Breathe, And For A Moment Enjoy The Freedom In This Perfect Chaos

My fingers curled around the doorknob and my hand shook so hard I swear I was about to open the door on pure vibrations. After what it took to get here, here I am, we are.
"You're okay Ryan. I'm here for you. I wont let anything hurt you." Brendon told me, his grip frightening around my hand for only a second to prove his point. I exhaled and was about to push the door open when shouting could be heard from inside the room and we were being shoved out of the way by a pair of nurses who entered the room allowing a small glimpse of the room to be shown. A figure was displayed on the bed, my mother and a second figure, my father, was bent over the side of the bed. His head and heart of a plater as he quietly sobbed into wife, my mothers cold hands.
"Code blue." One of the nurses shouted and they quickly examined the machines littered around the room. I felt numb. This was just a movie playing in my head, none of this is real. I looked at Brendon who was glassy eyed as we stared into the open doorway as the heart monitor went crazy. I don't really know ow long we stood there as they tried to revive her. Seconds, minutes, hours. It all felt the same.
"I'm kind of hungry." I looked at Brendon who returned my gaze.
"Me too." He replied and with that we felt for the elevator. We're not strong enough for this kind of pain.

The burger left no taste or texture as it sifted around in my mouth. The soda felt flat and the air was for the first time, the air seemed to not be filled with grease and sugary scents.Brendon sat next to me in the sticky booth as be chewed our food. His hand on my knee and my arm around his waist. We didn't discuss what had happened earlier that day because simply, it hadn't happened. This was all a dream that I will wake up from in a mere hour or so.
"Hows your burger?" He asked and I shrugged.
"Excellent. Your pancakes?"
"Best I've ever had." He smiled.
"Thats good."
And with that we were silent again.

That night I stayed at Brendon's in fear of going home and finding out news I didn't want to know. I had turned my cell phone off, not that I thought anyone would bother to call me.
The next day Brendon and I played hooky and watched movies all day and cuddled, thanking the lord both his parents were out of town again. Finally by evening I couldn't deny the pang of guilt that was building inside of me to know what was happening to my own mother. Was she dead? Alive? In a coma or had she been released. With a deep sigh I turned on my phone and was not surprised to not see any missed calls or new texts from my father, only concerned ones from friends. I pressed down the 6 on my keypad to activate the speed dial and waited. Next to me Brendon was almost as nervous as I was. Ours hands clasped tightly as we sat on the couch. The phone rang 4 times before being picked up with a rough hello.
"Dad?" My voice shook.
"Where the hell are you? You little shit!" He screamed, making me cringe and pull the way from my ear. My dad had a temper sure, but I honestly did not expect that.
"Dad, I-"
"Your mother is on her god damn death bed here and where are you? Off with your little friends. Do you have no compassion or care? Have I not raised a better son than that?" His words stung at me and I could feel tears coming to my eyes.
"Death bed?" Was all I could squeak out and he signed.
"Death bed Ryan. I suggest you get your ass over here." With that he hung up giving me nothing more than she was dying. My mother was dying and all I did was turn my phone off and curl into my boyfriends lap. I can't deal with this right now.

Its been 5 days since I last spoke to my father or anyone besides Brendon and Mrs. Urie for that matter. I have been living at the Urie household since the day of the accident not once returning home or to school and simply feeding off Brendon and his resources. He didn't mind though, he said that if it was up to him I would never be able to leave. But now 5 days later, I think I am finally ready to see my mother. We were at the hospital yet again and now standing in front of a regular door, not within the ICU. Which was a good sign right? Right?! Brendon was with me again and I had made him promise to make me go in this time no matter what.
"You ready?" He asked and I nodded. We pushed open the door to see a white washed room filled with machines all somehow hooked up to my mother who was laying in the bed staring off into space. She had a large cut across her cheek but I knew that was the least of her injuries. She was alone in the room and I figured my dad was somewhere in the hospital, cafeteria perhaps. As we stepped into the room, Brendon's hand no longer in mine although I wish it was, my mom looked up. Her facial expression not changing.
"Mom?" I gasped approaching her bedside was ease. She blinked and turned her head to look at me before returning to her original position of straight forward.
"Mom? H-how are you?" I asked not really knowing what else to say.
"Not good Ryan. Not good." Her voice was small and fragile coming from her broken body and it made my chest hurt to even think of it.
We stayed silent after that not really knowing what to say. What do you say in times like these? After a while Brendon had signaled he was going to wait outside and I didn't blame him. I know he wasn't leaving me, more giving me space. Which I guess I appreciated but also it made me feel a bit more alone in this cold room. I had taken a seat in the chair next to the bed and just looked out ahead. This was enough to drive a person mad.
"Please don't die." I choked after a while and felt tears erupt from my eyes not really knowing where they came from just knowing that they were here and didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon.
"I can't promise anything." Was all she said, her voice dripping with hurt and frustration. This was to much. Way to much. I sobbed harder and made my way out to Brendon.