Status: FIN (:

Weak, But Not Defeated

be human

Maddie realized she hadn’t planned her Saturday well when John wouldn’t pick up his phone on Sunday. Everything had gone as planned, John had tutored her in the early afternoon, and Kennedy gave her a guitar lesson later. But of course, John ran into Kenny on his way out.

He was confused. John didn’t understand why Kennedy would be coming over, and why Maddie would even want him there. He had to continue to remind himself he wasn’t competing with Kenny any longer; he was only fighting against himself.

Maddie let John be on Sunday. While he stewed at home alone, she practiced playing Merry Christmas, Baby.

All day she was consumed by thoughts of John loving her. It all made sense. Of course he had loved her before she picked Kennedy, so right now he was trying to fall out of love.

So, Maddie just had to keep him from doing that, which is why she is learning to play guitar. It will be romantic and sweet when she plays it for him, and he’ll realize they were meant to be. She was ashamed it had taken her so long to realize it, while John knew it all along.

Maddie went to bed early Sunday night and slept in on Monday morning. It was the beginning of winter break and Christmas was on Friday. Her mother and father would be coming home on the morning of Christmas Eve, they said they would bring her presents, but them being there was enough of a gift in itself.

She slugged around her house until afternoon when Garrett came over.

“Okay, play it for me, baby.” He sat down on the couch as Maddie grabbed the guitar Kennedy had let her practice on.

“It’s still very, very rough,” she warned.

“Yeah, whatever. Do it,” Garrett pressed. Maddie strummed the first chord and began singing. She stumbled through the progressions but sang it beautifully.

When she was done Garrett clapped lightly, “You just need a little more work, but so far, so good!” he smiled.

“So it’s not too bad?” she asked. She never was a very good public speaker, let alone musician.

“I wish you sang more. I love your voice,” Garrett said as he opened up some room on the couch and Maddie sat next to him.

“Do you remember our first band?” she laughed.

“Oh, yeah! You sang, I played that old acoustic guitar that was missing two strings, and Pat used wooden spoons to beat the floor.” Garrett reminisced.

“Then you ditched me to be in a real band with the guys. Whatever.” She pretended to be offended.

“You could have been in The Maine, Maddie! We offered you the position before we did John,” he said truthfully.

She laughed, knowing that already. “It’s okay. I don’t think I’d ever be able to live in a van for weeks at a time.”

“Well you’re going to have to after the first of the year,” he said casually, “We’re staring to tour kid, and you’re our merch manager.”

“I can’t miss anymore school,” she said.

“We’ll go on long weekends and on breaks. We’re already planning one for spring break.”

“I’m not going if things are the same with John,” Maddie said, folding her arms over her chest.

“Don’t be so selfish!” Garrett yelled at her.

She rolled her eyes, knowing he was kidding. “You and I can’t just hang out by ourselves the whole time.
There would be so much tension that I’m pretty sure John would strangle me in my sleep!”

Garrett wiggled his eyebrows, “Not if you sleep with me. And by with me I mean on top of me, and by on top of me I mean sex.”

Maddie looked at him unbelievingly, “Oh great, so John will strangle you, too?”

“Maybe they’ll bury us together!” he said excitedly.

“Ew!” Maddie exclaimed, moving away from him. “So you can harass me in the afterlife? I don’t think so.”

Garrett laughed, “You’re so harsh.”

Maddie put a pillow on Garrett’s lap and laid her head down.

“I need a girlfriend, Madds,” Garrett said.

“No, you don’t,” she protested.

“Oh really, why not?” He looked at her.

“Because you’ll get a girlfriend and then I won’t have a best friend anymore,” she told him.

“You’re about to get a boyfriend on Christmas Eve, once you profess your love for John,” he said.

“You really think so?” She sat up.

“Yes. Then I’m going to lose my best friend slash fake girlfriend,” he said sadly.

“Garrett, I know it’s always been John and I, but I’ll never stop being your best friend.”

“That’s what you said when John started hanging out at your house more when we were fifteen.” he reminded her.

“You and John are different, Gare. John and I are,” she stopped and corrected herself as she rolled her eyes, “Excuse me, were, best friends because we’re in love. You and I are best friends because we get along so well and because we’re always there for each other.”

“Which is why I need a girlfriend!” Garrett said.

Maddie knew she was being selfish, “Okay, after Christmas we will find you a girlfriend. She’s going to be classy though, all right? Not a little ho.”

“I don’t date hos, Maddie,” Garrett lied.

Maddie stared him in the eye and they both burst into laughter. “Just make her exactly like you and I’ll be set,” Garrett said.

Maddie smiled, “Awe, that was sweet, Garrett.”

His face fell into a smile but he quickly cleared his throat, “I gotta go,” he stood and walked to the door. “Keep practicing. I’ll see you Wednesday night at band practice? My mom will probably make cookies if you’re there,” he said, hopefully.

Maddie laughed, “I’ll be there.”

