Status: FIN (:

Weak, But Not Defeated

better this way

Maddie’s inferior fingers lightly traced over John’s as she stared at them absentmindedly. His hand was resting on her knee as they watched Fight Club in John’s living room. He stole a glance at her before sighing and shutting off the TV.

He turned his body to face her, “What are you thinking about?”

“Garrett,” Maddie said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

“When does he get back?” John asked.

“Tomorrow,” Maddie replied.

“Baby, you need to stop worrying. You have a state game in three hours,” John soothed.

“How can I not worry about breaking someone’s heart?” Maddie asked.

“It’s not like he doesn’t deserve it,” John mumbled.

“What do you mean?” Maddie asked, meeting his eyes.

John shrugged, “He cheated on you, Maddie. You should have broken up with him months ago.”

“Well now I’m no better than him,” she said, melancholy dousing her features.

“We did what we did, Maddie,” John said flatly.

“Is it horrible if I just don’t tell him? I mean, we can break up and then after a while you and I can go more public,” Maddie said.

“So I have to hide you?” John frowned, caressing his thumb over her hand.

“It’s for the best,” Maddie said.

John kissed her chastely, “That’s okay. As long as you’re all mine.”

Maddie smiled at him, “I should go home and get ready.”

“I’ll meet you there. Good luck, baby,” John said as he kissed her forehead and walked her out.

Maddie drove to her house and began getting ready for the game. The team had made it all the way through playoffs and regionals, and now they played the best team in the state. The local newspaper predicted the opposing team to wipe the floor with Maddie’s team, and she was ready to prove them wrong.

She and Caroline made it to the field before anyone else. They sat in silence as they tied up their cleats and put on their shin guards. Maddie wrapped her ACL tightly to ensure no possible injury. The rest of the team began to arrive and as Maddie led the warm up lap she was completely distracted. There was every possible emotion running through her body, electrifying her fragile senses.

She was nervous that she would let her team down, and that this day would end horrible.

She was scared of what Garrett would do when she broke up with him. She was scared of how he would react, how he would feel. His heart would break, she was sure.

But what made it all worth it was the happiness, the pure excitement in her bones. Maddie loved soccer and she was able to show off her skills for everyone watching, and hopefully help in adding another trophy to the school’s case. She also had the excitement of a new relationship that wasn’t exactly new in the traditional sense, but boy, was it exciting.

Everyone began stretching in a circle. There wasn’t the usual chatter and gossip, but instead a calming silence as everyone gave their own pep talk to themselves.

“Psst,” Maddie heard from behind her. She turned to look at Eric beckoning her to come to the fence he was on the other side of. She shook her head and turned back to continue stretching.

A second later she felt a rock hit her back. She yelped in pain and picked up the rock from the ground, walking angrily towards Eric.

“Are you trying to maim me before I play the biggest game of my life?” she asked, throwing the rock back at him.

He dodged it before rolling his eyes, “I came to give you a little encouragement.”

“Go for it,” she said as she peered around him, looking for John.

“First of all, stop thinking about John. Second, you’re awesome. You know that you and Caroline can lead this team and you need to do it. I know your head is all over the place but you need to focus,” he directed.

“I know,” she said, taking in a breath, “Thanks, Halvo.”

“No problem, kid. Break a leg!” he smiled.

“This isn’t theatre,” she laughed.

“Well fine, tear an ACL,” he shot back.

She rolled her eyes and walked away. Soon enough the game began and all of Maddie’s worry washed away. Her mind was clear of any thoughts, no Garrett and no John. All she could think of was the ball at her feet.

The game progressed and Maddie was easily the most defended player. It was almost impossible for her to receive the ball and take it more than a few feet before someone was on her. She was becoming so frustrated she got her first yellow card before halftime.

At the half, Maddie’s team was down by two. The coach gave some motivational speech but Maddie was in her own world, thinking of how to get around her block.

Now as she started the second half she pulled out her dirty play. She cleverly made sure the ref wasn’t watching as she dug her elbow into other girl’s sides. Finally Caroline scored off of a corner kick, making it a tie game.

The final whistle blew and there was a collective sigh from all of the players and spectators as one thought ran through their heads: penalty kicks.

The players were picked, and Maddie had never been more worried. Their goalie wasn’t horrible, but she was an inexperienced sophomore and sometimes she had major butterfingers.

So as each individual kicker went Maddie didn’t watch. She instead waited to hear the cheers or groans of the crowd. Finally her coach tapped her on the shoulder and she slowly turned to face him.

