Status: FIN (:

Weak, But Not Defeated

merry christmas, baby

“WAIT!” Maddie yelled, interrupting the boys fight over which song to close with at their show the day after Christmas.

“What Maddie?” John said, exasperated. They had been practicing for over three hours. It was almost eleven thirty at night and everyone was getting tired.

“Why didn’t we do secret Santa this year!?” she asked.

All the boys looked around at each other for an answer. “Hm, yeah, why didn’t we?” Jared asked.

“Wow, did we all forget?” Pat questioned.

“I guess we all just got caught up,” Kennedy said. Everyone had frowns on their faces. The group had been doing secret Santa since they met.

“Well I didn’t forget,” Maddie smiled. “You guys stay here,” she exited.

“Not a problem,” Garrett rolled his eyes and the group huddled again to finish their argument.

“Guys, let me show you this new song!” John begged. “I wrote it last week, I think it’d be a good close!”

“John, we don’t have time to learn a new song! Tomorrow is Christmas Eve,” Garrett said.

“We can practice in the morning and everyone can spend the rest of their day with family. Come on, this song is kind of important to me,” John said.

Kennedy sighed, “I can spare the morning tomorrow.” John looked at him and thanked him with his eyes.

All of the guys reluctantly agreed but before John could begin to tell them about the song Maddie entered, carrying a small box.

She sat it down and opened it up. Out of it she pulled miniature Christmas stockings, filled to the top with candy. It was the gift Carly gave everyone for Christmas, every year.

“Wow,” Jared said. “I completely forgot.”

“I figured I’d take over the tradition, you know? This is our first Christmas without her,” Maddie smiled half-heartedly, the thought making her sad.

Kennedy smiled, “That’s a great idea.”

Maddie smiled and began handing them out. Each boy got a different color, and each was stacked with their favorite candies.

She handed John his last, “Crunch bars right? Those were always your favorite before,” she said shyly.

He sighed, “Yes, they’re still my favorite.” He didn’t like when Maddie as so kind. Because it made it hard to do what he felt he needed to; to forget her.

“Okay, I’ve got to go. My parents come in early tomorrow!” she said excitedly. “I probably won’t see all of you until the show, so have a good Christmas!” She gave everyone hugs, and John even hugged her back, because it was Christmas.

“I’ll walk you out,” Kennedy said.

Only Garrett wasn’t confused as to why Kennedy would walk her out, but no one dared to say anything. Things were finally getting back to normal, and they didn’t need anymore questions.

“So, you ready to play tomorrow night?” Kennedy asked as they walked out of the house.

“I am,” she replied, looking at the ground. “I’m really nervous though.”

“Don’t be, you’ll do great,” he told her.

She shook her head, “Not about the song, but what happens afterwards. Its kind of all in his hands, you know? That scares me.”

“Madds, you know how he feels, he’s just terrified. But once he sees your vulnerability, he’ll let down those walls too,” Kennedy said as they reached her car.

Maddie smiled, “You’re becoming very wise, Mr. Brock. Has Garrett been talking to you?”

He laughed, “I’ve always been wise, Madeline. And so is John. You just make us nervous and we can’t think straight.”

Maddie playfully threw her hands in the air, “I can’t help that I am just that amazing. I’ll try to dial it down though,” she joked.

He laughed, “There’s no need for that. Will you call me after and tell me how it goes?”

“Sure, Kennedy,” Maddie said as she climbed in her car. “I’m sure I’ll see you and Emma at our Christmas dinner, right?”

“Only if you want us there,” he said.

Maddie flashed a small smile, “I’ll see you there, then.” She shut her car door and Kennedy watched as she drove away. He smiled to himself as he walked back to join the band. He liked having Maddie as a friend. He had thought she would never forgive him, and he was so glad he had been mistaken.

When he entered Garrett’s garage John handed him a piece of paper with new music on it. All the guys intently read it, and Kennedy did the same.

He read the title; This is the End.

**

Maddie woke up early on Thursday morning to make breakfast for her parents. They entered the house right as she set the plates on the table.

“Maddie?” her mom called, excitedly.