After Garrett left Maddie decided maybe it was time to finish filling out college applications. She was applying to Harvard and Yale, both of which she did not want to go to, but John was making her apply anyways. She would probably just fill them out and show him, but never mail them. She also applied to University of Oregon, because she loved Eugene that much. Maddie wasn’t the type to be over confident so she applied to Arizona State also; it was still a great school but would act as her fall back.

Her parents could most definitely afford to send her across the country, but she wasn’t sure she could stand leaving all of her friends and family behind.

As she licked the envelopes on her applications her front door swung open and John came rushing in. Maddie nearly jumped out of her skin at the loud noise it made. She took a deep breath when she saw it was John.

“We need to talk,” he said, his hands on his hips.

“You scared me, John,” she calmed her breathing.

“Why was Kennedy here yesterday?” he asked, angry.

She couldn’t tell him the whole truth; it was supposed to be a surprise. “We’re trying to be friends, John. Just friends, that’s it.”

“How could you be friends with him?” he asked, utterly confused by the situation.

“Um, the same reason you can? It’s called forgiveness, John. Try it,” she said.

“He took your virginity, Maddie! You gave yourself to a guy that lied throughout your relationship. I just don’t understand. You hated him so much at one point, how can that just disappear!?”

Maddie relaxed her shoulders and sat down on the couch, “Have you ever been to Oregon, John?”

He looked at her but didn’t answer.

“Other then when you followed me?” she asked. He shook his head as he sat down in the chair to her right. She folded her hands in her laps and began speaking again.

“The sun only shone once the entire time I was in Eugene. It was wet and dreary, and I’d never seen so many dark and threatening clouds. But one morning I woke up and saw the sun peeking through the clouds. The people walking the streets lifted their heads and smiled. The trees that hung low and melancholy stood as tall as they could, as if to impress the sun. It was amazing.

“The sun had gone away for so long, had spent time with so many other people, and had left Eugene in the dark. I found it strange that Eugene always waited for the sun, like she was an old friend. But when it came back the sun shone bright and brilliant, to make up for time lost. The sun would never leave Eugene forever because they love her unconditionally. Even though the sun left the next day, it left with a promise it would come back.”

Maddie told her story as if she was telling a crowded audience. It was something she had been thinking about for a while.

“I understand,” John breathed. He lad his left ankle resting on his right knee, and his foot shook involuntarily.

“Do you really?” she wanted to clarify.

“You are the sun,” he said.

“And you, Garrett, and Kennedy are the town. You will always love me no matter what, and that’s why I’ve forgiven everyone. I don’t want to lose the people who love me most,” Maddie said, walking to the couch he was at and sitting next to him.

“Maddie…” John said, his body language showing he was uncomfortable. She stood up now, saving him the trouble.

“I know, I know.” She paced in front of him. “You say you don’t love me. But you’re lying to yourself. You’re in love with me and I’m in love with you.”

“I have to go,” he started for the front door.

“The town never turns it back on the sun John,” Maddie stayed where she was.

He turned to face her. “Maybe the sun shouldn’t have left when she did. Maybe the town is scared the sun will never shine the same,” he told her. His emotions were starting to get the better of him as he felt he was losing control of the situation.

“The sun has never forsaken to the town before.”

“The sun forsakes me everyday by making me fall more in love each time I see her, then leaving me with the doubt she may not pick me to stay with.” John let his words slip. He didn’t mean to say that out loud. He didn’t want Maddie to know how he truly felt. He had worked up this confident and casual demeanor the entire time she was gone. He was faking it all and it worked up until now.

Maddie walked to him, “The sun loves the town, though.”

He looked down into her blue eyes, “Which part? The Kennedy side of the town or the John side?”

She lightly touched his cheek, “Where ever your heart is, so is mine.”

He sighed, “I haven’t forgiven the sun yet.” He pulled her hand away but kept it clutched in his.

“But you will. You’ve loved me too long to leave me. I love you John O’Callaghan and I will never leave you again. I will wait until you realize it,” she said, never wavering in her speech.

“I’ve gotta go,” he released her hand. It was the very last thing he wanted to do. Her touch made his heart beat a thousand times faster and the scent of her perfume made his mouth water. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to touch her. He wanted her.

“So, that’s it then?” she asked, realizing this interaction wasn’t going to end any differently than all the others.

“Yes, Maddie. That’s it,” John walked to the door and opened it. He stepped outside and faced her.

She didn’t let her eyes show sadness, but instead confidence, “Be careful driving home, it’s raining outside.” she slammed the door shut in his face.

John sighed as he peeked out from under the awning. Sure enough the rain was starting to fall. He looked up at the clouds, looming over head like they were disappointed in him. He searched for any sight of the sun in the sky, but it wasn’t there. He turned back to the door, not finding the sun there, either. Instead he was met with the anger of thunder and the crack of lightening; reminding him of his foolishness and selfishness. Telling him he needed to get it together, or else he wouldn’t see the sun shine the same ever again.

John was never a big fan of rain.
♠ ♠ ♠
I hope you guys really liked this.
So, um, some feedback on this story would really cheer me up because school has already put me in a bad mood. The first week isn't even over yet, haha.
Are you guys excited for Maddie to sing to John!? Next chapter, loves!