“It’s all up to you, Riggs. No pressure or anything,” he said.

She nodded her head only once before jogging out to the ball. She looked at the stands as she ran, finding her friends instantly because of their signs. She met John’s green eyes and he didn’t even smile, he just looked into her eyes, giving her a look of encouragement and trying not to look as stressed out as he actually was.

But that look was enough to give Maddie all the confidence in the world. She realized that John was her confidence, he was her backbone. She strived to impress him and to be enough for him, but the best part was that there was no pedestal. John had seen her at the lowest part of her life as well as at the highest peak, and he had loved her no matter what.

Maddie stood a few feet behind the ball and met the goalie’s eyes and it all became real. The girl paced back on forth on her toes, her eyes fierce. Maddie read her like an open book. The goalie would go left, because that’s where Maddie had been shooting all day.

So Maddie took her steps to the ball, arching her back before she kicked and throwing all her weight into it. Maddie sunk to her knees and tears sprang in her eyes as she felt her ACL finally tear. She swore it went in slow motion as the goal keeper lunged, not soon enough, to the right. The ball hit the top right corner of the net furiously and it took one second before the crowd erupted behind Maddie.

In a matter of seconds Maddie was lying flat on her back as her team piled on top one another, all laughing with the occasional tears of joy.

Once she was able to breathe Maddie struggled to stand up, desperately searching the field that was now crowded with friends and family of the team. Her adrenaline let her walk on her injured knee with no pain at all. She finally found John pushing towards her. She grinned as she ran towards him.

She jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. She buried her face in his neck, giggling. She finally pulled away and met his eyes.

He shook his head at her and smiled, “You’re amazing, Madeline. I am so proud of you.”

She smiled, “Well, thanks.”

“I wish I could kiss you right now,” he whispered.

“Later,” she said before John set her back down.

Maddie got called back to her team to accept the trophy and take pictures. She hugged about a million people before the field finally emptied out. The trainer had given Maddie crutches to walk on for just today so she could celebrate with her friends. He said that her ACL was fully torn, but since it had been so close already, the pain really wasn’t any different.

She drove to her house, showering quickly for the party that Eric was throwing. When Maddie was ready she hobbled down her stairs before sitting next to her father on the couch.

“There’s my star,” he said proudly, “How’s the knee?”

“I took half a pain pill so that I don’t get too loopy, but it’s done the trick,” she smiled.

“Where do you think you’re going tonight?” he asked, surveying her outfit.

“Well, there’s sort of a party…” she smiled.

“Ah, the one your weird friend Eric was talking about. Well I suppose you can go,” he said.

Maddie kissed his cheek before the doorbell rang. She hopped up and greeted Kennedy at the door. He held Emma in his arms and Maddie instantly took her from him.

They put her to sleep in the nursery before saying goodbye to Maddie’s parents. Kennedy offered to drive them to Eric’s.

The car ride began with an immediate over analysis of the game from the two athletes.

“You know, I’m pretty sure I was more nervous than you were,” Kennedy chuckled.

“I don’t know about that. I guess all those soccer practices in junior high you dragged me to paid off,” Maddie said.

“Well, you’re welcome,” he replied. “Hey when does Garrett get back?”

“Tomorrow,” Maddie said, turning her glance to the passing scenery.

“You know Madds, I really like you and Garrett together. I know I hated it to begin with, but it’s grown on me,” he said.

Maddie felt as if her throat was closing up and she swore her palms became clammy, and she was barely able to squeak out, “Great.”

“It seems like you’re better now. Is that fair to say?” Kennedy asked.

“I suppose,” she said, still looking out the window.

“I know that Garrett really messed up a couple of times, but-” Kennedy started.

Maddie interrupted him, “More than just a couple of times.”

“But you are still able to forgive him. I think that’s a really big step for you. I don’t know if I would trust anyone after what I did to you,” Kennedy said sadly.

Maddie smiled lightly, “It’s not a matter of trust, its faith.”

“And you have faith in Garrett despite him cheating on you?” Kennedy asked.

Maddie finally looked at Kennedy as he stared at the road, “No.”

He immediately turned his head to meet her eyes, “What?”

She looked in front of her again, “Kennedy, things with Garrett aren’t going to last.”

“Why? What’s going on?” Kennedy asked, frantic.

“What do you think?” she asked quietly.

Kennedy furrowed his brow, puzzled. But after only a few seconds he understood, “John.”

Maddie nodded her head, “Always.”

He sighed, “Don’t do it, Maddie. That is a horrible idea.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked him.