“Mommy!” Maddie ran out of the kitchen and embraced her small mother. Her mom was wrapped tightly in a brown sweater and she was glowing.

“Oh, sweetie. I’ve missed you so much,” Maddie’s mom stroked her hair. When she released her Maddie’s dad engulfed her in his muscular arms.

“I made breakfast for you!” Maddie led them to the kitchen and they all sat at the table. “So how was New Mexico?”

“Your mother,” her dad smiled proudly, “Got a ninety percent on her evaluation. That’s almost unheard of for a new patient.”

“Awe, mom, I’m proud of you. So does that mean you don’t have to go back?” she asked hopefully.

“Not quite. I’ll have to make trips back and forth still for the next year. But it doesn’t bother me, I like it there. New Mexicans are crazy. They make me seem pretty sane,” her mom joked.

Maddie laughed, “I’m happy you’re home. And only one flower pot was broken while you were gone, so that’s something to be happy about.”

Her mom smiled, “Yes, John called to say sorry about that.”

Maddie smiled to herself, thinking of what she was going to attempt to make happen tonight. She was going to win John O’Callaghan over.

“Speaking of John, are you two dating yet?” her dad asked.

“No, dad, we’re not dating,” Maddie blushed.

Her parents exchanged glances and smiled before they said in unison, “Yet.”

Maddie soon excused herself to shower and get ready for the day. When she came back downstairs there was a pile of presents under the Christmas tree.

“I told you that you didn’t have to,” she told her dad.

“And I told you we would,” he smiled, “Your mom has some friends that want to see her, so we’ll be out most of the day, as I expect you will be, too?”

“Actually, I’m staying in. I’m learning how to play a song on guitar and I really need to practice,” She told him.

“Trying to impress John?”

She looked at her dad, “Shush.”

He smiled and kissed her forehead, “Good luck, kiddo.”

Maddie’s mom came back downstairs and her parents left. She immediately grabbed the guitar from her room and began playing. She played until she got blisters on her fingers, and after she bandaged them up, she played some more.

Around six o’clock she went back upstairs and got dressed. She put on a green knit sweater and short jean shorts. She wore charcoal colored UGG boots and placed a red Santa hat over her straight hair.
Maddie took the guitar out to her car and drove to John’s. She took a deep breath as she looked out the window up to his apartment door. Inside her stomach were butterflies, batting anxiously. Her legs were like Jello and she couldn’t remember her own name.

“He loves you,” she told herself, “It will all be okay,” she whispered. She took one more breath before climbing out of her car and grabbing her instrument. She slung it over her neck and walked up John’s stairs.

She took one deep breath before knocking on the door. John answered the door with only boxers on. He was drying the back of his neck with a towel and his hair was wet and tangled, signaling he had just gotten out of the shower.

“Maddie, what are you do-” he started but she interrupted him.

“Just listen, and please don’t laugh,” she said as she strummed the first chords.

“Oh winter, winter couldn't come quicker. Hope he got the card that I sent him. A free ticket to my doorstep, I'm a worried girl, no I haven't slept,” Maddie smiled lightly in response to John’s grin as she changed the pronouns to fit her situation.

“I'm writing him and mister Santa Claus, hoping he could maybe make some calls, 'cause he's out of this world, bring him back to me.’Cause it’s Christmas and this is where he needs to be.”

John stared at her in awe, amazed at her courage. He watched as her fingers glided over the guitar strings and he listened to the harmony of her voice.

“Merry Christmas, baby. The only thing on my wish list, maybe, you would come back home to me, and we could walk the streets and they could hear us sing. Merry Christmas, darling. Look at us; you can watch us fall in love again, 'cause it's the season for us to be together, us to be together again. Together again,”

Maddie let her smile sound through her words as John looked at her tenderly.

She nodded at him, asking him to sing the other voice in the song. He looked down, thinking. It only took him a few seconds to decide and he started singing perfectly in tune with Maddie’s strumming.

“By the fire with some mistletoe, change quick into my Christmas robe. Take a walk and we could watch the lights, I'm not cold when you're by my side.”

Maddie’s heart fluttered as she continued the verse, “The sleigh bells on my roof keep me up all…”

“Night but it doesn't mean a,” John laughed.

