning her back to John and pacing in front of him. “Things are getting a little discouraging.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” John said, “I fell in love with a smart, confident girl; not one that is unsure of herself.”

“I’ve never been more sure,” Maddie said after a pause.

John took in a breath, contemplating his next move. He took three long strides towards her and took her face in his hands, kissing her lips as hard as he could.

Maddie kissed him back instantly, swearing she could hear her heart beating out of her chest. She pulled away from him for breath and met his determined eyes. She placed her hand on his chest, “Not here.”

John looked at her questioningly before he understood. He took her hand, pulling her to his car. The ride to his apartment was quiet and the air was full of questions met with anxiousness.

John walked into his apartment first, Maddie following on his heels. He shut the door behind her and she stared up at his tall frame. He stepped slowly to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pushing her against the door, kissing her.

She easily let his tongue slip in her mouth as she met it with furious passion. Maddie smiled against his lips as he lifted her up, letting her wrap her legs around his waist. He carried her into his room and lay her down on the bed before he lay next to her.

“What are we doing?” John said, out of his breath.

Maddie looked at him, “John, do you love me?”

“I never stopped,” he replied.

“And everything that happened… it’s behind us?”

“Of course,” he replied. “Maddie, do you love me?”

She looked into his eyes, “I never stopped.”

“Are you going to break up with Garrett?” he asked, moving closer to her.

“Are you going to break up with Courtney?” she asked, letting John’s hands explore her thighs.

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask that since she and I started dating,” John laughed.

Maddie smiled lightly, “I want you, John. I want this, I want us.”

“You have no idea,” he replied, kissing her chastely.

Maddie pulled John down on top of her, kissing him. Garrett wasn’t even on her mind as she only felt pure ecstasy with John’s kiss. Everything was so different now, and she knew that this was love; this is how it should feel.

Maddie undid John’s tie and unbuttoned his shirt tentatively, him helping her whenever she had trouble. His belt buckle came off easily, as did the straps of her dress slide off her shoulder blades.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” John asked as he let his eyes quickly glance over Maddie’s now exposed body after she let her dress fall to the floor.

“I need you to tell me one thing,” Maddie said, John’s forehead resting on her own.

“Anything,” he breathed.

“Will you be my sure thing, John?”

He stared deeply into her eyes, “I’ll be anything you want me to be.”

“I love you,” she said.

He caressed her cheek with his hand, “I love you, too,” he said before shifting his weight atop her, trying to be gentle, “More than you could ever know.”