“Maddie, you and Garrett are the perfect couple. You get along so well, and you told me yourself that he is the only one you can count on. That can’t just change,” he said.

“But people change, Kennedy. You should know that,” she said.

He ignored her not so subtle insult, “So who changed?”

“Garrett did. Or I guess I did, I’m not really sure,” Maddie replied honestly.

“But John didn’t, right?” Kennedy clarified.

She looked at him, not liking where this was going. He was leading her right into a trap, “What are you getting at, Kennedy?”

“I’m saying that you and John will not work because he hasn’t changed. He’s still the guy that refused to be your friend when you apologized, the one that embarrassed you multiple times in a matter of just a couple of months, the guy that kissed you on New Year’s and then swore it meant nothing. He plays with your head, Maddie, and he has not changed,” Kennedy said.

“You shouldn’t be the one to talk, Kenny,” Maddie said angrily, “Mind your own business.”

“Maddie I will never not look after you. I’m telling you right now that you shouldn’t give up everything Garrett has done for you.” Kennedy was practically imploring her. Maddie knew that he did care, but she didn’t want to hear it. She loved John, and it was their time. Kennedy really had no idea who exactly John was according to relationships.

Maddie had faith in John, and that she was sure of.

They arrived at Eric’s house and Maddie climbed out of the car. Kennedy met her on the other side of the car and grabbed her arm before she could storm away from him, “Maddie, just think about it.”

“Thanks for the advice, Kennedy. Have a good night,” she said, shrugging out of his grasp and entering Eric’s house.

The music was already loud and the small house packed. Girl’s soccer wasn’t that big of a deal at their high school, so consequently most people didn’t even know this was a party for the state winning team.

Maddie found John in the midst of the crowd, and he engulfed her in a hug. She whispered in his ear, “We need to talk.”

He gave her a wayward glance before leading her out into the empty backyard. They sat on a small bench by the pool. “What’s going on?”

“John, you’ve changed, right?” she asked bluntly.

“Um,” he cleared his throat, “Changed how?”

She sighed, “If we’re going to do this then I need to know that when things get hard you won’t just give up.”

“Maddie, where is this coming from?” he asked, his hand on her knee.

She glanced around uneasily, “I talked to Kennedy.”

He shook his head, “Of course.”

“He just reminded me of all the crap we’ve been through, and-”

“What I’ve put you though, right?” John asked, finishing her sentence.

“Yeah,” she said sheepishly.

“Maddie I did all of those things because I needed to get over you. Now I know that will never happen. I had to do those things to get to where I am,” John said, almost frightened of the doubt in Maddie’s eyes.

“So you promise things are different?” Maddie asked.

“It doesn’t really matter what I say here, does it?” he asked.

“John, I want this. I know how I’m feeling and I have all the faith in the world that it’s how you feel as well,” Maddie said honestly.

John smiled at her, taking her hand, “Well then I think you have your answer.”

Maddie placed her forehead against John’s. Their noses touched before their lips met in a short, sweet kiss.

They pulled away, obvious smiles plastered on their faces. They heard the sliding glass door open hastily and both of their heads snapped to the person standing in the doorway.

His eyes glanced hurriedly and panicked from Maddie to John and back. His fists were clenched and even though his eyes burned with anger, Maddie could see the pure hurt in them, and it broke her heart.

“Garrett…” John said cautiously standing up. Maddie felt like a coward as she stayed seated and John’s body almost shielded her. Garrett kept his eyes locked on Maddie’s, as if he didn’t even notice John in front of him. Finally he looked at John, the hurt completely masked by anger now.

He pushed John out of his way and knelt down in front of Maddie, “Tell me it was just a kiss. Just one kiss,” he begged.

Maddie took in a gulp of air as tears formed in her eyes. Garrett took in a deep breath before standing, and he took one last look at the girl he used to know before turning on the heel of his foot and walking back inside. Maddie couldn’t tell if the pounding she heard in her head was her heart beating out of her chest or Eric’s front door slamming shut.

Maddie looked into John’s distressed eyes. He walked to her, wrapping her in his arms. In that moment she surrendered her heart to John officially, but it wasn’t really fair. Because as she thought of everything she did to Garrett she realized she had successfully broken her own heart.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sad chapter for whichever team, I think anyways.
So, I have the flu. I went to a reitrement party last night and just partied way too hard, apparently. But I had to give this update for Keri!
Ahh what happened to all my commenters? You guys were so awesome for a while and now I'm back to barely any. :( Comments give me motivation!
Love you guys; make me feel better.<3