“Thing, unless you're here to see it,” Maddie continued.

They finished the verse in unison, “It just means Santa's here for Christmas.”

Maddie sang the chorus again and tried to read what John was thinking. He started to shift uneasily but
Maddie didn’t panic. She had expected this. The song wasn’t over yet, this was not the finale.

Maddie sung softer now, her voice cracking as emotion poured through. “We've got some time alone tonight, it's just us two. It’s got a little lonely sometimes, then the rest the year's with you.”

John stared at her now, his mouth formed in a straight line. Maddie continued strumming, “John, it’s you,” she whispered.

He took a step towards her, “We've got some time alone, yeah, tonight it's just us two. You got to be lonely sometime, and then the rest the year's with you.” John sang with a tear in his eye, not willing to do what he had to do next.

Before she could progress back into the chorus John put his hand over Maddie’s which was strumming the guitar.

“Maddie, I can’t,” he said in a breath.

“You can’t or you don’t want to?” she asked, one tear falling down her cheek as she pushed the guitar behind her. Her worst case scenario she had thought up in her head was unfolding right before her.

He put his hands on her shoulders and rested his forehead against hers. He kept his eyes on her necklace while she kept hers closed, “I love you, Maddie. But, I can’t,” he whispered, tucking strands of hair behind her ears.

She inhaled the scent of John’s body wash, trying to stop the flood gates her tear ducts had just opened. “Please, John. Please,” she begged.

He moved so he could look at her. He cupped her face in his hands and pulled her close. He kissed her on the forehead, and kept his lips on her skin long enough to leave the both of them wanting more.

He moved away and looked her in the eyes. Her lip quivered, “Do I get a reason?” she whimpered.
John never let his eyes leave hers as he heard his apartment door open and a voice come from behind him.

“John? What’s going on?”

Maddie’s eyes turned scared when she recognized the voice. She looked past John and stared at the blond wrapped in a towel standing in his doorway.

Maddie turned back to John as her face furrowed. The tears started to drown her blue bulbs and John’s eyes matched hers. She nodded her head slowly at first, and then more frantically. She was embarrassed.

“Maddie, I’m sorry.”

“Merry Christmas John,” she whispered, not wanting him to hear her voice crack. She straightened her shoulders and walked swiftly down the stairs.

John watched her as she walked to her car. His heart was breaking and his mind was in the midst of a debate. A war was going on between the part that had always loved Maddie, and the part that is still bitter about her leaving.

He knew that as she drove away this was it. It would truly be the end.

*

Maddie drove away from her parking spot near John’s apartment but pulled her car to a stop before she got out of the complex because the tears clouded her vision.

She rested her head against the steering wheel and shut her eyes, letting a few tears fall. She heard her phone vibrate and looked up, confused. She had been searching for her phone all day and didn’t think to look in her car.

She reached under the driver’s seat where she had dropped it last night and picked it up. She just missed Garrett’s phone call and when she went to the home screen it alerted her she had thirty-two missed calls. Half were from Garrett, the other half from Kennedy.

She opened a text from Garrett, dated early this morning at 12:32 a.m. “Madds, the song thing isn’t a good idea. Call me when you get this, I’ll explain it.”

She read a text from Kennedy from 4:46 p.m. this afternoon, “MADDIE! DON’T PLAY HIM THE SONG! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE TRUST ME! I DON’T WANT YOU TO GET HURT.”

She read each text and listened to each voicemail as they got more and more panicked.

Maddie had made another mistake, but the thing that kept her from falling apart was the assurance that John had made a bigger one. This would be the last time he would reject her, that she was sure of. He may never love her, but she’ll be damned if he doesn’t become her friend again.

But Maddie didn’t listen to the most important voicemail Garrett had left her, and if she had she wouldn’t have been able to smack a smile on her pretty little face when she got home to her parents.
“Maddie, you can’t tell John how you feel. He doesn’t feel the same. There’s a song he wrote last week, I think you need to hear it.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Maddie's outfit.
Thanks for reading!
If this chapter didn't make you sad just wait until the next one!
Any predictions on what will happen? I made it pretty obvious, haha.